Last night, my husband and I did the unthinkable. Not only did we let the baby cry it out when she woke up at 4am, but we shut our bedroom door so we didn't have to hear her. It was a plan that we put in place yesterday morning after "The Incident".
Mazzy has never been a good sleeper. (Anybody that tells me that their child has been sleeping from 7pm to 7am from the night they brought him or her back from the hospital, I will drop-kick in the face. I am serious. Do not brag about such things— keep your good fortune to yourself). We can put her to bed just fine after successfully sleep training her a few months ago. But she still wakes up every night at 4am, sometimes even 3am. And if one of us (and by one of us, I mean me) goes in to tend to her in any way, it is nearly impossible to put her back in the crib without her losing her mind. Our options have been: stop the crying by going to her but then stay up with her for the rest of the night OR deal with listening to the torture. And let me tell you— trying to play with a baby when your head is as heavy as Paris Hilton's luggage is it's own special kind of torture.
So what happended to make us change our strategy? Yesterday, when the baby woke at 4am, I brought her into bed with us. We did our normal routine, where we put some toys between us and take turns on watch while Mazzy plays. I don't know whose turn it was but we both woke up when BANG— Mazzy hit the floor and started crying. She had climbed over me and thrown herself over the side of the bed. The parent police arrived immediately and stamped "Bad Mom" on my forehead. After Mazzy had calmed down, my husband had the decency to point out there was some good news in this. (Seriously?) He said, its probably in Mazzy's best interest to stay in her crib even if she wants out. (To keep her away from the totally irresponsible zombies, also known as her parents). But we crack every time we hear her cry, I said. My husband suggested something horribly simple— let's shut the door.
When we went to bed last night, I couldn't do it. My husband forgot and I didn't remind him. But this morning, when Mazzy woke up and started crying at 4am, I felt the full force of my exhaustion sink in. I haven't had a good night's rest in nine months. I dragged myself out of bed, walked over to our bedroom door, shut it softly and crawled back into bed. I could still hear Mazzy's muffled cries from the other side but I drifted back off to sleep nevertheless.
At 6:30am, my husband and I both woke up. Mazzy was crying. Whether she was crying that whole time or she had gone back to sleep and then just woke up, we have no idea. I practically ran to her. But when I got to her room, I was in for a surprise. There was no bleary-eyed terror banging the side of the crib and freaking out. This was a different baby. She was fully alert and excited to see me. She even seemed, dare I say it— CALM. And the best part was, I felt the exact same way.
So what do you think? Did we make the right move? Or are we totally terrible parents?
My vote is right on! Anyone will tell you crying it out is a normal part of development (even though it seems like the cruelest thing ever!). You absolutely did the right thing! Chances are she fell asleep shortly after she realized her cry tactic was not working. They understand, very quickly, how easy it is to manipulate Mommy & Daddy, and they DO!
Hang in there.
You did EXACTLY the right thing! They call it “sleep training” because it’s actually the mommies and daddies who need the lessons.
Well, I think you did the right thing. I think at a certain point, kids need to learn how to comfort themselves. It’s a life skill and like all life skills, it’s not easy to learn but it’s invaluable.
Thanks all- I’m actually pretty excited to continue this pattern tonight!
Mason used to wake every damn night at 4 am and we eventually did the same thing– stopped going in his room.
She WILL go back to sleep, believe me. You did the right thing!
One thing I’ve learned 7 years and 3 kids later, is it’s always the parents that need the training. Habits develop from you, not the kid. I have 3 kids all with different sleep behaviors, I truly believe there are kids that sleep well and kids that don’t sleep well. However, one thing every veteran parent can attest to is, if you allow them in your bed at 4am, it will not stop- not when they’re 1, not when they’re 5, maybe not even when they’re 7, unless YOU stop it. On the flip slide, I do love to cuddle with my kids in my bed, but our bed is a no-kid zone until at the very least 6:30 am. 😉 Enjoy!
You are absolutely right in letting her cry out.. it will be the best thing you ever did for both of you. So glad it’s working out for you better than you imagined.. I am one of the moms you’d drop-kick in the face, and I will keep my good fortune to myself as asked.. if you ever need any tips, I’d be happy to give you some of my advise that’s always worked for my 2 girls to get them to sleep the way they have. Best of luck this evening to you and Mazzy 🙂
Girl! I learned the HARD way – Thing 1 didn’t sleep through the night until HE WAS FIVE!!! When Thing 2 came around – I was damned certain that child was staying in her crib. FIVE….. STILL gets up early and he is now 14 1/2 (successfully, I have not killed him yet!)
You totally did the right thing, bad parenting stamp be damned! I cannot go in to comfort my daughter when she wakes in the middle of the night, it raises the crying to a whole new freak out level. I simply turn my monitor upside down and let her whine it out. But I too am one of the ones blessed with a baby that I will not brag about! Sleep training (CIO) worked like a dream with her!
Nothing at all to feel guilty about. That is how we finally got our son to sleep through the night at about when he was about 12 months old.
Well I don’t know probably this might give her good sleep training but hope the baby is not hungry coz a baby sleeps well when her tummy is full maybe a bottle of milk might sooth her !! like now my 5 month old daughter does get up at 4/5 a.m. and luckily I have a lovely husband who feeds the baby and changes nappy puts back t sleep…. rest of the day I do … my elder daughter soon to be 4 has nice sleeping habit she goes off to sleep by 8/8:30 and gets up at 7 in the morning and off to school by 8 with her dad, and the wee one sleeps and mommy too gets some rests ….