Did you know that I am incredibly controversial? It's true! Apparently, some people don't find me funny in the slightest! SHOCKING, I know. I'm so glad this has been brought to my attention as I was busy living in a cave of nice and humorous people (like yourselves) and had no idea what lurked out there in the larger world of parents.
Yesterday, I had a guest post published on Baby Center. It was titled "7 Signs You Are Ready To Have A Second Child". In it, I talk about deciding "if" and "when" to have a second kid and list seven signs that let you know it's time to conceive.
For example:
#2: While chasing your overactive toddler around the house as he/she throws pasta sauce on the carpet and spaghetti on the ceiling, you think— this would be so much more fun if done in the company of a crying newborn!
and…
#3: When you think back on your pregnancy, you remember the ability to eat whatever you wanted, the shininess of your hair and the strength of your fingernails— as opposed to the backaches, nausea and water retention.
WELL. Let me just say, some people did not find this funny AT ALL.
They thought I was employing "scare tactics" and were hoping to glean actual knowledge on "second child readiness signs". Like, maybe…. measure the width of your hips and if they are more than 28" wide, they are properly sized for birthing. Or… take your temperature and if it is normal than you will not get your husband sick by having sex with him.
In fairness, more than 3/4 of the people who commented were very much in on the joke, seemed to possess the sarcasm gene and rushed to my defense.
The other faction made comments like:
"Whoever wrote this obviously isn’t a parent or just plain sucks at life all together."
"Way to look at the struggles of parenting and not the joys. Wouldn’t expect much more though from this liberal minded site. Sigh."
"The negative tone makes me think the author should stop at one child and not consider any more since a baby seems such a bother."
"Terrible article, not impressed."
"How selfish can you be? Obviously you are not seeing the beauty that comes with being a parent, probably because you’re so consumed with your 'job-career'."
"I really expected some sound advice. FAIL."
Well, the joke's on them because apparently, I can win a prize if my post gets a ton of comments. And controversy breeds discussion— over 115 comments and counting! So, if you would all please click on the post and write something like…
"Mommy Shorts sucks! She wouldn't know comedy if Will Ferrell farted on her face!"
That would feed the flames and help me tremendously, thanks!
In all seriousness, I get that my humor is not for everyone and please don't think I am taking any of this personally. Baby Center loved my post and I thank them for posting it. (This is not about Baby Center in general, just a handful of commenters.) But the experience also made me so grateful that I have a group of readers that "get me", know how very much I love my daughter (despite the baby bashing) and won't think I'm a horrible person for bringing a second child (if and when that happens) into my playfully demented little world.
In fact, my favorite comment comes from someone named Vivian:
"Best post ever on this website."
Thank you, Vivian. Welcome to the dark side!
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If you decided you are not a Mommy Shorts fan, that's too bad because I'm giving away a freakin' iPad 2 on Friday for a Vonage "Time to Call" promotion.
SUCKAS!!!!
When I read the title of this article, I thought the controversy was going to be over the Tiger Woods’ baby lookalike contest. I am glad that you have a sense of humor unlike the prudes who think they are better mommies than the rest of us. I look forward to seeing the next adventure with you and Mazzy!
Like maybe the Tiger Woods’ lookalike was discovered to actually be Tiger Woods’ baby? Wouldn’t that be AWESOME?? (And so possible…)
I’m going right over to fan the flames of controversy!!! For the record, you are an awesome writer and mother. Look at how well Mazzy and your blog are doing.
I miss baby center SO much! I’ll go feed the flames. Love to stir the pot.
Ha ha ha. People are such sheep.
I’m scratching my head at the people who felt mislead by the post title. How DARE you not provide actual tips? I mean, I definitely want to consult a humor writer on the internet before I make all of my major life decisions.
You’ll have to do a follow up with some serious tips…
When the moon is in the house of Leo and you can successfully juggle four water balloons, your uterus is ready to again enter into the sacred state of pregnancy.
Oh, they want comments, do they? A prize for comments, is there?
I’d like to leave them a comment, I’ll leave a comment alright..
First, follow lifecoach’s advice: DEEP BREATHS
OK, I did my part to fan the flames of controversy and try to bring some humor to BabyCenter.
Speaking of which has more cray-cray in general – BabyCenter or The Bump?
I thought the exact same thing and commented (before I read the comments here) as such over at babycenter Angela! Seriously if you need the internet to tell you how to make life decisions, these people have issues!
That’s considered “dark and controversial”? Good God. That means I must be down right evil. Ignore the haters – they aren’t the kind of moms you would be friends with anyway. They are the kind of moms we mock while we drink cocktails and monitor/ignore our children.
I will go leave a comment now… I do love babycenter because I can search for answers to things about taking care of a baby that other people just seem to know and look at you funny when you ask. But many of the folks on there do often take themselves WAY too seriously.
I think all those boards are full of cray-cray…and they are all SO MEAN! Rarely is anything helpful they are all so judgey!
Good god, are you serious. If someone is looking for good sound advice on whether to have another child and hopes to learn that in an article, well they deserve to be shell shocked when they don;t get answers on a Babycenter article. Seriously, I think you are hillarious, I have not read the article yet, but I will and I will comment. Overwleming busy at work, but this takes priority!!!!
why is it that every comment section on the Internet turns into a liberal vs. conservative battleground??? I love when I’m reading an article on my local newspaper’s site about, oh say, a new restaurant opening up or something that politically benign and the comment section turns it into an Obama-hating/Palin-hating rant. It’s bizarre!
I’m on my third kid. Yes, I love her face off. But this is also REALLY FREAKING HARD. That is why your post was funny. Humor is my only survival tool at the moment.
Some people don’t have that survival tool. Apparently.
Also. I will proudly admit that I too am a Boggle enthusiast. Seriously. Even in my 20’s, my roommate and I would stay home to play it while we ate jalapeno poppers.
Really? People really thought they were going to be getting sage advice from a humor writer? Go figure. And I agree with everyone who said that if you need the internet to figure out if you want another baby or not, um, maybe you are not the brightest bulb in the pack.
You, however, are now the queen of stirring up the pot. This week. And I hope you win the comment contest!
‘job-career’? Yeah. I’m guessing their “job-career” occurs under some very famous golden arches.
Obviously I only read your site for the cupcake giveaways and also so I can tell everyone I know how terrible you are. Yesterday I was all “yeah, she was THAT lady in the movie theater. She fails at life” and they were all “yeah”, because humor and sarcasm are absolutely lost on anyone who loves their child.
That was my favorite part. So what I’m supposed to glean is that this woman thinks I don’t like children and not liking children is a “liberal” position??
What is happening to this world?!
Also, I never once mentioned having a job in the post. But it did say in the bio that I was a “working mom”. So I can very much understand how that made me seem all-consumed with my career.
HA! Well after reading your very helpful and scientific and FILLED with facts post – I believe you are totally ready for baby #2! Also – congrats on your guest post! xoxo
Wow, some of those comments make me feel bad for the kiddos of those parents. Do they not laugh at anything in life? If you take being a mom so serious, you are going to go nuts! I think it was a great article, and it sounds like some moms need to take a deep breath and chill out!
I love the reasons you wrote-very funny! I love to stir the pot on BC. Don’t even get me started on the SAH vs WM debate. That board was actually shut down we were so disruptive. Ah the good old days.
Some people can get their panties in a wad over anything. Your article was not at all inflammatory. I can’t believe some of the reactions! What does whether or not Babycenter is liberal have to do with anything? And you suck at life because you’re being tongue in cheek about having a baby? Sheesh!
There are people out there who hate me too. Big time.
I would hate to go through life w/out a sense of humor. How sad. But why people feel the need to be nasty about it is beyond me. Don’t like the post? Fine. Move on. Click away. Plenty of people do enjoy your humor. We love ya! 🙂
Ooh, the scary internet people. I’ve haven’t encountered them but I heard they’re lurking out there. Glad you’re not taking it personally bc it certainly isn’t.
Oh, geez. As if there weren’t enough serious articles on the topic already, even on babycenter.com. I laughed out loud, and I have four kids now. So I think I have the right. Ha!
Also, I believe I left comment #121. Hee hee!
A Facebook friend who isn’t familiar with you posted the BBC link, and she appreciated the humor. But I mean, c’mon, BBC is FULL of hormonal wenches who delight in pissing in other people’s Cheerios.
I snort-laughed at the hip measuring!
I think some people are afraid to admit when being a parent is not sunshine and roses 24/7 which is too bad because venting and laughing about the bad moments is what helps me to regroup and then jump back in the game!
Online drama is so not my favorite thing. But you can’t please everyone, huh? Keep on rocking Mommy Shorts because I love it!
Parenting is no fun if you cant laugh at yourself and your child. There are so many moments if you dont laugh you will lose your mind. Love your page and your post, You encourage me to look at those tough moments with a since of humor. I have a crazy wonderful energetic two year old daughter as well and after a long day being able to come read that my child is normal in all her crazy acts and that im not a TERRIBLE parent for her running all over store and screaming when i try to contain her her no is a nice change to the horrible looks i get from the people there.
How DARE you have a sense of humor as a parent?! lol Seriously, what is wrong with these people, and how little gratification must they have in their lives to have to get their kicks by berating other parents anonymously online? In this case, it is all the more absurd because you were actually trying to make them LAUGH and bring some joy to their day! I’m also shocked at their assumptions about your/the site’s political leanings and your working status – what does that have to do with anything? Ridiculous.
Keep up the good work, mama, and don’t give these people the time of day.
What must it be like to live without a sense of humor? And when will people learn that the shitty stuff IS the funny stuff.
And BabyCenter a liberal minded site? I will never forget researching CIO tactics for my infant twins, and I came across the most archaic and outdated advice on BabyCenter. I felt like it practically ripped me a new one for so much as THINKING about letting my babies cry for more than 5 seconds.
Being funny is awesome.
Apparently so. Maybe daring to say that you don’t always LOVE being a mother is? Because come on, my two older ones were just fighting, one got hurt and ended up peeing on me (he is four and never has accidents) AND the chair I was sitting in, but of course it is very liberal to say that I did not appreciate that all that much. (ok maybe the liberal thing is that he was walking around naked?)
I love how one comment had to do with you being so consumed with your job-career. Are you freaking kidding me? You are freaking hilarious and I am going over there right now to declare my love for your funny.
I like Baby Center too. The majority of the comments are very supportive. But there are those few, man, when you are like— Did Steve Martin die and take all the funny with him?
Yes, one commenter on Baby Center wrote something like— if you fail to see the humor and the truth in this post, than you are DEFINITELY not ready to have your second!
I doubt my comment will make Babycenter’s moderation but in any case, it’s all Obama’s fault.
Seriously that site scares me.
it’s true. And you shouldn’t have three kids if you can’t laugh maniacally over all the joys of parenting. I’m going to go read and maybe um, comment. in other news, I just sneezed on my two year old. FULL ON sneeze.
People who worry about disease aren’t funny.
Bahaha, people are crazy! Seriously, I just had my second child, and I agree, if you can’t givein to the insanity that will become your life with multiple children, hell with even ONE child, you AREN’T ready! Babycenter is awesome, but I swear some of the Mom’s on there are so insecure with their roles as Mommy that they find judging other parents is the only way to make them feel better. Scrooge them!
People outside of your own blogosphere circle are generally humor impaired.
I saw all the negative comments and I got pissed. No one messes with my Ilana! I’m not sure if my comment made it past moderation, but I called them out. You’ve got to have a sense of humor when raising children. Can you imagine what their life is like?? Jokes in them!!
Seriously though, you are hysterical. And anyone who doesn’t think so can go screw themselves!
That was you?? I thought that article was not only funny, but right on. My son is an energetic, busy little monkey who was cursed with a fair degree of intelligence, making him just that much more destructive and in need of attention and entertainment. I love him to pieces, and I know I will want more kids eventually, but I imagine doing this while pregnant, let alone with a baby, and I know it is so not time. Anyone who thinks it’s all cuddles and snuggly storytime and baby giggles is fooling themselves.
What a bunch of BS. When I had my first baby 7 months ago I loved the experience (well, minus the colic) but after a few months I realized, I JUST figured this out and now its all changing! And every night as I pumped I went online and found this blog and Rants from Mommyland, and I read every word. And I loved it! People like me who LOVE their kid(s) and being moms, but who still can laugh about poop and vomit. I also realized that there are some cybermoms who feel like as a mother you must think every poop blowout is sacred and wonderful. Well, poop on them. It seems you found a nest of them.
These types of comments will bug the crap out of you, and most of them are ridiculous! How were you “making someone feel like crap.” UGH. Anyway, my two cents…just remember, there are people out there who think you and this blog are great. O
Thank you for writing a funny article and putting it on that site! Some of the women there just plain frighten me; I ran away from the forums screaming. Your humor makes my day!
Some of those women must not seriously be thinking of having another child, because that would require having sex. They’re obviously in dire need of getting laid. 🙂
I’m heading to Babycenter to fuel the fire now.
Hahaha! I don’t know which was funnier, the actual article or the outraged comments of the humor-deficient.
Went and posted my due diligence. I used to read the Birth board on babycenter for advice, and to see what issues others are dealing with. They’d probably send CPS over to me if they found out that I front-faced my daughter at 14 months. Yep… I did. Sue me. I found that her shrill death screams would bemore distracting and dangerous to my driving…
My favorite part of my comment I think is worth repeating:
…. Because if you LOVED every single second of being a mom, you are either lying or delusional (blame the sleep deprivation)
If you can’t laugh when considering having a second child then the jokes on you. Just wait until those adorable babies get a mouth on them! You’d had better be able to laugh or else you’ll hang yourself. Even those who aren’t all job-career liberals.
I would totally head over there and comment but I’m too busy cleaning Gogurt off of the upstairs carpet and cutting Silly Putty out of my daughter’s hair.
Having two kids sucks.
(just kidding. and I totally get you. and screw everyone who doesn’t. just don’t get them pregnant. because you know. babies are evil.)
There will always be people who have ZERO sense of humor who comment on sites like that. Drives me totally nuts.
I feel bad for their kids.
Oops. I left a supportive comment. #5 is my fantasy life, really. Mmmmm – PJs all day.
Ah yes, your article has revealed The “Would somebody PLEASE think of the children?” Brigade.
I hate their black and white view of the world.
So I propose we round them up and shoot them.
I actually read the article and loved it. I didnt know it was you who had wrote it. Thats awesome! lol
For what it’s worth, I think you are hilarious. I really relate to everything you have to say and love that there are people like you who share your thoughts with the rest of us. My daughter (Maddy) just turned 1 a couple of weeks ago and it’s great to get a glimpse into the shenanigans she’ll soon be getting into. I can’t wait to read your new posts – even if I laugh so loudly at them that I wake my daughter (true story).
Them haters is crazy! Your humor gets me through the day sometimes. xoxo
Off to read your post… AND COMMENT!! 😀
whoever wrote those negative comments either isn’t a parent or just plain sucks at life altogether. maybe they would enjoy things more if Will Farrell were to fart on their face.
Did you get called a “retarted righter”? That’s when you’ve really made it.
You’ve arrived, darling.
“Liberal minded site” *SNORT*
Babycenter is so political. All you lamestream mommies with your loosey-goosey, anything goes parenting!
I have to go seal my children in their anti-socialism chambers for the night, but I did want to say congrats. If feathers are ruffled, you know you’re doing it right;)
Wait. People still read Baby Center?
I mean. I’m totally going to read the article you posted right after writing this comment. But. I’m shocked that people still read that site after having a baby. Apparently, I’m missing out on some good stuff.
Huh, and the seventh one wasn’t even snarky!
I read a lot of Babycenter stuff, primarily because Google throws it in my face. Remind me to take the comments with a grain of salt. And I guess you should avoid posting there on a Monday!
Oh my gosh. People depress me. But I should be positive! 3/4 of Babycenter’s readers have a sense of humor! 😉
If you don’t offend at least a few people on a site as huge as BabyCenter, you can’t possibly have a point of view. I thought that post was hilarious! (as is MommyShorts)
I love, love, love such “controversy”—people are way too serious (and, apparently, have way too much time on their hands!). I was similarly amused and appalled at a recent string of comments on the FB page for Parents magazine—someone posted a card that says “There is only one pretty child in the world, and every mother has it.” Aww, right? Oh, no: There were a ton of ignorant comments about how people had ugly babies, and ridiculous, offensive bickering back and forth…thank god the comments were pulled down, but REALLY, people?! Mommy Shorts: I LOVE your sarcasm, sense of humor, and genuine joy in motherhood mixed right in : )
I’d hate to be the child of one of those humorless parents. I suppose my evenings would consist of mineral water and saltine crackers while saying hail marys for each of my dirty diapers I’ve produced that day…if I was their child I’d rebel and convert to atheism while drinking straight from the tap!
I think you’re very funny. So fuck them and their nasty comments. I fear for their children. How will their children learn humor?
Seriously??? Did they not know that it was a humor article? I am just perplexed.
Just for the record, this mother of one little girl like yourself absolutely loved the post. I was also expecting something serious but couldn’t stop laughing as I read through. In fact it made me come to your blog to read your other work. Controversy is good 🙂
I am shocked and depressed by the negative comments you received. Wow! From the comment: “Babycenter is a liberal” site (WHAT? It’s not a political site?!) to the “there’s no way this woman just had a baby” comment (I saw that on BabyCenter… So someone is just angry that you are skinny and attractive; that’s their complaint? It doesn’t make sense. What really irritates me about that comment is — you just said you have a 20-month old. Did this person even read your article??) – I don’t get it?!
More power to you – If I were you I’d either be crazy with anger! OR Curled up in a ball in the corner crying….
I guess, if you want to try and diffuse the shock of the comments you could give them all the benefit of the doubt and say they are probably all sleep deprived, zombie mommies who don’t know what they are saying anyway! 🙂
This keeps happening to me on anything I’ve written so far over at ParentsConnect. I don’t know if folks weren’t prepared for sarcasm or if they just don’t have the decoder ring on. I was shocked. Shocked! Peeps is weird, baby.
There’s a reason people say things like, “Oh, don’t go all BabyCenter on us.” Just sayin’.
Read the article. I thought it was honest. I’m certain honest people found it funny rather than upsetting.
I’m a mother of two. 16 months apart in age. The spaghetti scenario described in the above = COMPLETELY REALISTIC AND ALL MOTHERS CONSIDERING A SECOND CHILD SHOULD BE PRESENTED WITH THIS INFORMATION. Also, Mommy Shorts is hilarious.
Oh, and I’m sorry…but when you’re a parent and as sleep deprived as I am you HAVE to have a sense of humour in order to survive! So thank you!
Wait baby center is liberal minded? Who knew! :p