If you thought this was a quiz about constipation, then the answer is most definitely NO. We're not talking about poop, we're talking about when to have a second child. Although poop and children are very similar so I can certainly understand the confusion.

When to have a second child

A few weeks ago I wrote a (very controversial!) post for Baby Center called "Seven Signs You Are Ready to Have a Second Child". People wanted scientific specifics. I had none.

So. In order to truly provide a service to my readers, my dear friend Natasha formulated a quiz based on the science of "second child readiness". Natasha is currently pregnant with #2, so she is the Official Expert. Let's call her Dr. Natasha. I believe she studied under Mr. Mom back in the eighties at the Academy of Michael Keaton.

Editor's Note: Dr. Natasha is a real pregnant person but she is not actually a licensed physician. She was pre-med in college, but was god awful at all the science classes. When she returned for her second trimester of Organic Chemistry, she got a standing slow-clap from the other students, as the class was graded on a curve. She now works as a copywriter in advertising.

Take it away Dr. Natasha! (Just don't give us any essay questions please.)


Are You Biologically & Psychologically Ready To Have a Second Child?

PART I (answer yes or no to the following questions):

1) Do you find yourself falling asleep while having sex, driving a car, giving a presentation, eating nachos, or watching your current child?

2) Do you find yourself wishing for a return to your pre-baby life of sleeping in, getting drunk and buying handbags without special bottle compartments?

3) Have you recently forgotten to wear pants when leaving the house?

4) Does the thought of having sex with your husband make you throw up a little bit in your mouth?

5) Does throwing up a little bit in your mouth make you cry?

6) Is crying something you do often these days?

7) Do children seem like giant cupcakes to you— like it would be sad not to have one, but two or more will make you feel sick to your stomach for the next 18-24 years?

Official Diagnosis:

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If you answered “yes” to 3 or more of the above, Dr. Natasha advises against unprotected sex for the time being.

PART II (answer yes or no to the following questions):

1) Do you liken the smell of newborn baby to a mixture of toast and sunshine?

2) Has your child successfully weathered the first year or so without any visible piercings or tattoos?

3) Can you think of your breast pump without wanting to set it on fire?

4) If you ask your partner to feed/clothe/bathe/tuck in the baby, can he/she do so with two or fewer follow-up questions?

5) Do you consider five minutes of uninterrupted pooping a luxury?

6) Can you balance a sack of potatoes on your hip while making mac ‘n cheese while singing “Itsy Bitsy Spider” while cleaning spilled milk off the floor with a paper towel under your foot?

7) Is sleep relatively unimportant to you?

Official Diagnosis:

If you answered “yes” to 3 or more of the above, Dr. Natasha says to have a few glasses of wine, turn down the baby monitor, and get baby-making!


There you have it. Science has spoken. How did everybody do?