Mazzy is barely two and the princess phase has already begun. I blame Pinkalicious (a gift) and Abby Cadabby. I know Abby's a fairy but she carries a wand and that's good enough for me.
I've always hated the whole princess phenomenon and thought my daughter would bypass it but I find myself reconsidering. Should I be steering Mazzy away from the toys she is gravitating to on her own? Is pretending to be a princess, loving her mini-kitchen and asking for every crayon to be pink such a bad thing?
I'm leaning towards "no".
I was obsessed with Barbie when I was little but I also climbed trees and prided myself on being the first girl picked for dodgeball in gym class. I was awesome at dodgeball! I think you can be a girly and strong at once.
Today at Babble I'm talking about the Lego controversy. Basically, they have developed a girl's line called Lego friends which is a pink monstrosity involving hair salons, poolside lounging and cupcake shops. It's like the keys to the Lego factory mistakenly got into the hands of the Kardashian sisters and vapidness followed.
When I decided to take on the topic, I thought I would come down squarely in the anti-Lego camp but after reading about it and considering my own daughter's personal tastes, my response surprised me.
The post is called "Maybe We Should Let Girls Be Bakers and Ballerinas".
I sincerely hope I don't get reamed for it.
I wish girls things didn’t ALWAYS have to be pink. I mean throw some purple, blue, yellows in there for good measure you know? Not all little girls favorite colors are pink right? please say no, I can’t take anymore motherfreakin’ pink!
My attitude about the princess stuff — I accept its inevitability. I know I am powerless to stop it and resistance is futile. But I refuse to actively encourage it. If she gets into it on her own, then that’s fine. What’ll happen will happen…
It will be my payback for being obsessesed with Care Bears, My Little Pony, Jem, and that annoying “Child-Like Empress” from the Neverending Story.
I have a 5 year old son and a 19 month old daughter. I, too, thought that I might be able to avoid the whole princess smackdown and instead encourage her to choose more intelligent toys and interests. However, watching my nieces I know that the princess phase is just around the corner whether I want it or not. And I think I’m ok with it. I agree with you – if that’s where her interests lie then who am I to tell her to choose a different interest. My goal (as of now – who knows what will actually happen) is to balance it by not calling her a princess and a diva every chance I get a la Toddlers & Tiaras. Thanks for the post because I think there are a lot of us out there cringing slightly as our daughters enter the princess phase.
I tried hard, oh so hard, to avoid the pink and princess bit with my now almost-7yo, but alas I was vanquished by kindergarten peers and the power of a shopaholic MIL. I hoped beyond hope that, despite being surrounded by all the girly stuff, my brave and intelligent daughter would not be impressed, would not fall for their prissy siren’s call. But truth be told, she just flat-out loved it all. Thankfully she’s moved a little beyond that now, claiming purple as her favorite color and voicing her aspiration to be “an R2D2 maker” when she grows up. But the 3yo is trending into princess land and I have a 4-month-old who no doubt will follow in her sisters’ footprints. *sigh*
Like you, I thought my daughter would by-pass it, but it has started and it does have its cute moments, so I am cool with it, but I don’t do anything to encourage it, pink brings me out in hives if I see too much of it around the house or in my daughter’s wardrobe. As for Lego – I won’t be buying the new controversial Lego, we are a classic blue, red, green and yellow household.
you can run but you can’t hide – your daughters – from the princess phenom. believe me, i’ve tried.
Sorry for you all. My daughter is 5 and only recently got interested in wearing dresses sometimes. Mostly she’s a tomboy hooligan who refuses to play with dolls 🙂 I would have liked the doll thing
I totally anti-pink, anti-girly and was a tomboy. I so wanted to avoid the pink/princess thing. I was hoping that having boy-girl twins would mitigate the severeness of the princess phase. I was so wrong. My now 7 year old daughter was all in to the princess thing around age 2. It was pure torture. We went to Disney world and she met Cinderella at age 5. Shortly after that the phase was over. It is now all about dogs. The Lego girls line makes a pet shop – she is thrilled.
Forgot to mention – she now plays tackle football and lacrosse. I am so relieved.
I personally don’t understand the outrage that all of this has caused, and am excited to FINALLY see Legos aimed towards girls. It sounds to me like most of the controversy is because people think girls should all want to play with the current Lego sets that are all (with the except of the very basic block sets) clearly aimed towards boys. What is wrong with girls wanting to play with pink Legos with hair salons and bakeries?
When I was a little girl there were “girl legos” and “boy legos.” The girl legos were all primary colors and you could build a Winebago camper, a home, or a hospital. Man that Hopital was a challenge. The boy legos were grey and brown and my brother spent hours building spaceships and castles. That’s how we grew up. Gender sterotypes, yes, but I still got to build cool shit.
i think princesses and dancing are inevitable. My daughter is in a preschool class everyday with 6 other boys and only one other girl and she loves her princess crown and tap shoes. But i think well rounded-ness is important and she does alot of other “boy” typical things. I would want the same for my son, if I had one. but maybe minus the pink glitter tap shoes….
Agree…I read about the Lego friends in business week…great article that explained the reasons behind the new line and how it took 4 years of research with girls for Lego to develop something they liked. Theres actually a lot behind it, even how its packaged to be able to play and develop a story as you go rather than build then play. Read the article if you can!
Princesses and girly girls don’t bother me. If she wants to wear pink 24/7 I will thank my lucky stars its not a mini skirt and high heels. The thing I absolutely will not tolerate is the entitled, worship me princess attitude. My rule is if I don’t want that attitude coming out of my teenage daughters mouth, I certainly dont want it on her shirts, in her books, or espoused my her toys. Bratz are banned in this household.
My 4 year old girl is in love with the color pink and everything involving the disney princesses. She loves to play dress up, put make up on, play with dolls, and she would definitely not want to play with legos unless they were pink. She is still extremely intelligent, she just knows what she likes. I encourage it. Anything that makes my kid happy and is safe, why not? Of course she’s not allowed to wear make up out anywhere, only to play with it at her vanity. We’re not toddlers and tiaras or anything- LOL.
i will say the same for boys though, i let my son get things that are traditionally girl things. for example, his winter coat, i held up a blue one and a pink one, he picked the pink. we got the pink. he loves it. pull-ups, held up the cars package and the princess package, he exclaimed “PRINCESS, YAY!!!” but then he loves cars, trucks, dinosaurs etc too, i think allowing kids to play with what they want and will make them happy is fine. i give my son tons of options, baby dolls, pink, (he wanted to paint his room purple, so we did), cars, trains, all of it, and to see the joy and excitement on his face is worth it. f@$k the lady at target who said he was a girl because of his pink coat, he loves it!
I totally agree. It’s the same on the boys side. I didn’t actively encourage my sons obsession with rocks and sticks and cars but he seemed to gravitate there naturally. Although he loves pink toys and dolls too. Well there goes my theory!
I’m not going to ENCOURAGE the princess/fairy ideal, but if she naturally gravitates to it, I’m going to let her do her thing. I know we expose our little gal to a variety of interests and activities in order to build an adaptable child and if she ‘adapts’ to one thing more than the other, meh! I think letting Mazzy do her own thing is a pretty good choice!
I have 2 boys and I let them choose whatever they want. We even have a play kitchen in their playroom for them. But I know people that have girls and the Princess thing is something that they gravitate to on their own no matter what you do. Some girls get really into it and some don’t.
http://www.momssurvivalkit.com
It’s not the title “princess” that is bad. It’s what the parents make of it.
Miss A went through a 2-year princess phase, wearing a Sleeping Beauty pink gown every single day for the entire length of time (yes, we had 2 of them & bought a 3rd when she grew out of it).
But she also played soccer with us in the yard and dug board games and wrestled with her brother and did other stuff.
I could go on and on about this…but for now? I’d say just roll with it.
At first glance the lego thing digusted me. As someone with a girly girl who wanted nothing more than the Lego airport for Christmas (and got it)I loved that she had stepped away from all of the frill to pursue something else. But I have to be honest, a cupcake shop is so up her alley that it would, at least for her, combine the best of bothe worlds. Does it have to be pink though?
I’m with you on this one! I say go with what works. If she likes pink, well, so what? I’ve never understood the concept that we must teach little girls to go against what they find appealing in order to be strong. That just seems counterproductive to me.
That is a very good point and an important distinction. ITA on Bratz.. or anything slutty or age inappropriate for that matter.
When Karly was little, she and her brother would watch TV and after every toy commercial Jack would say, “I want that.”
And Karly would say, “I want the pink one.”
We laughed and laughed. (And tried to ignore that we were letting our kids watch stuff other than PBS.)
One day, there was a commercial for the Sylvan Learning Center and Karly said, “I want the pink one.”
To this day, we joke about how she almost got “The Pink Sylvan Learning Center” for Christmas one year.
(I know. We’re that funny. You want to be friends with me IRL.)
Anyway. We let her have princess stuff up the ass (that doesn’t sound right, but) and now she’s a 12-year-old tomboy getting her black belt.
So.
I say, let the kids enjoy what comes naturally to them. We don’t shove stereotypes down their throats; but we don’t have to shun them like the Devil’s work or anything.
After all. We’re too busy saving up to buy a Sylvan Learning Center, right?
Looks like you’ve gotten overwhelming support on the Babble article. As well you should – it was excellent!
Vivian hasn’t entered the princess phase… yet. But if and when it comes, I’ll accept its inevitability without worrying too much that she’s going to grow up to be a prissy pink princess. THAT, I believe, comes from nurture, not nature – and if I teach her that she can be girly AND strong and independent, well then, I’ve done my job as a parent.
Why would I discourage my daughters from being girls? My favorite color is still pink at 33 years old (My entire wedding including the groomsmen tuxedos were pink,white, and silver), I played with Barbies, wanted to be a princess, etc. I turned out fine. I graduated college with a 4.0 GPA (Summa Cum Laude baby :p ) moved out at 18, had my own house, car, and money long before I met and married my now husband. Now I am a stay at home mom and I love it. Point being why do people seem to think it’s wrong to be “girly”? Just because a girl grows up preferring everything pink,and dreaming of being a princess does not mean they will turn into the next dumb as a rock Kim Kardashian or Paris Hilton. When you intentionally try to avoid “gender stereotypes” you may just be teaching your child that being a girl means they are weaker or not as smart. I want my daughters to know they can be anything they want to be even if they are wearing a tutu and carrying a wand. 😉
Mazzy’s been wearing a lot of black and gray lately. I’m making her into a real city kid. But I have to say- I’ve always liked pink.
That’s my main point. Most of us were into the girly stuff too and that was just fine. I don’t believe playing with Barbie made me value myself any less when I got older.
I think liking pink, pretty girly things shouldn’t be an issue. If that’s associated with feeling entitled, being a brat, needing a man, etc. then that’s a problem. But I don’t think that kind of messaging and something as simple as the color pink should be tied together.
We won’t be buying it either- but mainly because it is hideous!
I think you can be brave and intelligent and girly all at once. One shouldn’t preclude the others. Love that she went straight from princess to robot maker. It’s witnessing their own discovery of who they are that is the most fun part of parenting.
I think it’s great that you are anti-princess and took your daughter to meet Cinderella. They are who they are, not who we want to be.
That’s an interesting perspective as well. Maybe the main problem with new Legos sets is the advertising. If they had just positioned it as “build your own city” with bakeries, cafes, a pool and a salon and included both make and female characters, it wouldn’t have sounded so offensive.
Mazzy has these two books that are exactly the same except one is how to play soccer and the other is how to do positions in ballet. They were sent to us unsolicited from a book company. Mazzy wants to read the ballet book every day and imitates the positions. She hasn’t given the soccer book a second glance. But it’s right there next to the ballet book in case she ever wants to give it a shot.
I will definitely read it. That’s interesting about the storytelling vs. the building. I wonder what that’s about. Mazzy loves to build with blocks and so did I when I was a kid.
Entitlement was my problem with the princess thing from the beginning. Being a princess doesn’t signify any sort of achievement whatsoever unlike being a ballerina which requires hard work and talent. But I agree with you. At least princess clothes cover the midriff.
I’m going to try and keep make-up away from my daughter as long as possible. It bothers me that she constantly sees me putting on mine. Only because I think make-up sends a message that we are not beautiful enough as is. And girls age way too fast these days.
That’s awesome that you allow your son’s preferences to trump everything else. It’s the right thing to do and it’s nobody’s business but your own.
Mazzy asked to wear her Giants shirt out to dinner tonight so I think she’s pretty balanced as well. She made quite a hit at the restaurant with that shirt on!
That’s the interesting thing. Why is it bad to give girls what they want? Someone under the Babble post commented that the actual toy was much less pink than the commercial and the packing suggested.
I totally and completely agree. Girls should be taught that they are strong period. It shouldn’t depend on whether they want to play with trucks or dolls.
You know I’ve wanted to be friends with you since your first comment on my blog.
Girls shouldn’t be forced into a stereotype or forced out of one.
And what the hell is so wrong with pink anyway?
Exactly. I was honestly terrified when I posted the Babble piece. It was the first thing I’ve ever had someone read beforehand. There is so much more I have to say on the topic but it probably pertains more to who I am as a working adult than who Mazzy may or may not become.
We’ll see if I ever find the forum to say it.
I totally agree with you. Girly does not equal bad. Thinking that girls have to learn to play like the boys is a very antiquated approach to feminism if you ask me. Gender equality has to do with pay, opportunities and treatment. Not approach or preference.
Amen… and I’m sure the “feminists” would hate me. I’m perfectly content wandering around my house on a daily basis looking for something to clean, with a baby on my hip. When I was little and someone asked me what I wanted to be when “I grew up” my answer was always a “wife and mommy”. No one taught me that, it’s just what I wanted to be. I guess I should sue the makers of the Easy Bake oven that taught me that baking tiny cakes for my family would be way more fun than being a rocket scientist. :p
I don’t know why this Lego thing even got me stirred up. I have no desire to bring anymore legos into my house anyway. You ever stepped on one of those evil bastards in the middle of the night? (On hardwood floors and you go sailing through the livingroom with a Lego stuck between your toes?) lol
you know, i am kind of annoyed at the way this subject gets shorthanded. people aren’t angry at lego for offering something to girls, they’re angry at the fact that they basically ignore girls as consumers of their regular products, then make a product that is just a knockoff of every other “girl toy.” i’d like to see that addressed, instead of seeing the claim that somehow, girls won’t get to be princesses or ballerinas with the billion and a half toys that already cater to that. as it says in your article:
“He says they have tried for years to market pirates and cops to girls with no success. Lego Friends was born after focus grouping 100s of girls in front of 100s of toys and then developing what they clearly gravitated to.”
there is a hundred miles between pirates/cops and what they actually made. that’s what is infuriating. also, the comments about market research on lego’s end are very strange. 4 year olds don’t buy toys, just like they don’t buy food. why is mcdonald’s finally serving fruit in happy meals? it’s not because it was what 4 year olds were gravitating toward, it was because of pressure from concerned parents about healthy choices for their kids.
is there not a similar defense of enriching toys that invite kids to be creative instead of just 100 varieties of the same pink and purple plastic people? why does that get dismissed as some kind of misguided feminism? i guess i just don’t understand why you couldn’t buy the wand for your girl and still find some merit in the idea of marketing regular legos to girls. i think that’s actually a much bigger issue that is being ignored: why is lego so character driven instead of being the creative toy that made them so successful? i have the same complaint about mr potato head. i want a toy my son can really explore, not one that only accepts the spud lightyear accessories it came with. that’s limiting. that’s the same complaint i have about the lego friends.
I didn’t mean to shortchange the subject- just offer a different perspective. I do think some of the Lego thing is misguided. I’m all for gender neutral advertising but I don’t like that “girly” is often seen as weaker.
I agree with your comment about the happy meals. We are definitely all responsible for helping our kids make smart choices and giving them acceptable options to aide in that process.
After hearing from a few of my readers who purchased the Lego Friends set, I am inclined to believe that the packaging and advertising are far worse than the actual product. They both reported lots of building involved and a town that included way more than a hair salon. They also both said that the toy isn’t nearly as pink as the packaging suggests.
I am not done with this topic. And I am by no means an expert on it either. I have a two year old so I have yet to truly be exposed to the barrage of pink plastic I am told is in my future.
I am actually having a female engineer guest post later this week on “girly” toys that have opportunities for math and science learning, which I believe lies one of the real problems with toys marketed to girls.
I want my daughter to grow up smart, ambitious and career-minded like me. By no means do I take anything that gets in her way lightly.