On Monday, I wrote a post called “Maffles are Melicious” about loving the words Mazzy mispronounces. Almonds as “SALMONS” is one of my favorites.
So many readers commented both under the post and on my fanpage with stories about the funny words their kids say incorrectly that I had to do something with them. For example, Jennifer’s son says “FOCKS” instead of Crocs so when one Croc falls off, her son yells “FOCK OFF, MOMMA!!!”
Below are 21 butchered words that I culled together from about 175 comments. Some are funny, some are adorable and some have major embarrassment potential if said too loudly in public.
Every one of them is real. (Assuming you guys aren’t lying!)
There is one more word that I didn’t make a picture for because I didn’t want anyone to skim over the post and get the wrong idea. It really needs the story attached.
Carly said…
“Before I had children I was a nanny for a family in Atlanta. It was pride weekend and as we walked to the park we passed a house with a front porch full of people celebrating and proudly flying two rainbow flags. To my horror, the little boy I was watching pointed to the flags and screamed “FLAG!” (but without the “L”). Everyone was silent for a moment, until I turned to the boy and said “That’s right, Frank, FLAGS!” Then they all started laughing and screaming “FLAGS FLAGS!” Thank god for everyone’s sense of humor!”
If you missed Monday’s post and have any more mispronounced words to add, please do so below. Maybe I’ll do a follow-up.
UPDATE: Check out Part Two: 22 More Words Totally Butchered by Toddlers.
And if you are not already a fan (and why wouldn’t you be?!), check out Mommy Shorts on facebook. I just redesigned the fanpage to fit the timeline layout and I’ve been doing a lot more there than just posting links to Mommy Shorts. Like yesterday, I posted a picture of Mazzy greeting everyone from her homeland— the Apple Store. (It’s a lot cuter than it sounds.)
Don’t miss the lastest epsiode of the Mommy Shorts Show— it includes Mazzy’s audition for the remake of Fantasy Island among other things.
Alright, that’s it.
Have a great weekend, friends. I hope it’s filled with BOOBIE MANCAKES!
— Mommy Shorts
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I’m staying at the sausage links and just don’t get it. What’s wrong with me??
The others? Hilarious and genius as always!
My best guess is that there is no space between the words when the wee bern says it aloud. Sausage without the first ‘s’ becomes ahhshit.
staying = staring
My now 7 year old was a champ… Rangakoo, pacuter, restronaut, ambliance, draklia. Kangaroo, computer, restaurant, ambulance, dracula.
We may, or may not, still call them restronauts. Even when he’s not around.
PS This had me laughing so hard that Demon Toddler patted me on the back and asked me why I was crying!
Ha! I am totally using restronaut!
One mom said her daughter says “awe shit” instead of “sausage”. If you say both out loud, you can hear the similarity.
Sausage said by a toddler is translated into Awe Sh!t! LOL! I think it’s hilarious as well. Great list!
Awww, that’s such a cute little “titty” – BAWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
These are great! I always love what your FB fans comes up with. 😀
DYING over here. I do love titties. I mean, kitties.
Monkey says “awrich” for orange. Also, duck, frog and fox all sound like er, you know, the bad F word.
This is hysterical. My husband and I got the best laugh tonight. I wish I had seen your post from Monday earlier and added some of our son’s favorites. Here are a couple
Tupaka – Chewbacca
Amy Johnson – Indiana Jones
Nunch – Lunch
These are funny, but nothing beats the Focks.
I read lots of posts everyday and this was by far the funniest thing I read today! So, thanks for the laughs!
“The child psychologist who thought she had all the answers to parenting until she became one herself.” http://www.themommypsychologist.com.
I LOL’ed so hard at “dumb fuck”. In the middle of Starbucks. Now I’m the crazy lady who laughs at her phone in Starbucks.
One morning I said to my daughter; your britches are too big. She looked at me, pointed to her pants and said “bitches”.
Funny, thanks for the early morning laugh. I have one: We use nutritional yeast on toast, popcorn, etc.
Every morning my 4 year old still asks for “Beast on toast” and I laugh. I don’t really try to correct her cuz its so damn funny.
Our daycare was across from a fire station that conveniently did its daily check of all the trucks right as we arrived each morning. So the entire neighborhood got a daily greeting from my then-2yo of “I love firefucks! I love firefucks!”
Also, my 3yo is happy to help clean up by putting garbage into the “crashcan” – which she has, in fact, crashed a few times.
And they both love Star Wars, especially “bastard Yoda”
This is entirely true! I was so focused on my toddler I neglected this gem from my older child. Picture us sitting around having a nice family dinner last December. My 7 year old was wanting us to play the rhyming game. “I’ll go first! Things that rhyme with ‘or’. Whore!” Dead silence from my husband and I. Confused look from child. ” You know. Whore! Like the movies Daddy likes to watch!” Dead silence increases and panic starts to set in. ” You know – the movies that are scary for me!” Hubby and I break into peals of laughter ( after huge sighs of relief!) “Oh, you mean HORROR!” “Yeah, that’s what I said! What’s so funny??”
Nicky and his cousins all say “Clocks” without the “L”.
So does my baby bro
My Man’s last name is Fox, as is the last name of our kids. So our daughter will go around the table and say “Daddy Fu*k, Nana Fu*k (Nana is the baby’s nickname), Me fu*k. Everbody Fu*k, but not you Mama! (Cause my name is Bernard still. lol)
This list made me laugh so hard but added a few tears of laughter when i read the “horror” movice comment. Awesome!
A friends child pronounced C3PO from Starwars as CP-Frito for the longest time. It always made me smile and crave salt.
Sebastian has always been really good about pronouncing words the correct way, even the famous one that supposedly all kids butcher: “spaghetti.” However, he does call elevators “alligators.” How funny that he isn’t the only one!
Out to dinner the other night my 2 year old picked the wine cork up of the table and starte yelling as only toddlers do, “Cock, Cock!” Of course in a small quiet restaurant.
They are all so cute! I pointed out to my son that he was getting freckles and he told me (and now tells everyone) that he doesn’t have “f*ckles!” Between that and his love of “fire f*cks” I am so thankful for his speech therapists!
My daughter does that, too! We’ll be in the middle of a store and she’ll see a clock and yell, “Cock, mommy, COCK!”
😉
My favorite is more of a phrase.
Miss A asked:
“Mama? Can I see your flowery box?”
She meant the sewing kit. Because it has a floral print on it. Not my, um, you know. Other flowery box.
My almost-3-year old calls Mickey Mouse Clubhouse “Mickey Mouse Crackhouse.” We also eat at “restanauts” and he calls Chick-Fil-A “Chick Away.” Love all of these…
Haha I love this. My daughter Mya has a few that make me chuckle!
Eggo – There you go
Cock-it – Chocolate
Tis Bugger – Cheese burger
Hilarious post 😀
Oh, I have 3 times the fun with this one. I’m trying so hard not to LOL at the post and comments so I don’t get in trouble at work!!!
Ass-capaders – escalators
Frocks – socks
Yank-it – jacket
Cwie-tit (cry-tit) – quiet
Piss-ca-titty meat – spaghetti with meatballs
Frink – drink
Fruck – truck
Ass-ream – ice cream
True sentence: Momma! Can we go da ass-capaders to gedda frink frum the ass-ream fruck?
The above was said in the middle of a crowded department store when one of my boys heard what he thought was an ice cream truck. Turned out to be the lady in front of us with a ringing cell phone!
Bwahahahahahaha at Mickey Mouse Crackhouse.
My son calls vaginas “Giants”
Oh so awesome. Very considerate of you to provide the laughs as I sit in my rolled hairband. Ellen
Mine still calls oatmeal “opium” and we race each other to get our shoes on. So fun time at school when she tells the teacher “mama beat me today” 🙂
Love those cute words they come up with! We have “mingo” and “printzels” at our house instead of mango and pretzels.
We also hunt for “nakes” (snakes) and sometimes get the “neezes” (sneezes).
He’s getting better but for a long time everyone used an “ife” at the table instead of a knife. I love all those little mis-said words, they make my heart happy.
My older sister (now in her 40s) was asked by our grandfather what she wanted for her 4th birthday. She said “A DUMB FUCK!” Now, back in the 70’s that isn’t quite as funny as it is today…more like MORTIFYING as my Mom tells it…(though I suppose it should be for us now as well…) Anyway, suffice it to say, she got a dump truck for her birthday and was delighted with it.
My husband And I are laughing about all of these…I love the way our kids mash up the English language, it’s so damn cute!!!!!! Thanks for the giggle!
My nephew had some good ones when he was little..
Hoods (like on a sweater) is a HOOG as in “Mimi I need my hoog on”
Goggles are GLOBULS.
Gloves were GLUBS
I wish he would still say that stuff.
This is freaking hilarious. My son hasn’t had any funny mispronunciations but he does love to grab my boob and yell “bra!!!” in public!
My friend’s daughter says callipitter instead of caterpillar. Honestly isn’t it the better name?
With a recent heatwave in our area we had to pull out the fan for my daughter’s room. She was super excited to see the white “flam” in her room again. Also, sometimes as a treat after dinner she gets a dum-dum lollipop, or “londipops” as she calls them. And I wish I could upload video of my daughter saying “big truck”… although anybody else would have heard “biiiiggg cock”. lol
As my three year old would say, “wank you!!” he also calls burritos “bomb-deetos” which cracks up our waiter at the local Mexican joint 🙂
Licorlish and Zebeggi are totally the cutest things I heard (well, read) all day. Toddlers are adorable.
These are so funny!!!
According to my parents, when I was a kid I would say “spagegwee” for spaghetti and “bayooons” for balloons.
My brother beats that, though. When we would order grilled cheese sandwiches at a restaurant, he’d say, “I don’t want a GIRL cheese. I want a BOY cheese!”
Funny you should have this post… Yesterday we spent a large portion of the day trying to figure out why McClain kept saying “Tits” over and over. 1) this isn’t a word we use 2) it’s the word tits.
Finally he pointed to one of my gardening books to a picture of carrots. He had been helping me pull out old missed carrots from a garden bed. I guess with my accent carrots comes out “kare-its”, which in turn, equals tits.
Can’t wait to go to the grocery store…
BITCH = Bridge.
I’m so proud.
My 2 year old daughter asks us for “nik-a-peas” (milk please). Once we realized what that phrase sounds like,we started on the correct pronunciation, but to no avail yet!
I almost spit my coffee out onto my computer screen
I’m tickled that “strawbabies” made the list! One of my favorite toddlerisms from Vivian. 🙂
She also started calling elevators “alligators” this week. And then she catches herself, shakes her head like she’s made at herself, and very slowly says, “El-e-va-tor.”
We live in Myrtle Beach so going through the Ripley’s Aquarium was always a must, since my youngest daughter is obsessed with Nemo and all things pirate. Needless to say, her butchered phrase is “Big fish! Big fish!” which comes out as “Big Bitch! Big Bitch!” I am so proud!
This was hilarious as were the additional comments above. My twins have so many word hiccups, but my favorite was the following little ditty. I wanted to take my boys to Bass Pro Shops last Spring to see the Easter Bunny. To get them even more excited, I told them we were going to see the boats and fish at the Pro Shops. They were 18 months and really trying to use and combine new words. All the way there, August kept saying “Booshit Henwi( Henry is his twin brother). Booshit Mommy.” They were 18 months and really starting to try and use words. If you saw the expression on his face when he actually saw the Easter Bunny, “booshit Mommy!” was the perfect word for his reaction. Thanks for posting this! I love love love it!
My husband loves superheros and when our oldest daughter was around three, she would pronounce Captain America as Captain Amegina.
ah! my daughter said printzels!
You know. Whore! Like the movies Daddy likes to watch!” Dead silence increases and panic starts to set in. ” You know – the movies that are scary for me!” Hubby and I break into peals of laughter ( after huge sighs of relief!) “Oh, you mean HORROR!”
These are all priceless – thanks for the post! We also spot “cocks” at the store all the time with my toddler. But my now-3y.o. had my favorites – she had a slight lisp and so would order people visiting us to sh*t all the time. Also her favorite teething food was “shee dicks” (cheese sticks).
hahahahha… damn crackers…. hahahahhahaha
My mom was teaching my brother the correct names for all of his boy parts when he was potty training. One day he wet his pants. My mom grabbed the front of his pants and said “What is this? What is this?” (Meaning the wet pants) My brother looked her dead in the eye and said “My peanuts and my popsicles!”
He was 3 at the time. He’s 36 now and we STILL tell that story!
Love this post and I can relate!
Elevator = Agggiatte This took forever to figure out, but Alligator also = Agggiatte
The “F” sound is not yet working so, Flower = Slaour
My little guy wore Crocs long before he could pronounce the “r” sound. You can imagine how often I heard, “Mama, mama, my C_oc fell off!”
My daughter (3.5) says I’m hungry but it sounds like I’m horny……
Yeah
My mother, Jade’s Mimi,intended for her to learn “No way, Jose” but at 16 months it emerged loudly in protest as “No way hussy…” to anyone who got in her way — it took us months to correct.
Jade, now two, has named restaurants ‘houses’ so Bob Evans is Bob’s House and Dairy Queen is the Queen’s House — so when we took her to Outback – she screams “I DO LOVE THIS OUTHOUSE!!”
im guessing similiar to AWE- Sauge but sauge got garbled? haha
We were at a church function one evening and on the menu was baked beans. My son, who loves pork n’ beans, was so excited when he saw the beans on his plate that he began screaming “Fuckin beans, fuckin beans!” Needless to say, everyone turned to look at the 2 year old cursing in church. Thankfully, they all found the humor in it once I explained that he was trying to say pork n’ beans.
So funny! I’ve heard firefires for firefighters.
My cousin called foreheads “whoreheads.” It was hilarious!
My son says crut instead of truck ..quwimming instead of swimming its so cute 🙂
My sister has always tried to get my nephew to have “good snacks” rather than treats. By age three he recognized that he wouldn’t get a treat while they were out shopping, but he might luck into a healthy bar or maybe some fruit to snack on if he requested “good snacks” instead. Unfortunately, in his toddler speak, he would end up shouting across the grocery store for “good sex mommy?”, much to my sister’s chagrin and other shoppers’ amusement / bewilderment.
LOL!!! I love the douche one the best. This is too funny. I have two girls so we had a lot of silly words. My youngest used to call popcorn “porn”. “Mommy, I want porn!I love porn!!”
My friend’s toddler dropped his fruit cocktail. He said, “Mom! I dropped my cock fruittail!”
My four year old calls caterpillars “pappetillers” and grasshoppers are “grasscoppers”. He loves to go bug hunting!
When I was a child, I did the same thing. “fuck” instead of “truck”…walking down the road by the fire station yelling “fire fuck”!
My youngest girl(3) has a very unique way of pronouncing many of her words. How shocked was I to hear her outside one day, yelling “Mommy, I want cock… I want cock, Mommy!” Oh dear… I went outside asking “WHAT did you just say???” Her & her sister were outside drawing on the sidewalk… with CHALK!
My oldest child (now 25) was born on Christmas Day. About 2 weeks before his 1st b-day, he was going around saying “disenerations” it took me about 1 week to figure out what he was saying…”christmas decorations” as he was pointing at the tree.
here are a few classics from our kiddos and neighbourhood kids
Ex-ca-daver for excavator
My nephew could not say the ‘st’ sounds so he said a ‘d’ instead so we would hear:
“Help, the dirt it’s dicking on me!”
Or when eating sticky food, “I need a cloth, I’m all dicky!”
I can attest to the “Douche” for juice one. Whenever my 2 year old wants a Capri Sun, she asks for a douche bag.
Also: Peanuts are “Penis.”
a little late to the party, but i love this. my now 3 year old is outgrowing some of his mispronunciations but these are still my favorites – bluebabies (blueberries), restauromp (restaurant), ban-bans (bandaids), and bijaff (giraffe).
Love these. I think I’ll actually miss when my guys start saying things correctly. But because I blog their entire lives, I recently wrote a post with their mis-sayings 🙂 on what gets lost in translation: http://www.streamdoubletrouble.com/2013/06/17/lost-in-translation/
My 2 year old niece calls coffee “fucky”.
my daughter says im hungry it comes out as mom im so horney
Thank you for getting Trace’s in there. Great job.
My 4 year old says “cock” for “chalk”. So he says he wants to “go outside and play with his cock”
My 11 yr old used to say “hang-gerber” instead of hamburger. I’m sure there were many more that I don’t remember! He now has 2yr old twin sisters, who I’m sure will be butchering new words any day now.
My now three year old used to refer to licorice as dick-a-lish. Then it became stick-a-lish and now it is finally licorice (most of the time). He also refers to phones as phlones.
I have a couple blush-inducing mispronounciations to add courtesy my little girl:
Look, Mommy, a big, big cock! (clock)
Oh Mommy, look, I found a little dick! (stick)
*sigh*
My 2 y/o calls the computer a “pin-qu-ter” He is actually really good with pronunciation which makes it a little more fun for us to hear him get it wrong.
Hilarious! Love these! My daughter liked to ride in our “mivi-van”
My almost 3 year old says Hoopa Loop for Hula Hoop. We think its pretty cute!
Horse = hor and Clock = cock. My sweet little boy and his adorable gutter mouth! Apple doesn’t fall far from the foul-mouthed tree, apparently.
Mliwk = Milk
Vigging womb = living room
vike = bike
pepmo gizmo = Pepto Bismol
Corpse Crispy = Corpus Christi (our church)
And the ABC’s had ELEMELOPEE in them…
My kids are both teenagers now, but we still laugh about these 🙂
My 4-year-old loves to say that she has an itchy-bitchy when she needs to scratch her leg/arm/etc.
Of all the letters in the alphabet, she had to choose B for her rhyme.
Gorillas=Umbrella. It took me a while to figure that one out.
Be Penis for bananas…
My 3 year old also misses the “L” while screaming FLAGS…..sigh. A little girl I babysit used to refer to “The Grinch” as “The Bitch” one of my favorite mispronounced words 🙂
I think instead of sausage is is awe for sau and sage is shit. so you got awe shit. It took me a min too.
Crocodile – Crocidaydle
Alex used to tell us to watch out for “Alligators and Crocidaydles” He was very adamant about it.
Doritos – Burritos
We were dumbfounded when he kept asking for burritos. We never make them, and he abhors beans anyway so he wouldn’t want them if we did. Finally, after around 2 weeks of him begging for the burritos in the cabinet, he climbed up the counter to get them himself. Grrr.
Pause it – Closet
Snickers – N word (so we made sure on the rare occasion he got one, we called them candy bars.)
Sandwich – Samlich
And various others that make me smile down deep in my heart when I hear them. 🙂
LOL 🙂
My 2 year old loves to play with Chalk, but has some trouble with the ‘CH’ sound. At a family party she loudly asked ‘Mommy can I play with cock?!’
ToyRus is ToysArrest, biscuit is bisskix, Starbucks is starbugs – and there is an epic one I’m forgetting at the moment
I love these.
My son (who is 2) swears that it is “spetty-go-yos” instead of “spaghetti-o’s” and will argue with you and yell at you and correct you.
He’s never even seen a spaghetti-o but at some point jokingly someone said “uh oh spaghetti-o’s” and it stuck. But it’s spetty-go-yos.
Fuffins = muffins (we still call them fuffins)
Faffles = waffles
Skabetti = spaghetti
My favorite… Asserbees = raspberries
My oldest would tell the doctor to use the BOY-oscope not the OTTER-scope to examine his ears. LOL
Yesterday I heard my 4 year old daughter asking my 8 year old son “Do you like cock-porn?” ………….. I know it’s bad parenting but I was silent laughing too hard to tell her it’s POPCORN!!
My now five year old called Chuck E Cheese’s – Chunky Jesus’. We thought it was so cute we had a hard time correcting her!