If anyone was following the race over the weekend between Lil D and Kadence, you know it was CRAZY CLOSE. At different points, Lil D was leading and then Kadence was leading and then Lil D again. Ultimately, Kadence won with just 50.93% of the vote. 

Congratulations, KADENCE! You have what it takes to make Dick Cheney piss his pants.

If Kadence were my kid, I would be toting her around wherever I went, using the glare as necessary. "What do you mean, the chef doesn't do substitutions?", "Are you SURE I was going over the speed limit, Officer?" "I think maybe you should reconsider your 'bathroom for customers only' policy…" and so forth. Never again would I be stuck with an ill-fitting shirt that can't be returned, a loan that can't get approved or a shopkeeper too busy to help. With Kadence by side, the world would be MINE!!!!

All this is to say, I don't feel too bad for Kadence's parents. They may have the devil living in their own home, but all they need to do is get on her good side.

Perhaps the best way to start is by showering her with gifts! Because, as the winner of the Evil Baby Glare-Off, Kadence gets to take home an $100 Gilt Kids gift card, a home kit from Method, a skull hat and belt from Sourpuss kids, a framed picture of the tournament bracket and an Evil Baby Glare-Off onesie!


Hopefully, these prizes will keep the evilness in check until Christmas.

And now, I'd like to take a minute to honor Lil D.

If you are not aware, Lil D was also a competitor in last year's Glare-Off but didn't make it past Round #1— when she squared off and lost to Chelsea…


Compare the glare above to Lil D this year, pictured below in an online campaign her mom (Kelly from Dances With Chaos) threw together to help her chances…


Look how far she has come! I can't even imagine the level of evil Lil D will go to next year. Be afraid, friends, be VERY AFRAID!

As the second place winner (and because I don't want her to attack me in my sleep), Lil D gets a $50 Gilt Kids gift card, a home kit from Method, and an Evil Baby Glare-Off onesie

As for the five other giveaways, held over the course of the glare-off, the winners are as follows…

1. "I Pretzel NY" onesie, mini Wayfarers and toddler fedora from Piccolini ($78)


Winner was selected randomly from the only three people that guessed the FINAL FOUR correctly. Congratulations to…BRIANNE! You know pure evil when you see it.

2. Set of BB Blocks ($40)

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Winner was selected by picking my favorite EVIL BABY QUESTION. Congratulations to… ANDREA! She gave me the line, "Which baby made the christening water boil?"

3. Princess Set or Halloween Costume from Just Pretend Kids (prices vary)


Three winners were selected randomly from the fifteen people who predicted Kadence as the Glare-Off Champion. Congratulations to… RACHEL M (who thinks Kadence should dress as Maleficent for Halloween), CHRISTINA (who thinks Kadence should go as Tinkerbell), and BREENAH (who thinks Kadence would make an awesome garden gnome).

You can each select any complete princess/fairy set or dress-up costume of your choosing. Let me know what you want today and Just Pretend Kids guarantees you'll receive it by Halloween.

4. Beatrix NY Wheelie Bag ($94)

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Winner was selected randomly. Congratulations to ROBYN! Robyn's son Milo will be packing his blankie, some glow sticks, a flashlight, and his magnifying glass for a bird watching trip, right after he selects the Beatrix wheelie bag of his choice.

5. $250 Gift Card to North American Bear Company


Winner was selected randomly. Congratulations to KIRSTI! She suggested doing a daddy-shaming photo contest next. I AM ALL FOR IT. Now, if only people were brave enough to submit pictures…

I hope everyone enjoyed EVIL BABY GLARE-OFF 2012.

If you did not, you might find some friends over on the Huffington Post. They featured my glare-off yesterday (on the front page, no less!) and all their crazy child-hating commenters turned it into some sort of political debate. Did you know all the babies were Republicans? ME NEITHER!

Tomorrow, Mommy Shorts will be back to its regularly scheduled programming.