Did you know the iPad doesn't work in the car except if we are on really long road trips? Also, the playground closes right around nap time. And we have a box of cookies that depletes itself rather quickly ("Sorry hon, there are none left") and then refills itself magically overnight.
Which is a good thing because eating too many sweets is AGAINST THE LAW.
Much like crossing the street without holding an adult's hand.
And wearing pajamas to school.
And on the way back home from school, you shouldn't touch anything you find on the sidewalk. Why? BECAUSE DOGS HAVE PEED ON IT. Pieces of paper, piles of leaves, fire hydrants, planters, front stoops, parked cars, all of it. Dogs have peed on every exposed outdoor surface in NYC.
There is also a toy store we pass quite regularly that is less a place to buy toys and more of a TOY MUSEUM. Sometimes the $3 animal figurines by the front counter are available for purchase but the five story dollhouses and the $100 block sets and the miniature drum kits are for DISPLAY ONLY.
Have you seen the ice cream truck lately? Not the one that sells "pretend ice cream" (we see that one all the time) but the one that legitimately sells real ice cream. That one is much harder to find.
And don't try to play the Hokey Pokey on iTunes more than three times in a row because the computer will break. Yep, a whole day needs to pass before it is safe to play it again.
Also, Calliou, Curious George and Strawberry Shortcake all go to bed at the exact same time as my daughter so if she wakes up in the middle of the night, there is no way to watch them on television.
Don't ask me… I'm too busy counting the days until I can reveal my severe allergy to dogs. And cats. All animals really. Even reptiles.
I've had that gem ready since my mother told it to me.
She still stands by it.
What lies do you tell your kids?
UPDATE: For your answers and a handy guide to lying to your kids, click here.