Mazzy has been sick for over a week now. It started escalating when we were potty training last weekend and she's been stuck at home ever since. I think it might be part of her master plan to continue wearing diapers up until college.
Well played, dear daughter, well played.
It sucks when your kid is sick for many reasons. Yes, your child is miserable, but that misery would be somewhat bearable if she didn't insist on bringing you right down with her.
Here are the top ten things that suck about your kid being sick, besides your kid being sick…
1. If you go to the pediatrician too early, you'll feel foolish when the doctor shrugs, diagnoses a common cold and then scurries you out of their office with a prescription for rest and chicken soup, all while motioning to ACTUAL sick children in their waiting room.
2. If you go to the pediatrician too late, you'll feel like an awful mother for letting your child's common cold turn into full-blown bronchitis or a raging double ear infection under your neglectful watch. You'll try to make a joke about how it's hard to know when you will be laughed out of her office or not, but the doctor will be too busy prescribing numerous medications to hear you.
3. Along with medicine, fluids and something called "vapor bath", you will be told to give your child lots of TLC. FYI- there is a fine line between tender loving care and cowtowing to a miniature tyrant demanding an endless supply of popsicles, pillow fluffing and Team Umizoomi.
4. The longer the illness goes on, the more entitled your tyrant becomes, until you are unsure you will ever be able to return to normal parent-child dynamics without an intervention from the SUPER NANNY. So try to temper your generosity on Day One, because if you hit Day Ten, you are never getting your iPad back.
5. Your coughing, sneezing, weezing child will want nothing more than to sleep in your bed, with their snotty nose practically resting on your own. Unfortunately, proximity is not taken into account when she wakes up in the middle of the night screaming, "I NEED A TISSUE!!!!"
6. Your favorite catchphrase will become "Don't cough on the baby." Even a child that knows how to cover their mouth, only does it about half the time. And the half the time they do it, they remember mid-cough and cover only a small fraction of their mouth.
7. After finally getting your 3yo to ingest 4ml of pink amoxicillin (I recommend at least two people and duct tape to do the job), you will want to ingest every ounce of alcohol in your house. While locked in the bathroom. Crying.
8. You will have to convince your child that the NEBULIZER, a large machine with various tubing that you plug into a wall, does not hurt whatsoever. Which, by the way, she will be way less inclined to believe, if you just told her amoxicillin tastes like bubble gum.
9. Whatever previously made you happy (playing an instrument, Words With Friends on the toilet, etc.) will dissipate as your life begins to revolve around the most satisfying of parenting activities— SNOT SUCKING. You and your spouse will take turns trying to convince your child to partake in this most delightful exercise. She won't let you do it nearly as often as you would like, but when she does, you will be so proud of the amount of snot you pull from your child's nose, you'll briefly consider taking a photo and posting it on Facebook for all to see.
10. Just as your child starts to get better, everyone else in your house will start to get sick. First your other child(ren), then your spouse, perhaps a pet, with you bringing up the rear.* If all goes as God intended, mom will recover just in time for the cycle to repeat itself.
* Let me know if you can hear my hacking cough through your computer.