When I ran the acid reflux post a few weeks back, someone mentioned that Harlow's picture looked just like Mazzy's in the header. I thought that warranted a side-by-side.

Don't worry, I'm not going to have them throw down in my living room to see who makes it out alive. Obviously, Mazzy would kick poor Harlow's immobile ass.

But in the land of Evil Baby Glare-Offs, Harlow would win every time. 

Mazzy was slightly cross-eyed for a few weeks after she was born, but Harlow was born with eyes that stare straight into the very depths of your soul and say…

"I'm not sure who you are, I don't quite trust you and I might eat you for dinner."



That's Harlow at less than ten days old. Did you just get a chill down your spine?

How about now…


When she wasn't sleeping, that was pretty much the only face Harlow made for the first few weeks. Then she developed some facial muscles and got increasingly more aggressive.

See her "you really have no idea what you're doing" face…


Her "you're just going to leave me here, aren't you" face…


Her "I'm gonna punch some paparazzi" face…


Her "If you don't trim my nails, I'm gonna claw your eyes out" face…


and finally, her "GET OFF MY LAWN!!!!!" face…


Terrifying. I know.

If she didn't already look like my husband, the perma-scowl definitely threw her over the top.

I can only talk about this now because Harlow has since softened and even lets out a social smile on occasion.

See her "I'm the cutest baby alive face"…


Her "we're gonna fight this acid reflux thing together" face…


And her "I just graduated out of my pajamas!" smile…


What else happened these past two weeks besides Harlow canceling her meetings with the devil?

• I tried to buy a shirt and failed

• Harlow got photographed in a bucket

• Mazzy decided to wear diapers forever

• Mike killed it with the SNOT SUCKER

• HONEST TODDLER stopped by to say "Where's my juuuuice booox!!??"

• We learned twins are easier than knocking up Angelina Jolie

• Our kids got social on the TODDLER FACEBOOK NEWS FEED

• We found out what to do in case of ARMED TODDLER ATTACK

• We multitasked like a mother


• I announced my biggest giveaway to date.

I'm currently giving away a $500 Britax stroller just for telling me your favorite Mommy Shorts post (also accepted: ALL OF THEM). Click here to enter.

Lastly, I'm going to ask for a vote.  

There's this Top 25 Funny Moms thing and apparently, I am hanging out at the very unfunny #38. If you have a free second, just hop on over and click that little thumbs-up sign under a very outdated blurb that says I am the mom of a one-year-old. THANK YOU!!!

Next week, I'll be announcing another instagram contest, talking about going back to work and probably continuing to OD on cold medicine.

I hope everyone that was sick is feeling better. If not, I'll be thinking of you every time I pull a facebook-photo-worthy amount of SNOT from the SUCKER.

Have a good weekend!

— Mommy Shorts