I've been to some pretty crappy playgrounds in my day.
For instance, the masterminds who designed the Washington Square Park playground decided to make it both a waterpark and a massive sandbox. Whoever was responsible for this design never had to drag a screaming toddler with wet sand in their shoes fifteen blocks back to their apartment.
I've also encountered "The Happy Swing" in Central Park's Victorian Gardens, which I would rename something along the lines of… ummm… oh… I don't know… "The GET ME THE FUCK OFF OF THIS BEFORE I PUKE Swing".
There's also the infamous climbing metal dome in Dumbo that had to be removed after it SEARED THE SKIN OFF THE PALMS OF CHILDREN'S HANDS.
Even so, nothing in NYC compares to the PLAYGROUND SLIDE FAILS pictured here today. I can just imagine the person placing the slide above and proclaiming proudly, "It fits PERFECTLY!!!"
Think it can't get worse?
Oh, you are so naive. Let me introduce you to "The Elephant's Anus"…
Next we've got "Slide Interruptus". Make sure your kid wears a helmet!
And a super fun experience (if you time it right!) called "Road Kill"…
What playground would be complete without "The Splinter-tacular"?
A slide so popular, another playground copied its design…
Have you seen the "Cheese Grater"?
"The Cheese Grater" also comes in a second varitey, just in case you want your limbs carved in a more fanciful fashion.
Then there's every serial killer's favorite— "The Body Disposal Chute".
If that doesn't do it for you, I'm sure "Dumpster Dive" is a good time.
"Route 666" is perfect for families with small backyards.
If murky waters are your thing, perhaps you would like a slide down "Alligator Surprise"…
Here's a favorite! I call it "Florida Sink Hole". (Alternate name: "Buried Alive".)
Personally, I think the best slides include a bit of a challenge. For instance, what could be more fun than a slide called "95% Ladder"?
Another awesome slide challenge is the "Ninety Degree Angle".
Don't worry. If all these slides make you terrified to take your kids outdoors, I've got a slide that will put every parent at ease.
Say hello to "The Happy Ending Clown".
Feel better?
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Pictures found at I'm not right in the head, failblog, water cooler laughs, buzzfeed, Huffington Post and thereifixedit.
OH MY GOD, so freaking funny!! And disturbing. I’m torn between which is worst – elephant arse or clown crotch….
LOL at “The Happy Ending Clown” – your name for it more than the slide itself.
The elephant one made me laugh. Because I’m actually a 12-year-old boy trapped inside the body of a 36-year-old woman.
And that dumpster slide is truly ghetto fabulous.
Cute sidenote: Lil’ Bit calls slides “wees” – because every time she goes down one, I say, “Weeeee!”
Please tell me these are Photoshopped!
LOVED these. I know some are just jokes or luckily timed, but I don’t care – very funny!
Very funny. I love the clown and the elephant, I actually think they are all pretty nifty. But since I am pregnant and highly emotional (I cry at those ‘mayhem’ commercials) it also made me sad for some of the kids in this world.
I am truly without words… thank you for this bit of mayhem today!
Cracking UP!
And I love you.
I just. don’t. understand.
The highway pic has got to be photoshopped but I think the rest of them look real. I mean you can’t fake the elphant’s ass or the happy clown, right?
Coffee on the computer. I should have known better after the first one, but the clown was just too much
SO FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
OMG, THANK you for the laugh today. Love the elephant and the Body Disposal. Too funny.
“Potential” disasters? Out of all of those, however, it’s the wooden slide that actually made me wince.
Ha! Reminded me of one someone sent me a pic of once:
http://goo.gl/Iyk4I
Dude. If I saw my kid sliding out of an elephant anus OR a clown crotch, I’d go ahead and throw a dollar in the therapy jar. Maybe a twenty….just sayin’.
This are so friggin FUNNY!!! I swear, WHO comes up with the idea to have children slide out of an elephants ass, or through the legs of a clown? WHO?
I’ve got another slide fail for you. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ggy50aunhmU
You see these things and hope that they aren’t real, and then laugh and shake your head. I mean seriously, I wonder what people are thinking sometimes!
Haha! My favorite is the elephant or the highway one.
Pancake surprise! Oh its so so funny!
And the Splinter-tacular. Epic!
I like the elephant best mostly because it’s completely real and absurdly ridiculous. =)
Ri-dunk-u-lous! The clown takes the cake and I will now have nightmares. thanks for that!
Oh my god, the clown… as if we didn’t all have enough nightmares about clowns…
“Can’t sleep… clown’ll eat me…. can’t sleep…. clown’ll eat me…”
Oh my gosh, hilarious. And? I mis you, haven’t talked in ages!
Imagine telling your crying toddler why she can’t use the Happy Ending Clown. Want to see the most useless playground ever? Check it out on my blog: http://cosmopolitaninthemaking.wordpress.com/2013/08/13/the-saddest-playground-ever/
Now the mostly ladder slide my daughter would love. She seems to go up them slide first anyway ….
Those are so funny! I needed a laugh!
Personally, as a kid and even now as an adult, I would think it was totally awesome to slide out of an elephant’s ass, but hey, that’s just me.
So funny I love the one that is the clown’s crotch and the one that goes directly into the square pit!!
I’m sure most of these are slides that aren’t used–playgrounds under construction or being torn down. But there’s no excuse for that elephant & clown. Ewwww.
It MUST be part of a science museum exhibit on digestion. Right?? Please??
When in doubt, always pick the clown!
This just made my day. Really, I can’t stop laughing… LMAO!!! I’m torn as well between three of them, the elephant anus, the 90 degree and the clown! Who made this stuff ? Haha! I’m in shock by others though, specially the ones close to the streets
ha ha ha, you’re so funny finding those pics from poor countries. How clever mommyshorts!
this is stupid
Explosive laughter and tears. You are just too funny.
OH I can’t decide between the “Florida sinkhole” (welcome to my habitat!) or the “90-degree”.. I can just see the face flops now!
Elephant sphincter shoot is so great. I love that the child is trying to climb back up into it. Couldn’t get enough fun out of that one!
The Route 666 picture actually isn’t real. It’s a miniature model.
The artist’s name is Frank Kunert.
Love his work.
http://www.frank-kunert.de/index.php?&l=en
Goodness. Laying here killing time while I can’t sleep and now I’m laughing so hard I’ve awoke my s.o.
Omg! I don’t know which one is funnier! I love your babes for them. Luckily we haven’t encountered any of these. How do you explain to your toddler they can’t go down the fun looking slide because they will end up on a highway? Lol