Last week, I posted a very short status update on the Mommy Shorts facebook fanpage:
"Reason my daughter is crying: I won't let her eat a tomato on the couch. Your turn!"
534 comments later, I was laughing, crying, and commiserating over the batshit crazy beings we have the pleasure of calling our kids. If nothing else, it is nice to know I am not the only one trying to rationalize with a 16 month old who is losing her mind because I won't willingly hand over the shiny pair of adult-size scissors sitting on the kitchen counter.
I'm afraid to even pick Harlow up in the kitchen, because she will always see something on the counter she wants that she absolutely cannot have— steak knives, steaming hot cups of coffee, medication, stovetop flames, etc. and then make the saddest cry face you have ever seen before convulsing into a tiny weeping heap on the floor.
Other things Harlow cries over?
She hates eating at the table. I thought it was just her high chair, so I set up a kid's table that she is allowed to eat at as well. But nope, Harlow wants to eat food on-the-go while wandering around our entire apartment.
It goes like this:
It's time for breakfast. Harlow says something that sounds like, "EGGS!" and points to the egg carton in the fridge. I break some eggs in a bowl.
"WAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!"
Oh right, Harlow wants me to hold her while I make the eggs. I pick her up. Continue making eggs. Try my best to keep her from burning herself on the stove or the frying pan. When the eggs are finished, I put them in a bowl on the table and try to transfer Harlow to the high chair.
"WAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!"
Harlow moves her legs in such a way that I couldn't even force her in the high chair if I tried. So, I do the next best thing and put the bowl of eggs on the kid's table. Try to sit her in the little chair, but Harlow takes the bowl of eggs and runs off into the living room. I grab the bowl and put it back on the kid's table.
"WAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!"
This is when the rationalizing starts. With a baby.
"Harlow, you can have the eggs at the table. Or you can run around. You just can't have the eggs while you run around."
"WAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!"
Eventually, she ends up sitting at the table because I won't give her the eggs otherwise. But this doesn't mean she remembers the end result a few short hours later.
We do this lovely little dance every meal. It's even worse when she wants to run around the apartment with an open container of yogurt. She would also prefer me give her an entire apple rather than slices. And an entire box of cereal rather than a handful in a bowl.
"I'm not giving you the entire economy size box of Cheerios, Harlow."
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!"
The other thing Harlow has been crying about lately is hand washing.
What's the problem with hand washing?
Nothing. Unless, your baby wants you to hold her over the sink so she can run her hands under the water for the next four to five hours.
I'm not even sure Harlow would consider four to five hours an acceptable period of time where she could walk away satisfied with her hand washing experience. Every hand washing episode ends in tears. It is a very weird feeling when you're like, "OH NO!!!!!!!! HARLOW IS AT THE SINK!!!!!!! MIKE, IT'S YOUR TURN!!!!!!! I DID HAND WASHING LAST TIME!!!!!!"
One of us will have to hold her at the sink until our arms get too tired or we decide we have wasted enough water and finally shut the faucet off. Harlow will then commence FULL-ON BREAKDOWN MODE.
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!"
Tiny weeping heap on the floor.
Yesterday, Harlow decided she wanted to sit on the toilet. Not a potty— on the adult toilet. I sat with her in the bathroom, while she was on toilet, for about a half hour. Not doing anything. Not actually using it. She just wanted the experience of sitting on the toilet. Finally, I figured that was enough and took her off.
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!"
Tiny heap.
Really? Can we save the crying for an injury or something?
Greg Pembroke, the creator of Reasons My Son is Crying (a tumblr dedicated to pictures of his son crying about inane things), just came out with a hilarious new photo book called, Reasons My Kid Is Crying
I'm giving away five copies on the blog today and five copies on Instagram. Just tell me why your kid is crying in the comment section below.
To start you off, here are some of the reasons your kids were crying from my facebook page last week…
"Because I won't let him step on the blackberries he threw on the carpet."
"Because I can't help her get the big ball to play with… the big ball is the moon."
"Her identical twin sister called her ugly."
"I wouldn't let her crash a party at Build-A-Bear."
"The blue spoon is in the dishwasher."
"Because I won't let him throw my keys in the toilet."
"He wanted the milk on the top of the cereal bowl, not the bottom."
"Because I couldn't sing along to the song she was making up."
"I won't let her eat eyeliner."
"Because I made her take the plastic wrap off the cheese before eating it."
"I wouldn't let her feed me a piece of gravel."
"I wouldn't let her throw her juice box at the ceiling fan to 'see what happens'."
"She can't find the googley eye she's been carrying around for a week."
"His pants don't have pockets."
"I won't let him eat frozen chicken nuggets in the grocery store."
"He wanted toast…but he didn't want the bread in the toaster."
"I bent the flexi straw before I gave her the cup."
"I won't let her carry a jar of minced garlic around the house."
"Because I took my hair out of her hand."
"I wouldn't let her wipe her mouth with a napkin she found on the floor at the ice cream shop."
"I forgot to say 'go away Anna' at the right place while she sang Do You Wanna Build a Snowman through the bathroom door while I was pooping."
To be fair, that last one is totally justified.
You must follow Mommy Shorts on facebook to enter. Then just leave the reason your kid is crying in the comment section below. If you'd also like to submit a picture on my fanpage with your comment, even better.
I'll announce five random winners this Friday. For a second chance to win, you can enter on my Instagram feed (@mommyshorts) as well.
Good luck!
About an hour after bedtime, I hear her door creak open and a tiny voice wailing at the top of the stairs, “My nail is picky!”
She had a hangnail.
Why is my son crying?
Because both the cat and I agree tails are not for pulling…and my son is NOT on board with that idea.
My 16 month old daughter is the same way about her high chair, she hates sitting it in and gets so mad when we put her in it to eat.
What has she cried about lately? Me not letting her chew on nerf golf balls and not letting her run down our steep driveway holding onto the plasma car…
I had a cute video to share of my oldest son when he was 18 months old crying because he really liked having his picture taken, but then would get really upset if you used the camera to make a video of him instead. Unfortunately, I am no longer on Facebook.
He also once cried because we ran out of avocados after he had already eaten two of them!
My 4 year old son cried on the way to school this morning because his shoe laces were broken and that meant his fast shoes were not going to work right anymore. What really happened was his shoe laces became untied and no amount of showing him that I could re-tie them would convince him that his fast shoes were going to be okay again. I finally had to agree to go buy him new shoes over my lunch break today (which, in my defense, I was going to do anyway since my little monster grew overnight and no longer fits in his size 10s).
My 2 year old cried last night because the raspberries were too red and the 1 year old cried because I looked at her while she was eating the raspberries that were too red for her brother to handle.
Sigh. #firstworldtoddlerproblems
I wouldn’t let him push his little fingers as hard as he can into my throat to make that noise he really likes that I make when I can’t breath
I wouldn’t let him pick my nose.
Why is my daughter crying?
Because I would not serve her an entire 3 lb drum of raw, rolled oats for breakfast.
Because I stopped her from dancing in the pee-pee accident she had in the hallway.
And/or because I called her by her real name, when at the moment she was pretending to be my mother’s chihuahua pretending to be Queen Elsa (and how could I not notice?!)
She wanted to throw the tissue in the trashcan and not on the floor but couldn’t see the trashcan. (it was late and I told her to just throw it on the floor and we could deal with it in the morning) cue the tears.
Because dad finished brushing his teeth before she did.
The six year old…. because I (surprisingly!) told her not to paint all over the four year old’s picture/homework.
My almost 4-year-old early this morning . . . Because his blue juice cup didn’t have his NAME on it.
“I don’t LIKE that cup. I will SPILL that cup!”
Please note: He used the cup.
Mommy doesn’t play that game at 6:45 on a rainy Monday morning. HELL no.
Why is my son crying?
Because our chocolate lab is sitting too close to him and his tail won’t stop moving!
Why is my 17 month old son crying? Because it’s picture day at school and the nice lady pointed a camera at him.
My 3 yr old cry because I threw away his square of toilet paper he had sitting in the sink counter.
Because she asked to watch the dragon movie and I turned it on. Flipped. Out.
I wouldn’t let my 2 year old drive us to the park…
My son wanted a kiwi so bad, so I cut it up for him, he was so excited until he realized the inside isn’t brown like the skin and started crying… “Want kiwi” but refused to eat his cut up kiwi!!!!
I wouldn’t let him drink a Monster energy drink
My daughter is crying because I gave her juice in the green sippy cup, but she wanted the blue one. I transfer the juice into the blue sippy, and she continues to cry because it’s now “yucky juice” from the green sipppy, not “new juice”. So I drink the “yucky juice” and she takes 1 sip of the “new juice” and then wants milk.
Because mommy and Mr. Potato Head do not share the same hat size, so Mr. Potato Head’s hat keeps falling off mommy’s head.
Trust me, sweetie, I’ve tried hitting my head on the wall enough to shrink it…
Because I wouldn’t let him take the cat poop out of the box. Again.
Another one is my daughter was crying because she wanted the Girl Scouts thin mint cookies. I gave her one, but she spit it out and asked for another. I give her another one, and she spit it out again and threw herself to the floor and cried for 45 minutes because she wanted the thin mints to be plain chocolate cookies, not thin mints.
My son is crying because we stopped vacuuming the house and put it in the cabinet after playing with it for 4 hours. More mommy,more!
3 year old is crying because he’s not allowed to lick or bite the cat. *sigh*
My 4 year old son wanted daddy to take him out of his car seat when we got home, not mommy.
My 19-month-old loves to stand at our kitchen window and watch vehicles pass by. But then he frequently gets upset because they’re gone. “More bus? More bus?”
Why my son cries most of the time… because our 5 month old daughter is crying… apparently he thinks it’s a contest….
Because I would let him crawl into the freezer…
wouldn’t
I wouldn’t let him rip off my husband’s beard and shove it down his throat. Husband has a crazy long beard that our space-son looooves. He is always trying to wear it.
My 4-year-old was crying uncontrollably in the bathtub the other night. My husband went to see what was wrong and came back laughing. Apparently, the child hates it when his penis sticks up. His daddy said, “Leave it alone, it will stop soon enough.” “But I hate it! (Sob Sob)”
My daughter is crying because I woke her up for school. She is crying because she doesn’t like the shirt I put out for her to wear after she asked me to pick out her clothes. She is crying because her big sister looked at her and was brushing using the hairbrush before her. She is crying because because I only gave her 4 kisses and 3 hugs when I dropped her off I was supposed to give her only 2 kisses and 3 hugs because she is only 5.
My 2-year-old: because I wouldn’t let him eat his brother’s toenail clippings.
Reasons my 3 yr old son is crying:
Take 1: Because I didn’t “roll the orange like grandpa” before peeling
Take 2: Beacuse I bit the peel to try to peel it
Take 3: Because the orange broke apart all by its self after peeling
Because I wont let him mouth the chewed up dog toy. (almost 16 months, it’s like all I say is ‘no mouth’)
My 3yo woke up at 2AM screaming bloody murder because he had a hair on his tounge…30 mins and a lot of gagging and screaming later we FINALLY got it off and could return to sleep
Because I won’t let him chew on an electrical cord.
Because I grabbed the wrong (shade of pink) sippy cup
because it’s a day of the week with the letter “Y” in it…
Why is my son crying?
Because he drank all of his juice boxes and now wants them back.
I could write my own book… A couple of recent funnies:
*My 5 year old was crying because I wouldn’t let her wear the dress she wanted to wear to school. Actually, according to her, she was crying because I “don’t love her since I don’t want her to be as pretty as she can be.
*My 2 year old was crying because we only saw one school bus on the way to the sitter’s house.
Because I wouldn’t let him pick and then subsequently ingest his boogers.
He then told me that they were his, he could do with them what he wanted.
Then I wanted to cry because I can’t argue with that.
My 1-year-old is crying because I wouldn’t let him drink out of the beer bottle. Drinking from the bottle is for the proletariat.
That’s something those of us with daughters don’t get to hear. I’m cracking up.
Because I insist on wiping her butt after she goes potty and BEFORE she runs around the house naked!
Because I changed his brand of milk. (Sorry kid, it was on sale.)
Because she asked me for a tissue to “wipe her tears” and I told her she didn’t have any tears because she wasn’t crying…
irony at it’s best
omg these are so funny. I can’t wait LOL(not really) my son is 8 1/2 months
Because I wouldn’t give him anymore ketchup!
16 month old…
Because I tried to hand him his sippy cup that he wanted.
Because I let the dogs in to the room to eat the cereal he had thrown on the floor.
Because I want to change his poopy diaper and get him dressed.
Your last comment sounds like something that occurs at our house every night. I’m happy to know I’m not alone in this.
Because he misses his imaginary brother,Michael , in America. We are currently living in Thailand.
I won’t let my 18 month old eat the pomegranate scented bath soap!
My 3 year old
Crying because…
I won’t let him eat the dog’s food.
I won’t give him a snack after dinner (because he did not eat his dinner) but he want’s a snack… This went on for 20 mins, tried dinner again, he refuses to eat… Take it away (put in the fridge for later) he still wants a snack…
My 2 year old son is crying because I didn’t put the milk in the cup before the chocolate syrup.
My son cried because he pooped. Simple as that.
My daughter is crying because the freshly cleaned toilet water is blue.
My son does this, too. “But I like the blue milk, not the green milk!” Apparently the color of the cap changes the flavor.
I’m dying 😂 I understand completely. I like the “blue” milk also 🤔😂
My 3 year old is crying because dinner is ready and he wants to be “first” to wash his hands, but he also wants to watch 10 more minutes of Chuggington.
Because the Elf on the Shelf ate the cookie that she left for him to eat.
My soon to be 4yr old, will literally cry about anything……… Giving him the wrong pants / socks / vest…..etc, or not asking which coat he wants red or blue, the wrong crisps from the wrong supermarket, the pork pies are the wrong colour….? I haven’t put enough drink in his cup! The sausages on his plate are the wrong way …… Still figuring this one out!?! Daddy took the car to work so we have to walk to school and the reverse….daddy left us the car but he wants to walk!
Why is my 7mo crying?
Because I won’t let him eat the dogs’ filthy toys or their food.
I gave him an apple when he asked for an apple instead of the banana he really wanted.
Because I won’t let him sit in a poopy diaper.
Because I wouldn’t let her play in the dogs food bowl…this usually ends with dog food all over the kitchen floor
Because I wouldn’t let him hit my laptop with a golf club.
My 18month old cries because he wants to wear every design of pull ups at the same time.
I mean how do you choose between monsters inc, woody and buzz, and Minnie Mouse?
I wouldn’t let him go outside to play in the thunderstorm.
I told her she was NOT baby Jesus.
Because after taking her out of her car seat where she had fallen asleep, I had the audacity to assume that meant she was tired and put her in her bed. Seriously, 20 solid minutes of her screech-crying “NO I’M NOT TIRED!” at me at 9:00 last night.
.. because I wont let her clip her own nails.
My 21 month old is crying because I won’t let her have the BEST TOY EVER (aka my cell phone).
Because I won’t let her pull on my eyelashes.
Because I won’t let the faucet run into the bathtub for the entire duration of the bath.
Because she told me she pooped, and then I tried to change her diaper.
Because she is wearing socks without shoes.
Because his( 2yr old) banana broke off of the peel and would not go back on.
My 2 year old is crying because I wouldn’t let him play with the dog poop he saw outside.
My almost 2 yo cried because….
I wouldn’t let her cannonball naked on top of the sleeping dog
I told her she’s not allowed to headbutt the wall
We don’t put Teddy in the toilet
my son is crying cause he broke a nail.
(his thumbnail is actually a mangled bloody mess from prying legos apart) but he will also then probably cry because we are out of lightening mcqueen band-aids.
She she can’t nurse with her pacifier in her mouth.
She can’t nurse from both boobs at the same time.
Time to wean?
Because I wouldn’t let him eat the dogs leash
My daugther cried because after she dipped her french toast in her pancake syrup the french toast had pancake syrup on it.
My daughter is crying (into a full on tantrum) because I gave her saltine crackers instead of club crackers. When she took a bite of the saltine it immediately crubmled/cracked in her hands creating a mess and providing her with a less than satisfactory amount of cracker to actually eat. After three attempts to eat a saltine she threw herself on the floor and cried with incredible force. I’m not sure why she doesn’t believe that there are actually much worse things in the world!
Her flip flop is broken and can’t be superglued.
Because I wouldn’t let her wear flip flops out in the snow.
One day he will love it! LOL
My 2 yr. old cried because she wanted fish sticks. So I made her fish sticks. Then she had a full on melt down because the fish sticks were hot and she wanted them “not hot” (which was not part of the original request…just sayin’)
Okay so I think those pictures of kid having a major meltdown for something irrational are very funny, until we had a really wild one yesterday. On the way home from a road trip, my daughter flipped out because Daddy wouldn’t read my “water for Elephants” book aloud to her while driving the car. Yes we made our way home to the screams and tears of a child begging ” daddeeeee !!!!! reaaaaaad itttttt!!!!!! Read it!!!!!! Read the book!!!!” . I even offered to pretend to read it, but no it had to be daddy while driving. I offered to read other things. It had to be mommy’s novel. Mommy and Daddy can’t win a battle like this. especially since reading this novel while her Dad is steering the car means so much to my two year old . Red tomato face, huge tear drops streaming down her face and chucking anything else i give her to distract into the passenger seat. Honestly there is a moment in a kid tantrum where parents actually think about giving in. i mean maybe he could actually read it while driving and not get us killed. then you are snapped back into reality and go no thats crazy! Welcome to parenthood the road is bumpy but totally worth it.
My two year old is crying because she doesn’t want to watch Curious George, she wants Bubble Guppies! Waaaaaah!
My son gets hysterical when I won’t let him slam his fingers in drawers, climb up the couch and fall off, change his diaper, change his clothes, put him in his car seat, when I won’t let him open the oven (which is on), when I won’t let him play with the diaper sprayer, when I don’t let him pull the dogs ears, when I won’t let him eat rust. I could go on but he’s doing it right now because I won’t let him pull the tv off the wall.
Hahahaha… OMG! That’s just made my day. I only have a daughter, so no idea what that’s like, but thanks for the laugh.
Why is my 3 year old crying?
Because her cheese slice is broken… after asking me to cut it in half for her and her imaginary friend!
Indeed, this package was purple. The other one was red… it was the end of the world, I swear!
I wouldn’t let my 1 year old son keep his hand down my shirt.
Because her hot chocolate was “hot”, which was actually slightly above room temperature.
Why is my son crying? Because the ONLY cup he wants to drink milk from today is in the running dishwasher and NONE of the 23 other cups we have will do.
I put the peanut butter on my son’s sandwich too fast. Then he threw the jelly on the floor because he wanted to get it out of the fridge himself, which he had just done.
She can’t wear 2 shoes on each foot.
Because our 3-year-old “broke his cereal bar” and couldn’t eat it if it wasn’t in one piece. I took a photo for future blackmailing…
My son (now 18) used to go absolutely ballistic when I accidentally cut his sandwiches into rectangular halves instead of triangular ones
The bath water was too watery.
She took the bow out of her hair and cannot get it back in.
My 1.5 year old son cries when I refuse to reapply the toothpaste for the 5th time during “brush teeth” and again when I shut the faucet off after the 20 minute tooth brushing session. This happens like 3 -4 times per day.
He also often cries if you don’t let him put on makeup when I am putting it on.