Two weeks ago, someone left a comment on my blog about how Harlow never smiles. It made me sad.
I looked through my Instagram feed to prove the commenter was wrong, but came up short. Then I looked through my iPhoto library and failed there too.
The truth is, Harlow is going through a bit of a difficult phase right now. She's demanding and has a tough time communicating.
But she does smile.
Maybe not as often or as easily as Mazzy, but she is much more than a series of evil glares and intense stares.
Harlow smiles when she's being tickled, when she's on the swing, when she's splashing in the bath, and when she's dancing to the Bubble Guppies theme song. She's a physical kid and she's happiest in motion.
She laughs when she chases Mazzy around the apartment and she goes bananas when me and her dad get home from work. Most of her smiles happen when she is running full speed in my direction or jumping up and down on the bed.
Motion is a little hard to capture in a photograph.
To make it even tougher, Harlow's smiles are more likely when a camera isn't present. She smiles when she is looking me straight in the face and not through the lens of my iPhone. She likes to be up close and held. The hardest thing about taking photos of Harlow is standing at a distance. Harlow always wants to close that distance immediately. (Sometimes she wants me, sometimes she is after the phone.)
Regardless, I spent the past fourteen days trying my best to capture Harlow's smile. To show off her adorably lopsided grin.
Harlow might be a little intense for a baby and sometimes misunderstood, but she is also a pretty happy kid.
Usually, her smile shows off her two lone teeth on the bottom.
Or sometimes no teeth at all.
Sometimes Harlow smiles so big, her whole face scrunches up like a cartoon character. The photo below was her reaction to standing on our balcony for the first time and feeling the wind in her face.
Harlow's got a dimple in her right cheek.
Her laughs are loud and contagious.
She is not a flirt, like Mazzy. She doesn't use her smile to win you over or manipulate.
Harlow smiles when she just can't help herself.
I like to think her smiles are more for herself, than for my blog or my instagram feed. She doesn't "smile for the camera", she smiles when she is really feeling it.
Which is totally fine with me.
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She has a beautiful smile 🙂
Her smile makes me smile!
She has an adorable smile! So cute!
she is so adorable. What an amazing smile. Keep on smilling Harlow!
She comes across as intense, but not at all unhappy. Her photos are very ‘real’, not posed or dressing up for the camera. I think she’s beautiful the way she is!
This just made me cry! Your love for her jumps off the page and slaps you full in the face! Xxxx
My daughter is the same way. I have to work really hard to get her to smile for the camera. And she almost never smiled before she learned to crawl. At 9 months, she is learning to walk and loves the motion which has brought forth more smiles. This was a big adjustment for me since I am pretty sure my son was born with a permanent smile upon his face.
Our daughter is similar in that when a camera is on her, she is a total poker face. Tough for formal photo sessions! But like Harlow she laughs when she’s really feeling it, which I think is quite often, but you won’t think so if you were only looking at our photos!
My second son was like this. So many pictures of him not really smiling, and then when he learned to smile on command, it was so forced and unnatural. I used to feel bad that I couldn’t capture a good smile on camera. But those very few true smiles that I captured? Priceless. He’s now 6 and the smiles are much easier to get. He’s still not as photogenic as son #1 or son #3, but I really, really treasure the good photos that I get of him.
Harlow is adorable.
She is just so stinkin’ cute!
I agree with lisa 100%. Im bawling over here. :’ ) she’s a beautiful happy little girl!
Adorable!
I also have a “Harlow”….Only we as parents know their sweet,loving, empathetic side while others only see their “hard” exterior. you’re doing a great job mama…keep up the good work!
I feel like Jane Goodall when I try and take pictures, just by having the camera out my LO’s demeanor changes. I was trying too hard to capture the moment, instead of being in the moment. Now when birthday parties come, I hand the camera to my sister and hope I get one shot of me and the LO in the moment together. The rest of the time, I hope my memories stand the test of time.
Very well said – I couldn’t agree more!
Loved this post!
Even when she wasn’t smiling she seemed like a happy kid to me!! I just love her big brown eyes – so gorgeous!! You can see the happiness and wonder in them, smiles or not!
This is beautiful, mom. So much love in this post. Thank you for accepting and understanding your child–she is very fortunate to have you.
LOL. My baby girl is the same way. As soon as the camera is pulled out, she becomes fascinated and loses her smile. I have to be content with sleep bliss photos and videos. (Videos which more often display that she is a wild banshee then full of demure smiles.)
Harlow has a beautiful smile.
Beautiful post! Beautiful lil girl.. she is very much like my Joel who had difficulty communicating (didn’t talk until 3years old) and was more demanding. He has the best laugh and a beautiful grin that is normally on display as he runs around. He’s five now and can give a “cheese” grin on cue.
I read your blog all the time and it never occurred to me that she wasn’t all smiley. I always think of her as a happy little one. Thanks for sharing the great pics of her. She is truly beautiful when she is plotting to dominate the world or getting tickled 🙂
My daughter is like “Camera?…cheese!!!” Haha.
Wow – I can’t believe someone made such a comment!
Harlow is just like my little man – smiles because the moment and mood calls for it, not because of a camera!!! And that mood and moment usually involves movement of some sort – running, jumping, climbing, rolling, etc.!!!! It’s been even harder to get a photo of him looking and smiling at the camera as he now yells ‘no camera’ at the sight of a camera. We have to ask him if we can take a photo, and if he agrees… we get the best smiles!
Hey, you don’t owe anybody anything. Harlow’s “no-smile” face is more gorgeous than most babies when they smile (no offense to other babies). My second is also more intense than my first, and is at the stage (I’m assuming the same one Harlow is struggling with) where she wants to communicate as effectively as her older sister, and just can’t. My oldest obviously didn’t have another little person around to compare herself to, so she wasn’t as angry about not being able to do things someone else already could. But seriously — OF COURSE SHE SMILES! You just happen to get awesome shots when she’s not smiling, and you’re nice enough to share them with all of us.
Awe, I love Harlow’s serious looks! Her smiles are pretty great too!
I have an intense child. An old soul. Always so serious. There’s something interesting about a serious and intense child.
OMG, I didnt think your girls could get any cuter and here they are. Thank you for sharing.
This is a beautiful post. The love for your children is clear and inspiring. Thanks for sharing your warmth with the world!
My KitKat is the same way and I have several seasons of Lifetouch photos to prove it. So glad you wrote this post!
Don’t feel bad… I post only about a bajillion pictures of my baby on FB and such and in …oh… maybe three (?) of them he is smiling. Some babies don’t smile on cue, but also, some parents like to document life, not just poses for the camera <3
She’s beautiful!
My son is similar…he smiles when he’s running and when he sees the phone wants to grab it immediately. He’s an intense and busy little boy…no time for smiling 🙂
I love the last two photos of Harlow – eyes closed and a huge grin on her face. It reminds me of a LOT of the photos I get of Max. He’s got the best smile when he’s really happy and squishes up his face
Her smiles make me want to smile!
shes just beautiful!
(I used to worry about Gio like this, he was always so serious, but these days I get some smiles from him. Plus, like you..as his mom, I get to see his smiles a lot, hear his giggles, know that he is happy. )
I know that Harlow is happy and wonderful, just like her mama. But thanks for these pictures, they made my day.
So sweet! I’m a second child, and I know I’m the solemn, intense one compared to my extroverted older brother. We second children are often misunderstood! It’s wonderful to hear your understanding and love for her shining through.
I love your Harlow pictures. Confession: when I was first pregnant with #3 and freaking out about doing the baby stage again I would reread your Harlow posts. Her character and cuteness reminded me how precious it is getting to know an amazing little person from birth. She completely saw me through! I love that she is herself and always has been. As it turns out #3 is a big smiler, but very much making the world his own just like Harlow. We’re big in the Harlow fan club here…
Perfectly said! Harlow knows her smiles are precious, that’s why she saves them for you, Ilana.
I love coming on here to see the stories of your children and your take on motherhood. My two daughters (who are now grown women) were so similar to yours, the first born the extrovert, flirt, who always was ready to smile and pose for a camera. My younger daughter was much more reserved with who she deemed worthy of a smile and especially her time. She is now a grown 24 year old woman who has become the kindest most generous person I, and most others have ever met. She still takes a little time with a smile if she is evaluating a situation, but once you are in she never lets go. As for my eldest, still the extrovert, still the flirt, still ruling the roost. And she still poses as soon as she sees a camera. I can look back and see how so much of their core personalities have been the same from day 1 of their being my children.
What a precious peanut. If she had wings, she’d be a tiny woodland fairy. :o)
I love the whole face scrunching kind of smile. It’s rare around here with my Wes, but it’s my favorite. And he’s just like Harlow – smiling for the camera just isn’t what he does. People ask for pictures all the time, and I get tired of hearing, “Oh, he looks so serious/mad/focused…”
He’s actually the happiest, funniest boy I know.
And I just want to add that I think your girls are absoluely beautiful!
These are so sweet! I didn’t realize she had so many teeth!
One thing I’ve figured out for taking photos of my active little guy is that I take video on my iPhone, then do screen captures to get still images for the grandparents. Works pretty well!
You’re so lovely, and Harlow is precious. I never thought of her as unhappy and never noticed a lack of smiling. I always love to hear how different older and younger siblings are at a young age, it’s fascinating to me.
Love this 🙂
I just wanted to let you know that I found your blog a few weeks ago and have been reading some of your older posts. I’m really enjoying your blog:)
Bringing me to the point … I was at a baby shower last week and the couple opened up a Sophie – I (literally) exclaimed “OH MY GOSH IT’S A SOPHIE!”
….I do not have any children, and should not have ANY reason to know or care that they received a Sophie. But I was damn jealous of that giraffe. Pretty sure I must have confused the crap out of that couple, who didn’t even know what a Sophie was. My life might have gone a bit off track. 😛
I love this comment so much. Thank you.
Awww… that makes me happy! Maybe I should reread my toddler posts about Mazzy. Harlow edging closer to two is making me nervous!
I love how we really are the same people our whole lives. My sister found this “about me” book that she wrote when she was about ten. In it, she said when she grew up, she wanted to do something good for poor children and own a dog. Flash forward twenty years and she has a dog and works with kids with learning disabilities. Also in the book was a letter from her big sister— ME. It was a postcard I had written from sleepaway camp and it said something like, “Dear Sis, Great news! I broke my record for Donkey Kong Junior! Tell Mom to send candy. Love Ilana” Somehow, that captures me as an adult to a tee as well.
That’s a great idea! I’ve actually been thinking I need to do more with video. It really captures her spirit in a way photos don’t.
Smiling or not, she’s adorable!
So sweet! I thought my baby was so serious because when he first started smiling, it wasn’t very often. It was really only when we were trying to get him to smile by tickling him or swinging him up in the air. But now he smiles all of the time, especially when he’s on the move. We have a really funny photo of him dressed in a Charlie Brown costume for Halloween with a giant smile and a blur when his arms were swinging around wildly.
I love this! My son has always been a smiler for me, but he wouldn’t for others… leaving him to be misunderstood. He doesn’t have a problem with it now, but as they learn to communicate, some kids just can’t figure out when to communicate a smile.
She is to die for <3 she brights up anyone's day......both of your girls are beautiful!
This post is making me smile so hard. I can feel your love for her. <3
the pic above with Harlow cracking up at Mazzy on her foot is my favorite. Makes me want a second…
I really love reading your blog. This post is very real for us. Baby Girl holds back her laughter, but it’s such a sweet sound when I coax it out of her! I’m a new momma and just learning the ropes. I’ve started my own blog, just for kicks, but I’d love to have someone with experience give me feedback! Check it out if you have free time (yeah, with two kids you probably don’t, but here’s to hoping!)
mommakoenig.wordpress.com
yes to these comments.
so sweet
I’ve been reading your blog since Harlow was born and my first reaction to the title of this post was “Of course Harlow smiles!” because she almost always looks so happy. She is obviously more reserved than Mazzy, but that’s not a bad thing.
But you missed the best Harlow smile. There is a four frame picture on your instagram feed, from mid-January, where Harlow is feeding herself. And in the two frames on the right hand side, she looks like she’s literally brimming over with happiness.
I follow you on IG and Facebook, and I have thought that to myself: that Harlow doesn’t let us see her smile too much. Never once did I suspect she wasn’t happy because you can see it in her eyes! The beauty of who Harlow is is revealed through her eyes, but now that you’ve shown us photos of that smile, OH, HEARTBREAKER. Both of your girls are beautiful and lovely and they have different ways of presenting that – which makes their individual beauty even more pronounced. Thanks for sharing your lovely girls with us.
OH sweet mama! My heart breaks for you….so many people (who don’t know my son, mind you) have labeled him as “serious” when he is far from a serious little guy. Like Harlow, he only smiles when he means it, and Lord have mercy…He used to YELL at us when we got the camera out, we have many many pictures of a yelling, angry boy (you can look forward to that from about 18 months to 2.5 yrs). But it does make me so sad that people think he’s nothing but serious…and it REALLY makes me sad that he’s now at an age (almost 4) where he is going to understand that people (grown ups!!!) are calling him names, in a way.
You enjoy those sweetie pie, dimpled, lopsided, nose straight up in the air, oh I just love my mama so so much smiles that Harlow gives you. She’s perfect just the way she is. And it’s oh so evident that you absolutely adore her.
My daughter (14mo) is like this. She also doesn’t warm to strangers right away. “Pretty girl, why so serious?!” is something one local lady says to us every time we see her. Even one of my best friends says “oh jeez that’s a grumpy face, aw, what’s the matter?” What can I say, it’s what her face looks like!! Poor thing will be saddled with people telling her to cheer up her whole life.
Anyway, enough about us. I think you capture Harlow’s personality beautifully. Me and my whole family laughed so hard about the baby with a purse post. Thanks for sharing your life and your beautiful family with us.
My neighbour’s kids smile on cue. Like picture-perfect, put them in a catalog smiles. To the point it turned into a running joke, because they can be bickering, glaring, on the verge of a tantrum but as soon as you pull out a camera and say “Smile!” they on a dime turn into supermodels with the photographic evidence to boot!
My kids, on the other hand, take photographs which can only be properly described as Chandler photos. A la the Friends episode where they are trying to get him to smile for a photo. If you can remember it – you KNOW what I mean! If it is a more posed, professional photo, like school picture or something it is better. But candid shots? Forget it. Chandler, 99% of the time.
But I love them, and I love my messy, imperfect, Chandler-ed up, crazy, zany, realistic photos of my kids …
My first son was super flirty and photogenic. My second is less so. He tends to be more serious about things but he also smiles a lot, it is just harder to catch because he isn’t a ham for the camera. I think in some ways I treasure his smiles and laughs more because they are not always there. He has a special smile and look that he gets in his eyes that are just for me. It is a great feeling to share a look with him and see a huge grin come over his face. His smiles really show his love. Cherish those smiles she gives you ( I know you do). Each one is a gift that is so very real. Besides, some of my favorite photos of my kids are without smiles!
Oh that balcony pic is the best!!
I love that you capture your girls just being themselves. Those are the looks and expressions that you want to look back and remember. Fake smiles don’t show personality. A baby with a purse…now that’s personality!!
ahh . . made me all teary – I think with a second child- there is always an opposite balance. I love reading about Harlow and have never once worried that “she didn’t smile”
The toddler stage is why we’re stopping at three! Everyone who told me #2 would be more chilled at two than #1 was way off. But it did make me laugh how she would use 4 year old tactics in completely the wrong context so a different toddler experience than first time… well, I laughed after the event, reliving over a glass of wine, not so much during the high volume moment itself!
My favorite part of her first year video is her laughing at Mazzys fake sneezes. That little giggle sounds just like my daughters. Loved it.
TEAM HARLOW!!!
Awesome! She’s beautiful and real. I love your last lines “I like to think her smiles are more for herself, than for my blog or my instagram feed. She doesn’t “smile for the camera”, she smiles when she is really feeling it.
Which is totally fine with me”
A smile from deep within, perfect!
Oh, I could eat that kid right up. I’ve seen her smile, and it is delicious.
One of my favorite posts from you.
A post I was reading suggested this one. I hope you get a notification for this message so you can be reminded of how stinking cute Harlow was (and still is.)