Okay, for starters— your kid is never going to be as cool as Diego. Unless you have a dad as cool as Diego’s grandpa— the guy who made him the awesome one-of-a-kind Vespa rocker pictured above. I’m going to take a wild stab in the dark and say that most probably you do not. BUT there is hope for the rest of us yet. I call them the ‘anti-rocking horses’. Part of the growing counterculture of children’s toys built for parents that want to make absolutely sure their child isn’t sitting alone in the cafeteria come elementary school.

Below clockwise from top left- Green Chicken rocker from Hayon Studios, Keith Haring baby rocker from Zac and Zoe, Wooden Purple Lamb Rocker from Eden Home (also comes in green dinosaur , gray elephant and blue monkey varieties), Pink Furry Rocking Sheep from Crafts Collection, Rocking Rabbit by Playsam , and my personal favorite— the Rufus Polar Bear Rocker By Netto.