Fashion Police Caption Contest: $1 will be donated to the American Heart Association for every caption as part of Project: Purse & Boots.
Update: Sara (our current contest judge from Periwinkle Papillon) has volunteered to match my donation! That's $2 per caption!
Here's the story behind the picture above. Lori, the hilarious blogger over at In Pursuit of Martha Points, started a project called "Purse and Boots" to raise money for the American Heart Association. Did I mention that in addition to being hilarious, Lori is also a better person than I am?
The "purse" (see devastatingly handsome sequined zebra over-the-shoulder bag up top) travels across the country, from blogger to blogger, to inspire a women's night out of fun, frivolity and trashy dressing. Pictures are posted and sponsors pledge money for each stop the purse makes.
You would think that the purse's stop in NYC would be the stuff of which legends are made— making the VIP list at Provocateur, dancing braless on the bar at Hogs & Heifers, getting violated by the drag queens at Lucky Cheng's… but alas, the purse was sent to me due to a sudden cancellation with little lead time.
Thus, I found myself without a sitter and my only "fun night out" option being an 11am brunch with another couple, kids included.
My friend and I made an attempt to take a picture of ourselves at the bar of the restaurant. But it looked exactly like what it was— two moms at an empty bar in mid morning. You could even see us willing our off-camera kids to be still with our eyes.
But when we exited the restaurant, something magical happened. My friend's two year-old, Ella, put on her jacket and it was *GASP*— a matching zebra monstrosity! I mean— an adorably fashionable garment!!
And thus, a CAPTION CONTEST was born. And not only that— a CAPTION CONTEST FOR CHARITY! I want to say that I'll pledge a dollar for every caption entered but then I imagine this going viral resulting in my eventual life on the streets. So I'm gonna cap it at $100. Just to make sure my daughter can still go to college.
Let's do a FASHION POLICE spin. You know— like the ones they do in US Weekly where they have the panel of comedians/fashion experts making pithy remarks about Patricia Arquette's shower curtain sheath or Steven Segal's borrowed mumu from Mrs. Roper?
Captions will be judged by the last caption contest winner— Sara from Periwinkle Pappillon. Winner will be crowned on Friday and will win the supreme honor of judging the next caption contest. Which will help absolutely no one.
Good luck!
Donations to Project: Purse & Boots can be made here. And if you'd like to get more involved, you can contact Lori at pointsforlori@hotmail.com.
I’m ready for my closeup Mr. Demille
I told my stylist that one animal print was enough. Restraint! Restraint!
I’ll catch you bitches on the flip side!
Zebra is the new black.
Tomorrow I will be wearing my Snow Leopard coat while spraying Aquanet directly into the hole in the Ozone layer.
Last person I saw wearing that ensemble was hanging by the tunnel smelling like expired vagisil and her stepfather’s semi-slaked yearnings.
Cruella was a dumbass for trying to accesorize with dog fur! Someone should have told her you look much more fabulous wearing a zebra!
There’s nothing wrong with a herd mentality if sequins are involved.
“I’m a jersey girl and I know that I have rights, and I have the right to wear zebra print. Welcome to the jungle, baby.”
“You bet your ass it’s all real and I’m gonna rock it at that PETA rally tonight! Uptight bitches!”
Screw you all! My mom said zebra on zebra is FABULOUS and my mom don’t lie!
Can you please tell me the way to the zoo?
“US weekly” “What were they thinking?” kid edition.
Next on the True Hollywood Stories “Before they were Stars” edition, Teresa Guidice of The Real Housewives of New Jersey. Teresa says “Table flipping and animal print is something my Ma started teachin’ me straight out the womb”.
I wasn’t “Born This Way” I am just trying to “Express Myself”.
Zebra camouflage, perfect for the asphalt jungle!
Girl! I thought I’d seen EVERY episode of Ab Fab. But I missed the one where Eddy had another daughter!
Seriously, I can’t get passed saying, “Oh my God” with this. I have no good caption!
It is Dior you know, sweetie, it’s all the rage in Milan, oh, you didn’t go? Well there is the Autumn walk out, in Detroit, if you lose some weight!
Well at least I wouldn’t skin a collie to make my backpack!
It’s like Lindsay Lohan when she dresses for “work” on Hollywood Boulevard.
Excuse me, I think I’m lost. Which way is it to FIT?
Sure the strap is chafing my balls; but this look is totally worth it.
They told me it was a jungle out here… perhaps I overdressed.
Sunglasses to hide the effects of another rough night. Bulky coat to hide the milk bloat. And a giant bag to hide the dirty diaper overspill. A star has fallen.
Auditioning for the role of Samantha (pre-dye job, obvs) in Sex and the City: The Pre-Pre-Prequel
Snapped on the set of the new Sex And The City Toddlers movie…
OMG Diane! We are totally on the same wavelength. I swear I did not see your post. Weird.
Wild thing! You make my…eyes hurt.
Ella takes Garanimals to whole other level.
“I’m telling you, Mama, the jacket would look SO much better with sequins!”
Awesome concept, ladies! Cheers to you both!
Chi Chi, get the yeyo!
Z is for Zealous Overuse of Animal Prints.
Eat your heart out, Suri Cruise.
You think this is fetching? You should see my diaper!
Of course, like all good Latinas, I’ve got my animal print.
What? Mama didn’t tell you about Tia Consuela and Tio Beto??
I’m just preparing for my lead in Paris Hilton’s biography. It’s called Method Acting people!
Does this outfit make me look fat?
It’s the sunglasses, right? The sunglasses are too busy. Damn, I knew it.
gurrrrrlllll HUSH!
Does anyone know where the Midget 2.0 conference is? I’m meeting my husband Chewy there. Thanks.
Zebra print on zebra print?! That’s Ba-Na-Nas. Oh, wait – I love bananas! Mommy, get me a banana! Mmm, bananas and zebra print – Literally, I die.
Posh is pregnant with her first girl you say? Actually, it’s her second. She disowned me after she caught me wearing this. But I totally rock it right? Right!
Don’t be hatin’ just because you’re jealous!
I had zebra striped glasses awn too but before I go out, I always spin around and look at myself in the mirror and the first thing I see I take off. So I spun fayst and I said to myself, Maddy, it’s just too much. So I took them awf. Ya know you really don’t want to go ova the top on this sort of ensemble- you’ve got to keep it classy and understated.
Yeah, I know I’m hawt. I call this look Dead Zebra Walking.
Now they’ll never find me.
Don’t keep me waiting! I’m late for my audition for Toddlers & Tiaras!
You WISH you could look this good.
Fashion sense: you’re either born with it, or you aren’t.
I don’t do fashion, I am fashion.
Elton is my guncle.
First un-aired scene from Punky Brewster, right after her parents leave her at grocery store, but right before Henry Warnimont adopts her. (Brandon not pictured)
Darling I’m busy. Call my publisher and we’ll do lunch next week!
It’s good to see me, isn’t it?
Don’t answer that, it was rhetorical.
(From Wicked)
Zebra is my look bitches.
No [s]magic, glitter, unicorns[/s] zebras were harmed in the making of this photo.
I think if I hold my purse like this it hides my baby bump from the paparazzi.
DO: spice up your wardrobe with a splash of animal print.
DON’T: rolling around in said animal to get the print.
I did NOT have any work done, who told you that?
Unaired first scene of Punky Brewster-after her parents abandon her at the grocery store, but before Henry Warnimont adopts her. (Brandon not pictured)
Excuse me, can you tell me which way to the Staten Island Ferry?
“Puh-leeeeze make this the last photo. (Sheesh, now I know how Ga Ga feels – paparazzi punks.)”
Tell you how to get this look? Sorry honey, Ella’s an ORIGINAL.
So the Bronx Zoo Cobra stole me a little skin. What of it?
This is why Elton John shouldn’t adopt a girl…
Just heading out to Elizabeth Taylor’s funeral…I hope I’m not under dressed!
It was either me or the zebra.
Are these sunglasses too flashy?
“What do you think? Is it too much? You’re right, I should lose the sunglasses…”
Call me “Pizzazz” – that’s four “z’s” bitch – because I’m a total Misfit.
http://thoughtsappear.files.wordpress.com/2010/08/jem_cast.jpg
Snooki who? I am the real princess of Poughkeepsie. Besides, when you wear faux animal print you don’t have to friggin kill it when it’s alive.
Lucky me! I outbid everyone at the Britney Spears memorabilia auction for the benefit of the criminally tasteless.
Come and get me, PETA. THIS IS SPARTAAAA!
THIS JUST IN! Baby zebra attacked by toddler! Forced to wear purse made out of 2nd cousin!
When a zebra’s in the zone, leave her alone. (as said by Marty in Madagascar)
Do these sunglasses make my purse look deliciously chubby? No, not my cheeks–my purse.
I’m totally going to win best dressed on fashion police this week.
I have NOT had work done! Haven’t! How rude…but I do look young, no?
Sushi? I thought you said Zoo She!
For less than the cost of a cup of coffee, you can help children like Ella get on the PATH train to Jersey and locate the nearest Target. Children all over Manhattan are suffering fashion debacles because of the difficultly they have location suburban shopping malls. Donate now, for Ella, for our future.
Let’s go shopping Dahling!
Wait, I thought Rachel Zoe just had her baby?!
She told Roy the Zebra she wasn’t gonna take that. I guess he should have listened.
I’m too sexy for my purse, too sexy for my purse, so sexy it hurts.
Zebra is the new leopard print, beeyatches.
The 70s called – they want their jacket and purse back!
All I need to know, I learned from Zsa Zsa.
Wait a minute…I think I left my hat at the zoo!
All I need now is silver highlights!
You know this is making her wedding slideshow.
Shades? Check. Fab coat? Check. Bag with all my toys? Check. Play-date here I come!
A little Botox every 3 months is all I needed to take 50 years off my face!
Lunch? Have your people call my people!
Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful, hate me because I rock the zebra harder than you!
You know I’m fabulous, right?!
Darling! I want zebra print EVERYWHERE! Zebra! Zebra! Zebra! Don’t bring me leopard! I WILL FIGHT YOU!
Bitch, you know I look fiiiine!
I am America’s Next Top Model
(sorry not terribly hysterical but I tried!)
Yes,please be a dahhling and bring me my martini. Hair of the dog, my friend!Cheers!