Apparently, yesterday was Oprah's last show. The universe would not shut up about it. Basically, Oprah's show was to yesterday what the Rapture was to Saturday. Except the Rapture actually happened. Wait. WHAT?
I'm not sure I understand all the tears shed over the end of the show since, unless I'm mising something, there will be an entire Oprah network in it's place. But I was never a huge fan so perhaps I'm not the best person to judge the sorrow of her loyal followers. Not that I am anti-Oprah. She seems nice enough. In an "I-influence-every-decision-you-make-whether-you-know-it-or-not" kind of way.
I thought it would be fitting to do a "Favorite Things" post. Not Oprah's favorite things because "been there, done that" and not MY favorite things because Lulu Lemon pants and Haagen-Dazs coffee ice cream just make me sound like the biggest cliche since Peggy Bundy sat on the couch all day watching soap operas and inhaling bon-bons. (My God— doesn't that sound FANTASTIC?)
Nope, today I am giving you…
(From this point forward, I request that you read everything with Oprah intonation and insert audience insanity sound effects.)
…MAZZY'S ULTIMATE FAVORITE THINGS!!!!!!!
(Are you hearing the audience insanity sound effects? Because if not, please try harder— this post is a joint effort. Thank you.)
OK! CALM DOWN! GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF! I know this is exciting but no need for the screaming and the jumping and the fainting.
(Don't listen to me— continue with the sound effects.)
Ready?
I said— READY?????!!!!!!
First up, I've got Mazzy's favorite beverage. Suri drinks it. Shiloh drinks it. Even Rachel Zoe's kid drinks it when the poor thing thinks Rachel Zoe isn't looking. Mazzy's Favorite Thing #1 is…
MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!
Moving on to Favorite Thing #2. Mazzy can't keep her hands off them. She likes to pull them off my face, steal them from my nightstand, bend them, step on them, squash them, hide them. It's none other than…
Myyyyyyy GLAAAAAASSSSSSESS!!!!!
What could Mazzy love more than milk and glasses? How 'bout her proudest possession. Something she routinely shows off to everyone she sees. Favorite Thing #3 is her very own…
BELLLLLLLLYYYY!!!!
Favorite Thing #4 litters every mall in America. It's pink, fluffy and practically an epidemic. But every time Mazzy sees it, she can't help but rest her head. Gifted by Grandma, it's a…
PILLOOOOOOOOOOW PET!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm sure nobody will be surprised by Favorite Thing #5. It's the passive-aggressive-name-dropping monster I've talked about many times before. An item so special that when Mazzy is not playing with it, she will often leave it resting on Favorite Thing #4. Let's hear it for…
Miniature ELLLLMOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!
The second Mazzy hears me turn on Favorite Thing #6, she runs full speed into the bathroom, corners me at the sink and requests more more more until she basically ruins any chance I have of getting to work on time. It's my…
HAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIRRRRR DRYYYYYYYYYYER!!!!!!!
Every Favorite Things Episode has to have the big give— the car, the trip to Australia, the iPad. I didn't think it was possible for Mazzy to love anything more than miniature Elmo. But I was wrong. SO VERY WRONG. Introducing Mazzy's Ultimate Favorite Thing, none other than…
GIIIIIIIIIIIANT ELLLMOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!
I should note that I was not present for this picture. Mike took Mazzy to the Central Park Zoo (Giant Elmo's current residence unbeknownst to me) last Saturday while I got a haircut. As much as I hate Elmo, I don't think I've ever been sadder to miss a moment in Mazzy's life. I can't even imagine the level of excitement she exhibited upon seeing the larger than life version of her favorite thing on earth.
Oh wait. Yes, I can. It probably looked something like this:
Hope your first day without Oprah's show isn't too tragic.
I LOVE MAZZY.
Seriously, there is no one cuter!!
Oh wait, yes, there is, my Monkey.
Ahem.
Oprah? Oprah who? Mazzy rocks. ROCKS.
And Giant Elmo totally made me flip out. Not in a good way. However, I do quite like mini Elmo. And I actually want a Pillow Pet. Yes, me. I saw an awesome Monkey one (of course) but the husband (spoilsport) said I couldn’t have it.
Go MAZZY!
So just to be clear – you are sending each commenter one of each of these items? But we don’t have to pay taxes on them?
Well I’m in less love with Mazzy this morning because she kept me up the entire night.
So you can have her.
And her pillow pet.
I’m sure I can even find a monkey around here that I’ll throw in as well.
Everything is tax-free except Mazzy’s belly. And I hear the shipping costs are ridiculous.
I am waiting with great anticipation. Monkey will LOVE Mazzy.
I have never seen a toddler so in love with a hair dryer. That is awesome.
Thank you for making me miss Oprah less.
I hate Oprah, but I love Mazzy. Especially when she does her hair dryer dance.
I have about 1000 more videos just like it. It never gets old. To me or her.
Have to say I’m a much bigger fan of Mazzy than I am of Oprah here, too. I’m impressed she actually sat in Elmo’s lap and looks happy. If I were to try to get my kids to do that they’d be screaming in terror. Like they did with Santa, and the Easter Bunny. And oh god, Chuck E. Cheese. A giant mouse in the commercial is one thing my 5yo goes crazy for. Get it in person and it’s a completely different story.
Ha, so funny. My kids scream when I turn on the hair dryer. Its actually the only time I get to myself…Hmm…I should go and dry my hair.
Oprah got pre-empted (I have no idea if that hyphen is appropriate or not, but I’m sticking with it) in St. Louis because we were having another huge wave of tornado-producing storms and they interrupted it to give weather reports. People were actually MAD about it (I will not admit whether or not I was one of those people.)
They aired it again at 3:00 am, so I caught up on DVR this morning and I have to say…I liked this post more than her final episode. Well done.
Hair dryer. awesome. I assume it’s an Elchim.
AWESOMEEEEEEEEEEE! Not an Oprah fan either but I so love the SNL skit on Oprah’s favorite things so I can totally picture this with a bunch of screaming toddlers.
I think this just shows that we (none of us) need Oprah and her “favorite things” (which often include overpriced weird stuff like 500 dollar towels or something). All we need is a belly button, some milk and a sense of wonder. GO MAZZY! Thanks for showing America what the really important stuff is.
Except Elmo. Elmo is almost worse than Oprah
Mazzy is a rock star and needs her own network.
while reading this with my 17mo old son on my lap, he see’s mazzy’s belly and immediately lifted his shirt to make sure HIS belly was still there! hahaha!
My kids are equally in love with the pillow pets. Who wouldn’t be? It’s a pillow AND a pet. And likely the only pet my kids will ever have. I’m guessing that is true for Mazzy also.
I can’t believe she likes the hair dryer! But it makes LOUD NOISE.
I agree. Mazzy is awesome and super cool!
I didn’t know anyone in the U.S. actually knew what lululemon was. Oh yeah, didn’t Oprah talk about it on her show? haha!
So so SO good.
Had me laughing and smiling all over the place.
That giant Elmo terrifies me.
It terrifies me more that I perfectly understand why you were so sad to miss that moment. Even with, you know, giant Elmo and all.
Hold on. I’m having a content envy, shit-why-didn’t-I-think-of-this-post moment here.
Ahem. OK. I’m composed myself.
This? Is awesome. I love Favorite Thing #3 – that’s one of Lil’ Bit’s favorite things too. So, you’re well aware of what it’s like to have your wee daughter, the apple of your eye, flashing anyone and everyone she encounters.
She is too cute. I love the blissed-out look on her face as she sits in Giant Elmo’s lap.
Holy hair dryer. That’s hilarious. Used to zap my kids and they’d run away. Hmmm, come to think of it, where is that thing…
Isn’t oprah that green vegetable people hardly use? Why would anyone miss that? Oh wait…that’s okra. Oprah is the one with a lot of “green” and turns everyone into a vegetable. Yeah still don’t miss that…Anyways Mazzy’s favorite things are awesome!
For my kids today? The list would be:
1. Ping Pong Ball.
2. Popsicles.
Why isn’t anyone passing out from excitement at that piece of information? WTF?
Well, all girls love a good blow out, no? TOO CUTE!!!!!
And I love your humor Ilana. You just totally crack me up.
I think you’re right, I doubt Oprah will really give us a chance to “miss” her. 😉
Oh my, the belly! Nothing better than a baby belly! Also, I think we have the same dining chairs. Mine are white tufted, but I definitely recognize those legs.
I could TOTALLY hear Oprah’s intonation.
And (darn) I totally missed the last show.
Oh well.
This was really funny !!!
Wait. No fair. Your Giant Elmo is waaaay better looking that my Giant Elmo:
http://andthenkate.com/thank-god-the-fried-dough-still-had-trans-fats
This is 10 times better than any Oprah show! Love it!
This is completely awesome.
Oprah’s got nothing on milk, glasses, bellies, and mini Elmo.
You made me smile big tonight.
MUCH bigger than Oprah.
(I didn’t even know yesterday was her last show. I don’t listen to the universe. apparently.)
When’s Mazzy starting her own show?
That I’d watch…for sure.
Why can’t my protruding (nonpregnant) belly be as adorable as Mazzy’s?
Wow! Mazzy got to meet ELMO just randomly in the park? Awesome and I would be bummed to miss that too.
What IS the deal with pillow pets? Boo Boo La La named her unicorn Diamond and we barely go anywhere without it.
Mazzy was fine with Santa too. Apparently, she is comfortable with any and all strangers. I think I have the larger problem here.
That’s my baby. Running towards the face of danger every time.
Oprah was interrupted to warn people about tornados?! What is this— a communist country?? Let people decide for themselves whether their safety or their love of daytime television is more important!
It’s T3 Bespoke thank you very much.
Oh that skit was hilarious. Weren’t women humping in the aisles? It was like a scene from the second season of True Blood!
Hmmm. Can you imagine how soft a $500 towel would be? Now I want one.
Damn you, OPRAH!!!
OH MY GOD— WAS IT??? Praying for the well-being of your child.
I can say with 100% certainty that the pillow pet will be her first and last pet. Maybe I’ll tell her that she can get a new pet when the pillow pet dies. Perfect!
I bought them for the first time in Vancouver a bunch of years ago. But they are now all over NYC. Can’t say if they’ve infiltrated the rest of America yet. Anyone?
Even better is when she insists that I pull up my shirt and show-off MY BELLY to strangers too.
Mike had a bunch of pictures of Mazzy with Elmo. She never broke the smile once.
PING PONG BALLS AND POPSICLES!!!! HOLY CRAP— that sounds AMAZING!!
(see— joint effort)
What do you mean? I miss her already! Oh wait nope. Here she is— staring at me from the cover of a magazine. A magazine that she has been the cover model for every single issue that was ever printed. YEAH.
They are the molded plastic Eames chairs. White tufted sounds divine.
I might have to do a side-by-side for a future post. But I am way more scared by that Barney. I didn’t think he could get any worse!
I imagine he keeled over and died behind the tilt-a-whirl by the end of that sad carnival of yours.
The Universe = Twitter. It’s how I find out everything I’m supposed to be paying attention to.
My husband would think that was the saddest sentence (and a half) ever uttered.
I think about this every day. Mazzy looks adorable with a big belly— why the hell can’t I?
I totally would have named my unicorn Diamond when I was little. Boo Boo La La sounds like a child of the eighties. I mean that in the best way possible.
If Okra was going away I would be sad. Actually, nah. I wouldn’t care about that either.
I know. I might have to go back there and hope to run into Elmo again. I’m pretty sure Mazzy would be just as excited considering the reaction she just had to an Elmo sticker the size of a quarter on a random store window.
That hair dryer video is great – Mazzy is so cute!!!!
I used to think it was cute that my cat comes running into the bathroom whenever I blow my hair dry so she can get a little fur styling – but Mazzy takes hair-dryer-obsession-cuteness to a new level. Love this!!
We have a million pillow pets, everyone just keeps buying them for my kids, at least they don’t come in a million pieces.
Love the hair dryer video, I miss the days of my kids being this easily entertained.
And this post is hilarious, of course!!