I loved amusement parks as a kid (the scarier the ride, the better) so I was super excited to take Mazzy to her first kiddie park. I figured she was too little to go on most of the rides but at least she'd ride the carousel and kick some ass at Wack-A-Mole.
Then the ticket booth lady said Mazzy could go on ALL BUT TWO of the rides.
REALLY? Are you sure you are not mistaking my kid for the fourteen-year-old with the neck tattoo behind me?
Yes, she was sure.
We started easy with a train that went around in a circle at .00000002 miles per hour. I rode next to Mazzy with my arm laid over her lap just in case she tried to wriggle free from the seatbelt, jump out action-movie-style and scream “Thomas!” before running headfirst into the front car.
Miraculously, she sat still, smiled big and grasped the steering wheel in front of her for the entirety of the ride.
Next we moved on to a boat ride, which she rode with her dad. Surprisingly, there were no head first dives into one foot of water. All went well.
With two successes under our belt, we got more adventurous and tried the plane ride, the big slide and the mini roller coaster. Mazzy emerged alive and happy after each one and suddenly I had visions of future mother-daughter upside-down roller coaster rides, alpine slide races and sharing a tube in the Tunnel of Terror at Splish Splash.
I thought about how much different I was going to be from my own mother, who’d sit on the sidelines waving and snapping pictures no matter how much I begged her to come along. “Go with your dad, " she'd always say. "I belong on the ground."
At the end of the day, we had one more ride ticket left. I decided to take Mazzy on an innocuous looking thing called "The Happy Swing" (see below).
I sat beside Mazzy on the seat as the ride operator lowered the bar. Then I put my hand on her leg (just to be safe) and we were off.
The swing started slow and steady. I yelled “whee!” on each downward motion, just in case Mazzy was unaware that we were having fun.
Then the swing picked up speed.
Faster, higher, back and forth. Faster, higher, back and forth.
Hmmm. This seems a bit more dangerous than it did from the ground.
Faster, higher, back and forth.
I found myself gripping Mazzy’s leg to make sure she stayed put.
Faster, higher, back and forth.
Suddenly, I felt my stomach drop as if someone had just pushed me off the side of a cliff.
Faster, higher, back and forth.
My brain rattled inside my head as my fingers practically bore holes into Mazzy’s thigh.
Faster, higher, back and forth.
We were going to be thrown from the swing. I was sure of it.
Faster, higher, back and forth.
OH MY GOD WOULD THIS THING EVER END??!
Faster, higher, back and forth.
I tried not to puke as I angled my head to make sure my baby wasn't crying.
She looked like she was in a state of shock— staring straight ahead, her brow furrowed as her hair whipped wildly above her. I was positive that if she survived the ride, this would be our first and last trip to the amusement park. She would forever be the little girl scarred by a crazy mother’s overzealous decision to take her on the most nausea-inducing ride in the park.
“Don’t worry, sweetie, it will be over soon!”
Finally, the swing began to slow and my hand loosened it’s grip on Mazzy’s leg. My stomach tried and failed to settle back into place as the ride screeched to it's upchuck-worthy end.
I looked at my 21-month-old daughter, prepared to plead forgiveness and assure her that this was the last time Mommy would ever place her in harm's way.
“Babe, are you ok???”
Mazzy was expressionless, still staring straight ahead. I touched her leg gently.
“Mazzy, it’s over, I promise.”
Nothing.
"Mazzy?"
Then her eyes sparked to life and both arms flew up over her head.
“AGAIN!!!!”
In that moment, I became my mother.
Go with your dad. I belong on the ground.
—————————–
Have you taken your kids to a kiddie park? Did it turn you into your mother? Or is there another "OMG I've Become My Mother" moment you'd like to share?
My heart lurched with yours as I read the part about that big swing thing. Mazzy is so brave!!
Er, I’d definitely be that mom who stays on the ground. I can’t do rides – I’d vomit all my insides out.
Are you sure that wasn’t one of the two rides she couldn’t go on? I’d have loved it!!!!
PS I was sure Mazzy was going to sock you for digging your nails into her. Scared mommy!!! lolz. <3
I had the same EXACT thing happen with my oldest a few years ago. It was on the Grover roller coaster and I was SURE there would be pre-schooler vomit involved.
But there wasn’t – not even after the 4th ride in. a. row.
This will be us I’m sure in a year… I LOVE all rides and my husband has roller coaster tourrettes so Aubrey will not be riding rides with Daddy. This made me laugh so hard, thanks!
There is a “hopping” ride at Como Town and I SURE Boo Boo La La would love it, just as I was sure the kid ahead of her in line would scream his head off. He did.
I stayed on the ground.
Wow, Mazzy is brave! We took Rebecca to Sesame Place and she freaked on the Tea-Cup Ride… 🙂
Reminds of the time I went on a 3D movie ride.
48″ is the threshold before all the rides get all crazy. That’s why my boy now sleeps in an orange crate and smokes a pack a day. Jockeys get all the chicks anyway.
Great post.
Positive. Check out the picture— munchkin sized person four over from the left without even an adult next to him to make sure he didn’t fly off!
I sincerely hope you didn’t have to ride with her ALL FOUR TIMES.
To be fair- even when I could and would ride anything under the sun, the tea cup ride made me totally nauseous. I think it had something to do with my dad spinning that thing as fast as it would allow.
Oh, you had to bring THAT up, didn’t you.
I took Grant (3) to his first fair yesterday and we started on the Dumbo ride, then a swing thingy, I then thought hmmm, the Tilt-A-Whirl looks good. You had to be 48″ and he was 39″, but the non-english speaking attendant didn’t seem to mind. So we went on and I had one arm around him and in my other stretched out arm I had my video camera. I was hoping to tape Grant’s face. The video turned out way better than I imagined. We then went on it 3 more times, even though I was SO dizzy. He even put his arm in the air like the big kids and screamed. It was the best day!
My roller coaster and ride days are over! My ability to ride anything adventurous has diminished with each kid. After number 3 all I can ride is the train that goes .00002 miles an hour! LOL
I was JUST talking to my parents about amusement parks this past weekend and told my mom, “The older I get, the dizzier those rides make me feel – now I know why you always rode the really lame slow ones.”
So, yeah… I get it.
Vivian would also be the toddler yelling, “AGAIN!” She’s fearless. She and Mazzy can ride the “The Happy Swing” together while we stay firmly rooted on the ground taking pictures.
I used to be the fun Aunt that took all the kids on the crazily spinning rides that their parents couldn’t even bear to watch. Now that I have kids, I am the one that sometimes gets nauseaus on the carosel! However kiddies love the rides though Little Miss Adventure was too short for most of them. Next year though we need to watch out for her since at 2 she was already eyeing the slingshot roller coasters.
Oh man, I took my kids to a carnival this summer at a county fair, and was forced to go on “Hamster Dance” with my oldest (3 1/2). It’s a big, inflatable round thing on water and you roll around in it like a hamster. It was so awful. It stunk like dirty gym socks, it was hot and sticky, and I kept having to pull my son back inside the little hole because if I stopped moving the thing, he tried to get out into the water. By the time it was done, I was sweaty, smelled funky, and felt like I ran 5 miles. But he had a lot of fun. I told my dad, since my parents were with me and my boyfriend was not, that he could do it the next time.
I’m curious where this is… Caitlyn LOVES to be thrown around so I think she would love going on all the rides.. I took her to a street fair once and they wouldn’t even let her on the carousel, they said she was too small. I couldn’t believe it- a carousel? REALLY?
I love this post because it is the example of 1) how being a mom changes perspective and 2) how you kinda understand your own parents a little bit more
Yeah, when I took Derek (my almost 3 year old) on the carousel at the fair. He wanted to, it was for little kids, I even got in free, so I figured why not? First 3 times around he was fine, then he started to freak. After the 5th time around he jumped off the horse and into my arms and the next 5 times around I was trying to hold him, while he panicked and flailed in my arms, and trying to keep my balance (being 5 months pregnant and starting to get a little wobbly)…fun times. The guy running the ride laughed at me. Even better…
Haha – “AGAIN!!!!”
Wow, looks like a lot of fun you guys had. Mazzy is so pretty too.
Oh, god, and yes, I have become my mother.
So sad my kids turn to their dad for fun.
*snif*
I used to be fun.
Now I’m just the one that gets dizzy and burps a lot after every freakin ride.
Yep, I’d be doing the exact same thing, getting caught up in the adventure of the afternoon and then taking it that one ride too far.
I felt like my mother just the other night when I was making her stuffed peppers.
Anyway, glad the “Happy Swing” was happy for Mazzy. I used to love roller coasters but now I haven’t been on one in years and I’m guessing that if I tried I wouldn’t be as big of a fan anymore…
I am dying at that picture with the harmless little dolphin and the giant HAPPY next to the word SWING…
Because I almost puked just reading about the ride.
Yeah. I’ll hang with you on the train.
On the ground.
Good times.
Hahaha!! That sounds like my mom and it sounds like me. I can barely swing on a normal swing without getting dizzy anymore. The picture of Mazzy with her daddy is adorable!
I am new to your blog and just have to say I love it. You are an awesome mom and Mazzie is co cute. I have a three year old son, Micah so I can relate to your adventures.
Oh man, I feel your pain. I just can do the rides I used to when I was a kid. I’m definitely a “go with your daddy” kinda girl now.
Darian Lake, first night, took eight year old on Predator (wooden roller coaster) which proceeded to rattle her brain so much she got an honest-to-goodness minor concussion!! Headache immediately after for two hours followed by copious vomit. Thank goodness she was then immediately better and not scarred from riding the non-wooden coasters. I had a panic attack on the Ferris Wheel that was our “family” ride as terrified of my toddler falling when we were stopped at the top. And both hubby and I got vertigo on a spinning kiddie ride that the kiddies love! Next vacation? Stationary beach!
After years riding all the rides, I am the one who got sick during college on the ride with cages that went around like a ferris wheel while each cage also spun around. Whaaaat?? I said. How can that be??? So I avoided many rides after that until I discovered steel roller coasters. Then I became the mom who dragged her kids and now grandkids on them with her. Wheeeeeee! It holds my head still and I am not spinning wildly around. It works for me. LOL. When we hit Universal, my daughter and I went on every roller coaster, twice in a row, leaving the (grand)kids with their father who can’t ride rides, and him in the dark about our second times. Oh sorry, the line was really really long….hehehe. Awesome fun.
Don’t give up, maybe you will find one ride that works for you too!
You never threw up – you are my new hero 😉
When do we conference party again?
On the ground tho, only on the ground …
OMG … it didn’t give me crap about commenting this time.
I am so thrilled I had to comment again.
You have missed several brilliant and hilariously funny comments because this damn thing has hated me of late 😉
My Mom grew up during the depression… so she’s what she and my dad call “frugal” and the rest of us call CHEAP… My mom would NEVER throw away tin foil until it had been used multiple times, always washes ziplock bags, etc… The worst example I can give you is that one time I was at her house and had the sniffles… I went into her room to grab a tissue and the ENTIRE box was filled with USED tissues…
BUT the day I realized I was FOR SURE my Mother (My husband says there are MANY other examples) was when I was washing disposable cups and making my kids reuse water bottles and screaming at them, “IF YOU DON’T BRING IT BACK YOU’RE NOT GETTING ANOTHER ONE!”
I do let them use as many tissues as they want, though.
I laughed my ass of reading this post! I, too, was a daredevil as a young girl and haven’t been on a ride in over 10 years…until last year when I took my 2.5 year old to a small town fair and went on the Ferris Wheel. Holy CRAP! When did THAT lame ride become so terrifying!???
You are too funny… I love your blog & Mazzzy is a trip… I dont have kids but I have plenty of nieces and nephews… They are a constant source of amusement for me 🙂
The picture with Mazzy and her dad should be captioned, “Look mom, no hands!”
I’m really sad about this new nausea development. I always thought my mom was being so lame. Boo.
Roller coasters were always my favorite. I would go on anything- crazy hills, upside down, those inverted ones where your feet hang out. I hope I still have the stomach to ride them!
I think I just developed a case of claustrophobia while reading your comment.
It was at Victorian Gardens in Central Park. It’s closed now and will open again next summer. In the winter it’s Wollman rink. That happy swing picture was taken from their website so it’s the actual ride. The carousel picture was stolen from Pinterest. I went to give it a source and couldn’t find it again. Hope nobody sues me!
True and true.
It’s always nice when the childless laugh at us poor unfortunate parents. It is our own damn fault we have kids though so I guess they are entitled.
That one ride almost lost me my lunch.
That is the actual ride. I had no idea it was called “The Happy Swing” till I found the picture on the park’s website. Happy, my ass. Also— what the hell does a dolphin have to do with anything?
Welcome and happy to have you!
Ack! That sounds horrible! You know, the older you get, the more you hear nightmare stories about people getting actually injured on rides. As a kid, I always thought nothing could really go wrong on a roller coaster— grown-ups made it!
It’s called the Zipper. You just made me remember a very bad date to Coney Island where the guy insisted on making the car spin more than it was supposed to. I’ll never forget the feeling of thinking the thing was finally over and then it switching to backwards mode. BARF.
I haven’t given one thought to conferences this year. It never ends, does it?
I read about someone (or maybe it was on Oprah?) who hung paper towel on a clothesline to dry after she used them. That wasn’t your mother, was it?
Even in my most fearless days, I found ferris wheels scary. They make you sit just long enough at the top to notice all the rusty nails and decaying metal.
She started doing the “Look ma, no hands” thing on the regular swing at about 6 months. I have been trying and failing to catch it on video ever since.
No, but I’m glad my Mom doesn’t watch Oprah… she’d have a clothesline set up, I’m sure!
I couldn’t believe they let such little kids on such dangerous rides either (and by that I mean I didn’t think my 7 year old should ride the Wiggles planes just yet). She goes on more rides than me!
Omg, I became my mother when mcdonalds was no longer delicious – but instead lead in my stomach….so sad…so old
That is a great story. I work for an amusement park in California and we are buying the Happy Swings ride for our 2013 season. As an Operator, I have a concern and you may be able to help me. How hard is it for the little ones to get on and off the ride and are there high risks that they may fall face-first when unloading? If there are we would like to address them before we even install the ride.
Creating memories and providing a fun and happy day for our Guests is what we are all about and the last thing we would want is an injured person, specially the little ones. Do you have any input?
Thanks a lot and keep on riding!!
[…] Mazzy didn’t notice the rusted chain links or the frayed old seat belt with the questionable latch and got on with no trepidation whatsoever. I got in next to her and prepared myself for nausea. As I’ve said before, I cannot ride rides like I used to. […]
[…] a few years ago, when I took Mazzy on a kiddie park ride called the “Happy Swing” and almost lost my lunch in mid-air? And then I finally […]