1. I will put my toys away after I am done playing with them. I will even organize the fake food in my fake refrigerator.
2. Due to efforts that proved futile in 2011, I will stop resisting diaper changes. Besides, potty training is scheduled to begin shortly and then I will be free to poop on the floor.
3. I will let my mother wipe my face with a wet washcloth. Particularly if my face is covered with dried snot and old food. She is just trying to protect herself from judgement once we leave the house.
4. I will cut back my security items to one. Getting upset because I cannot carry both blankies, Abby Cadabby and all three sippy cups (milk, water and juice) at once is silly and unproductive.
5. I will learn to love my mittens.
6. When I finish eating a food item but still have some left in my hand, I will put it down on my plate in a separate discard pile instead of throwing it directly on the floor.
7. I will work on broadening my cultural horizons. I hear there is a world beyond Sesame Street.
8. I will limit the number of times I say the word “again” in any given situation. I understand that even if I find something fun enough to do over and over, after THREE, it ceases to be fun for everyone else.
9. Similarly, I will switch up my preferred bedtime books. I have a large book collection and there is no reason why I should make my mother read the same four books night after night.
10. When outside on the streets of Manhattan, I will refrain from licking random glass surfaces.
11. I will reframe my concept of naptime to both a privilege and a gift. Certain people would do almost anything (pay large sums of money, commit heinous acts, etc.) if it meant they would be allotted one hour in the middle of the day to lie on a bed. (Or so my mom tells me.)
12. I will make an effort to expand my palate. I’m sure there are other culinary delights I can learn to enjoy besides crackers and bagels.
13. I will not throw a tantrum the second something goes wrong. Instead I will think about my dilemma, determine the most effective course of action, and then implement a carefully thought out solution.
14. I will relinquish control of my iPad for a few hours a week so that my parents can check their email, play Angry Birds, etc. While I’m at it, I will stop referring to the iPad as “MINE”.
15. I will stand still for approximately one minute a day. In that time, I will look my mother in the eye and tell her I love her. Like I mean it.
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Hey can I cut and paste most of this and give it to Monkey?
Monkey’s resolutions should be:
1. I will not hit my mother on the face.
2. I will not resist wearing pants when it’s required.
3. I will no longer smack the TV.
4. I will play independently for more than 2 minutes at a time.
5. I will kiss my Mama every day.
Bugs would like to add that she will no longer throw her entire body backwards headfirst onto hard surfaces in an attempt to gain attention, food, toys, etc.
Also she will not throw herself out of my arms head first because it scares the damn life out of her mother.
Lastly she will not scream like someone is slicing her beloved Elmo apart while on her daily hour commute home.
This could be a stellar year if she can handle this…
There is attire other than pajamas.
If I can’t find my Finn McMissile and Holly Shiftwell, I have 12 gazillion other Cars with which I can play.
I will remember I have fun at daycare and will go there without struggle.
I am not old enough to drive and will stop throwing fits when my mother reminds me of this.
Little Miss Adventures would be:
1. I will not scream bloody murder and pierce everyone elses ear drums when I get upset or someone bothers me when I want to be left alone.
2. When I take off my socks I will put them in the hamper, not leave them all over the house and never in pairs so that I will have some pairs of socks to wear that actually match.
3. I will not come behind my brother and destroy his Lego set ups that took him and Daddy hours to build, as soon as no one is looking.
4. I will not swing at people close enough to make me upset.
5. I will decide to potty train myself, as I have proven I can do it, but just do not want to be potty trained.
6. I will stop throwing Mommy’s iPhone when she tells me my time is up, and also stop ripping off the protective case she has on it while I play with it.
7. I will no start putting my thousands of stickers in the sticker books that they came with, not on the floor, cat, furniture, carpet and walls like I do now.
8. I will draw with my markers in my coloring books, not the doors, walls, windows and myself.
I only meant to post a couple but once I got started they just kept coming and coming and coming. There are several more but I should stop before you ban me from your blog. LOL
If Roo can takcle (watch out, pun ahead, WHOA, makes that *another* pun) his head butting issue, we will have the best 2012 in recorded history.
His head is large and, i suspect, denser than any other 2.5 yo on the planet. All of my head-high body parts are bruised. Crotch, hip, even my meaty buttocks. And in head-on collisions with his sisters they always come out battered and he’s without a mark. Enough with the head, kid.
PUN COUNT: 2, “tackle,” “ahead,” in relation to head butting. What, this sucked the funny out of them? They are puns and weren’t funny to begin with.
My resolution: Stop punning.
My 8 year-old’s resolution…
I will stop pretending to be sick when I have to wake up early for school. It’s my own fault that I had to be moved to the early school start time.
My 4 year-old’s resolution…
I will stop needing diapers at night. I am a big girl and am perfectly capable of making to the bathroom, especially now that the basement bathroom is finished.
My 2 year old’s resolution…
I will stop growing up so fast since I know I am my mommy’s last baby and she is struggling with her loss of babyhood.
I could have written this, except for #5 (Rebecca is, for some strange reason, OBSESSED with her mittens and gets very upset if it is 60 degrees outside and I don’t let her put them on, or if [g-d forbid] we leave them in the car)
Oh and yeah, #10, but only because we live in the suburbs and there is significantly less glass to lick… 🙂
#4 is currently an obsession with a stuffed cat and a stuffed bear. Everywhere we go, “Cat and Bear too! Cat and bear too!” and sometimes “Baby” and “Bunny” as well, if they are nearby. The worst part is when she insists on walking down the stairs with all these things, and then gets irritated when I try to “spot” her.
As for #8, I was happy that Rebecca was enjoying some show-tunes, as I am a broadway/theater nut. I found some clips of the Tony Awards from the past few years to show her some singing and dancing. Now she is obsessed with “Anything Goes”, and has an elaborate dance number. She keeps demanding the “Dancing Song” over and over… and I’m pretty sure she said “Sutton Foster” the other day. I dread the day when she asks me what a “silly gigolo” is…
Here are some of mine:
1) If I say that I want to eat a particular food item, I will actually eat it, instead of waiting until Mommy prepares it for me before rejecting it and asking for something else.
2) I will realize that the audio-scope that the doctor uses to look into my ears DOES NOT HURT.
3) I will realize that the crib in my room is JUST AS GOOD as the crib at my grandmother’s house, and the mat at day-care. I *CAN* take a nice long nap there.
4) I will also come to realize that Mommy leaving the room is NOT a catastrophe. She will come back.
5) I will understand that even though Daddy is awesome and we love him very much, Mommy deserves some credit too. When Mommy comes in to get me in the morning, I’ll say “Mommy!”, stand up, and start the day with a smile. This is instead of laying down, whining, and crying “Daddddddeeeeeeeeeee!”
LOL, I love #2. And I hear you on #4 😛
P.S. I’m loving this post & the comments … I was having a “Why did I have kids again?” / “Why does my daughter hate me?” tantrum-filled day yesterday. I feel a bit more normal now 😛
ha! I love this….and it’s good to know my daughter is not the only one lugging around 3 sippys 🙂
Yes. Hitting should have been on the list. Also- pants. As soon as I take Mazzy’s clothes off, she is off and running.
Mazzy does this new thing where if I pick her up and hold her high while facing me, she will put both feet on the front of my shoulders and try to launch herself over backwards. It is terrifying and I always forget and pick her up like that anyway.
Love the Elmo slicing one.
Maybe you should just try letting him drive. You deserve a break!
I know that the potty training is actually about MY resolve and not my daughter’s. But I really, really hope she just decides that big girl pants with Hello Kitty is a super-cool reward for deposits in the toilet. Oh pleasepleaseplease.
Wait a minute.
You’re saying we’re not supposed to lick glass in public places?
Crap.
First, I am heartened to know that our two-year-olds must have been separated at birth. Either that, or they’re destined to marry. To Mazzy’s resolutions, I will add these for my little guy:
– add to #8 the word “more,” especially for things I cannot control (such as the wind, ambulance sirens, and diggers alongside the road)
– I will recognize that Daddy can do (almost) everything that Mommy can, and let him do it just ONCE IN A WHILE when I am in the vicinity (we’re verging on too-long, possibly unhealthy mommy-attachment right now…I feel loved, but oh-so-f’in-tired)
– I will join Mazzy in adapting a new attitude about naps, maybe even start a revolution so all of our friends understand what a rare and little-appreciated gift naptime is…
Wow – were Mazzy and my 2 yo son separated at birth? Because everything on this list applies to him. Especially #4. But not #10 – licking glass must be a New York thing (I’ll have to watch him when we visit grandma).
You are spot-on and hilarious. Thanks for making me chuckle – needed it today.
A big YES to numbers 4, 5, 7 (subbing BabyFirst TV for Sesame Street), 9, and 11!
And for mine, I would also like to add, “I will try very hard to refrain from hitting certain persons and objects when things don’t go my way, with the understanding that while anger is a valid emotion, there are much better ways to express it.”
P.S. I wish I’d thought of this post concept and will be jacking it next year for my own maniacal use.
I am SO giving this to my kids. All three of them.
And yeah, what Kristin just said. Next year, you need to do a link up!
It’s reassuring to read these and know my child is not weird, just two years old. I’m glad other people experience the same issues.
My child’s resolutions:
1. For the love of God, I will stop whining.
2. I will learn that I will never win in a battle of wills with my mommy. I never win.
3. I will stop fighting naps. In fact, I will start taking three hour naps.
Yeah, I know these will never happen, but a girl can dream.
1. I will not ask say “Me do it!” then get mad Mommy isn’t helping, so yell ” Mommy DO IT!” then freak out when Mommy helps and start to scream ” No me do it, me do it!”
2. I will respect the fact it takes me three times as long as an adult to do things independently and will not surprise Mommy and her time lines by suddenly speeding up the process resulting in me sweating in outdoor winter clothing 15 minutes before we actually have to head out the door so then ripping it all off and ending up with us being chronically late no matter when we start the heading out the door process
3. I will learn that while a toilet has water in it, and a bathtub has water in it they are actually two entirely different devices with different roles to play in my hygeine routine
4. I will accept the fact that though Daddy has different credentials than Mommy, it is actually OK for him to do my bedtime routine
5. I will continue to dole out my tight hugs, laugh my full ou belly laughs and entertain with my expanding vocabulary creations of adorable sentences and observations
Battle of wills – hilarious! Also have a two year old. Extremely stubborn – but has yet to win. As I said, where does she think she got the stubborn gene from in the first place???
You just reminded me again how awesome it is to have children who are 9 and 13 and who are dressed and in the car when I say we are leaving in ten minutes 😉
#10 made me spit-laugh at work. You know like when you accidentally spit wine or food because you laugh when you’re mouth is full except you spit spit instead. Anyways…great resolutions even for my 18 month old! I will just echo yours & add “I will get into my carseat without screaming bloody murder & turning into a stick”
I love this list. Although as a grown person I am still working on number 13.
I think you covered it – I can’t think of a better list.
Love these! You can do it, Mazzy! I’m rooting for you!
Glad to be a new follower! One of my three year olds resolutions might include: 1) I will share more this year, i might even get some joy out of seeing one of my sisters play with something that I initially wanted. 2) I will not grab things from other people this year. If someone has something and I want it and I want it now, I will pause for a moment- aknowledge that they are using it and calmly approach them and ask if I might possibly have a turn when they are done. 3) If they do not immediately give me what I want, I will refrain from pulling their hair, biting, pinching or hitting them, in fact I won’t even screech at the top of my lungs, I might not even whine or cry about it, I will just play with the other one we have that is exactly like it, until my sister loses interest!
OMG!!!! I have twin 2 1/2 year old boys and I think they should have these resolutions as well!!! Happy New Year!
Laugh out loud funny and each and every one of these should be on my 2 year old’s list too!
Oh my, could this post be any more perfect?! Oh the joys of having a toddler, never a dull moment!
Oh these kiddie resolutions are absolutely delightfully funny.
I can relate to the I’pad issue, My 6 year old wants to play with my ipad and smart phone all the time. I’m going to get her a simple little Tracfone for $10 for her this year and give her 30 min. of phone time. Maybe she wants more responsibility. I don’t see any harm in giving her a phone so young, I feel more at peace knowing when Candice visits her dad in California once a month that she will be contactable or that she can contact me whenever she needs me.
1. i will not scream like me mom is punching me in the face when she tried to put in the grocery cart, furthermore when we are fortunate to get a car shaped grocery cart i will not hang out of it.
2. i will not arch my back when mom is trying to put me in the carseat and not freak out when she doesnt have time to let me “click it”
3. i will not throw my food dow cause i know the dog will eat it.
4. i will not poke the poke the dog in her eye, sit on her or try to twist her nipples.
5. i will also not grab the cats tail and try to sit on them either.
6. i will not resist my shirt, pants, diaper , jacket, or pajamas when its time for those too.
7. i will stop falling out of the bed at 12 midnight and waking myself up so i am up for the next four hours,
8. i will share just anything, at least one time in my little life because right now i am greedy as hell
lol i could go on and on and on, terrible twos fucking suck.
I love this!!! My 2yo son will,
1)Talk in ENGLISH not in undecipherable Klingon when he wants/needs something.
2)Think the big boy potty is GREAT! and start using it instead of screaming at the top of his lungs like I am pulling his toe nails out 1 by 1.
3)Give up his dependence on his paci…OMG
4) Go back to sleeping ALL damn night in his OWN bed! PLEASE!!!
5)Stop thinking Mommy is abandoning him when I walk out of his sight…(Major clinging issues going on and i’m glad I’m NOT alone!)
Thats it , thats all I got at the moment 😉