You all knew this post was coming. It was only a matter of time before I addressed my loving daughter's evolution into something more commonly known as "Daddy's Little Girl". I thought that maybe Mazzy would eschew stereotypes and opt for a more original lot in life, but alas— no such luck.
My first glimpses of it was back when Mazzy said DADA before MAMA (many, many months before), but it has blossomed into much more than just an unfortunate speech pattern.
Mazzy loves Daddy more than anything.
Certainly more than me.
Her undying devotion is obvious the moment she wakes up in the morning.
"See Daddy?" she asks as I enter the room. I have become a mode of transport. I pick her up, change her diaper ("See, Daddy! SEE, DADDY!") and then deliver her straight into her beloved's arms (still in bed, mind you).
At breakfast, Mike always makes strawberry banana smoothies. Mazzy loves them but she doesn't want her own. She wants Daddy to put two straws in his so they can share.
"Do you want a sip of mine?" I'll ask.
"No. Just Daddy's."
And so it goes.
Every time I change her clothes, she begs to wear her Giants t-shirt because she knows that somehow this ties her to her father.
"The Giants shirt is dirty. You wore it the past three days in a row."
"I WANT TO WEAR THE GIANT'S T-SHIRT!"
"I'm sorry, babe. It's in the wash."
"WHERE'S DADDY????"
I guess she assumes Daddy would never deny her the Giants shirt despite it's soiled and crusty location at the bottom of the hamper.
She's probably right.
After work, I usually get home before Mike. I ring the bell for dramatic effect so Mazzy can answer the door. And when she opens it, I get a huge smile, an excited "IT'S MOMMEEEEE!!!!!" and a wonderfully tight hug. I can't complain.
But the first words out of her mouth after our hug is over are, "Daddy is coming home too?"
"Yes, Daddy is coming home too."
"I put on the Giants t-shirt?"
Sigh.
Ever since she's been little, Mazzy likes to play with us on our bed. We create mountains by extending our legs up under the blanket and Mazzy jumps on top to send the mountains tumbling down. We do "BOOMS" which means that all three of us sit in a row on one end of the bed and fall backwards together with a "One.. Two… Three.. BOOM!" We trap eachother under the covers and take turns waging tickle attacks and it's all unbelievably fun.
But now, every once in awhile, I'll think we're all having a blast when suddenly Mazzy yells, "Mommy! You go there!"
"There" equals "out of the room". Mazzy points straight at our bedroom door so there is no confusion. It's as if she is having so much fun that the only way she can top it, is to get Mommy out of the picture completely.
Somehow, I had sex with a man and gave birth to a girl only to become the third wheel in my own home.
Why and how did this happen?
Last night, as a after-dinner reward for eating an impressive amount of chicken, we decided to take Mazzy for cookies at a bakery down the block.
Before we left, Mazzy announced she wanted to take TWO BOOS along for the walk. ("Two Boos" is what she calls her blankies collectively— both Old Boo and New Boo.) She grabbed them and met us at the front door.
She then screamed, "All together!" as she often does when she realizes we are going somewhere as a family, after which she usually takes both our hands to further demonstrate solidarity.
She put out her hand for Daddy to hold and then she looked at me. I could see her thinking. She was clasping two Boos in one arm and Daddy's hand in the other. Mommy's hand would have to be sacrificed.
"Mommy, you go by yourself."
"Ok," I said, "that's fine." And then I followed behind the two of them, as they walked hand-in-hand, into the elevator, through our building lobby and down the sidewalk.
Midway to the bakery, Old Boo slipped out of Mazzy's arm and fell to the ground. As she and Daddy continued walking, I swooped down to pick it up.
A few moments later, Mazzy realized she had dropped it and swiveled her head around, panic stricken. I quickly handed it back to her.
"Thank you, Mommy."
"That's what I'm here for, sweetie."
And then she turned back to take Daddy's hand and I continued walking a few steps behind.
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Is your daughter undyingly devoted to your husband? Does it ever end?
What a beautiful blessing. Not every little girl has a daddy worthy of hero worship. yours is on of the lucky ones.
And some day? She’ll realize she has you to thank for picking her out such a fantastic daddy. 🙂 in the meantime, keep up the blanket duty!
Awww. I was a Daddy’s girl too so I can’t fault Mazzy.
Monkey is a Daddy’s boy. He looks for Papa every morning. But not Mama. Perhaps I’m too available. Sigh.
I wonder if this is how my husband feels? McClain is quite the stereotypical Mama’s boy. He doesn’t even like for my husband to hug or give me a kiss in front of him. (Oedipus much?) Perhaps, the new baby, Conlan, will show Patrick the daddy-love.
Mine flip flops depending on what she wants.
It ends. Eventually they hate both of you.
My husband leaves for work before my daughter wakes up. When I go in to get her, she goes “See Daddy!” same as Mazzy, but I have to say “Aww, honey, Daddy is on the bus to work”. Cue whining & crying. “But honey, Mommy’s here!” Cue LOUDER whining and crying, maybe some kicking in the crib.
Although I’m told that at the Daddy/daughter swimming lesson at the Y yesterday, she was saying “Becca go home and see mommy!”
I think it’s “the grass is always greener” with my child. I think she’s setting herself up for a lifetime of disappointment in that regard…
LOL
My sons all went through this phase and, honestly, it made me mad. (Although I know enough certainly not to express that to dad or the kids.) Because during the 5 minutes each of them had a “Mommy” phase, I bent over backwards to tell them that it was not okay to exclude (okay, “be mean to”) Daddy, or to exclude people at all. That lesson was never reciprocated, though, when Mommy became the pariah.
Ella used to be much more of a daddy’s girl. I think that having Jed and being less available to her made her appreciate me more. Now it’s all about mommy which is tough with a baby around!
I have a Mama’s Boy. This is probably how my husband feels. Until, of course, he’s the object of a spurt of Daddy worship, and would be willing to gnaw off his own arm to get out of the endless stream of preschooler chatter.
I am all teared up now.
Noooooooo! You’re handling this very well. I think I would be so upset, and I should be prepared as one of my kids is already beginning to exhibit Dad preference, while the other prefers grandma on some days. I guess I’m lucky that one kid only prefers grandma 50% of the time and not 100%?
My three year old son is a total mama’s boy, especially when it comes to snuggling first thing in the morning. He totally pushes his daddy away during this time but comes around after he has woken up a little. Still my hubby is jealous of the ridiculously awesome hugs that I get every morning.
My girlfriend has two boys and when they came in their parents’ bed in the morning they would tell their daddy to go to the basement. Then they told him to go to work when they figured out that was a greater distance away.
At least she thanks you for picking up her boo!
Bebe (2.5) is a daddy’s girl. Daddy was away the last few days and we got along OK, but there were several teary moments of ‘but I just want DADDY!’
While cooking breakfast yesterday she let out a big sigh and said, to no one in particular, ‘I miss Daddy SO MUCH’.
My daughter is the same.
I live for the “mommy” moments but act totally cool when she only wants daddy.
The other day she said, “Mommy, I love you.” I thought, “OMG – she is so sweet, she does love me!”
and then she adds…”I love everybody!”
hhhmmm, wait a minute…
🙂
great answer!!
So for now, you’re there to pick up her Boo. (Which, incidentally, is more NECESSARY than sharing a smoothie ;-))
Later on, you’ll be there to explain the “changes in her body” (so sorry).
Someday, you’ll be there when she sobs over her first broken heart.
And eventually, you’ll be there when she gives birth to her own Daddy’s Girl.
Because you’re the mama. So Mazzy trusts you to “go by yourself” and still be there for her. Every time.
When it really counts.
Our daughter is only 11 months old, but I can say without a shadow of a doubt that your post is my future. I can’t complain, I have two from a previous marriage that were Mommy’s babies, and his two from a previous marriage are both boys and are nearly adults now – so this is our last baby, his only biological daughter, and he would let her wear any disgusting, crusty thing from the bottom of the hamper that she wanted. She loves me, no doubt, but nothing competes with Daddy when his arms are available.
It does end. From what my mother is telling me these days, I used to be a total daddy’s girl. And I watched my sister be one, too. Because our das was the wild one, with who you could have pillow fights or go on roller coasters. But our mom was the person we knew we could rely on, the one to help us with our problems. The safe place, while dad was responsible for the fun.
And I’m sure Mazzy very much still loves you just as much as Mike, even though sometimes it may look as if she prefers him.
I bet she likes Daddy because you’re more of the disciplinarian. DADDY would let her have the Giants t-shirt!! 🙂
Well, I was always more of an “I want MOMMY to tuck me in bed” kid, but I did fun stuff with my father as well.
Great answer! They really do push the envelope of that unconditional love, don’t they?
That’s when you know you need to have more kids. 😉 With four of them, I can usually guarantee that at least one of them thinks I’m fabulous at any given point.
It’s hard sometimes, but they really do learn different things from both parents, and the only way they can push you away is because they know you’ll always be there. There will be so many times when you are receiving the lion’s share of the attention, and you’ll be wishing that someone else could cover for you (during the private girl discussions for one, and boyfriends, for another). Enjoy each season, because once it’s gone, it’s really gone.
Oh gosh, this is my life!!! My little one and her daddy have just gone to the coffee shop (having been up since 4.30am)… mama was not invited 🙁
I can only reiterate (and take to heart myself) what one commenter above said – mama is there when it really matters – every time – when it counts!
My son was that way for a long time. I think it’s an “oldest” thing since my daughter doesn’t seem to go through it for more than a day here or there. I think the oldest sense the shock the moms are in from becoming moms and run the other way.
Love it ! Brilliant! That is why I said I had two kids, as odds are they won’t both hate me at the same time (they are six years apart so is good odds)
Nope. My oldest and my youngest both prefer me. Don’t know why, I tell them repeatedly I am not nearly as wonderful as they apparently think me to be 😉 Actually they both prefer me so much at bedtime (well, age-dependent, the toddler years) that it became an issue for both of us – me because I never got a break from night time routine, my husband because he never got to participate in the sweet routine. With my oldest we had a stubborn show-down one night that ended in tears (for her and I – sobbing tears – so had to revert in our plan). With my youngest we got smarter and just started doing the bed/songs all together on our bed so we could both be there. My husband at times gets upset, but there are funny moments. Like when she always refuses to let him take her out of her carseat “MOMMMY do it!” Then slaps her hands over her straps for good measure. Which just happen to be at her chest and crotch area, so one day my husband says “Oh look, just like Mommy!” and we laugh about this every time she busts out the move to this day 🙂 Find the humour, love the relationship with Daddy (supposedly the most important in her life for building self-esteem!) and know soon enough it comes full circle.
Smart girl – she knows you are a woman and can handle it on your own..and those men….well they need us for EVERYTHING..including making them feel like the most important thing in the world. Also – if we do that..sometimes they spoil us. Smart girl.
For whatever reason K is much more into me than my hubby. I guess she’s more of a Mommy’s girl at this point. Of course once she figures out he’s the one who makes the “big bucks” that could totally change…. 😉
That is so adorable! Also, I can relate. When Ryan is home, I cease to exist to Hannah. I’m still the love of Landon’s life at least. I think it’s the whole boy-girl thing.
My almost 2 year old little girl is the exact opposite. She’s completely, obsessively, unconditionally attached to Mommy. It has been this way since she was born. Don’t get me wrong, she loves her Daddy but she is ALL about Mommy. There are times I wish she would please spend some time with Daddy so I can just breathe. I do love the fact that she loves me so much, but it can wear on you from time to time!
omg, my DD is a die hard daddy’s girl since she was born! (now 2.5) the daddy obsession fluctuated in intensity throughout her little life so far but always a daddy’s girl. there was a period of time that I could not even get her from the crib, only daddy could get her out. when she was done eating i couldn’t even take her dirty plate! daddy had to take it. or when she was sitting next to daddy and i walked in the room she would scream! lol i think she thought *I* was going to take her from him. and she asks on a daily basis where is daddy, when is coming home…
her new thing now is telling me Im naughty and daddy’s nice. *sigh*
its funny and heartbreaking for me all at the same time…
This comment arrived last night in the midst of an argument between Mike and me, at which time he proceeded to read it out loud. Then we both laughed our asses off. Thank you for ending our fight.
Mike and I both work so we are both equally unavailable. But it doesn’t matter. She still wants Daddy.
HA. Thanks for putting things into perspective for us newbies.
I hate when Mike goes away for work and I have to tell Mazzy that he’s not home in the morning or that he’s not coming home from work. The crying is both heartbreaking and totally INSULTING!
Mike has been good lately about telling Mazzy to go give me a hug and what not. Sometimes it’s the only chance I’ve got.
(I say take the kids out for ice cream without Daddy- that always solves everything right?)
You see- life is never perfect. Now she wants you and you’d probably rather she leave you alone. Ah, motherhood.
Damned if you don’t have your kid’s undivided attention, damned if you do…
Mazzy adores grandma. I think it’s a very good thing. Makes it much easier to go on vacation and leave her with Grandma.
Can you please tell me what cuddling is like? Mazzy will never do me the honor.
My favorite thing is when she falls asleep in the car and then I carry her over my shoulder to bed. Closest I ever get to cuddling.
That basement story is hilarious. Good thing we don’t have a basement. Mazzy would have to send me to the street.
I feel your pain, my two year old is totally in love with his Daddy, so far the only time he has asked for me over my husband is when he needed to throw up…on someone. I still remember when he shook his sick little head at my husband and said “Mommy?” Exhilarated, I reached out my arms to him, only to have him pull open my shirt and throw up inside it. All in all, you’re lucky: Mommy/blanket-picker-upper is better than Mommy/trashcan.
I can’t quite tell from your post how you are handling this – if it is equal parts humor, sadness & jealousy. I just know I got anxious reading it & glimpsing my future – my daughter did say Mama first, but there is no Mama now – everything good is Dada. Being a daddy’s girl myself, and having seen how devastated it made my mom, I am hoping to avoid this fate, but I think the stars are already aligning. I hope to at least be able to carry on as you are, bringing up the rear with blankie in hand.
Things are just the opposite around here and Steve is actually, really hurt by it. I mean, wounded. He gets frustrated by the affection I get, so I try to set up little things to be his and Anna’s alone. I know it’s all phases and I tell him as much. But do you feel genuinely rejected by her favoritism?
That’s a good question. The answer is not really. I sulk about it a little bit but in all honesty, when she kicks me out of the room, sometimes it’s a relief to relax by myself on the couch. She also still prefers me for things like bedtime which is nice. And I do get a very excited hello when I walk in the door.
The thing that bothers me more is that she gives Mike much less of a hassle. She does what he says to do whereas she fights me at every turn. I find that very frustrating, particularly because I have to convince Mike that we need to set rules and boundaries even when he has no issues.
I can totally relate and I don’t even have human babies yet! I get jealous and sad when I think my dog likes someone else more than me. My boyfriend thinks I am an insane person, but this makes me very afraid of what real motherhood will do to me someday…
Aw, poor Ilana. My friend wrote a similar post http://loulouloves.me/2012/02/27/the-crown-of-fun/. I have a boy and we’re close too, though he’s never asked daddy to leave (ouch!!). I’m sure it’ll end, especially when it’s time to play dress up and make up with Mommy. And shopping dates!
lol – it hasn’t happened yet in my house- but i know the day will come when its not all about the mama
I guess it was kismet that I read this today since I had a complete, snotty meltdown on my husband’s chest last night over Vivian’s recent shunning of me – just in general, even though it often is in favor of him. “Where’d Daddy go?” is the first thing she says to me ever.damn.morning.
But moreover, she’s just been really mean to me lately. She also tells me to leave the room and says things like, “Mommy, go away,” and, “Mommy, go to work.” The latter often when I arrive at daycare to pick her up. Ouch.
It all just became a little too much to bear this week and I began to wonder if I was somehow failing her and turning her into an insolent brat. So, it’s nice to know I’m not alone. Misery loves company… right?
Alas my 9 year old daughter, who by the way has picked up more and more of her dads habits as she ages, is a daddys little girl. Last night in fact, she sat in my spot on my bed watching basketball with an elated dad. I believe he actually shed a tear when she asked what a 3 pointer was. Somedays it’s disheartening, but I realize that they have at least one person in this world that will understand them and that has to count for something.
While I have no kids (yet) I couldn’t help but feel sad for you while reading this post. I know how I am, and I know I’d probably feel like a third wheel, too, in the same situation. Probably have my feelings hurt. But then I saw some of the comments like how lucky Mazzy is to have a dad to look up to and love and that is such a good point! One day, Mazzy will realize what she turns to you for, things she can’t get from Daddy just as she turns to Daddy right now for things she can’t get from you. 🙂
Both my girls are/were daddy’s girls while young. The oldest is not 8 and she finally became more neutral around 5 or 6. My youngest is turning 2 and she’s been and still 110% daddy’s girl. The first question I get when I pick her up is, “Daddy?” We could be having a great time, but daddy walks in and she’s her sole focus. *hugs* based on my first, it does get better!
My Ahna was a total daddy’s girl. She’s 16 now and has decided that while we are somewhat fit to love, we both suck. Much harder on her father than it is on me. I’m used to feeling used and cast aside ;). Him, not so much. Some days I’m all, ‘awwwwwwww’ about their totally normal disconnect, but then there are moments of ‘ha!’ now you know what I felt like from the moment she no longer needed me to feed her.’
I’m a bit late in my comments, but regarding Mazzy not cuddling, I know how you feel. My oldest son would NEVER cuddle- he would push back, wiggle, etc, even when he was a baby. One day we came home from Disney and he was EXHAUSTED (he would normally not sleep in the car- ever) and had fallen asleep and I carried him inside, walking at a snail’s pace because it was the closest to cuddles I’d gotten from him. I got upset and talked with my hubs about it, asking “why won’t he cuddle?” and hubs said “when he is old enough to realize how much it would mean to you, he will.”
And it proved to be true. I can’t believe it, but my almost-5-year old is one of the best snugglers now. Doesn’t always last very long, but now he loves to cuddle. So it might happen…..I think it’s been almost a year that he’s been a real cuddler. Hang in there! (And I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you.)
JDaniel informs me when it is “Daddy Time”. It is usually after dinner. They head outside or play a game together.
“I have become a mode of transport. I pick her up, change her diaper (“See, Daddy! SEE, DADDY!”) and then deliver her straight into her beloved’s arms (still in bed, mind you).”
You mention you work as well. You’re not a SAHM. Then I wonder why you have to be the first one to wake up and change your daughter’s diaper?
Her daddy is the one she wants in the morning anyways. It would be easier (and you wouldn’t have to listen to her ask for him repeatedly) if he just changed her himself every morning.
I hope you don’t get stuck pulling double duty as working woman AND pulling most of the load in looking after the home AND in child rearing.
Too many women get suckered into the idea that they could “do it all”. And then suffer from extreme burnout and stress. They end up resenting their husbands and marriages suffer.
Make sure your husband contributes 50% in everything (including diaper changing). You’re not a SAHM – you work outside the home just like he does.
I have a 3y/o son and he LOVES his daddy more than me! Everything is about daddy.
“look at this daddy!”
“let’s play, daddy!”
“where’s daddy?”
and the list goes on and on…
isn’t it that girls love daddy and boys love mommy??
Truth!!
this is soo well written!! I was smiling and ended up laughing reading this..
My 3 year-old son is exactly like Mazzy, and I mean EXACTLY it’s almost scary. They seem to be one and the same person – strongwilled, smart, addicted to iPad, and Daddy’s little boy. Love your blog.
Hi
Sometimes it doesn’t end. Our daughters are 27 and 30 and they still gravitate towards my husband. Even when I make an effort to walk next to them if we are going somewhere, they think nothing of leaving my side to go next to my husband. Sometimes it hurts to the core. 🙁