Jessica Simpson has given birth to a girl named Maxwell. I, for one, am okay with that name (provided the tabloids stop calling her Maxi which sounds to me like a sanitary product). But naming a child is just the first of many decisions that Miss Simpson will have to make as a new parent.
From what I remember, back when Jessica Simpson was relevant (don't tell me she's a judge on Fashion Star, that show SUCKS), Jessica is not the sharpest tool in the shed.
So, it is in her honor that I present 9 PARENTING FAILS today. There is an important lesson for her to learn in each of them.
Pay attention, Jessica!
1. Always remember if and when you are wearing your child.
2. Your stroller is not a shopping cart.
3. If there is one good time to stop texting, it's during childbirth.
4. Don't play hide and seek in the grocery store.
5. Refrain from putting your kid on your shoulders during potty training.
6. Learn how to spell Santa.
7. Put your kid down before you eat a burger.
9. Not every photo-op is a good idea.
Congratulations, Jessica and GOOD LUCK!
WARNING: If you try googling "parenting fails" yourself, please be aware that about 95% of them will be women in thong underwear taking photos of themselves with their children behind them. The other 5% will be babies smoking. Your welcome for not including them here.
Photos found on I Can Has Cheezburger, Ned Hardy, Strange Beaver and the Huffington Post.
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UPDATE: There is some debate over whether Jessica Simpson actually had her baby. People is saying "No". Apparently, I was fooled by InTouch's cover story entitled "Inside Jessica's Dramatic Delivery" with subtitle— "her tearful first words to her new baby girl". I even read the whole article. First sentence: "As a first-time mother, Jessica Simpson couldn't be more thrilled to finally welcome her baby girl, Maxwell". What up, InTouch???
The poor baby! Who knows though, maybe Jessica Simpson will surprise us all with her superb parenting skills. I mean, she has got to be good at something, right?
Please tell me most of those are actually photoshopped! I’ve seen a few before, but all together they are even more funny.
And congrats to Jessica on the baby. I love the name!
Are you sure she had the baby? I can’t find the news online anywhere. My Google Fu may have a case of the Mondays.
Huh. How about #10: STAY AWAY FROM PEOPLE WITH CAMERAS.
#7 – OMG I die.
Unless she gave birth today, she is apparently still pregnant:
http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20589282,00.html
P.S. Fashion Star *is* awful… we tried to watch an episode and we just had no clue WTF we were watching… lol
My favorite gay bloggers say it better than I can…
http://www.tomandlorenzo.com/2012/03/fashion-star-lights-camera-explosions.html
You always give the soundest advice. And I am so glad we are done potty training.
The wearing baby and potty training ones are hilarious!
Ha. These are awesome. We were at a street festival this weekend and my husband was wearing Anna in a back carrier and decided it was easier to just leave her strapped in while he used the porta-potty. I pray there were no cameras around…
Hey, my stroller IS a shopping trolley – they serve a dual purpose, right? I usually take the toddler out first, though. Most of the time…
I laughed out loud (literally) at every single picture. Hilarious! Thank you for this post, I needed it today 🙂
That is only a fail if he went number two. If he was peeing then it is actually a success that he USED the porta-potty rather than a bush or tree. 🙂
This is a very beautiful and interesting article
hahahah it makes me laugh hard
High School Diploma
Man, even on my worst days, I am the Parent of the Year.
Holy cow.
Also:
LOVE High School Diploma’s comment.
Really? Sitting on your baby? Funny? How?
That damn autocorrect is one of many reasons that I don’t text.
Love these photos, especially the “freezer section” and “Satan”.
I want to reach through and slap #3
I don’t know they look pretty real to me. Hopefully, the lion one is photoshopped though. That’s just crazy.
InTouch reported she gave birth but she’s saying she didn’t. I read InTouch on the plane, wrote the post and then was away from my computer all day so I had no idea I was misreporting!
I tried to watch it once and it was truly awful. The fashions are terrible, nobody has anything interesting to say about them and I hate the huge arena as opposed to the private small runway on Project Runway.
I’ve barely started. Thankfully, Mike is the one who usually carries Mazzy on his shoulders.
As long as she survived the stench, you are all good!
I’ve given Mazzy a six pack of toilet paper to hold more than once.
Me thinking High School Diploma isn’t real person. She makes very beautiful comment.
It’s like everything that is wrong with our society incapsulated in one simple photo. Like ART.
I have a dear friend who named her son Maxwell.
He’s now sixteen. And she only calls him Maxi.
I will be forwarding this post to her STAT. Because no boy in high school wants to be mistaken for a Kotex.
For real.
sooooo funny, keep those photos and captions coming! You are one talented momma and writer!
Hahahaha! I agree with Alissa, those two were my personal favs as well.
HA! Love the potty training one! Someone who shall not be named here actually peed in her friends stroller yesterday!