I'm Jewish so I must admit to not fully understanding Easter. I'm pretty sure it has something to do with Jesus rising from the dead… but what that has to do with bunnies hiding eggs, I have no idea.
Christian people are really much better at making holidays child-friendly than the Jews.
We force our children to sit at pre-dinner sedars that are hours long, effectively starving them to death and then when they finally do get something to eat— it's charoset on matzoh. That's curshed apples, walnuts and wine on a hard salt-free cracker.
Some may argue that charoset is delicious but it's no Cadbury Creme Egg, that's for sure.
TRUE STORY: My mother took me to a fancy restaurant when I was about seven. At the end of the meal, the waiter read off the desserts, one of them being Chocolate Mousse. My mother told me I could get anything I wanted, so I said, "I"ll take the chocolate, but I'd like a bunny instead of a moose." Poor Jewish kid. I'd probably been waiting my whole life for a bite of one of those damn bunnies.
Today, in the spirit of a holiday I know nothing about, I'm having a caption contest.
The picture above was submitted by Sheila (@itsSheilaMarie) and it features her daughter Anne Marie and the rabbit from the old Crunch Gym commercials.
Is it me or does the Easter Bunny get more and more sinister-looking with each passing year? Or is it just impossible to construct a bunny costume that doesn't look like it's housing a child molester?
And what is Anne Marie screaming about? Did the bunny steal her eggs or did she just see the ghost of Jesus in the bushes?
You tell me in the comment section below.
Winner not only gets crowned CAPTION CONTEST QUEEN but also wins a STELLAR PRIZE from Petite Box.
Petite Box is a monthly delivery service of beautifully packaged, high quality products designed for expectant and new moms.
They sent me a sample box for a 4-6mo (pictured left) and it included goods from Momma, Earth Friendly Baby and a ridiculously adorable bib from Petite Frites.
The winner of the caption contest will get to choose any gift box from pregnancy through one year, and you are free to keep it for yourself or give it as a baby shower gift.
Winner will be chosen by me with the help of the reigning Caption Contest Queen— Nixon's Mom.
I'll announce the QUEEN on Easter Sunday.
Right after I give Mazzy her very own chocolate bunny.
Just don't tell my mother.
Good Luck!
Happy Easter! Rabbit turds! Wait, you’re not laughing? Jesus, kid, they’re just raisins.
You said Easter Bunny!?! I thought we were going to see Justin Bieber!!
…And he passed an Easter stone that was neither pain-free nor delicious.
“Aaahh! Stranger!” “Aahh! Child!!!”
(In fairness, this is inspired by Kevin’s caption)…
Anne Marie: These aren’t Easter eggs!
Bunny: Haha. Nope! They’re kidney stones!
Yup and there’s no santa either!
Chill out kid, I’m working on laying the damn eggs now!!!!
Bunny: “You may have my Easter eggs, but I have your soul! Mwhahahahhah!”
“All your eggs are belong to me. Muahahahahahaha!”
Mom, you said if I put my basket on the ground the bunny would put eggs in it. These are NOT EGGS!
Ha!
THOSE aren’t eggs kid! Don’t you know you shouldn’t eat off of the ground- even if it does look like chocolate!?!
Inspired in part by your True Story, above-
“AA batteries?! You’re supposed to be the Easter Bunny, not the Energizer bunny!!”
The Jewish Easter Bunny Company: taking all the fun out of Easter, one Jewish kid at a time.
Anne Marie to Bunny: “What do you mean, you hid the eggs REALLY good this year?!? MOMMMMM!!!
What are you laughin’ at bunny? Some people cut off your feet for GOOD LUCK.
Bunny: You know those eggs came out my butt, right?
Anne Marie: What?!?!
Bunny: How else does a Bunny lay eggs? Muahahahahah!
Hunger Games, shmunger games. These are the Bunny Games…now RUN!
good girl, now stand next to the bunny and smile! see, the bunny is smiling- smile like the bunny! oh. well…i think you took me too literally.
Hilarious picture! What is the deal with the easter bunny? I’m not sure how easter and a bunny came together many years ago. So strange.
The alternate ending to the movie, “Seven.”
Jenny reacts when she realizes that all the Easter Bunny was giving her this year was a collection of Dane Cook movies.
This is not a caption, just clarification for all the Jews. Easter is when the world was introduced to the Original Zombie. Which is then celebrated with a ginormous bunny that leaves eggs in weird places and copious amounts of chocolate. WHAT’S NOT TO UNDERSTAND?????
Easter Bunny: “Kid, you think that’s scary? Wait til I tell you where jelly beans come from!”
Oh…and in reference to how Jesus somehow equals bunnies and eggs, watch Robin Williams Live on Broadway. He does a hysterical bit on this…HYSTERICAL!
“The kicker? You’re holding that empty basket while standing on NON-CHROMATED-COPPER-ARSENATE-FREE MULCH.”
“Aaaahhhhhh! These don’t smell like Easter eggs!”
“It’s not enough they get Santa? The Easter Bunny is related to Jesus too? These chocolate eggs aren’t kosher?!? AAARRRGGG!”
Razor blades, they’re not just for Halloween anymore.
Hey kid, have you ever heard that Christmas song, “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus”? Cute song, isn’t it? Yeah.
In case it wasn’t clear, that’s my way of telling you I’m nailing your mom.
And you thought the coal in your stocking at Christmas was bad…mwa ha ha!
“Sweetie, meet your father”
What do you mean they killed you and you came back from the dead
Annemarie ~these aren’t chocolate drops
Bunny~ sorry thought that was the little box
“Hey kid, Ever seen Donnie Darko?!?”
Love it 😉
Deal with it, kid. That last Cadbury cream egg was mine.
First you made me watch The Passion of the Christ and now this f*cking guy? I’m calling Child Protective Services.
“Yah, that’s right kid. I just ate all of your Easter candy. ”
When she sat on Santa’s lap, he had responded quite well as she showed him her Lucky Rabbit’s Foot. Not exactly the case when she showed it to the Easter Bunny.
Jenny and the Easter Bunny demonstrating how wide they had to open their mouth to fit all the candy in at once
Bunny: “I don’t care what you’ve read, VAMPIRES DON’T SPARKLE!”
What are you screaming about kid? I was *this close* to winning an Emmy at one time. Ok sure, it was a daytime Emmy, but still.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH(BREATH)AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH…
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh(breath)Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…
-For the first time in over 3 decades little Becky Martin went toe to toe with the bunny in the 36th annual Easter Scream Off.
And little Jenny realized the Monsanto bunny brought her genetically modified eggs.
As a geek, i applaud you 🙂
“…and that, Anne Marie, is where babies come from.”
A week late, but what the heck