Today, I turned to "Write on Edge" for some inspiration. Their writing prompt this week was to write from the opposite gender's perspective.
I decided to attempt Mazzy's nightly bedtime routine through the eyes of my husband.
It's probably a little unfair and not nearly as comedic as I intended. But since Mike left this evening for a two week business trip to Hong Kong, I thought he deserved a little abuse. (I love you, babe!)
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The elevator dinged as it opened on his floorโ a ding that signaled "Daddy's home!" to everyone on the other side of his apartment door.
This was his favorite part of the day. He was a hero.
Even before he put the key in the lock, he could hear the sound of frantic footsteps running toward him.
"DAAAAAAAAAADDDDDDDDDDDDDYYYYY!!!!!!!"
Mike greeted his daughter with a big hug. He was late so he spoke in an overly animated voice to make up for it. "HEY MAZZY! WHAT DID YOU DO TODAY?!"
"It's time to get her ready for bed."
That was his wife. The Bedtime Nazi. She was attempting to organize a pile of toys for which there was no home.
"Let her stay up a little later. I just got here."
"Okay…" she said as she tossed a puzzle piece into a bin of blocks and then grabbed her Kindle on the way to the couch. That was her way of saying, "But then you're putting her to bed…"
He stopped her. "Wait. First I need to put my stuff away, change out of my clothes, go to the bathroom and make a quick phone call."
She stared at him.
"I'll just be a second."
Twenty minutes later, he was back in the living room. Mazzy seemed to be having some sort of meltdown while his wife tried to wrangle her into pajamas.
"What's wrong with her?"
"She's overtired!"
He turned his attention to his daughter. "Hey babe, do you want me to read you some books?"
"Madeline!"
Crap. He hated Madeline.
He shuffled Mazzy into her room while his wife stationed herself on the living room couch. She smiled in a way that said, "Put her to bed now or else divorce is imminent."
Of course, he had no intention of actually putting his daughter to bed. Mazzy hated going to bed. Why would he do that to her?
Instead, he would play with her in her room, reading books, flipping her upside down, creating voices with her stuffed animals, making her laugh… until his wife came to the door, hands on hips, questioning his very existence.
"What's the problem?" she would say.
"No problem."
"It's almost an hour past her bedtime. Just do it already!"
But then Mazzy would ask her to read a book, she would have no choice but to oblige and then he would have the perfect opportunity to sneak out, eat dinner (he was starving!) and watch TV.
Mommy closed, every night.
Mike liked escaping bedtime unscathed. Always the good guy.
Even if he could still see his wife shaking her head at him through the wall.
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NOTE: I feel the need to add one thing even though it doesn't quite mesh with my story. Every night, after the scene above goes down, I call Mike back into the room (per Mazzy's request) and we both sing her a lullaby together as she lays in her crib. We've sang the same song so many times that sometimes Mazzy even sings it with us too. It is by far and away, the best part of my day.
Why are dads always the fun guys?
Also – two weeks in Hong Kong? That’s just wrong.
In my house, I’m the Bedtime Nazi but dad gets to do the putting to bed shenanigans. He’s just much better at it. Monkey just wants me to lie down with him until he falls asleep. Dad? 10 minutes of story time and lullabies, and he’s done.
Also? He’s a self-declared Baby Whisperer. He’s even managed to get the baby to sleep in less than 10 minutes when I’ve spent an hour failing to do so.
This is one job I’m happy he can do better than me.
Know why I love this? Because you clearly show both valid points of view – tired mom done with dealing with work then single-parenting-with-no-break and is now ready for bedtime/alone time; juxtapositioned with tired dad who was working such long hours he is trying to squeeze in whatever quality time he can with the very reason he is working long hours to begin with. Also .. (1) my husband went to China for two weeks in March leaving me with toddler and 8 year old – we survived, and it was nice to see how much we take for granted – though I would lying if I didn’t say I didn’t mind the always knowing my evenings I wouldn’t be bugged for sex, and being able to wake up and drink a coffee in peace ๐ and (2) our night routine is all four of us on our bed, each kid gets a book/ chapter or two then we all take turns picking songs to sing. My kids always choose the silly songs I made up when they were babies. I will miss that so much when it is done!! ๐
While I was the Queen of the Stink Eye, now I kind of miss being able to let my oldest go off schedule to spend time with her dad when he got home. Now, with school, it’s not feasible to let her stay up and be miserable all day.
I will tell you, look at that long trip closely…at least your house will stay cleaner, your kids will probably go to bed earlier, and you will have more time to yourself than you ever really wanted. Just enough to miss him like crazy and be happy when he comes home with that big ol’ pile of laundry! LOL!!
I can picture this scene, chaos and all, happening. It makes me a little nervous since my first will be joining my hubby and I over the summer and I’d rather not alway be the bad guy. Then again, with his schedule it will be inevitable. Nice job!
Ahhh, that’s sweet.
Dads always get to be the softies, though there is something perfect in that moment where everyone is just winding down together.
But still? No fair getting the children riled up and then ducking out for the tough stuff ๐
I love all these brave chicks writing from the man’s point of view at Write on Edge.
And I hate Madeleine, too.
I’m a time nazi too! I hate when baby becomes overtired because it’s me who deals with it. Oh well, just remind myself that my baby wont be a baby for much longer and I should enjoy it. I love that all 3 of you sing a lullaby together! And leaving for 2 weeks?! I wouldn’t know what to do!!!!! He better bring you home a darn good present, like a really expensive knock-off of a luxury bag ๐
LOVE this – what a routine! I like that both you know exactly what is going on ๐
Some favorite lines: ”
That was his wife. The Bedtime Nazi. She was attempting to organize a pile of toys for which there was no home.”
&
“She smiled in a way that said, ‘Put her to bed now or else divorce is imminent.'”
Small edit: “He was [a] hero.”
Great read!
Oh so fun!
I think the humor is there. The shaking of her head through the wall, the stare without comment. These are things we hope he notices and I’m glad your spouse does!
I leave you with good thoughts for a successful trip out and safe trip home.
Great take on the prompt!
Oh yeah, I’m definitely more of a bedtime nazi than my husband. He’s fun and the girls LOVE it. Me, I just want to get it done. Brush teeth, go potty, read books, bed. No silly games mixed in, no stalling for more snacks…
Great piece
It’s true…I’m so tired of being the bad guy…
Aww! We sing to Landon together every night before bed too! So adorable!
Two weeks in Hong Kong earns him a little abuse.
That said, sounds like bedtime in our house, too. “Crap. He hated Madeline.” Hee. Right there you’ve shown he’s a guy ๐
Love that you both sing her a lullaby every night when you are home together. That’s a beautiful thing! Love the post from his point of view.
I had a smile on my face the whole time I read it. Every Bedtime Nazi knows this routine, at times both dreading and yearning for the “hero” to come home and take over.
I think you did a fantastic job of keeping the funny while switching perspectives.
To sleep, perchance to dream – why don’t kids get it?
Nice post. I learn something new and challenging on blogs I stumbleupon everyday.
It’s always exciting to read articles from other writers and practice something from other websites.
Bedtime from a Dad’s Perspective
James couldn’t wait to get home. His excitement bubbled as the elevator went up. He was the hero when he came home.
“DADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!” his daughter yelled jumping into his arms.
“HI MALISA, WHAT DID YOU DO TODAY?” he asked in a loud voice. Malisa was the opposite of noise senstive. She liked having people talk loudly.
In the background, his wife moved toys around. Dress-up kits didn’t really have a spot in the apartment.
“It’s time for bed” his wife muttered as she tossed a stuffed animal into a bin.
“It’s Monday, she can stay up a little later” James told his wife. He worked late for almost every day except for Monday and Friday.
He went into the bathroom and changed his clothes. When he came out, his daughter was having a meltdown as his wife shoved Malisa into a pair of pink footie pajamas.
“What is going on?” he asked. He had never seen his precious two year old angel do this before.
“She does this every night, but it’s worse tonight because she’s OVERTIRED!” his wife yelled as she shoved Malisa’s leg into the pajamas. She zipped the P.Js up, and picked up her up.
“Story Time is all yours” his wife muttered as she changed a squirming Malisa’s diaper, and brushed those adorable little teeth.
“Babe, what book do you want to read?” he asked. “Elmo Says” she replied shoving the battered and beaten old book into his hands.
Oh crap, he thought. Elmo was SO ANNOYING!
After repeating “Elmo Says….” for a whopping five minutes, was is time for Malisa to go to bed.
He laid her down in the crib, but the little spider baby flung herself back out of the crib and made a run down the hall.
After 5 minutes of chasing Malisa down the hall, he finally caught her and places her in the crib. She kicked her legs and screamed so loud it almost pierced his ear drums.
She could not get out again. He had adjusted the crib bars so that they were high up.
Finally, he did what he really wanted to do. Grabbed an ice cold beer and sat in the living room watching football.