For the first year of this blog, I gave Elmo a lot of shit. But that was before Mazzy watched any children’s programming other than Sesame Street.
Now, I understand that ‘annoying’ is relative. If I could do it all over again, I never would have introduced my daughter to anything outside of Bert and Ernie’s apartment.
The following flow chart will help you determine what shows you should encourage your kids to watch based on your background and personal preferences.
For instance, if you are the lamest person in Canada, you’ll LOVE Calliou. If you trip your face off after you put the kids to bed, try Yo Gabba Gabba.
Question: If you were to wake up screaming in the middle of the night, it would be because you were haunted by which children’s TV show character?
In all seriousness, mine would be Ming Ming from Wonder Pets.
I have heard nightmarish stories about Calilou and Max & Ruby. From the parents. Note to self: Stick to Sesame Street. And possibly Thomas the Train.
I can’t stand Thomas the Train – but that bitch Ruby and her little a-hole brother Max are the WORST.
My daughter loves Yo Gabba Gabba…courtesy of her cousin (thanks Emma!!…not)…we unfortunately have 3 t-shirts and all the beanie babies…yeah my husband wants to claw his eyes out…luckily recently she has taken a liking to animal movies like Nemo, Rio, Lion King and 101 Dalmatians!!
I’m a Canadian and have never seen Caillou!
I can’t stand Spongebob!! Worst thing is that he’s ALWAYS on on some channel.
Just so you know— I think Canada has some of the best cities in the world, but they are responsible for Max and Ruby too!
My son is very into Super Hero Squad right now. It’s better than Caillou except it has the opposite effect. Caillou chills him out (bores him into submission) and Super Hero Squad gets him amped up and ready to kick some ass.
Two things, where is Barney? I LOVE that show, hahahaha.
No really, where ARE Max and Ruby’s parents? And when I was pregnant and had pregnancy induced insomnia it was in part because of Kipper! Totally benign, if you enjoy your animated dogs stoned. But the song was stock in my head for MONTHS.
I love this so much. Children’s programming is so awful. My father inexplicably LOVES the Fresh Beat Band, though. He has the CD in his car. I wish I was kidding.
I have a childless friend and we were at his house one day and Caitlyn was watching Yo Gabba Gabba, which he immediately coined “hipster Sesame Street”. I felt like that was actually incredibly accurate.
The least annoying show Caitlyn watches right now is Pocoyo. Except, actually she can’t watch ANYTHING right now because Direct TV and Viacom are in some sort of fight over money and Nickelodeon is gone for the time being. I was really annoyed the night I went to put on her favorite show and found a message from the CEO of Direct TV on loop, essentially calling Viacom a bunch of greedy bastards. Thanks, CEO. I’ll just explain that to my 2 year old. I’m sure she will understand!
Now the Wonder Pets theme song is in my head and it is WAY too early to start drinking, thankyousomuch. : P Caillou is the stuff that mommy nightmares are made of. And why are his parents so patient with him? If I were his mom, we’d have some serious issues. I noticed when my kid watches Caillou, the whine factor in our house triples. Thus, Caillou has been banned from my house, tv, and vocabulary (with the exception of this comment).
Oooh, and there is a cartoon called “Fireman Sam”, in which my child is obsessed with. They have this tween brat named Norman, and he is whiny and a trouble maker. In my nightmare, he and Caillou would become BFFs and torture the town with their whiny shenanigans. *Shudder*
I have really, really bad news for you: My oldest two are 6 and 9 and it just doesn’t get better.
Sometimes during an episode of Spongebob, I just want to rip my brains out just to make it stop..
I don’t think you have this in the US, but there is an incredibly popular cartoon in Japan called, “Anpanman.” An “anpan” is a bread roll stuffed with sweet beans, get it? Anpan Man?? The cartoon freaks me out. Anpanman is a superhero and most of his superhero friends are different types of breads. When they are out on a mission, if someone gets weak, Anpanman just rips a bit of his own face off and gives it to a friend to eat so s/he can power up. Cartoon cannibalism – scaaaarrry!! Furthermore, in the event that Anpanman needs power all he has to do is go to Jamu Ojisan (Uncle Jam), the friendly local baker, who whips up a new head for him. The old one flies off and is replaced by the new one. Crisis averted.
WTF?!?!
Okay, the Fresh Beat Band it is. Thank you.
You should win some kind of award for that chart. It’s fabulous. But while my son was obsessed with Curious George for a long time, his favorite became Team Umizoomi last year and is still tops for him. Where would you place it on your chart?
And while I haven’t seen all the shows, I agree with a previous poster that SpongeBob is the absolute worst, I won’t let it play at all.
I put on Yo Gabba Gabba once because friends of ours recommended it and Mazzy hated it. Thank god, I couldn’t stand it either.
I’m so glad I’m not the only one who finds Max & Ruby completely infuriating.
I’ve never seen Super Hero Squad but I think that’s one of the reasons I hate Yo Gabba Gabba. Mazzy is an incredibly active, loud child. In our house, TV works best as veg-out time.
I had the Wonder Pets song stuck in my head for years, and I wanted to make Ming-Ming a L’Orange for dinner. When my kids were toddlers, it was all about The Wiggles for a long time, but at least I could have naughty fantasies about Anthony and Greg.
But I HATED Max & Ruby and am so glad to see it wasn’t just me. I want to call DSS on their parents, because obviously poor Ruby is raising her sociopathic baby brother on her own, and the stress is turning her into an anal-retentive control freak. How are they supporting themselves, anyway? Are the Bunny Scouts a front for a drug ring? Somebody has to ask these questions!
Barney would probably fall under the slightly drug-induced category- but maybe include a question like: Are you slightly creepy and like to surround yourself with small children?
I’ve got an even better idea. UPDATING CHART NOW!
I’ve never heard of Pocoyo- must look into it.
I have a similar sob story with Madeline. That was my most tolerated TV show by far but Netflix removed the series from their cue for some reason. For a few weeks, they still had an animated Madeline movie that Mazzy watched all the time, but they’ve since removed that as well.
WHY, NETFLIX, WHY???
You know, I’ve heard that complaint about Calliou from more than one person. I am going to try a ban in our house and see if behavior improves around here as well.
I’ve never seen Team Umizoomi. Is this a good thing or a bad thing?
I thought about including Spongebob (totally drug induced) but it’s really for older kids and would have opened the door to a whole bunch of other shows that I am unfamiliar with.
Say what you will about kids tv shows, they taught my daughter to speak English when we brought her here at 3 speaking Dutch and she was reading by 4. Still don’t let her watch SpongeBob though and she’s 8…
My 2 year old loves Blues Clues, except that no matter whether it’s Steve or Joe, he calls them Joe. And his favorite cartoon is still Pingu, but I blame that for why he still doesn’t know more than 20 words.
I have to post this anonymously, because I know they’ll know who they are if they see this, but I have a friend who actually called their kids Max and Ruby. For real.
Caillou makes my ears bleed. I make my daughter watch it on the iPad with earphones if that’s the only thing she wants to watch.
Robert and Ribert. OMG that thing is awful, from the animation to the overly exaggerated facial expressions of the human. I cannot turn the TV off fast enough.
You are so quick! And I love the flow chart. I just can’t seem to find anything that works for us, well me really! I like Olivia and Angelina Ballerina, I am going to make my own with the outcome in mind, like are you still limber like when you were 3? —–Angelina Ballerina (though I would still not get there)
I now get Berenstain bears and read a camping book once in which the dad throws up horrible stuff so am totally horrified by the show.
Pocoyo is cute, but short. Luckily my kids know how to push the next button on the Netflix app thingy. Otherwise I would have more time to start the show than time to actually get anything done. And of course that would be the end of the world
UmiZoomi is totally acceptable for now, I kind of like it. But I also like yogabbagabba, so take that with a grain of salt, or acid
According to this chart, I’m a Sesame Street person (illegal drug use, yes; scared of large birds, no). And yet it’s all Thomas all the time in our house. And strangely, it doesn’t get on my nerves. In fact, Hubs turned to me last night and said, “I find myself wanting to see what happens now,” and I was like, “Me too!”
And my answer to your question as to which children’s show character would haunt my dreams is Caillou. Obviously, since I just wrote a whole post about him.
Pocoyo is great! You should definitely check it out, we have mulitple episodes saved on the DVR so our daughter can watch them whenever she wants. It’s really cute and fairly quiet, it works well with acvite children like mine (and Mazzy).
My girl watches a little Sesame Street, but her top two shows right now are Super Why and Team UmiZoomi. Honestly, I think they’re both great shows, and making her smarter too 🙂
I have never heard of Max and Ruby… had to Google it. Can’t blame Canada only – looks like the US is partially to blame as well! If it makes you feel better, we are temporarily living in Switzerland and are stuck with crappy cable that plays the BBC Cbeebies cartoons, which include Teletubbies!
AGREED, I hate fireman sam with the fire of a thousand suns. Every single person in that show is a complete and total idiot except fireman sam, and the kids are ridiculous. Why do they show it so much on sprout? WHY?
Mostly I force my toddler to watch “the mighty jungle”, because I think it’s kind of awesome, with some inserted quiet humor directed at parents… sort of like “in-my-day” sesame street.
I got Sesame Street. And admitting that tells your public a lot of things about me that perhaps I’d rather they not know.
Love this flowchart. I’m just relieved I didn’t get The Fresh Beat Band.
This is your best flow chart work to date. Holy shit, if there’s a flow chart crown you should wear it.
I neglected to answer the question. Caillou. It has to be the inexplicably bald kid with the penchant for primary colors. “Woooooooo, woooooooOOOOHH! I’m coming for your purples, oranges, and greens. . . !”
Silly fucker. I put them up high and there’s a door lock. What’s that Caillou? You’ll be three/four/bald forever and you can’t reach high places. Sorry tiny creep. Here’s some Benadryl to put you down for a big sleep.
Dude. Jen and I had the same conversation. It’s why we have decided we will drink while we put our kids in front of the tv and call it a play date. wait. what? NO!
Also? This infographic? brilliant.
Calliou makes me stabby, btw.
I’m still looking for Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. If I hear the hotdog dance song one more time I might blow my own head off.
How about The Wiggles? They’re pretty popular here too, aren’t they? In Australia, there is heavy divided opinion for either loving or hating them. I can see both sides… but my girls adore those men in skivvies. Guaranteed way to get some peace is to pop one of their DVDs on – but then I am stuck with the songs in my head for ages after.
Phineas and Ferb forevah.
Also I cracked up when I got to “Diego.” Love it.
Love the chart!
I echo your sentiment about wishing I had kept my daughter on Sesame Street. She has somehow kept one foot in the Curious George/Cat in the Hat/ Thomas the Train PBS trough, and crept the other (darker) side into What’s New Scooby Doo? territory.
Now, instead of pretending she’s in Elmo’s world, she wants to play “ghosts and zombies”. And everything she finds on the floor is a “mystery clue” (No baby, that’s actually Daddy’s disgusting toenail clipping…)
God speed, my child. God speed.
Does anyone remember “Bill & Ben The Flowerpot Men” (with Weeeed) or “Muffin the Mule” or “Sooty” All old, old British T.V. shows for children way back in the Ark?!?!
am i weird? i let the boy choose his favorite shows. he’s not really into sesame street yet. we had a caillou phase, but now all pales before thomas. he picks out the one thomas shirt we have to wear the instant it gets folded and put back in the drawer.
also, i have had this idea about a contest to discover the most annoying character voice on children’s tv, but i never do anything fun anymore. i want YOU to do it. please. i beg you. and if you do, i am nominating norman from fireman sam. i swear to god the whole cast is having a contest to make the most ear-destroying sounds on television. but i have to admit, unlike sara, i think he is our (the dad and me) favorite character on tv. we’re constantly doing norman impressions around the house, “but mom! i didn’t leave the window open, i was busy setting small fires and torturing animals!”
http://youtu.be/oI_Eh_hLKDU
Awesome post – as usual!
Right now, my 3 yo daughter is on a Scooby-Doo kick. Sounds like fun, right? Bringing it back – um, no so much!!!
At least today, they change the background scenes. I’m tired of seeing “the gang” run by the same stuff, again and again and again!!
This is so perfect – my husband and I just got a good laugh out of it. And just so you know, our kid watches Dora all of his waking hours (good parenting alert!), but we’ve been known to watch Wonder Pets (and have the song in my head for days at a time), Yo Gabba Gabba, and Bubble Guppies.
I am Canadian and I hate Caillou so hard I want to cry. Whiny little annoying brat.
P.S. LOVED this!
My son loves the little einsteins. Of course, now I have have “pat, pat, pat, pat, pat, pat, pat, pat, pat, ” all in my brain.
On a positive note, he loves classical music and down time in my car goes over well when I want to put on the classical station on my radio.
Of course, he also loves wonder pets…and frequently requests a reenactment of “saving the baby whale,” or what not…
Great post! Lots of fun!
we love thomas too, but i can’t help thinking of them as real trains? so when gordon has an accident i wonder how many passengers survived. it must be super freaky for the drivers when your train gets scared.
Our dog is named “Sizzles” after Charlie & Lola’s dog (who they looked after for ONE episode). He IS a nightmare. He barks at stars. Yes.
Yeah, we think the same kinds of things. Like, when the trains want to do something stupid or off-course (like they often do), why don’t the drivers step in and get them back on track. Is the drivers who are incompetent or the trains? Who’s in control here? The mind boggles.
Hubs and I also like it when the trains make fun of each other, along with all the adult humor. Like when Thomas pumps his pistons, blows a valve, and then feels a tingle in his axles. Teehee.
I’ve only watched shows on the Sprout Channel so I like Thomas b/c my son does and Calliou is too well behaved but it’s fine. Not too much into Sesame Street, if you can believe it. I hate the Pajanimals though. And have you seen Kipper – he’s a beagle with an English accent and it’s freakin hilarious.
My daughter is addicted to Peppa Pig, a British import. It’s a family of pigs that resemble our family (except we don’t have the little brother), especially in that Daddy Pig is always teased for his big belly. It’s gently humorous and surprisingly not annoying, even after logging some 200+ hours. It’s always on our DVR, along with Caillou and now HBO’s Crashbox, which is well above our 2YO daughter’s level, but she still loves it because she loves robots and monsters.
I won’t let the kids watch max and ruby. Ruby is not nice to Max, don’t want them modeling THAT behavior
Could not agree more! The best kids show, sometimes I think we like it more than them! and there are a lot of references and “in” jokes when you’ve been watching it for a while.
Also, what about Dinosaur Train? Both my kids love it, and my son is absolutely obsessed w/ dinos. It’s actually educational. They can name way more dinosaurs than I ever even knew existed!
The worst kid’s show characters in order of least annoying to most annoying/deserves to die the True Death:
5. Diego when he makes animal calling noises (SO gay)
4. That bitch Ruby
3. The artist guy on Yo Gabba Gabba
2. Sponge Bob and PATRICK, oh the humanity
1. The song the Grumpy Old Troll sings about living under a fucking bridge! And Rosie Perez’s guest starring role as La Bruja on Dora (another True Blood reference by the way.) I heard her voice in the NEXT ROOM and cringed).
Have you watched Octonauts? It’s on Disney… Cloe watches it because I LOVE it. I’ve even caught myself learning things from it! Aka: did you know that when a cuttle fish is scared, it will ink like an octopus, BUT it’s ink actually takes the form of two more cuttle fish so as to confuse the attacker? I think that’s so interesting. Is that sad of me? Probably. Oh well, lol.
According to that chart, I need to build a time machine and tell my younger self to stop being such a nerd to save myself from Caillou.
I miss the days when my 16 year old was little. Whatever happened to “Bear and the Big Blue House” and “Out of the Box”? They were awesome! Bear was all about being a good friend, helping each other out, etc and Out of the Box was about finding new and creative ways to play. Both had fun songs that weren’t annoying and the kids loved them! As for me, I love me some old school Scooby-Doo, Ed,Edd,&Eddy, and the Powerpuff Girls! And if you’re looking for something to watch while tripping your balls off, see if you can find Cow & Chicken…
Caillou! Egad, I hate that beady-eyed cue ball. I’d rather have a bad trip watching Boohbah than watch Caillou.
I didn’t mind Wonder Pets. My kids never saw Caillou, thank the good Lord. Max & Ruby… how annoying is that show?
I adored Jack’s Big Music Show (with the Laurie Berkner Band).
My 9 year olds have been known to watch the Octonauts. I kind of like it too.
Amen. One of my very favorite kids’ shows
Unfortunately, Sponge Bob is really advertised to a way younger crowd than should ever be watching it. I hate that show and think it’s crude and rude. My kids get an occasional show here and there at other peoples’ houses and of course, they think it’s awesome. Never, ever in my house though. My kids love Jake & the Neverland Pirates, which I can usually tolerate. It sometimes bugs them how inaccurately they portray animals (my kids love animals and know lots of science facts about all kinds), but in general Jake is one of their favorite shows. They don’t get much tv, usually just movies or what’s on Netflix when I really need a break.
I think I like Octonauts more than my daughter! I don’t care! She WILL watch it. lol
Sid the Science Kid scares the bejeebers out of me! I can’t watch him at all. Oh! Or Sophia the First. The theme song for that starts and I can’t find the remote quick enough.
I’m lucky that my daughter doesn’t have any absolute favorites so we get to change it up a bit. I can usually redirect to something else if I’m annoyed with one show.
What about Doodlebops? Now that show is horrible and their main song sticks in your head and refuses to leave! I don’t understand why my two year old son likes this show! I think it’s Canadian. Check it out @mommyshorts. Freaky looking costumes and makeup!
Oh! I loved those older Disney shows with Bear and PB&J, et al. Youngest likes Caillou – oi! – but fortunately likes SuperWhy, Octonauts. But yeah, I have a strange mash-up of WonderPets, Einsteins, and Barney theme songs stuck in my head now!!!! And I can’t make or see a fruit salad, without singing the words, followed by “yummy,yummy”!! (And I know I just infested some of your heads with THAT Wiggles madness!) I detest -DETEST!!!- Yo Gabba Gabba. And LazyTown completely freaks out my husband! He can’t stand their big puppet heads. If I have to watch it, it’s really only for Sporticus and his “uniform”!!
Pocoyo is from Spain…but trnslated into English. BEST cartoon EVER! we don’t get it anymore…so I have to find the episodes on YouTube (all are on there) in Spanisssshhhh and English. I love his dance. Axel is super hyper too and he loves watching Pocoyo and dancing around like him! There’s one episode where “Elie” (the elephant) is the DJ and Pocoyo and “Pato” (the Duck) are dancing away to “Pa Pa Americano”…or “Gangnam style”…pretty funny! …and there’s a BIG plus…in English it’s in a British English accent so your kids will go around calling you “Mum” after the show….. teeee heeee…
THNAK GOD we don’t get Caillou….Since we don’t I wanted to see what it was all about…. NOT! What a horrible cartoon. who thought that THIS would be a good cartoon to put out there??..
“…but Moooommm..I wannnted THAT apple..the rreeeeddd one ..Not the yellow one…Mmmmoooommmm!!!” (you’d hear a *SLAP* in our house …and at least 5 mins of timeout!) hell to the NO!
No way!!!!! WTF????
Is it because you do posts for Nick Mom that you avoid Disney Cartoons? Because I must be honest, Disney is awesome. I love Mickey mouse Clubhouse, and I must say that my son has learned A LOT from that show. He is totally obsessed with all things Mickey, and the commercials for Disney Jr. are much more kid appropriate (and less lets-get-these-kids-to-beg-mom-and-dad-for-our-crappy-toys) We are also big fans of Jake and the Neverland Pirates and Sophia the First. Cute shows.
We’re in the Disney Jr. rut. My younger child likes Doc McStuffins, which wouldn’t be bad if it weren’t little kid crack and had a few dozen ways to put out toys for the impressionable crowd.
My 5 year old adores Sophia the First, and that show bugs me because it’s first world problems in child show form. For those who haven’t seen it, there’s an episode where the overworked butler is called back from his one day off to deal with such problems as cookies having plaid icing instead of pink (while there are two more effing servants RIGHT. THERE.)
I had to have a Super Hero Squad intervention for my twins. They’d start a mosh pit every time the theme song comes on. Just typing this comment makes me hear the song in my head.
My 2 yr old likes a bunch of them, but giggles like crazy watching Pocoyo. My husband likes Peppa Pig and laughs at it all the time. I do often find a Dora song stuck in my head though so, I would say Dora yelling at me would be in my nightmare. Sadly, I think I could on and on for days about cartoons.
If i watch DORA one more time I may reach through the TV and kill her – why must she repeat EVERYTHING so many times – are our children really that stupid! For second worst is Diego.
I prefer Umizoomi, Special Agent OSO – I don’t want to run screaming from my own home when those are on for the 10,000th time.
Makes me nostalgic for Beanie Babies and Blue’s Clues. Saw a pic of what Steve looks like now and it broke my heart. My daughter had to have a stuffed Barney because she thought it would turn into Barney like on the show. My grandbabies love YO GABBA GABBA. Luckily, they live across the state.
Darn auto correct. Not Beanie Babies, Teletubbies!!
I don’t mind Cailliou at all. However, I LOATHE LOATHE LOATHE Max and Ruby, and it is banned in our house. DS has recently made the switch to “older” cartoons on Teletoon sometimes, and it is a bit better in terms of not being as annoying. However, some if it is age-inappropriate stoner entertainment masquerading as children’s programming (Adventure Time comes to mind), and that is BANNED.
I do miss the Octonauts…
Those colored alien things with the shapes on top of their heads and they live in an impeccable manicured woodland. They creep me out so bad I cant leave it on for more than a few seconds. The thought of being unable to escape from Caillou’s whinny inappropriately baby-ish talking is a close second.
No, I’m not required to ignore Disney by NickMom. Babble is Disney! Mazzy’s viewing is usually dictated by Netflix which no longer has Nick shows and never had Disney shows. I made this chart about a year ago when Mazzy mostly watched PBS- which is on Netflix.
Actually at our summer rental, in the absence of Netflix, Mazzy got really into the Disney shows. She is now obsessed with Sophia the First and Doc McStuffins.
Mine is only one. He seems to like My little Pony (Which I like) And Sophia The First ( Which I find repetitive and dumb, but still kinda cute). I’ve also found that if he’s playing quietly in his room, and Daddy and I should turn on something we Like (Star Trek, for example) He’ll come running in as fast as those little legs will carry him and plop down on his butt to watch it with us. I don’t know why he does it, But I’d rather him watch Star Trek and develop a love for science than watch Dora or *Shudders* SpongeBob.. (We won’t let him actually watch it until he’s much older… say, 9, But, for now, he enjoys the opening sequence and toddles back off to his room)
I love the flow chart-completely accurate, and absolutely hilarious!!
The longest running show in our house has to be Little Bear. It started with my oldest, now 10, and has run through the rest of them. For some reason, when it’s on, everyone watches it (they complain that it’s for babies, and that it’s beneath them, but they still turn into silent zombies when it’s on).
I love it for it’s absolute ability to completely immerse anyone within sight distance from the tv, and to be acoustically benign enough that I can take a snooze without being jarred awake by some bizarre roaring of engines, annoying theme song, screaming, etc. I have never woken up to the house totally trashed because they got bored with the show, and moved on. When the show is over, I usually hear, gently, “Mama…want more?” It has truly magical properties in this house, and since using curare on toddlers is generally frowned upon, this is a great alternative.
Although did you see the episode where Max purposely spilled the ice cream on the shirt at the store to get to buy the dragon shirt instead of new overalls. That was bad on Max’s part!
Hahaha. Guess I better research The Fresh Beat Band….never heard of them…
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