If all goes as planned, we will welcome our second daughter in mid November. According to NickMom, this happy event will be followed by people repeatedly asking us if we are going to keep trying for a boy…
This is pretty funny because at six months pregnant, I already find myself fielding this question daily.
"Ummmm…. I'm currently carrying #2. Can we shelf the third child discussion, please?"
The last thing any pregnant woman wants to think about is getting pregnant again. Not that pregnancy isn't an awesome time (what with the sudden calf cramping in the middle of the night and the shifting of your pelvic bones) but I would prefer to think about the possibility of #3 after pregnancy amnesia sets in. You know the phenomenon that makes you think labor was a breeze and nine months went by as quickly as watching a half hour epsiode of Modern Family?
I can almost guarantee the answer will still be "no".
We've never planned on having three kids, we don't have the space for three kids and we don't want to pay the ginormous amounts of money required to educate three kids. Plus, we probably wouldn't be able to agree on a third name and end up calling the poor thing something like "Three" or "Kid" or "If We Knew You'd Also Be a Girl, We Would Have Stopped at Two".
Which brings up a good point— where's three girls or three boys on NickMom's chart? Is the prevailing thought just, "Oh…. Sorry"?
A good college friend of mine is the youngest daughter of seven girls. Her father probably couldn't show his face in town without people giving him sympathetic shakes of the head every time they passed him on the street. I bet he drank in the local bar FOR FREE.
Actually, according to the chart, if that family was started today, they'd have a bonafide reality hit on their hands.
Poor dad. He was ahead of his time.
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How do people resond to your number of kids? Secondary question: What's a good response to 'Are you going to keep trying for a boy?'
i had a friend growing up who was the 7th kid and only daughter of parents “going for a girl.”
you have never met a bigger tomboy until you meet the only girl with six older brothers. so i guess what i’m saying is you can only try for something so much…
I get this shit all the time – from people I know and complete strangers alike. I. Fucking. Hate. It!
Thank you for this post. I’ve been saying for a while that no matter how many kids you have or don’t have, other people aren’t satisfied.
By the way, I hope you and the bun are doing well, and that you and Mike have come to agreement over a name. 🙂 I’m sure she will be as fab as Mazzy!
This is hilarious! We had a boy then a girl and every day people would say, “OH! One of each! You have the perfect family!” Now we have added a second girl to the mix and my family is always telling me we need to stop. Strangers put it nicely by telling me I have my hands full. I know I’ve only been at the mom-of-three gig for 3 months, but I’m planning on a fourth child eventually.
Oh, and my auntie has three girls. You should hear how often people ask her if they’re going to “keep trying for a boy.”
I got the “why are you pregnant again?” question when I had a girl and boy and was going for number 3. Whatever happened to tact?
I think some of the best responses to “did you want a boy?” type questions are along the deflecting route like:
“I wouldn’t even know what to do with a boy!”
“Girls are so much fun! We’re so lucky.”
Ugh my MIL AND FIL won’t STFU about trying for a boy! We have 2 girls and they say their son needs a son of his own. Seriously? Also I told a friend of my husband who asked me that question every time I saw him. It annoyed me to no end. I finally told him, one dick in this family is plenty. He stopped asking after that :0)
I had two boys fourteen months apart. My younger son wasn’t even a month old when people started asking me if we would have more or try for a girl! Holy crap! We did end up having a third – a girl – and now people just ask me if I’m done having kids. They’re now 5, 4, and 1, and we just moved to France, so I’ve got my hands FULL. I’ve been told, “Every girl needs a sister!” to which I say, “well, there are no guarantees”. My father in law (who has seven, and always wanted two more than he actually had) tells me when I’m hitting home runs – cause my kids are awesome – to keep going. I said I think I’ll quit while I’m ahead.
When some people found out I was having a second boy, I was told, it’s okay, you can always try again for a girl, AS IF I’D EVER COMPLAINED OF HAVING ANOTHER BOY.
I love being a boy mom and no, I’m not going for a third child hoping it’d be a girl. If we do decide to have another (and we’re not, did I say that already?), I couldn’t care less if it was a boy or a girl.
Oh, I also hate it when people say the ‘congrats you have a set’ thing. Really, people? They are children, not cutlery.
Pure genius. I have to remember this! I love prethoughtout snark!
This post made me laugh out loud.
People’s comments drive me batty, too. I can’t imagine saying something like that!! We have two boys and will have a third (God willing), not because we’re “trying for a girl” (though a girl now would be nice!) but because we always wanted three kids. I’m already anticipating and dreading the comments like “do you hope it’s a girl?” and if we do have another amazing little boy, “aw, are you sad it’s another boy?” My God, people, a healthy baby is such a gift!
well i have one, a 3 year old, and don’t plan on having another and i get “when are you going to have another?” and “p needs a sibling” etc etc, which is missing from the chart for a one child 🙂 drives me crazy, mind your own business!
I saw a bumper sticker the other day that really summed up my position: Proud and satisfied parent of an only child.
I need to get that bumper sticker! 😉
Just say, “the first one was a boy, but then he went through The Change” and walk away.
Hilarious! And what is it about a baby that only seems to make people think about more babies? Then again, when I eat a donut, usually the only thing I can think about is ANOTHER DONUT, so maybe it’s the same concept.
I only want two, but my husband desperately wants three. He has said in the past that if I do have a girl next time that he knows he will have no legitimate argument to stand on for a third kid. So, in a way? This gender thing works in my favor.
That bumper sticker is awesome! Like I don’t have enough nagging, guilty thoughts about not giving my child a sibling as it is. I don’t need anyone else adding fuel to the guilt-fire! Why is “one and done” not an acceptable option?
I’m so sick and tired of hearing this question. I have two boys – the youngest just 7 months ago and people have been asking me if I’m going to try again for a girl. Or I absolutely despise it when people say I’m not complete for not having a girl and that having a girl would make everything better. What are these people on?
I only wanted two kids and I have no problems with boys. And I know if I try again, it will be a boy! I do not want 3 boys! 🙂 Two are perfect for me.
here here! Congratulations on your complete sense!
I think an appropriate response is “no.” Then watch ’em squirm. Dorks.
I’ve got one of each and still get asked if we’re done or if we’ll try for another. Um, no, we’re good. I applaud the parents of 3+ kids, I honestly don’t know how they do it!
I have three girls and the comments piss me off. Yep, three girls is not a curse! We don’t need a boy to have a happy family
If you are absolutely set on two, give the same response as my husband – “We are stopping at two because you should never be outnumbered by your children.”
I do think it is rude when people ask if you are going to keep trying for a particular gender. As if that is all that mattered or there is something lacking in your existing children. For that matter it is rude to ask very much of a mom/pregnant lady at all unless it is “Would you like more chocolate?” or “Could that child be any cuter? I don’t think so.”
The best response I have heard, and it works for basically any rude or obnoxious question, is “Why do you ask?” Makes them think about how stupid their question is and can really make them squirm. Or you can turn the question back on them and ask them when they are going to have another…
I have a boy and am trying for number two and everyone on my hubs side of the family is like “But you already have a boy!” like we’re just getting selfish now or something. LOL We’re not “trying” for anything, but hey- we already have so much boy stuff! Haha
I am currently 6 months pregnant with my second son. 10 years apart! I am constantly asked if i will try again for a girl. No, we r done, what would i do with 3 boys, if that is any of your buisness!
When i had my first (6 1/2 yearsd ago i was asked not an hour after giving birth if i wanted more…I has still coming down off the pain meds I was like NO!!! then later when she was about two i decided when she was in school full time maybe. Also for all those people who insisted on her needing a sibling she would loudly reply (until she was about 5) NO! and now she is in full time and i am prego with second. I was afraid to tell people it was a boy cause they say oh good you have one of each! we were not going for one of each just a healthy baby…i love my boy but it makes me wanna tell people actually we were trying for another girl just to be contrary! Also i get “well your goning to have two only children that far apart” to which i say “i was an only child and loved it!” also there may or may not be a third, i am undesided.
From the moment we started telling people that we were pregnant with #2 (we have a 3yo daughter) everyone said, “oh you must be hoping for a boy!” Or “if this is a girl too will you try for a third?” Um…NO!!! We liked the idea of having one of each but didn’t really care that much. As it turns out we are having a boy so people can relax, lol…But I suppose it takes a third off the table altogether, which is FINE with me!
HA!!
My sister and I are 5 1/2 years apart (6 years in school, I’m older) and although we were not that close growing up, she is now my best friend. Interestingly, we started getting close when I went away to college and she was in high school because we could talk like adults together for the first time. I’ve never felt like an only child and the age difference now doesn’t feel very big at all.
Pregnancy amnesia isn’t as strong after the 2nd. I wanted 3, but after two miserable pregnancies I am done! You couldn’t pay me to go through that again, especially with two little ones around.
Luckily I have a girl and a boy, so I’m not supposed to have anymore anyways…
I have a daughter and we’re not sure if we’re going to have another. Whenever anybody tells me she “needs” a sibling I tell them if they’ll provide the uterus and money to feed/educate then sure!
It is funny, because it is true.
I have one of each and while I carried #2, I often got the, “Perfect! One of each!” as though that was my goal all along.
I was grateful for that because I think if I’d gotten “Are you going to try for a girl?” question, I might have, in my cranky-sleep-deprive-pregnant-state done them bodily harm.
Because you’re right: while pregnant, you do not want to think about becoming it again.
Well, I live in Utah and have 4 kids. That’s pretty much the norm around here. I work at a hotel and when out of towners find out how many kids I have I always get the Wow! you got your hands full! The oldest is almost 16 and youngest is 7, the youngest 2 (both boys) are 18 months apart. Their baby/toddler years are a blur for me! I do get asked if I’ll have more and the answer is not only no, but HELL no, we are done! My youngest keeps asking me when we are going to have a baby, the answer is uh, never!
I’ve got twin boys (age five) and most people just say, “God help you!”
We have four: Two girls and two boys. I get:
“Wow, you REALLY have your hands full!” a lot, a very cautious “Are you going to have any more?” much like you would ask a heroine addict if they want a light, and a few variations of “What were you thinking?!?” I have been known to say things like: “Well, believe it or not, I actually LIKE kids!”, “If you saw how cute my husband is, you would understand.”, “We only wanted two, but we figured we’d better have a few extra for spare parts.”, “We got these WITH birth control. Can you imagine what would have happened if we didn’t use it at all?”, and my favorite “Tell it to the Pope.” Fortunately, having this many kids developes a defense mechanism in a sense of humor, and a complete lack of propriety. Getting a nosy stranger all flummoxed can be the highlight of my whole week…just because I’m that lame.
NickMom’s chart is hilarious. Though they should include the no-baby scenario and everyone asking when they’re going to have their first baby. LOL on the pregnancy and labor amnesia. Don’t forget about midnight-feedings amnesia too! Poor friend’s dad – seven girls…yeeesh. But then again, he had the opportunity to have 7 “daddy’s lil girl”. Whenever people ask me if we’re having a second, I say “We’re thinking about it, for sure. Just not taking action yet.” If they asked me am I going to try for a boy/girl, I’d say “if you really think “trying” will make it happen, then I’m trying to grow a tall, handsome/pretty genius who’s also good at sports, music, and arts.”
How about, “Nah, we’re just going to cut this one’s hair real short, put a baseball cap on her and teach her how to pee in a urinal” ;)?
Don’t get me started on what happens if your first child is special needs. My son is autistic and has various other behavioral and medical issues and I had everyone from his jerky neurologist to random strangers saying, “You’re not going to have another, are you?”
First of all, jerkfaces, my kid is awesome and another one like him would not be a tragedy. Secondly, I kind of wanted to put on my daughter’s birth announcement “Meet our baby girl! She’s neurotypical! Booyeah!”
I have 4 girls. People are in one of two camps; 1) So when are you going to have that boy? or 2) AW! I bet you were trying for boy. But you aren;t going to have anymore.
that’s the perfect response for your inlaws too! just change to 2 dicks to cover your FIL…
I’m also due in Nov w/ my 2nd girl and get plenty of the boy comments as well. We’ve only ever wanted two, and I’m thrilled for her to have a sister; although I would have been excited to have a boy, too. You get what you’re supposed to have, and what ever happened to being content with healthy children, regardless of gender?
In the spirit of annoying things people say to you here is a conversation I had yesterday when I had my hair done:
Her: Wow! Look at you. You’ve popped…won’t be long now.
Me: Well, I still have 3 months to go.
Her: Oh, shit!
Holy SHIT I am using that one!! I always get the “When are you having another one?” or my all time fave “But you make such cute babies” Uhh ok so let me repopulate the world with them…NO THANKS!!!
oh, my. Some parents are so sensitive to this topic. Should everyone have to walk on egg shells when it comes to talking about these things? Yes, some folks stick their foot in their mouths regularly, but some of the comments are very close to the truth, thus the over reacting. Lighten up. Awesome chart, by the way.
If I understand your comment correctly, it’s not being sensitive to these comments, it’s that it’s no one’s business if and how many kids you will have. It doesn’t help either that you hear the same question a gagillion times and it’s super annoying! I get the family wanting to say something, but strangers have no excuse. Doesn’t matter if it’s true or not, it’s the judgment that comes along with it.
Snort!!! Lol!
Reply to those comments that three girls will lead to more boys at the house than you want. 🙂
It’s at this time I think I need to tell you about my mother in law. sigh.
As you know, we have three girls. My husband LOVES having three girls. I love having three girls. Our family IS complete.
Last month my mother in law was here for the week and she said AGAIN ‘you know, Jed really needs a son..you need to give him a son and consider getting pregnant again…’
And I said AGAIN ‘Well Jed has never mentioned this need for a son to me but since I’M FORTY FOUR and HE’S FIXED maybe you can just go buy him one at Nordstroms.’
To which she said AGAIN ‘I just know those 4 babies you lost were the sons that he’ll never have.’
And then I drank a lot of wine for the next 5 days until she flew back to NYC.
Gosh I cannot wait for her visit next year when we can have this conversation AGAIN.
Oh my lanta, that lack of tact would be cause for some cross words with me. The fact that you held it together with just wine.. Well you deserve an award, or more wine.
Hubby and I are expecting #6 and it’s a boy. Please don’t think I gave birth to all of them, only four. We wanted to try for a girl between us, but we’re having our third boy together and couldn’t be happier. Especially once I realized how much easier it would be to keep the youngest two in the same room together. We are now officially done! Three of each. The comment I receive that I loathe is “Six kids? Are you crazy?!” Though the comment I love is, “Wow! You look great for having six kids! I’m so jealous.” I don’t correct them.
Whenever I hear the “but you make such cute babies!” I always ask “Do you think I could just start selling them?”.
Maybe start the wine drinking before she gets there next time?
My kids are 6years and two weekes apart, and best friends … or at least as best as siblings can be. I am not naive and realize there will be ebbs and flows as the age gap becomes more pronounced (say when 6 and 12 or 12 and 18) or less pronounced (like when 18 and 23). But bottom line? It comes down to personalities – of which we lucked out they mesh well as my eldest is exceedingly patient – and parenting – we as parents stress family time and doing things that are inclusive for both. So far so good. 🙂
I have 3 boys, 4, 2, and a baby. I always ask if I look like I need more kids. It helps drive my point home because someone is usually screaming.
OMG, Jenner, I have three girls and that thought is one I’ve never had before. Now I’m scared. LOL My girls are 13, 12, and 8….when people ask if I’m going to try for a boy, I’m like, “Really? I’m pretty sure I’m done having kids.” Besides, I use the excuse that I have a stepson, and that I never wanted a boy anyway. I wouldn’t know what to do with one if I did. 🙂
I have a four year old boy and people make comments all the time… “when are you going to give him a brother/sister?”, “do you want a teenager and a toddler?”, “what are you waiting for?”.. sometimes I throw out the ‘we’ve had two miscarriages since having him’ to make them feel bad for making a comment. Really how many children or not is for a couple to decide. Society really shouldn’t be making comments on that. And I’m the second oldest of NINE in my family 🙂 same parents! No reality show lol!
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