If anyone was following the race over the weekend between Lil D and Kadence, you know it was CRAZY CLOSE. At different points, Lil D was leading and then Kadence was leading and then Lil D again. Ultimately, Kadence won with just 50.93% of the vote.
Congratulations, KADENCE! You have what it takes to make Dick Cheney piss his pants.
If Kadence were my kid, I would be toting her around wherever I went, using the glare as necessary. "What do you mean, the chef doesn't do substitutions?", "Are you SURE I was going over the speed limit, Officer?" "I think maybe you should reconsider your 'bathroom for customers only' policy…" and so forth. Never again would I be stuck with an ill-fitting shirt that can't be returned, a loan that can't get approved or a shopkeeper too busy to help. With Kadence by side, the world would be MINE!!!!
All this is to say, I don't feel too bad for Kadence's parents. They may have the devil living in their own home, but all they need to do is get on her good side.
Perhaps the best way to start is by showering her with gifts! Because, as the winner of the Evil Baby Glare-Off, Kadence gets to take home an $100 Gilt Kids gift card, a home kit from Method, a skull hat and belt from Sourpuss kids, a framed picture of the tournament bracket and an Evil Baby Glare-Off onesie!
Hopefully, these prizes will keep the evilness in check until Christmas.
And now, I'd like to take a minute to honor Lil D.
If you are not aware, Lil D was also a competitor in last year's Glare-Off but didn't make it past Round #1— when she squared off and lost to Chelsea…
Compare the glare above to Lil D this year, pictured below in an online campaign her mom (Kelly from Dances With Chaos) threw together to help her chances…
Look how far she has come! I can't even imagine the level of evil Lil D will go to next year. Be afraid, friends, be VERY AFRAID!
As the second place winner (and because I don't want her to attack me in my sleep), Lil D gets a $50 Gilt Kids gift card, a home kit from Method, and an Evil Baby Glare-Off onesie.
As for the five other giveaways, held over the course of the glare-off, the winners are as follows…
1. "I Pretzel NY" onesie, mini Wayfarers and toddler fedora from Piccolini ($78)
Winner was selected randomly from the only three people that guessed the FINAL FOUR correctly. Congratulations to…BRIANNE! You know pure evil when you see it.
2. Set of BB Blocks ($40)
Winner was selected by picking my favorite EVIL BABY QUESTION. Congratulations to… ANDREA! She gave me the line, "Which baby made the christening water boil?"
3. Princess Set or Halloween Costume from Just Pretend Kids (prices vary)
Three winners were selected randomly from the fifteen people who predicted Kadence as the Glare-Off Champion. Congratulations to… RACHEL M (who thinks Kadence should dress as Maleficent for Halloween), CHRISTINA (who thinks Kadence should go as Tinkerbell), and BREENAH (who thinks Kadence would make an awesome garden gnome).
You can each select any complete princess/fairy set or dress-up costume of your choosing. Let me know what you want today and Just Pretend Kids guarantees you'll receive it by Halloween.
4. Beatrix NY Wheelie Bag ($94)
Winner was selected randomly. Congratulations to ROBYN! Robyn's son Milo will be packing his blankie, some glow sticks, a flashlight, and his magnifying glass for a bird watching trip, right after he selects the Beatrix wheelie bag of his choice.
5. $250 Gift Card to North American Bear Company
Winner was selected randomly. Congratulations to KIRSTI! She suggested doing a daddy-shaming photo contest next. I AM ALL FOR IT. Now, if only people were brave enough to submit pictures…
I hope everyone enjoyed EVIL BABY GLARE-OFF 2012.
If you did not, you might find some friends over on the Huffington Post. They featured my glare-off yesterday (on the front page, no less!) and all their crazy child-hating commenters turned it into some sort of political debate. Did you know all the babies were Republicans? ME NEITHER!
Tomorrow, Mommy Shorts will be back to its regularly scheduled programming.
Lil D would just like to say thank you to those who voted for her: you are safe. For those who voted for Kadence, whatever you do, don’t fall asleep. Just ask Big Bird.
She would also like to give kudos to Kadence being an excellent competitor–giving her a new idea for the perfect use of a prop.
Her loss has given her a new goal to be the Susan Lucci of Evil Baby Glare-Off: she has committed to making her third year one her most hellish yet for her family, as she works to find the glare capable of spontaneous combustion, and worthy of Evil Baby Glare-Off Champion.
Unless of course, you’re a stranger and you smile at her. Then she will make your uterus twitch and cement the belief she’s an angel.
Which perhaps is the scariest thing of all…
oooh super congrats to Kadence- and to Lil D.
and yay, now i get to make my girly girl even girlier and princess-ier with a princess set!
Great contest! I feel a little better knowing that Brady lost in the second round to the ultimate winner
I’m so excited! I loved playing dress up and am convinced that Quinn will too, haha. This is a great way to start. Congrats Kadence!
Congratulations Ms. Blogger, You have a sense of humour!
Awesome glare off!
I’m kind of offended about all of the Huffington Post commenters who refer to the kids as brats. They feel as if a single image gives them insight into the life of a kid they have beer met. They have no sense of humor. I have been able to tell my daughter since she was 6 months “let me see your evil baby face” and she does it without hesitation. The fact that she could do it on cue has saved us from the strangers in line at Costco who want to touch her. We don’t know where their hands have been!
I have to say that Brady is a super cutie!! A worthy opponent.
Congrats! This was so much fun! Congrats to all the winners!
Those people that commented on Huff Post had NO sense of humor at all.
Oh so IN on the daddy shaming.
Ahhhh I won something!!! How do I let you know which costume I’d like?
The HuffPo commentary was funnier than the actual contest (and that is saying something).
So, the kids are all poorly named children who are being exploited and not having their basic needs met? Also, they are all Republican and evil is a horrible word to call children unless you mean ‘all children are evil’ in which case, fine.
Internet commentary says so much more about the commenter, than the subject they are commenting on, more often than not.
(Which is a weird observation to make in a comment…my head is spinning a little now.)
I think it’s the red-rimmed Regan MacNeill eyes that really put her over the edge. ((shudder)) I have a photo like that of one of my short people from his birthday last year that still scares the bejeebus out of me and urges me to check his scalp for ‘666’ on a semi-regular basis.
Re Huff Po Parents — People are so weird and uptight. My husband and I thoroughly enjoyed the EBGO!
I won something! How do I claim it? I’m over here dancing like a loon, I’m so excited!
These kids have it DOWN! I adore that Hot Dog Pretzel NY onesie!! If I weren’t so cheap I’d get it for my newly-babied friend transplanted in San Fran. So cute.
Evil Baby Glareoff made it into the Turkish newspapers!
http://fotoanaliz.hurriyet.com.tr/galeridetay.aspx?cid=61741&rid=4369&p=1&hid=21764090
Congrats mommyshorts! Saw you on ktla in LA! Very cool!
Thanks for everyone’s votes! Kadence will be getting some special Christmas presents this year =)
As mother to a previous EBGO runner-up (Chelsea, Lil D’s previous nemesis), I’d like to welcome you to the club. Much like Diet Coke, our children are just one calorie–not evil enough. Early on, Chelsea learned the value of disappointment, and she looked it square in the eye and glared.
Kadence definitely exudes evil. I feel for her mother. No, I’m sure she’s a perfectly nice baby usually, but don’t mess with her Starbucks. “I said get me a VENTI!”
The glare-off was the most exciting tournament I ‘ve ever watched.
Go Lil D. With a whole year of practice I’m sure she’ll take the title next year.
Hi Ilana you made it into the news here in Australia! http://bitly.com/WKAnDb
kids are always kids who care if they done some irretating things i just say i love kids and wants to be do fun with them