Harlow has been home for a little over a week. At this point, I thought I would be tearing my hair out and trying to find the receipt to return her, but so far, having a newborn in the house has been… dare I say it?
RELAXING.
It’s interesting to think back to when we first brought Mazzy home and try to understand what we thought was so challenging about it.
Newborns eat, poop and sleep. Mostly, they sleep. But more importantly, newborns are your one way ticket to staying home in your PJs while delegating toddler-care to your spouse, with no guilt whatsoever!
Here are six reasons newborns are a piece of cake the second time around…
1) You are already used to living on very little sleep.
When you have your first child, the lack of sleep is pretty shocking. You do not know true exhaustion until you become a parent. Not only are you up all night but you can’t sleep in to make up for it. But, by the time your second child rolls in, you are very familiar with walking zombie-like to your kitchen and pouring protein powder into the coffee machine by accident. You already know exactly what it feels like to stand in your shower and try to remember whether you already washed your hair. You’ve been doing that for the past two years! Sure, tending to a newborn throughout the night is not ideal, but it’s not nearly as life-changing as it was the first time.
2) If you are breastfeeding, you already know how to do it.
Almost all of the stress I felt when I first had Mazzy was caught up in whether or not I was breastfeeding correctly. At the hospital, I struggled with getting her to latch on and had to actively fight the nurses who were trying to get me to feed her formula because (and I quote), she was “STARVING”. Nothing like feeling like a failure before you even bring the baby home.
3) You already know breastfeeding hurts like HELL.
Remember the lactation specialist who said you were doing it wrong if it was painful? Well, as a second time-mom, you now know that is total BULLSHIT. Breastfeeding hurts. That’s a fact. At some point, the part of your brain that tells you to save your boob from the gnashing piranha shuts down, the nerve endings die and breastfeeding becomes somewhat mindless— but that doesn’t happen until at least a month in. My point is— breastfeeding is a lot easier when you have realistic expectations.
SIDENOTE: I do not know a single man who would be able to withstand the pain of breastfeeding.
4) You are not afraid to break the baby.
I made Mike give Mazzy her first bath because I was so scared of drowning her. I didn’t touch the umbilical cord once because I didn’t want her to bleed out from the belly button. I barely touched the top of her head because I didn’t want to indent her skull. With Harlow, it’s not like I’m tossing her around like a football, but I’m not losing my mind when my husband pretends to fake a pass either.
5) You know why the baby is crying and it’s not because you are it’s mother.
The sound of Harlow crying doesn’t fill me with panic like Mazzy’s once did. It’s not that I’ve turned into a heartless monster, it’s just that I know newborns stop crying once the bath is over, the diaper is changed, the gas passes, etc. She is not crying because she left the womb, looked into my eyes and thought— Oh, crap. This chick has no idea what she’s doing.
6) You now know the true meaning of “CHALLENGE”.
The word “challenging” doesn’t describe your newborn. It fits another person wreaking havoc upon your house. That person is your toddler. That tantrum-throwing, goldfish-smashing, bookshelf-climbing, Calliou-obsessed little person who makes you want to hug her and throw her out a window all at once.
Basically, newborns are only challenging to people who have never taken care of anyone but themselves. (Not including newborns with colic; I won’t pretend to know the difficulties of dealing with that one.)
So, right now, I’m taking advantage of Harlow’s sleepy phase, wearing my PJs with pride, being thankful a doctor has ordered me to stay out of the gym for six weeks, and happily pawning Mazzy off on Mike.
I know this won’t last. I haven’t even tried to take Harlow out of the house yet, let alone go anywhere with the both of them. And I know, Harlow will one day turn into a toddler too.
But maybe by that time, I can let Mazzy deal with her.
——————————-
Like this post? Make sure to follow Mommy Shorts on facebook. Want Mommy Shorts delivered daily or weekly to your inbox?
She’s so cute. I think the hardest days are just the days alone with all of the kids and accepting that somebody might have to wait a few moments or not be happy because it’s impossible to be everything to everyone. If I had to do it all over though – and knowing how amazing motherhood is – even through the tears and challenges – I would’ve had 6 kids instead of 3.
xoxo
So true. The second girl felt like a piece of cake. And I still (nearly 6 months in) appreciate greatly being able to hand the toddler off to the husband without any guilt… because I’m handling the baby (who sits on my lap giggling). Toddlers are damn crazy. Babies are easy as pie.
You’d have MORE? That’s amazing! But maybe b/c I only have 1 so I don’t know the joy of having more than that.
Most people, when they find out we have 5 kids very close in age, ask “How do you DO it?” Surprisingly, the hardest time we’ve had was when we went from having one child to 2. Once you master that, you’re set. 5 kids occupy each other, they always have a friend to talk to, and someone to protect/be protected by.
I have five, all boys. I will say my oldest, who is eight, is a big help. While I was pregnant with my fourth, three years ago now, I taught him the way to put dishes in the dishwasher so he could help me load and unload it. I would rinse and hand them to him to put in. Then he would get them out and hand them to me to put away. I had horrible back pain, so I couldn’t bend over. He now will beg me to let him help with things mainly because he is saving up to buy a new tablet, but his 5yo brother is, as well, so they will fight over who gets to help.
At home safe and sound is awesome… for us car rides are the challenge. If the baby makes a sound the toddler must immediately throw a giant fit, which makes the baby cry, which makes another fit…etc etc… We are 4 months in and my older son mostly accepts the fact that the younger son exists as long as he is perfectly quiet and I (Mommy) am showering big bro with attention…. feeding little guy has been problematic, but has gotten better. I recommend getting your older child addicted to “educational” apps and buying continuously until you die or go poor… hahahah!
The baby is always the easy one. They don’t have any expectations beyond their immediate needs, while the toddler does.
Nearly 7 months in, I can still say that the baby is the easy one. Mostly because he actually IS easygoing, but also because I sort of know how to do this better. It took 3-4 months to get into some kind of rhythm, but now that we have it, it’s good.
It also helps that the firstborn is in school 4 hours in the morning 3 days a week. Yay!
Harlow is adorable!
I think it’s interesting that us moms feel guilty, under “normal” circumstances, handing off our toddlers to our husbands. I mean, it happens to me too. But why? Why do we feel guilty? Don’t they want to spend time with their children too? Don’t they need to learn to deal with them too? But I digress, I love this post, Ilana. I can totally see that the 2nd time around is SOOO much easier than the 1st because you’ve got all this knowledge. But you are also right, that I can’t imagine packing and taking 2 kids out at the same time. Before, there was this 2 parents to 1 kid ratio. But what happens when it’s 1 to 1??? I think you’ll be fine though and Mazzy will be a great helper!
It gets a little more challenging once the new baby starts to crawl and take interest in #1’s toys. #1 won’t like that at all. I’m pregnant with #4 right now and I totally agree with you about the babymoon stage. Newborns are cake after your first one. It was actually hardest for me to go from 1 to 2 kids because DS1 was used to having me all to himself and didn’t know how to share me yet. From 2 to 3 was much easier since DS1 and DS2 were playing well enough together to keep themselves busy a lot of the time. Now, DS1 and DS2 are in school and DS3 will be starting part-day preschool before this baby arrives, so I’m looking forward to my babymoon 🙂
My 2nd is now 5 months and I have an almost 3 year old. I found this round muuuuch easier – for the reasons you mentioned an also I just felt more confident. My husband has also taken on a more active role in parenting the little one. In the first couple months, he te fed to the toddler more, but now HE’S the one who primarily does the nighttime feedinds and stuff. It’s a good feeli g. Things fall into place. Congratulations!
Love this post!! My 2nd (9 months old)is still easier than my toddler but paradise was lost when she quit sleeping thru the night at 5 1/2 months.
The 1st seven weeks (when I was home full-time with her) was utopia! Get lots of pics!!
I couldn’t agree with you more!! By the 2nd one, I couldn’t figure out for the life of me why I was so stressed and anxious the first time around!
Our hardest adjustment was when #3 came along b/c her older sister was only 18 months old and wanted to pick the baby up by her head, stick her fingers in the baby’s eye sockets, etc. #4 was just born on Nov 2nd, and his older sisters are 3.5 and almost 27 months: cake. I think so much has to do w/ the maturity of the older siblings and the personality (for lack of a better word) of the baby himself or herself. As you indicated w/ the colic comment, not all babies are sleepy or happy.
To answer your question, I think the crawling phase is hard…especially when it’s pretty outside. The baby doesn’t want to sit still, but (s)he can’t walk, so (s)he’s crawling around in the dirt and STILL can’t keep up w/ the older sibling. The mom doesn’t really have a choice in getting through it b/c the older sibling NEEDS outside time.
I am so hoping this is true for me in 5 months when #2 is born! I have to agree, even looking back, why did I think a neworn was so difficult? This 3 year old tests my patience on a daily basis!
I have to giggle that your sleep induced brain stopped at 6 reasons why #2 is easy when you said, “here are 10 reasons…” That being said, I think 2 to 3 was the hardest adjustment, because the game changed. You went from one on one to zone defense. With two kids, you have two hands, you have two adults… with three kids you still only have two hands and two adults (unless you are like my neighbor and decide to do the whole reverse polygamy thing and get a second husband – but that’s a whole ‘nother story). You go from each parent taking a child and dealing with them, to “you cut them off from the kitchen, and I will herd them to the bathtub!” The happy answer is that it will get hard, but it is oh so worth it! Which is absolutely true, but just as true is this: There are days when I sit down and cry because the two year old just painted the spare room while the 5 year old watched him do it while I was fighting with the 8 year old about doing her homework. And there are days when your eight year old will say, “I am not a child anymore” and your 5 year old will cry when you tell her to clean her room, and your two year old will see and clean blank wall as an invitation to adorn it with permanent marker (or crayon, or pen). But there are also days when your 8 year old will blow you a kiss after her state gymnastics routine. And your 5 year old will write you a letter saying, “I luv you becuz ur the best mom evr.” and your two year old will hug you tight and say, “I love you too much mommy.” And it will all be worth it.
(Sorry for the novel. Parenthood really is amazing, isn’t it?)
I wish i could agree with you but i had my 2nd one 13 months after my first one. So I had 2 babies AND my 2nd one was a gassy colicky baby with acid reflux. They are now 3 and 4 years old and I’m finally(dare I say it), ready for another one. My husband on the other hand, scarred for life. He says he’s DONE! I just borrow my new niece and nephew and I get over that “wanting another one” feeling real quick!.
I wish I could agree, but all I can say is that colic should be a four-letter word.
Congrats and no jinxies.
thanks for this post. my daughter just turned 2 last week, and I am 30 weeks in cooking #2. I am terrified! It doesn’t help that my daughter did have colic and acid reflux, but so much of our stress did come from being brand new parents. I was actually pretty prepared, because I have a sister who is 12 1/2 years younger than me. But my husband had no clue what he had gotten into (still doesn’t). But I also think a lot of the learning curve for me came with figuring out the whole co-parenting thing. I never expected that to be so hard – and it still is as my toddler grows. I am just hoping that the newborn will also seem easy in comparison. I am just more concerned because while my daughter does love her daddy, she is more of a mommy’s girl, so pawning her off won’t be such an easy thing to do. She will feel slighted and I don’t want her taking it out on the new baby. So – maybe the husband needs to learn how to breastfeed? Or more realistically, I need to figure out how to do it hands-free this time.
Ah, Ilana, you fill me with joy! 4 more weeks and I’m gonna be having baby #2.
I know this time will be easier, my son is almost three and I managed to keep him alive and happy. Good for me, I don’t suck so much.
I’m still nervous, tho. The lack of sleep kills me and turns me into the thing that my husband hates the most. *The Monster*.
This perfectly explains what in have been feeling for the past 4 months.
I just had my second girl as well (in July) and it has really been pretty easy. I couldn’t understand why my husband was so stressed out and taking it so hard until I read your post. With the first one whenever the baby needed me he could just hand her over. This time around I got to hide in the baby’s room and nurse while he weathered Hurricane Toddler in the living room.
I think maybe the first baby is harder on us mommies because the changes rock our world, but it is the second one that hits the daddies really hard. All I know is we had originally planned 3 kids and now whenever I mention another one he gives me that “Oh hell no” face I used to give him when I was postpartum with our first 😉
Also, my toddler had a tantrum while I was typing this because she wanted to “do the typing” and I told her to wait two minutes. Babies FTW.
It got really hard for me once I went back to work. The stress of pumping added to the crazy of trying to get two kids dressed, fed, and out of the house on time is almost too much to bear. I’m never EVER on time for work. Like ever.
Also, breastfeeding never hurt for me, maybe I did it wrong!
I think, the second is easier all around. It can get a little hairy once they are on the move… but in a way you’ll be prepared for it all. By the time number three rolls around you’ll be totally calm and collected and nothing will phase you!!! Enjoy the pj phase. 🙂
I am expecting baby #2 in February and I have been nervous as HELL! This made me feel a ton better and realized that I am already “seasoned” 🙂
I have to laugh at #5 because I can remember feeling the EXACT SAME WAY. Like my daughter somehow blamed me for forcing her from the safe and secure comfort of my womb into a world where she could actually feel HUNGER and COLD and GAS. Looking back, I’m not sure when, exactly, I got over that. But I know I did at some point. Especially considering Lil’ Bit sure seems to like her life now.
I’ve often thought that if I had to do the newborn phase all over again knowing now what I didn’t know then, it really would be so much easier.
I think the hardest part was definitely when the older toddler figured out that after night feedings, when fed newborn was contentedly sleeping (i.e milk drunk) …but mommy was still somewhat awake, i.e available, and thus, that is a very good time to Get The Mom To Myself, and Assert My Independence, and I Know I Don’t Use the Potty During the Day, But Now I’d Like to Go Potty. Yeah, fun times. If you like tight white jackets.
I think I only slept in 40 increments for a couple of months. Just ping ponged back and forth between feeding, changing, burping newborn and then attending a toddler who would force himself to stay awake so he could “get the mom”.
Tired mom + tired toddler = no good ending for anyone. I still don’t recall how we ever made #3. I am sure we must have fallen asleep before hitting the pillow each night. Sperm can teleport, right?
I couldn’t agree more with number 5! With my first baby I was freaking out any time she was crying for any unexplained reason. With the second it was so much easier to just realize that sometimes newborns cry, and there’s not much you can do about it. Having two was never as difficult as everyone (my MIL, especially) made it sound like it was. I do remember one day when my second was about 6 months old waking up and realizing I finally felt like my normal self again. It was awesome.
LOVE #3. I wish all new mums knew this before they shell out the money for the lactation consultant. There was this West Indian nurse who told me I needed to toughen up my nipples. I scouffed at this advice, but I realize there was a lot more truth to it than all the worry I had when consulting the LC.
AMEN! I felt the same as this post until about 3 weeks in and then BAM….back came the colic. I spent my maternity leave with a baby strapped to me most of the day so he was in constant motion. The only cake I had was being eaten…in mass quantities of stress eating. BOOM: http://www.mannlymama.com/2012/09/landon-2-0/
I agree. Though the side note should also include that men cannot tolerate the amount of sleeplessness we actually endure. And are supposed to remain functional.
It definitely got harder when number 2 starts moving. Add to that we figured out number 1 has sensory disorder, which explained so much of his first two years. Sheesh!
I have a good friend who had the colic-y baby from 2-12 weeks. I’ll take excema, spd, and acid reflux over that any day.
Yes, yes, yes! I’m nodding along with all of these. I’m about eight weeks in to having two girls, and I think that the transition has been much harder on my husband than me. He is constantly saying how exhausted he is, and I think it’s mostly because he’s had to step up his game to occupy the toddler. I’m all like, “I’ve got to sit here and watch ‘Friday Night Lights’ and play on my iPhone while I feed the baby. Sorry!” It helps that #2 is already a MUCH calmer, sleepier child. Glad you are adjusting to having two – here’s to this phase lasting a LONG time!
Ha! I can’t believe you are the only one to catch that. Or maybe everyone is just being kind. I guess I started out a little too ambitious and then decided to go to bed. I definite case of MOMMY BRAIN:)
It’s fixed now!
yayyy! so happy for you ilana!
I also have to agree that baby #2 is way easier than the first one. I only have two and they are 6 years apart in age so I don’t have any major challenges now. However, I do think the hardest part is when 3 year old wants to play with 9 year old and 9 year old don’t want nothing to do with 3 year old. Also, breastfeeding is extremely painful & anyone that says it isn’t is lying! I walked around with black and blue nipples for months and I couldn’t have been doing it wrong, the baby was growing and gaining weight. I would cry when it was time for the latching on!
If breastfeeding really does hurt that much, check to make sure that the latch isn’t too shallow and that she doesn’t have a tongue tie. When she sucks on your finger, it should fell like when you suck your thumb – tongue out and over lower gum, and curved around the thumb. If you have a lot of milk that comes out really fast, she may latch shallow to slow it down. Or if not positioned quite right, or using you as a soother at end of feed, those can also cause shallow latch. Nose to nipple, press on firmly but allow her control, feed reclined if you have a lot of milk that comes out quickly ( can also be seen as milk spraying in her face, baby pulls off choking, and/or pouring out unlatched side). Watch closely at end of feed to make sure she isn’t pulling off and doing a shallow suck. All that can be corrected – tongue tie ( true tongue tie) would need MD to clip it. Breastfeeding can be weird, uncomfortable, or even somewhat unpleasant ( especially for those of us with sensitive skin) but shouldn’t truly hurt, as with proper latch the nipple is protected. Hope it gets better soon!! But glad everything else is sorting itself out nicely 🙂
Also, not sure if tried this either, but just in case – after she is latched, reach up and pull on her chin to widen her mouth. That can help widen her mouth just enough to get your nipple past her hard palate. If your nipple is rubbing on her hard palate at all, that will for sure cause pain!!
Is this the most times the word ” nipple” has been used in a comment on your blog? lol!
I’m glad to hear this! We’re expecting baby #2 any day now and our son just turned 3. 🙂
So glad to hear things are going smoothly for you! My daughter scarred me with her endless colicky crying, so I’m hesitant to have another.
Welcome to the world Harlow!
I can’t say I felt this tranquil about baby #2, but for me what made it easier than with #1 was knowing about the emotional impact that was coming, when I was so exhausted I could hardly function and hadn’t had a normal conversation with my husband in weeks. Just being aware that this was a normal stage of newborn parenting and that it would pass made it easier to take the second time. Here’s hoping you continue to feel so level-headed!
Lololol!! You made me laugh so hard Annie; I totally could just see that happening… > U <
Thank you so much for writing! Baby #2 is expected around the end of March and while I was really excited about for the first month or so, as we are drawing nearer to the end I’m getting more and more apprehensive!
I laughed and totally felt better after reading your post, so thanks!!
bonita
I totally agree. We have four, but the second was the toughest because of the learning curve over the juggle. Once you have that down, it doesn’t matter what chaos you add to the mix. You’re good.
My second, a boy, was a brilliant baby that would just never complain unless it was dire. But that first year was a total blur, in spite of it. He’s still a really easygoing kid, and just smoothes over any chaos in the house that the girls create. Once I got over the “juggle factor” of realizing I can’t change two diapers at once/make everyone happy/put two kids to bed at the same time when they are on two different schedules, adding more kids was pretty easy. And with four, you can create your own circus. You really get better at it, and you have your good days, and you have days that require a glass of wine at the end of the day. But no matter what, these kids brighten every day I’ve got on this earth, and I wouldn’t change a thing.
Oh dear, no. I wish I could agree. My kids are 26 months apart and the baby is SO high needs. I thought my first was a bad sleeper but my second has outdone him times a thousand. He has NEVER done a lot of sleeping. Now 7 months, he has always just taken 45 minute naps as a rule, and these days it’s common for him to nap just twice a day. In the evening he’s super fussy and he wakes up all night long. In between he’s happy as a clam. It’s absolutely brutal. I love the little guy but can’t wait to get out of the baby years.
🙂 I agree with all of this! The challenge comes when #2 becomes mobile… because by that point #1 knows to use your distraction to get into trouble… or you are running around in front of your crawling baby, trying to pick up the 2 zillion choking hazards your toddler/preschooler has sprinkled in front of her…
My two are nineteen months apart. It WAS easy initially (even though my first was a beautiful nurser and my SECOND was causing me stress). Luckily once the baby got into a fussier phase, my toddler was doing great. When I figured out how to handle her my toddler went back into toddler mode. Honestly there are moments where two feel like a breeze, and moments where two feel like two too many. Both moments do pass, so cherish and hang in there accordingly.
When the baby starts crawling and getting into your older kid’s stuff, the best advice I got was to put the older kid in the playpen, and let the baby roam.
You’d be amazed how happy they are to be in a “safe space” where they know their stuff won’t get messed with!
When I tell people that it was easier when my triplets were newborns, they look at me like I’m joking. But I’m not. I would take newborn triplets any day over preschool triplets. Those were the quietest weeks I’ve had in 6 years. Now I have to wear earplugs every single day.
Some good news for all – wait until they are high school aged!! You think you’re over the looks the toddlers used to give you which implied that you are a) dumb b) selfish c)irrelevent or d) dumb until your teen (my son began this at 11 and is now 15 and my daughter still loves me at 13 – my 8 yo?? Jury is still out) gives you the SAME.EXACT.LOOK. but now they come with well thought out, one syllable sentences. Embrace the baby stage – sigh! 😛
It’s just like the movie Parenthood – “By the 4th one you let them juggle knives.”
Sidenote: I don’t know a man alive who would be able to withstand the pain of childbirth. (My husband complains when the new kitty scratches him.)
I loved this post! I feel you. My baby is 5 months old and I couldn’t think of a second one until reading this… It looks like it won’t be as hard as the first one. Thanks for sharing!
I loved this post! I feel you. My baby is 5 months old and I couldn’t think of a second one until reading this… It looks like it won’t be as hard as the first one. Thanks for sharing!
LOVE THIS!
I had 4 kiddos and breastfeeding was a challenge every stinkin’ time! My husband would read to me until my milk machines went numb. Toe curling to say the least. The breastfeeding, not his reading.
Thanks for keepin’ it real!
I am preggo with #2 with a 2 year old. This just made me sigh a great sigh of relief.
I think that might be my problem. I’m not so concerned with how I’ll handle the newborn. I’m SCARED TO DEATH of how I’ll handle the newborn on TOP of the preschooler who ALREADY makes me want to kill him getting dressed in the morning.
Oh got I hope so! I’m pregnant with #2 and have been having slight panic attacks how I’ll cope with a newborn and an 18 month old
This is a cute article, but good god, PLEASE stop with the breastfeeding is painful stuff. Point in fact, I’ve been breastfeeding my first baby for over 7 months now, and I haven’t had any pain, even from day one. I know that lots of people do have pain and that’s a bummer. I probably just got lucky and my guy was good at it from the get go. But I swear, when every article says it’s going to hurt so bad, I think it really psyches expecting mommies out. Why would they even want to try something that “hurts so bad a man can’t take it?”
Tell the great side of breastfeeding! Encourage women. And ladies out there who are expecting: PAIN is not the only option. It *might* be painful, but it also might just get you all blissed out on cuteness and oxytocin. That’s what happened for me. (after my also-not-very-painful csection for breech.)
What a nice throwback post! and look at how damn cute Harlow is now as a toddler. So we have a 3 1/2 boy that is beyond active and getting ready to adopt again. No newborn for us though, we are going toddler style! Are we a little crazy? I think so. My son drives me bonkers day to day and now I am tryna do that times two lol
I actually cried more with my second infant. She has a tough little personality and she sort of showed us that fact pretty much in the delivery room (my mother in law stood there about 2 hours after the birth holding her for me because I was too exhausted and this kid would. not. stop. crying.) The first 2 months involved me waking up at night with her 3 or 4 times a night, not being able to soothe here, crying to my sleeping-as-the-dead husband who would answer me with grunts. I was clearly on my own. I almost lost it. My toddler was great, but she demanded MY attention at bedtimes but so did Miss Kvetchy so bedtime consisted of me holding them both in my lap and doing what I had learned to do best….cry. They wanted nothing to do with daddy either. Welcome to my world. In the end it was TV and terrible late night movies and shows that saved my life. #2 kvetchy kid actually *loved* the National Geographic channel (yeah at 2 weeks already) and I would just sit on the couch with her trying to breast feed her while she kept wanting to NOT breastfeed. Needless to say nursing did not work for her. Im happy for the author that life was peachy for her the second time around. I personally was ready to blow my brains out. # 3 and #4 was a great deal easier. Its like the army in my house now – everyone knows their positions. 🙂
[…] Newborns are a Piece of Cake the Second Time Around (Knock on Wood) // via Mommy Shorts […]