Congratulations on your impending bundle of joy! So weird that your unborn fetus is barely visible (even via ultrasound) and yet it already feels like old news. Which one of you is going to tell your child that he/she jumped the shark before even exiting the womb?
Anywho…
Popular opinion seems to be that there could not be two people less suited for parenting.
And although I don't know either of you personally, from what I've seen (on various reality shows, talk shows, awards shows, etc.), you do appear to be two of the most selfish, self-involved people ever to find yourselves "with child".
I mean, Kim— aren't you the same womanchild that recently gave up on her own cat? And don't cats basically take care of themselves? You must know you can't return the kid if you decide you don't like it, right? You understand the permanence of a child is the exact opposite of say… a marriage to Kris Humpries, yes?
And Kanye, let's say your child isn't THE SMARTEST KID IN THE WORLD or THE MOST SUPER "SUPER SOCCER STAR" PLAYER or THE SECOND COMING OF JESUS CHRIST, you're still going to find it within your egomaniacal heart to love him/her, right?
I'm going to give you guys the benefit of the doubt and assume you are aware these qualities are not ideal for taking care of a helpless newborn. That taking pictures of your kid in cute outfits with matching hats and teeny tiny sneakers is only a small fraction of the job. And by "job", I mean your child's starring role in a series of reality TV shows.
You are just making us believe you are unsuitable parents in order to ultimately throw us the biggest "Kourtney and Kim Take Miami" curveball ever— am I right? Surprise twist— We're totally capable!!!!
That Kris Jenner totally knows what she's doing.
I think while the rest of the world is criticizing you both for being too self-centered to procreate, you're silently plotting THE NEXT BIG PARENTING TREND. A revolutionary concept where putting yourself first is beneficial to the family as a whole.
Too much child-dedicated time is exactly what is wrong with youth today! Parents should be indulging themselves instead of over-indulging their children!
Kim and Kanye— you two are perfectly positioned to be the ANTI-HELICOPTERS. Letting your child fend for his/herself because what could be more important than a parent's beauty sleep? Or a freshly bedazzled manicure? Certainly not a full diaper. Somebody else is going to change that shit eventually, right?
From now on, whenever I am faced with a self vs. child dilemma— showering vs. nursing, cocktails vs. preschool conference, killer outfit vs. possible spit-up stain, compelling reality show plotline vs. baby's future mental health, I'm gonna ask myself— WHAT WOULD KIMYE DO?
'Cause there is nothing I like more than myself.
Thank you for making me embrace a life of guilt-free me time, even though I am supposedly responsible for two little girls.
It's about time.
Sincerely,
Mommy Shorts
PS: I look forward to your baby cover tabloid showdown with Will and Kate.
I LOVE this! Oh, and let’s not forget the marketing possibilities for Kris Jenner here! I’m sure the Kardashian Kollection will expand to a new maternity line & children’s clothing line. Oh, and of course the filming of her giving birth. I can’t wait for that E! Special.
Blergh. I personally love that He even tried to upstage New Year’s Eve. Just think about it. What cuter photo Christmas card for next year than all three of them on the floor, having temper tantrums? I’m just hoping they’ve got the nanny, the maid, and the chef already lined up.
I will kill myself if I have to read about these two dimwits for an entire pregnancy. We already know she will develop an “allergy” to the baby just like she did the cat and give the baby to her assistant once she finds it makes messes in her house and she does not like to share her space.
I don’t think they’ll have any problem being “parents” because they’ll have 24/7 nannies! Most of their interactions with their child will probably only happen when they can make money off of pictures, interviews, television specials! That’s probably the only reason their having a baby, so they can make more money!
anti-helicoptering…hahah…Anyways, I threw up in my mouth when I found out they were pregnant. Seriously, weren’t they even DATING as long as Kim and that guy were married? And yes, they are two of the most self centered ppl on the planet and that poor baby. I’m just sad for the baby to be brought into the Kardashian TV show saga. Yech.
you just kill me. thanks for doing what you do here on the world wide interweb.
I just can’t with this couple – together or individually.
“baby cover tabloid showdown with Will and Kate.” Made me almost spit-take my seltzer.
One word: UGH.
I really try to not judge people–oh, who am I kidding, yes I do. I want to give them the benefit of the doubt, but seriously–this is going to be a shit show….aired on E! for the entire world to see. Cheers to amazing nannies who will raise this child.
One word in that household “nanny!!!” What really gets me (heard this on the radio) is that she’s only what…3 months in…n says pregnancy is haaard. Really? As of now she has nothing wrong or any health issues. At least be thankful for that. Maaan, if it was my choice I’d be pregnant all the time…minus the actual popping out the baby. 😉
I thought this post was going to be funny, but it was more judgmental and self-righteous. So, we don’t think they are the most responsible folks to have a baby, but maybe just maybe…parenthood will teach them to be less selfish. One of the compliments/insults I received as a new parent is when someone told me that I was so different and not so selfish now that I had a child. So, that’s one person’s opinion, but aren’t we supposed to be selfish before parenthood? What’s wrong with that???
And anyone would trade their 9-5 job for a Kimye lifestyle…that’s why we watch. To see what life is like when money and luxuries are not a want.
HA! Charlotte, this reminds me how I showed up to a friend’s wedding with our then-five-month-old and a fellow guest (and former high school classmate) who I thought I was still pretty friendly with said to me, “Wow, I always thought you were too selfish to ever have a child!” I never really thought I was or acted all that selfish before, but thanks? I think? And you’re right, if you’re ever going to be selfish, before having children is the most opportune time to do it.
Also, I agree, these folks (like many others) have enough money to never really have to worry about parenting being all that difficult. My friends have endured 5+ years, hours of parenting classes and a litany of background checks to try and adopt a child, but remember, there are zero prerequisites for conceiving one on your own!
I think it’s impossible to write about this kind of stuff without it brushing someone the wrong way. Remember all the brou-ha-ha about Marissa Mayer and her whole “who needs maternity leave? Only lazy people!” I thought there was going to be like a West Side Story type of fight between those who agreed and disagreed. Oh, and Mommy Shorts, you KNOW Mama Jenner has a plan for all of this.
Of all the celebrity monikers, I do think they need a new one. Kimye makes me think of sushi, and neither of them are Asian.
I’m just really hoping they have a son so Blue Ivy can have a set teen rebellion plan.
Yet another reassurance that life isn’t fair. Trying to remain hopeful while ttc número uno. Sighhhhh
My favorite thing is that she admitted to moving to fast when she falls in love. She says she needs to learn to take things a little slower. Her divorce from Kris isn’t even final yet but she’s having a baby with Kanye? That’s the opposite of taking it slow.
*Standing up and applauding*
“I am happy to be a super soccer star….never touch the ball with your hands”
Oh my gah I hadn’t even though of the baby attention smack down with Will and Kate. And Kimye? Freaking brilliant.
They have been dating for almost a year and have known each other for years, it’s not like they’re strangers to each other. Both are adults who can provide for a child, if they’re happy good for them. i wish Kim a safe and healthy pregnancy.
Don’t you mean Khildren’s Klothing line? Doesn’t really work with a ‘kh’ does it…
Upstaging New Year’s is COMEDY GOLD! I wish I could take this whole post down using that as the central theme:)
I think my baby is allergic to ME… sad face.
Anyway, I promise not to write about them again. Unless, they do something really really stupid and it must be discussed.
I actually think they are making a baby because they think that their baby will be the smartest, most beautiful, most talented, richest baby in the whole wide world. Seriously.
Someone wrote on my fanpage that until Kris and Kim are officially divorced, Kris is the legal father of the baby. Now, THAT’S a great episode!
🙂
Well, to be fair, with both my pregnancies my first trimester was absolutely HORRID. I had crazy nausea, exhaustion and heartburn making it really hard to get anything done. So I’ll give Kim a pass on that one.
Well, I was going for funny and as least judgmental as possible, but they do make it hard! Honestly, I wasn’t sure I hit the mark and debated posting, which is why it went up so late in the day.
Although I do think the collective self-involvement of Kim and Kanye puts the rest of us to shame. But that’s one woman’s opinion.
I honestly don’t think there is anything wrong with being a little selfish. They just take it to a laughable level. I imagine the baby being used as a big show piece as opposed to something that somebody has to actually take care of.
I couldn’t touch the Marissa Mayer thing because I had no idea which side I was on. As a working woman, I wanted to applaud her. But as a mom, I thought— are you CRAZY???
Still, as someone who got laid off right after their maternity leave, I wish there were more companies like Yahoo.
Mazzy is going to super soccer stars for the first time tomorrow. She is going to LOOOOOVE IT.
I can’t take credit for Kimye. Pretty sure that one is a done deal.
I seriously think Kanye and Kim are a perfect couple. Kanye is a catch for Kim (he’s super talented and not an idiot) and Kanye probably thinks Kim is the perfect trophy, who happens to come with as much bank as he does. WIN all around!
If you love each other so much , try getting married. Oh, that’s right, you’re still married to your first hubby. What role models for your child.
You can write about them, at least yours is funny. lol
Actually, to her second. Bless Kim Kardashian, she makes my life seem so orderly and nice!
Oh my god – first I almost spit water all over my computer and I am still laugh. Your blog is awesome. LOVE LOVE LOVE IT!!!! 😀
I think if snookie can raise a baby than anyone can. Kim has to be perfect, so I thik its just one more thing she will have to be better than her sister at.