Today, we are going back to Mommy Shorts roots and doing an old fashioned caption contest. Why? Because I LOVE CAPTION CONTESTS. Also, because I am slightly… no, most definitely… a wee bit DRUNK.
A caption contest does the brilliant job of making you all write something for me.
Why write a post at all then, you ask? Shouldn't I just skip a day and write something for Wednesday when it's not midnight and I am sober??
Well, on any other day, YES. But skipping today would mean that Monday's ass-wiping post would sit at the top of my feed for two straight days, and WE CANNOT HAVE THAT.
ALSO. The photo above is of a little boy named Giles, who happens to be the newborn son of my good friends Matt and Emily. Matt is forcing me to speak at a conference tomorrow even though HE KNOWS I DON'T PERFORM WELL IN FRONT OF AN AUDIENCE.
So… whatever pre-drinking time could have been applied to writing tomorrow's post, was applied towards writing tomorrow's conference presentation.
I will consider the last minute use of the photo above PAYBACK.
What wisdom is Woody imparting on little Giles? Perhaps the ending to Toy Story 4? You tell me in the comment section below.
Winner will get the supreme honor of judging the next caption contest. Plus, a signed copy of my latest book! A book that is real but also INVISIBLE, which explains why you won't be able to find it anywhere. It's there. It's hilarious. You just can't SEE IT.
Going to bed now.
GOOD LUCK!
Sooooo I am assuming no one told you what I did to the last guy that took my spot on Andy’s bed, huh?
I’ve been following this blog for quite awhile and I just wanted to stop by and say thank you for all the great information you’ve shared with us over the years! To know about music news,new video songs and movie etc.http://www.mp5download.net/
So here’s the deal; we move in and take over for the next 18 years. And I’m the favorite. Got that? The favorite.
…so then, I said to the guy in the jeans shop, “it’s gotta be jeans AND bootcut, ya know what I mean?” and he said “swaddles don’t come in bootcut”! Sheesh! What do you say to that, partner?!
ILook, ‘ll help you, if you help me…….sooo if they offer you and iPad just say NO….
Don’t worry about it! You’ll never miss that little flap at the end! And believe me, its better now than later!
I’m not letting you out till you tell me where my hat is!
That whore Jessie is gonna get what’s coming to her. This kid has “Buzz” written all over him.
Alternately: You are NOT the father
So, where’s your pull string?
Two words: Avoid the Clap.
This is a tricky one because Woody doesn’t talk when people are around, so really, he wouldn’t say anything.
“YOU ARE A TOY! T-O-Y TOY!”
Sorry. I think that one is a copyright infringement.
“now where did I put that Andy brand?”
geesh, this can go dark quickly can’t it?
I don’t understand the fad either. I mean its not from Harlem and you don’t really shake… not to mention the odd costumes. At least there was a snake in my boot when I was caught dancing around like that.
Wrong Tom Hanks movie…
Look kid, your name is Giles…rhymes with smiles. And you just sit there like a bump on a log? Really not the best way win friends and influence neighbors. Just a warning.
I just want to say one word to you. Just one word. Are you listening? PLASTICS.
Oh, what are you speaking at? You’ll do great I think :). And did they prop Woody up like that? So funny. My caption would be: Your parents named you Giles to make up for their unfortunately normal names. They really do love you.
(I’m just teasing, ok Emily and Matt? All your names are lovely!)
You wrap it like so, and voila…a burrito!
If you hear yard sale…RUN!
“See, son. It is possible… They don’t call me Woody for nothing.”
BUZZ, THIS is what you get when you drink grape juice from a pretty glass.
“That’s not a snake and it’s not in my boot!”
Listen kid, I’m not the only woody you’ll meet in your life. Actually, you’ll meet one every morning for the rest of your life. And don’t freak out when you see what happens to it in water.
Everybody likes waking up with a Woody.
Yes, it is a mistake, because, you see, the bed here is my spot
You are a sad, strange little man, and you have my pity.
Sooo… how does one get in on that mommy boob action?
So the Toys and I have decided to earn your keep we’re going to need you to take out the “Shelf Elf” come Christmas…
So what happened was…Daddy got Mommy drunk and, voila, here you are. Send your thank you card to Jose Cuervo.
sleep, eat and crap. that’s all you need to know. when you’re up and running we can talk about taking them down.
Oh and for “The Walking Dead” fans…”So sometimes I like to pretend I’m Rick from ‘The Walking Dead’, so with that I’m gonna call you Carl instead.”
I wonder if he is sleeping? I think I can make it to happy hour!
When I say “someone’s poisoned the water hole” I’m just letting you know your mum has had at least two cocktails with lunch!
Psst…Giles…I hear there is this older girl Harlow who is TOTALLY hot. But man does she have some CRAY-YEA-ZEE hair!
LIKE!
“Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but your dad got a woody, and made a baby.” – Carly Rae Jepsen voice since my singing voice sucks.
The more you do this sleeping thing kid, the happier they will be-keep it up!
HAHAHA! Awesome!
This town ain’t big enough for the two of us!
“And when your first girlfriend says that she’d like to play with your woody, think of me little budddy”
Hello
My name is Lindsay Spaulding and I’m currently casting BIG PERSONALITIES who enjoy CONTESTS and/or SWEEPSTAKES and other unique hobbies. A major cable network is in search of dynamic CHARACTERS who enjoy entering SWEEPSTAKES and CONTESTS!
I would absolutely LOVE if your blog readers could see my casting information. If you could post a blurb on your site, or tweet my flier or let me know if you have any personal recommendations for who would be a great candidate, it would be so helpful!
We are looking for men and women of all ages, couples, friends, sisters, brothers, neighbors who actively participate in contests and sweepstakes of all kinds and live for the thrill of their wins! Applicants must have an outgoing personality and lots of energy and be willing to share their sweeps stories!
If you, or someone you know, is interested in applying or would like more information, please email me at: lindsaycasting@gmail.com.
Please help us spread this casting notice on to your family, friends, and fellow thrill seekers!
WHEN YOU APPLY, please make sure to include the following info:
-Name
-Location
-Contact Info
-Recent Photo
-Brief Bio
Thank you so much and I look forward to hearing from you!
Best,
Lindsay Spaulding
Casting Director
Stiletto Television
e: lindsaycasting@gmail.com
fb: https://www.facebook.com/lindsaycasting
t: @HelloImLindsay
So I heard they named you ” Wilson” …
Look, cut me in on the night time feedings and I promise not to constantly hide your pacifier. All I want is 10 minutes a night with a tit that’s not made of plastic.
Awesome post.