On Tuesday, I posted a giveaway for the book “I Just Want to Pee Alone
THE JUDGES:
Kim from Let Me Start By Saying
Robyn from Hollow Tree Ventures
Julie from Rants from Mommyland
Nicole from Ninja Mom
Anna from My Life and Kids
Bethany from Bad Parenting Moments
Susan from Divine Secrets of a Domestic Diva
Jen from People I Want to Punch in the Throat
JD from Honest Mom
Tara from You Know It Happens at Your House Too
Jessica from Four Plus An Angel
Alicia from Naps Happen
Andrea from The Underachiever’s Guide to Being a Domestic Goddess
Sometimes multiple judges gets complicated. Not this time. Nine out of the thirteen judges picked Meg Hanson’s momoir, “Everything I Know About Parenting, I Learned from Google”.
I guess that goes to show you just how many of us have googled terms like, “do stretch marks go away”, “what does neon yellow poop mean” and “who would like to take my toddler for a long weekend”.
Congratulations, Meg! Now, you just have to write 200-300 single spaced pages and your momoir will be complete! Please email me to get your prize. The rest of you can purchase “I Just Want to Pee Alone” by clicking here
But I’m not done yet. You guys wrote so many brilliant momoir titles, I couldn’t let them linger underneath an old post in the comments for eternity, so I decided to unearth my favorites here.
Ready?
24 Hilarious Momoir Titles: Reader Edition
“It Gets Easier”
& Other Lies Parents Tell You
By Lisa
Give Me The iPad & Get Out of The Dog Crate:
Toddler Rearing at Its Finest
By Arielle
Where’s My F*cking Village?!:
Raising Kids Away From Extended Family
By Ashley
One Red Sock Will Turn the Whole Load Pink
By Mary
Oh, Dear God, It’s Everywhere!
The Blow-outs You Never Saw Coming
By Felicia
I Only Had Time to Shave One Armpit
By Michelle
Thanks for the Mammaries:
A Postbreastfeeding Mother’s Reflections on her Journey from B’s to the High of D’s, all the way Back Down to Tennis-ball-in-tubesock A’s
By Kande
Why Some Animals Eat Their Young
& Other Things Motherhood Has Taught Me
By Amy
Is it Bedtime Yet?
(It’s 8 O’Clock Somewhere)
By Leah
Please Stop Poking Me With That:
Seriously. Why is someone ALWAYS touching me?
By Amanda
Joining the PTA:
Evening Escape Plans to Avoid Bedtime Bedlam
By Heather
Preschool, Pinterest, and Prozac
(Not Necessarily in that Order)
By Stephanie
Wipe Me
By Mel
“Stop Putting Stickers on Your Vagina”:
& Other Things I Never Expected to Say Out Loud
By Jaclyn
Adult Conversation:
Because I Haven’t had Any in Three Years
By Asia
Starch:The Only Food Group
By Katie
No Amount of Bleach Will Ever Get Rid of that Pee Smell:
Things No One Tells You About Raising Boys
By Terra
Finger Through the Wet Wipe
By Kerry
“Where is the Damn Tupperware Lid?”
& Other Life Altering Questions
By Brit
Sometimes I Hide in My Car
By Oluwatosin
Don’t Sit on the Bottom of the Slide:
Rules for Life
By Alicia
“I Would Never Do That To My Kid”:
All the Crap I Said When I was Stupid, Self-righteous and Sans-children
By Messy
No, We Are Not F*#@%ing There Yet!
By Suzy
Duct Tape & Tequila: Mommy’s Little Helpers
By Michelle
I hope everyone has a fabulous weekend with lots of time for reading. Hahahaha. That’s hilarious. How about this for a title:
Books:
What Are Those Again?
By Mommy Shorts
—————————————————————-
WAIT! Before you go. What’s one of the weirdest parenting-related search terms you’ve ever googled?
Follow Mommy Shorts on Facebook.
I can’t say because it could embarrass my daughter should my real name and therefore hers ever be found out – the internet is forever – but let’s just say I found out why google searches need to be Very Specific because looking up what is seemingly an innocent parenting inquiry can result in finding out there are some pretty sick fetish freakos out there! Good God.
Congrats to the winner btw! Am proud to be included in the “runner up” list 🙂
And yay, Google over yahoo FTW, suck it “Marissa I had no Mat Leave to no avail because Google shall always be the conquering king/queen of the world!”
Why my son was peeing himself out of spite when he got put in time out….. third link down it said he had a pee fetish!!!! I stopped reading after that….
Some of those made me laugh out loud and nearly spray coffee on my computer. Thanks for the early morning laugh!
Awesomeness. Number three will be the title of my memoir.
The google title is genius, well chosen judges! Wow, thanks for including in your “favorites” list! The other ones that literally made me chuckle were The blow-outs you never saw coming, Only time to shave one armpit, Stop poking me, and Stickers on your vagina.
Hum, weirdest parenting-related google search….I wish I could remember them all. I remember googling what a umbilical cord falling off is supposed to look like. Though that’s not that weird.
“How dangerous is A&D ointment when ingested?” …he was fine, but his poop was strange to say the least.
Okay, Meg. Now you have to either write the book yourself or organize a group of funny moms to do it because that title is too great to waste.
My weirdest parent-related google search would have to be “is it normal for my poop to smell like my baby’s poop?”
And to make me feel even more awkward about searching that, I found no search results. -__-
I once googled “Is swallowing foil harmful” when she ate the wrappers on the Hershey’s kisses. I’m sure I’ve googled worse, but I’m blocking them from my memory.
Ha ha. My son totally ate the foil wrapper with a piece of Hannukah gelt (chocolate) in his haste to devour the candy. I’d turned my head for a second to unwrap it for his little sister and next thing I know, he’s handing me a tiny piece of chewed-up foil, saying, “Can you take this, Mommy?” He probably ate 75% of it (and it’s tougher foil that the stuff on Hershey kisses, which he’s probably eaten too). I immediately called my dad, who’s a doctor. I felt terrible that it didn’t dawn on me to unwrap it for him or warn him!
We could co-author that momoir together….
I’m pretty sure I once Googled, “Is there a boot camp for three-year-olds?”
Also: “Will I ever be able to cough without peeing?”
Please consider, “I just pooped without anyone crying!” True story…happened today.
Weirdest inquiry – hair in milk duct? I was breastfeeding and afterwards cleaning my nips. I pulled a three inch long black hair out of my milk duct (I’m blonde and so is everyone else in the house except the cat, it must have been cat hair). No Google response. I’ve since accepted that mom bodies are just miraculous oddities and full of surprises that will never be explained.
This one has me cracking up! I’m sitting at my desk laughing out loud.
Oh my gosh these made me laugh so hard. I really hope to read some of these someday when they are written! 🙂
Some very funny and creative titles in there. And I actually did write a post called “Thanks for Mammaries” about my breasts’ epic journey from breastfeeding to post-breastfeeding.
Most of my weird searches involve “How do I get [substance] out/off of [type of surface]?” How do I get feces off upholstery? How do I get fruit punch vomit out of new carpet? How do I get sharpie off wood furniture? How do I get Play-doh out of tile grout?
My husband and I have Googled so much, it’s hard to keep track of the weirdest. However, probably the grossest thing I Googled was “What does mucus in breastmilk poop look like?” We thought our daughter may have had MSPI. Ugh. A million apologies for putting that image in your heads.
Super excited to see my title made the Top 24 List! Great start to the weekend 🙂
Hilarious book titles!
Weirdest google search – “my baby pants like a zombie” which yielded no hits so it was changed to “my baby pants like a dog” which yielded several hits. I always figure if you can find it on google, it’s gotta be somewhat common.
I’m pretty damn excited about making the top 24!
Oh My GOSH!! I love that you compared your baby to a Zombie! My daughter did the same thing as a newborn whenever she got excited!
Apparently, it’s a common sign that the child WILL be a drama queen!
I am SNORTING with laughter. So. Awesome!
Do foot injuries exist that doesn’t look at all injured? For a son who was acting like he couldn’t walk for a day.
Both my son and niece do this.