Last week, Mike and I took Mazzy and Harlow on a five hour plane ride. It was our first time taking both girls on a plane together and although we survived, it was not without it’s difficulties. And by “difficulties”, I mean moments when it would have been more enjoyable to throw ourselves out the exit door mid-flight.
Babies can be pretty easy on planes. Preschoolers are even easier. Toddlers? I wouldn’t wish that kind of hell on anyone.
Now. What happens when you take a preschooler and a toddler together?
Let’s just say the second Harlow FINALLY fell asleep, Mazzy announced she had watched everything there was to watch on her iPad and was bored. REALLY? Can’t a mom just watch an old episode of Mad Men in peace???
If you are thinking Mazzy and Harlow look particularly well-behaved in the photo above, please note this was taken before take-off. Harlow had yet to realize her seat was on my lap.
Also? The plane is only part of the problem. Let’s talk about the AIRPORT.
We all know the plane is too small to contain the combined energy of a toddler and a preschooler, but it would be a grave mistake to underestimate the obstacle of the airport terminal— a place that presents small children with limitless possibilites and opportunities for escape.
There’s a wide hallway the length of several football fields, moving sidewalks, ramps, and various stores from which to steal random merchandise (more on that later).
It’s hard to chase two kids at once who are running in opposite directions. Even harder when you factor in baggage. Add this to the fact that you are in a hurry, surrounded by people who appear to be in an even bigger hurry (sorry, loudly sighing guy behind us in security), and you should expect to cross over into dangerous levels of agitation easily and often.
But let’s back this up a bit because really the issue of traveling with kids starts with….
GETTING OUT YOUR FRONT DOOR
Getting to the airport in time for an early morning flight while not forgetting anything is difficult even for a single childless person. Getting out the door at any moment of any day is difficult with two kids. Combine the two and it’s a recipe for disaster.
Mike and I are both at our worst when we are trying to make a plane. I remember at least twenty items I’ve forgotten in the two minutes before we are supposed to leave, which drives my husband CRAZY.
“Oh wait! We need bathing suits for the hot tub!”
“Crap! I forgot extra pacifiers!
“Oh no! We need crayons and paper for the plane!”
Of course, this is all happening while we are dressing two complete invalids who have no idea what is going on. We kept screaming things at eachother like:
“Can you check if I put a bottle in the diaper bag?”
“Don’t you see me putting on Harlow’s shoes?”
“Well, I can’t do it if I’m brushing Mazzy’s hair!!!”
Next time we travel, I’m putting everyone to sleep fully dressed for the flight. That’s the only chance I’ll have to make it to the airport with my sanity in tact.
Let’s get back to the airport, shall we?
THE AIRPORT
We had Harlow contained in a carseat stroller up until security, where you have to somehow dismantle all your belongings, undress and hold on to your children at the same time. After security, Harlow threw a fit when I tried to put her back in the stroller, so I decided to let her walk since she was about to spend the next five hours sitting on my lap with nowhere to go.
Unfortunately, Harlow looked at the airport as her ticket to freedom. She refused to hold anybody’s hand and took off at full speed, heading in the opposite direction of our gate. Maybe she had an international flight to catch? Mazzy looked at the airport terminal as her personal playground. Honestly, we could have stayed at JFK for our entire vacation and they both would have been thrilled.
In almost every photo I have, Mazzy is going in one direction and Harlow is going in the other.
Along with the sprawling space, there is endless temptation. Mazzy tried to walk off with a very elaborate M&M’s container from the duty free shop and in the time it took me to put it back, Harlow ran up to Hudson News, stole three Power Bars and ran back out.
That’s real planning! She knew if her escape was successful, she wouldn’t be able to rely on my food bag.
Oh yes! Let’s talk about the…
CARRY-ON SITUATION
When I used to travel by myself, I would take a sandwich, a bottle of water and a pack of twizzlers. They could get me through 2-18 hours. With two kids, you have to dedicate an entire carry-on to snacks. And you must have the contents of that bag memorized because you will have to name every item in there at least 30-40 times.
“I’m hungry.”
“Do you want pretzels?”
“No. What else do you have?”
“Mini carrots?”
“No. What else?”
“Dried mango?”
“No. What else?”
“Almonds?”
“No. What else?”
“Apple squeezie?”
“No. What else?”
“Animal crackers?”
“No. What else?”
It’s like Mazzy thought I’d suddenly remember the side pocket had a mini oven where I could bake a cake using invisible ingredients found in my wallet.
Of course, the Food Bag should not to be confused with the Diaper Bag (diapers, wipes, binkies, bottles, cups, blankies, changes of clothes) or the Activity Bag (smart devices, chargers, drawing materials, toys).
Not that any of the toys we brought managed to entertain Harlow for one second. As for the iPad, Harlow is interested in it enough to annoy her sister, but not interested enough that letting her play with it will result in any real diversion. All Harlow wanted was for us to release her from her prison of a seat. Sitting in my lap was obviously the equivalent of a death sentence.
We let Harlow run up and down the aisles until we got reprimanded by a flight attendant. (Apparently, he was afraid of running over her with his cart. Whatevs.) At least she provided entertainment value for the passengers when she threw a fit after I stopped her from running straight though the curtain into first class. Tell me about it, Harlow. Tell me about it.
She stopped to check out everybody who was playing on their computer; casually resting her hand on each person’s knee as she peered at their Excel spread sheets and their videos of The Hangover. I pretended that everyone thought the intrusion was adorable and didn’t try to stop her.
You’d think it was adorable, right?
Not adorable was HOUR TWO when Harlow became incredibly overtired but refused to relax, no matter how inviting we tried to arrange the airline blanket across our laps. She cried and squealed and was truly miserable. The only thing we could do to calm her down was take turns holding her while pacing the aisle, effectively calling more attention to our poor parenting skills.
Mike finally got her to fall asleep around HOUR THREE, which as I mentioned, was exactly the same time Mazzy decided she had nothing left to watch on her iPad.
“What do you have to eat?”
“We’ve played this game already. Ten times.”
But wait! I forgot the absolute worst moment! Just before Harlow fell asleep, she threw up all over herself and Mike. Then I had to take her to the bathroom to clean up and she clung to me like she was using me intentionally as a towel.
NOTE: Don’t just bring a change of clothes for your kids. Bring one for yourselves as well.
Harlow slept fresh as a daisy. Mike and I smelled like crap for the rest of the flight. And since we had a preschooler in tow, she made sure to let us know.
“Peeee-ewwww. You smell.”
Which brings me to…
GETTING THE F*CK OFF THE PLANE
My favorite part of the trip was when the pilot announced we were landing in Utah. “That’s where WE’RE going!!!” Mazzy shouted excitedly as if it was total coincidence the plane and everyone on it were going to the same place.
We had about 1000 items to repack into our numerous carry-ons. Fallen crayons, irreplaceable blankies, favorite sippy cups, Elsa’s easy-to-lose crown. Of course, getting your stuff together is harder to do when you are also managing two children without throwing them in the overhead bin. We placed so much importance on finding all of Harlow’s pacifiers buried in the seat cushions that we almost left the iPad Mini in the seat pocket.
Once we exited the plane, we happily put Harlow back in her carseat stroller.
But— we were not there yet!
There were still bags to be retrieved, a car to rent and we had to break it to the kids that they still had a 45 minute car ride ahead of them.
Oh, good times. Good times.
(The actual trip was a blast though, thank god.)
I can’t even imagine my two year old on a plane…it would be a serious nightmare! I was cracking up at this post though…and personally, I would have found it adorable if Harlow put her hand on my knee and stared at my laptop.
I’m pretty sure age 1-2 is the hardest for plane travel. Was the way back any easier? Glad you had fun! (once you got there)
thank you for further solidifying my choice to be one and done. he is now almost 5, and traveling is SO much easier!
So I’ve flown several times with my baby (even w/o his dad) and it was pretty smooth, but this friday will be the first time traveling with him as a toddler – almost exactly Harlow’s age. I was already sweating it! And it’ll be just me and him! YIKES!
Don’t feel bad about the huffy man in security. I can’t stand the ones who think they are more important than everyone else. Let him be annoyed! And thank you for reminding me why we will never take our kids on a plane.
I have never been on a plane with all my kids, but we do take long car trips to visit family and this just sounds so familiar. I hate that I spend so much time packing a bag of car toys/entertainment and mostly they just annoy me for the entire trip. Great post.
I had a very similar experience, only with just one toddler. http://withababyintow.wordpress.com/2013/12/04/babies-on-a-plane/
I can’t imagine doing it with two. Heck, I can’t imagine even doing it with one again. Glad the trip made it worth the hassle!
I swear, if I don’t ever have to bend down to retrieve my son’s backpack from under the seat in front of him while simultaneously not knocking off his play doh pieces from his tray AND not smushing the crazy desperate to get down and run one year old in my lap I’ll call any flight a success.
Once they become mobile, it’s a BAZILLION times easier to just buy the extra ticket and use the carseat on the plane. It’s expensive, but your sanity is priceless.
I have flown a TON by myself with just my toddler, so I feel like I’ve got a grasp on that. But flying with two little ones? You have my respect, mama.
It was a bad choice to read this a mere 2 months before I take my now 12 month old on a 4 hour flight.
Cracking up. Love the pic of them running in two different directions. Anyone who gives you the evil eye on the plane obviously never had children!
I’m about to drive 1400 miles by myself, with two three year old twins. Taking a plane and having the car towed along with all our belongings in freight was suggested, but I could easily imagine the nightmare being ALONE on a plane with two three year olds would have been and opted to drive it instead. I’m linking my mother to this post (who still insists I should be flying).
Just back from vacation which involved several flights,, two of which were 15 hours long, all of which had kids in some way, shape orform. Rest assured the passengers would fit nicely into one of your pie charts as are either (1) childless and not understanding but m’eh, not much you can do to appease them as tend to hate children in general even if they are being polite and quiet (2) childless and empathetic because there are some amazing people in the world (3) have children who are grown so empathetic (4) have children who are grown but are the weirdos who think their kids never misbehaved in public (they’re wrong but try telling them that!) (5) traveling with their young offspring so able to commiserate or (6) (my personal category) have young kids they ditched at home so are thrilled to have little ones to smile and flirt with as helps ease the pangs of missing their own kiddos – and when the kids are wailing are less annoyed and more whew! Thrilled they can plug in earphones, grab a brewskie and ignore them and feel smug about leaving theirs at home with Grandma! 😉
I totally left out all the opportunities for drink spillage. Those stupid trays.
I laughed throughout this entire story! The one and only time I took my daughter (just turned 1 2 weeks before) on a plane was when I was 6 months pregnant with my son (and the size of a blue whale). Oh yeah, and I had my step-daughter and my husband who both get car sick if they are not driving or sitting by a window. And we can’t forget about the prisoner and air marshals on the plane that my daughter kept asking about the “bracelets” the lady was wearing during the 3 hour delay ON THE PLANE in the middle of the tarmac. I think someone was feeling bad for me because somehow, no one managed to vomit that ride. HOWEVER, every time and I do mean EVERY time we travel to see my family (7 hour drive which then turns into 9 hours), someone if not both feel they must vomit the entire way up and the other one gets the entire way back and we must stop at every disease infested bathroom on the way.
At least you had your hubby with you. I’m flying solo with my then 3 1/2 year old and 13 month old girls (1 year old on my lap). First is a 10 hour flight with 3 hour layover and then 2 hours. It’s not for another 2 months but I already have nightmares about it and getting all the helpful info from the internet. Reading your blog simply terrified me though haha.
Our 6 hour layover in Kennedy with a crawling 11 month old resulted a full month of diarrhea. The airport part is definitely the worst.
That was awesome. My sister, the doctor, would drug the kids before getting on plane. Makes them nice and sleepy for most of the flight. Benadryl is your friend. If not, noise canceling headphones are mine.
I too wanted to jump on the exit door when my 1 year old cried for a 5 hr trip! This is exactly why I now give my toddler a dose of Benadryl before the flight.
I don’t miss these days as this too was my experience flying…thankfully now my son is 12 and now one of those kids that is glued to his ipod games 24/7 flying or not. Not gonna lie, as much as I don’t promote too much “screening”…the peace and quiet is heavenly!
Just flew my two (5 and 11mo) from Utah to Alaska and back by myself. Definitely NOT the most fun I’ve ever had. Thank you for mentioning the freaking airport!! We had layovers in Seattle and trying to keep an 11mo occupied in an airport when he can only crawl and hates not being in motion…well, the floors are gross and he was not happy. What a nightmare. Glad you survived mostly unscathed!
I can so relate to this! I am going every 2 years with my 2 kids from New Zealand to Germany which means 4 flights with a total flight time of about 24 hours, of course more travel time with the breaks at various airports. It panned out that I took them when they were babies and then the next time when they were 2ish. Although it’s a nightmare my absolutely worst flight ever were 3 hours to Australia when my son was 18 months old. So I absolutely agree that it’s the hardest between 1-2 years!
I traveled with my 2 year old from Minneapolis to Las Vegas, with a short stop in Milwaukee for 45 mins (thank you Dad) alone. I can honestly say it was the most miserable trip that I’ve ever been on. My favorite? When she refused to sleep almost all the way to Vegas until the very last hour of the flight. Not awful until she had to wake up when the plane landed. Trying to deal with two winter coats, a carry on backpack, a diaper bag disguised as a purse while prying my sleepy screaming child off the airplane floor from between the seats while an entire plane load of people are trying hard to be polite and wait for the overwhelmed, obviously single parent (Daddy go to skip this trip. The lucky b*****d.)? It’s been 3 months and I’m still mortified.
I understand the flying with a toddler pain. They sure are quick on those little legs! But for the actual airport have you seen the Trunki from Melissa and Doug? It’s like a suitcase for the littles but it’s made so they can ride around on it. We have one for the 5 year old and he just sits on it and we pull him through the airport lol. He thinks it’s a fun ride so doesn’t run off, and we know where he is because he’s being pulled along with us. And they are small enough to be a carry on, so while waiting to board we just let the kiddos scoot around on them lol. They tend to stay near us though, so not sure how that part would work for you. Anyway…they’re awesome!
Does Mazzy get her own seat? I really don’t want to pay for an extra seat, but we’re supposed to be traveling to FL this summer and it’ll be the first time my son is on a plane. He’ll be a little over 2 when we go.
Once they are over 2 years of age, they have to (I think by law? Or at least airplane-law) have their own seat. Which is why you see parents of kids under two trying to suck up traveling with toddlers to squeeze in vacations while the kids tickets are still free!!
Oh my gosh, I don’t know if I’m glad or sorry that I read this! Taking our one and three year old on a four-hour plane ride in a month, and up until now, I was looking forward to it thinking it will be such a blast! Will make sure the hubs reads this so we’re adequately prepared for the debacle that awaits us! 😉
Sing it sister! Everything you describe is spot-on. We just flew to Hawaii from Seattle and returned Thursday with our 4 yr & 1.5yr old so I’m still recovering. One thing that occurred to me (flying both directions) is that it’s a good thing there aren’t divorce lawyers in the airport because they would be busy. Every time we have flown with our children, my husband and I are glaring daggers at each other upon landing. Part of it is being so exhausted/irritated by traveling and the other part is wondering why the other person didn’t do more to help. And it happens every trip. But I’ll say one thing, these kids will have racked up more airline miles by kindergarten then I did by college. So they are getting out in the world which is a good thing, right?
Wow. Don’t know where to begin. This was exhausting to read. Why do most parents feel they are entitled to have bad behavior when they fly? Remember everyone on that plane bought a seat, paid hard earned money for that plane ride. It’s not ok for you to think it’s ok to make a circus atmosphere on the plane. The flight attendants can’t see around the other side of those 800lb carts, when they ask you to secure your children- “what eves” you’ll sue if they get caught under the cart and smashed?? I fly Europe and Asia all the time, parents over there have different standards. They donot allow there children to run amuck- they respect others. Remember people travel for different reason. Funerals- job interviews- court dates- business. Many rely on getting sleep on the airplane. Pax rely on each other for courtesy. Last but not least. Many parents think it’s ok to allow children to deface/ pound on/ crayon on, the inseat video equipment. It cost more than your ticket price to repair and the next person who bought that seat is the one who suffers until it can be maintenanced. Let’s not forget the poor soul who has to bend over pickup all your crackers you smashed into to carpets in your seat area- the spilled drinks- sticky candy and yogurt spilt into seats and of course my favorite the poopy diaper you were too lazy to take to the bathroom, so you stashed it in the seat pocket. There is nothing comical about this type of travel intitlement. It’s just sad.