Last week, I posted a very short status update on the Mommy Shorts facebook fanpage:
"Reason my daughter is crying: I won't let her eat a tomato on the couch. Your turn!"
534 comments later, I was laughing, crying, and commiserating over the batshit crazy beings we have the pleasure of calling our kids. If nothing else, it is nice to know I am not the only one trying to rationalize with a 16 month old who is losing her mind because I won't willingly hand over the shiny pair of adult-size scissors sitting on the kitchen counter.
I'm afraid to even pick Harlow up in the kitchen, because she will always see something on the counter she wants that she absolutely cannot have— steak knives, steaming hot cups of coffee, medication, stovetop flames, etc. and then make the saddest cry face you have ever seen before convulsing into a tiny weeping heap on the floor.
Other things Harlow cries over?
She hates eating at the table. I thought it was just her high chair, so I set up a kid's table that she is allowed to eat at as well. But nope, Harlow wants to eat food on-the-go while wandering around our entire apartment.
It goes like this:
It's time for breakfast. Harlow says something that sounds like, "EGGS!" and points to the egg carton in the fridge. I break some eggs in a bowl.
"WAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!"
Oh right, Harlow wants me to hold her while I make the eggs. I pick her up. Continue making eggs. Try my best to keep her from burning herself on the stove or the frying pan. When the eggs are finished, I put them in a bowl on the table and try to transfer Harlow to the high chair.
"WAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!"
Harlow moves her legs in such a way that I couldn't even force her in the high chair if I tried. So, I do the next best thing and put the bowl of eggs on the kid's table. Try to sit her in the little chair, but Harlow takes the bowl of eggs and runs off into the living room. I grab the bowl and put it back on the kid's table.
"WAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!"
This is when the rationalizing starts. With a baby.
"Harlow, you can have the eggs at the table. Or you can run around. You just can't have the eggs while you run around."
"WAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!"
Eventually, she ends up sitting at the table because I won't give her the eggs otherwise. But this doesn't mean she remembers the end result a few short hours later.
We do this lovely little dance every meal. It's even worse when she wants to run around the apartment with an open container of yogurt. She would also prefer me give her an entire apple rather than slices. And an entire box of cereal rather than a handful in a bowl.
"I'm not giving you the entire economy size box of Cheerios, Harlow."
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!"
The other thing Harlow has been crying about lately is hand washing.
What's the problem with hand washing?
Nothing. Unless, your baby wants you to hold her over the sink so she can run her hands under the water for the next four to five hours.
I'm not even sure Harlow would consider four to five hours an acceptable period of time where she could walk away satisfied with her hand washing experience. Every hand washing episode ends in tears. It is a very weird feeling when you're like, "OH NO!!!!!!!! HARLOW IS AT THE SINK!!!!!!! MIKE, IT'S YOUR TURN!!!!!!! I DID HAND WASHING LAST TIME!!!!!!"
One of us will have to hold her at the sink until our arms get too tired or we decide we have wasted enough water and finally shut the faucet off. Harlow will then commence FULL-ON BREAKDOWN MODE.
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!"
Tiny weeping heap on the floor.
Yesterday, Harlow decided she wanted to sit on the toilet. Not a potty— on the adult toilet. I sat with her in the bathroom, while she was on toilet, for about a half hour. Not doing anything. Not actually using it. She just wanted the experience of sitting on the toilet. Finally, I figured that was enough and took her off.
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!"
Tiny heap.
Really? Can we save the crying for an injury or something?
Greg Pembroke, the creator of Reasons My Son is Crying (a tumblr dedicated to pictures of his son crying about inane things), just came out with a hilarious new photo book called, Reasons My Kid Is Crying
I'm giving away five copies on the blog today and five copies on Instagram. Just tell me why your kid is crying in the comment section below.
To start you off, here are some of the reasons your kids were crying from my facebook page last week…
"Because I won't let him step on the blackberries he threw on the carpet."
"Because I can't help her get the big ball to play with… the big ball is the moon."
"Her identical twin sister called her ugly."
"I wouldn't let her crash a party at Build-A-Bear."
"The blue spoon is in the dishwasher."
"Because I won't let him throw my keys in the toilet."
"He wanted the milk on the top of the cereal bowl, not the bottom."
"Because I couldn't sing along to the song she was making up."
"I won't let her eat eyeliner."
"Because I made her take the plastic wrap off the cheese before eating it."
"I wouldn't let her feed me a piece of gravel."
"I wouldn't let her throw her juice box at the ceiling fan to 'see what happens'."
"She can't find the googley eye she's been carrying around for a week."
"His pants don't have pockets."
"I won't let him eat frozen chicken nuggets in the grocery store."
"He wanted toast…but he didn't want the bread in the toaster."
"I bent the flexi straw before I gave her the cup."
"I won't let her carry a jar of minced garlic around the house."
"Because I took my hair out of her hand."
"I wouldn't let her wipe her mouth with a napkin she found on the floor at the ice cream shop."
"I forgot to say 'go away Anna' at the right place while she sang Do You Wanna Build a Snowman through the bathroom door while I was pooping."
To be fair, that last one is totally justified.
You must follow Mommy Shorts on facebook to enter. Then just leave the reason your kid is crying in the comment section below. If you'd also like to submit a picture on my fanpage with your comment, even better.
I'll announce five random winners this Friday. For a second chance to win, you can enter on my Instagram feed (@mommyshorts) as well.
Good luck!
I combined broccoli with cheese instead of keeping it separate and letting her dip it in.
Son cried last week when I would not let him eat a Cheez It cracker that was on the bathroom floor under the toilet in a public bathroom
My son, when he was 3 pulled a full blown fall on the floor cry fest in a grocery store because I wouldn’t buy the BIG jar of Kraft Miracle Whip, I bought the small one.
Because he didn’t want it to rain.
Reason my daughter is crying #1: I won’t let her pinch the food of skin under my arm while we’re all trying to sleep
My daughter and niece were acting out Frozen, my daughter said she was Princess Elsa and that her cousin could be Olaf. My niece had huge tears because my daughter called her Olaf.
My daughter will often have a complete meltdown if you sing any Frozen song, because she is the only one that is supposed to sing.
I wouldn’t let him sleep holding a screwdriver.
Reasons my daughter is crying #2: I won’t let her suck on my HOT, caffeinated, drink.
He’s crying because I called his lego creation a police car. He said it’s a fire engine in a halloween costume so it just looks like a police car, but it’s not really a police car. I give up.
My was my daughter crying, I am the ONLY one allowed to fill her sippy cup!
My 9 month old is crying because I won’t let her claw my boob while nursing…
She crawled off of my lap onto the floor right beside me… And then started wailing because she wasn’t on my lap anymore.
Because I wouldn’t let him be barefoot in 30 degrees.
Because I wouldn’t let him in the shower with me… he has officially acknowledged that I’m “different” from him and daddy.
Because I wouldn’t let him eat the tooth paste.
Because I wouldn’t let him pour milk all over my freshly shampooed couches.
Because I wouldn’t let him climb the cat tree with the cats.
Because he pushed another kid onto the concrete ground and he (the other kid) split his head open.
Because I put milk in his chocolate milk.
When my daughter was a year old, why would she cry and go bat shit crazy? Because she thought that the needles in the lemon tree in our back yard were pourposely there for her to climb it. She would grab them and use them to try and climb it. And ofcourse they would break and for some wild reason it was MY fault.
We used checkout 17 at the grocery store instead of checkout 10.
He was completely heartbroken. We were in a hurry and 17 was the express. He sobbed “sev (gasp) en (gasp) teeeeeeen” all the way home.
My 2 year old cried today when she realized I forgot one of her shoes. Poor thing. You would have thought I had forgotten her blanky for nap time. 😉
My 3 yo was crying because we took him to Dublin Donut/Basking Robins and got himan ice cream instead of a donut. And I apparently responded with something along the lines of “no donut until you finish your ice cream!”
because she has to wear BOTH shoes and not “just one” outside!!
I tucked my breast back into my shirt after he decided he was done having milkies and walked away.
This just made me snort-laugh.
because I got bangs.
Older sister ate the carrots that younger sister was refusing to eat. Younger sister in full out rage mode.
I separates the bagel into two pieces.
Because I wouldn’t let him eat mulch.
My two year old is crying because I opened her breakfast bar the wrong way, even though I open it the same way every morning, and now she wants a new one because this one is “yucky”
My son (17 months) cried because I sat down after carrying him around the living room for 10 minutes
My daughter (3.5 yr old) cried because the school bathroom stall with the pink step stool was occupied & it was the end of the world not to pee in that stall…
My daughter cries because I won’t let her press “the button” on the cat, the one right under his tail.
Because he shit in his diaper after sitting on the potty for 20 minutes only producing the obligatory dime size turd to “make mommy happy” and now mommy needs to change the brand new diaper she just put on because he unloaded his breakfast, lunch and last nights dinner in it!
I closed the lid on the toilet seat so she couldn’t splash in the water 🙁
I asked her to put her dance shoes away. She refused as was “too tired”. I insisted. She said “But I’m too tired to!!” …. then proceeded to run, sobbing, at top speed, out of the living room, up a flight of stairs, into my room, to howl uncontrollably. Rather than walk half the distance to put her shoes away.
Hilar! Love the hashtag
Major LOL!
Mommy Shorts has done it again! These are great & I feel buoyed knowing that I’m not alone
Last night at dinner, my 4-year-old cried about the tomato pieces that were on her white pizza, so I picked them all off her piece. She then proceeded to dip the pizza in marinara to eat it.
My son was crying because he wanted to get in the bath but didn’t want to get naked first.
My son cries because he thinks his winky is too big. I think he’ll get over that one in a few years.
I won’t let her type on my (work-issued) computer – she’s 16 months old.
My 2 year old is currently crying because I put the dress and tights on her that she asked me to put on her…
My son is crying because i wouldnt let him play with his dirty diaper……
Because I won’t carry her on my front, I’ll only wear her on my back in the Ergo.
My son is crying because I won’t let him lick the cat.
My 17 month old son cries when we take away his toy broom, after we told him repeatedly not to chase the cat or dog with it!
My 15 month old daughter will throw herself down on the floor and have the craziest tantrum you have ever seen on a daily basis because I don’t let her dump out her bowl of Cheerios on the floor so she can stomp through them until they are crunched into the carpet.
because I put her down when she indicated that she wanted to be put down.
Because I wouldn’t give her a cheese stick to eat with her York peppermint patty.
I won’t let my 8-month old daughter play/eat with her dirty diaper when I’m trying to change her.
Because I won’t let my 10m old (with 0 teeth!) eat my steak.
Almost 7: Because my husband washed my car, and apparently it’s MY responsibility to wash my own car and not wait for someone else to do it. Sigh…really?
We have had the EXACT same conversation at our house wayyyy too many times.
Because both his socks look the same. He doesn’t like it when both his socks look the same.
…because if I don’t let him go to grandma’s RIGHT NOW he’ll poop his pants. (He just turned 6 and it’s almost 10pm on a school night) lol
Oh my goodness! This makes me laugh, and commiserate, and soooo look forward to these times (not) as my 8 month old is just learning how to throw fits.
My 5 year old downloaded a new game on his tablet, and cried hysterically for 20 minutes because he had to wait for it to load. (which only took like 30 seconds)
Geez. How spoiled are your children? None of these would’ve even been a thought it my parents’ house!
[…] your child gets older, and she can tell you exactly why she’s screaming (usually something super logical like “THIS SWEATER IS TOO SWEATERY”) and you realize this communication stuff isn’t exactly all it’s cracked up to be. […]
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