“When are you going to get rid of the pacifier?” That’s the third most frequent question I get asked about Harlow. The first two questions are “How old is that little munchkin?” and “Where did she get those fabulous sunglasses?”
Answer #1: 23 months
Answer #2: I have no idea. They just seem to show up on her face.
The answer to that pacifier question? Until a few days ago, it was always— “We’re working on it.”
Over the past 23 months, Harlow’s pacifier has almost become part of her face. As much an identifying feature as her big eyes and serious brows. If you follow me on Instagram, you see Harlow sucking on that thing in way more photos than not.
A few months ago, I made a plan to only let Harlow use the pacifier while she sleeps— two naps a day and overnight.
Then over the summer, that extended to “while in the car” and then it all fell apart from there.
Instead of Harlow getting closer to giving up her pacifier, she starting asking for two at once. As if we were going through a pacifier shortage and she had to make sure she was properly prepared.
At bedtime, she wanted every pacifier she could find. She’s have one in her mouth and one in each hand and then see a spare on the counter and scream for that one too.
HARLOW: PACI!!!!
ME: But you already have a pacifier.
HARLOW: PACI!!!!!!!
ME: In fact, you have three pacifiers.
HARLOW: PACI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I’m embarrassed to say, we usually gave it to her. Because….. It’s Harlow. Her persistence is so freakin’ cute. I find it almost impossible to say “no”, in a way I never felt with Mazzy. I think it’s because I still think of her as a baby.
Even Mazzy calls me out for this when they get into fights over toys and utensils and things.
MAZZY: Harlow! It’s my pink spoon!
ME: Just let Harlow have it, Mazzy.
MAZZY: WHY? IT’S MINE!!!!!
ME: Because Harlow’s a baby. She doesn’t know any better.
MAZZY: Harlow’s not a baby, Mom. SHE’S A TODDLER!!!
Point taken.
Even though Harlow was stocking up pacifiers for emergencies at night, she became pretty good about giving up her pacifier during the day. It was like a little game. She would always refuse to hand it over initially, but if I put on my most encouraging smile and said, “You don’t need your pacifier, Harlow! You don’t need it!” Then she’d take a moment to think before handing it over and proudly shouting “I did it!”
The hardest time to get Harlow’s pacifier out of her mouth was when she just woke up. I didn’t want to grab it away when she was groggily transitioning from night to day. But sometimes, that transition time stretched from a few minutes to an entire morning. She’d seem content and I didn’t want to ruin things.
In these moments, Mazzy would again call me out for not making Harlow play by the rules.
MAZZY: MOM!!!! Harlow has her paci!
ME: It’s okay. Just leave her.
But Mazzy isn’t as easygoing as me.
MAZZY: Harlow. You’re not supposed to use your paci now.
Then Mazzy would often employ her own pacifier retrieving techniques, handing over Harlow’s pacifier triumphantly with a look in her eye that said, “You couldn’t do the job so I did it for you.”
She swore saying “Paci Cheerio” would make Harlow hand it over without a fight. I watched her do this numerous times and it worked, as if parenting is as easy as reciting a magic word and I failed to see I was creating my own problems.
A few weeks ago, I realized we were running out of pacifiers. I wasn’t sure where they were disappearing but figured, when we ran out, I’d just tell Harlow we had no more left and she had to deal.
That’s what happened in the middle of last week at bedtime.
Harlow had one right before bed, but somewhere between sitting on my lap for a story and going into her crib, she lost it. I checked the floor and looked to see if we had an extra nearby, but we did not. Instead of getting frantic, I just explained to Harlow that she’d have to sleep without one.
She was surprisingly okay with it.
Maybe that’s the end of it? I thought.
But the next morning when I came in to take Harlow out of her crib, she was standing there with her paci firmly planted in her mouth.
I was confused for a moment but then I realized— this is the emergency Harlow has been preparing for! She resorted to her stockpile!
I searched the crib and found two more pacifiers lodged between the mattress and the wall.
The next night I decided to put her to sleep without it again. She went to bed without a fuss but then began screaming “PACI!!!!!!!!!” after I left the room.
I guess she noticed I cleared out her stash.
“PACI!!!!”
“PACI!!!!!!!!!!!”
“PACI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
I stuck to my guns and eventually she stopped screaming and went to bed.
But, the next day I went to work and our nanny came to take care of Harlow during the day. I forgot to tell her about this latest development, so Harlow was given a pacifier during nap time.
LESSON: Always make sure all caretakers (dads, grandparents, sitters) are in on the plan!
That night Harlow went NUTS when I made her go to bed without the pacifier. But there was no turning back. After a few minutes of screaming (not crying, mind you, just angry yelling), she fell asleep. I told our nanny the next morning that Harlow had slept three nights in a row without her pacifier. Then we hid all the pacifiers in the back of the kitchen cabinet and that was the end of that.
It’s been one week.
Harlow found a pacifier in my bag and got upset when I took it away, but other than that— Harlow hasn’t asked for her pacifier and we haven’t volunteered it.
It was a slow transition with many stops and starts, but as with most parenting initiatives, I find once you stick to the plan, it works way easier than you were expecting. Harlow had a tough time giving up her pacifier because we had a tough time not giving it to her.
As soon as we were ready, so was she.
Babies can be pretty resilient.
Toddlers too.
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Oh my goodness! She looks like a completely different child without it! What a puddin’
Congrats on the accomplishment before age five! My eldest daughter was much bigger than all other kids her age, yet there she stood with her “pipe” clamped firmly between her teeth. She’d roll it to the side, looking like Popeye, when she felt the need to have a conversation. I’m not ashamed to say I bribed her with the promise of a puppy to gather them up and hand them to the trash man. She did, and when we moved into our new house in the next year, I found hidden pacis everywhere!! Still remember those challenges like they were yesterday and she is 22 now 🙂
My little one sucks her fingers, I haven’t figured out how to hide them from her. If anyone has any suggestions on how to stop that I’m open to any and all ideas. She’s also 23 months, when is Harlow’s birthday?
When my little girl was about two, she desperately wanted to paint her fingernails pretty colors like Momma. We very firmly told her that she could have nail paint when she stopped sucking on her fingers. Then reminded her of that every time we gently pulled her fingers out of her mouth. I’d say that it took about three months.
Cara, my little girl suffered from this same habit (finger sucking) and about four months ago we finally broke her of it. Medical tape around the fingers during the day and a nightshirt with arm holes stitched during the night. Worked like a charm. Maybe next baby I wont withhold a passy.
The back of the kitchen cabinet? Throw them out! What are you saving them for, your next baby?
I know. As I was writing it, I questioned myself too. We should totally trash them. I think children have made me into a hoarder.
When we took our son’s bottles away, I threw them straight into the trash so I wouldn’t give in. It was the same with the swaddle. Good lord, that child was a swaddle addict! Swaddle bag, blanket, and wrap. AT ONCE! He couldn’t sleep without it, but would still constantly wake up. So one night, I just took it away and the next day I also took away the swing. Not sure which of us cried more. 🙁 Thankfully it only lasted a couple of days and we never looked back. 🙂
I think we were alright with our youngest having the paci during naps and sleeping, but she recently turned 14 months and refuses to let it go in the mornings. Now I’m afraid we’ll have to wean her off of it like you guys did. Good job guys! I love Mazzy, your little accountability person :). Harlow is adorable without her paci as well. Love that smile! She’ll always be your baby.
Excellent job! We need to get my (older than) 2 year old off the bottle kick. He only gets them at nap and at night and only water … and then his beloved “mick” in the morning (just one bottle of milk, which he pretty much slams with the enthusiasm of a frat boy at a kegger!). The kid never took to a comfort object other than this bottle so I feel horrible trying to take it from him. His siblings never had that problem – they never needed a bottle at rest times and we just stopped with the bottles altogether when they both took to the sippy cup. We are down to just 1 bottle left – and when it’s gone, it’s gone. All hell will break loose – seriously, this kid should scream for horror movie soundtracks!! I’ll have to make goodie bags for the neighbors … even with closed windows, I’m sure they will hear the epic meltdowns!
I guess we were lucky, neither daughter took pacifiers. I guess the frustration of getting no formula or milk out got them upset.
The part I love is that you put them in the back of the kitchen cabinet. This is the exact same thing I just did. Determined not to give them back once they were gone, but it still took me 3 weeks to actually say, “Why do I still have these?” Like throwing them away immediately was just too much of an admission that I no longer had a baby.
THIS is my problem.
I guess we were lucky, we took our daughters away at 18 months and stuck to it. I think I had a harder time about taking it away than she did.
Now we are just dealing with the 2 year old meltdowns for no reason at all.
Your children are adorable! She looks so grown up without the paci!
Good for you!!! Mine is three and a half!!! She uses it for nap and bedtime still. We should have taken it a LONG time ago. Now that she is in a bed and can run from the room yelling for it, it only makes our job harder. I have to bite the bullet and do it…maybe this weekend 🙁
OMG She’s soooooo cuuuuuuuuuute!!!!! AAAAAAAAHHHH!!!! *locks up my ovaries*
My son was addicted to his too and had to sleep with one in his mouth and one on his finger (hospital type) so I read somewhere to put a hole in it and it wouldn’t be the same then slowly cut the end off and so on till they just didn’t want it anymore. So I told my hubby to do this as I was preparing him for bed. I go to lay him down and there is his paci with HALF of it cut off I looked at my hubby he just shrugged. Handed to my son who stuck it in his mouth pulled it out looked at it and said OUIE PACI because his paci was hurt not that it hurt him. He cried half the night over his paci being in pain, mean while I was yelling at my hubby saying a hole A HOLE not half of it gone what were you thinking? But that was it the next morning he threw his paci in the trash and never took one again. He found one one day under his crib picked it up and went straight to the trash with it. Of course my hubby was very proud of himself because it was all because of him that our son was now paci free. DAMN MEN!
Nice work. We are going on at least 3 months with out the “bink” but I still have them in the back of my top dresser drawer. I need to throw them out. I also have found that our little guy will find one of the 88 that are lost somewhere in our small 2 bed room house and he will walk in with it in his mouth with a grin and it takes me a moment to realize what he has. I was so used to seeing him with it. So be careful, she’s been stock piling for awhile…..there in the house still and will haunt you for at least a few months.
On another note, seriously, I am not kidding, I think I bough at least 40 packs of these…where do they all go??? If everyone is like me, they should be scattered on the streets and lawn across the country.
Back when I was little, they only had those big ugly brown pacifiers, and I called mine binkies. I had 11 binkies. No joke. At bedtime, I had one for my mouth, one looped around each of my big toes, a few scattered across my forehead, and one looped around my pointer finger, where I would lightly poke my face with it.
My mom likes to tell a story about when she was pulled over by a police officer for a taillight that had burned out, and he asked for her registration. When she opened the glove compartment, piles of binkies fell out.
I finally gave mine up when I was about 4. The dentist told me it was time and I did it without a problem.
I LOVE your blog. I started reading your sleep training posts when we were sleep training our now 15 month old. My husband and I are working on using pacifiers only during nap times and at night. We are expecting baby girl #2 in January and don’t want her taking it from her sister (assuming she takes one)!
Re: paci’s hidden in the cabinet. It might be too late now, but you could plant “Paci Flowers” with them. Instructoions: dig a hole in a flower bed — or a potted plant in your case, NYC and all– and secretly sprinkle flower seeds in before, then they ‘plant’ their paci’s. They help you water it, etc. and eventually they sprout into flowers. Then if they ask for the the paci, you direct them to the flowers “remember, we turned them into flowers?” Worked well with my daughter (who is “sneaky butter girl”…which makes me reflect that most of my parenting tricks involve me sneaky around, LOL).
Good lord is she adorable! Hooray for no more pacis!
Where on earth did you get those pink mocs??? LOVE THEM. I use Soft Stars – happen to be theirs?
good for you! it took until my son was over 3 to get rid of his (but it was just at night). and the only reason he stopped using it was because his mouth got too big for the baby ones we had, so it wasn’t soothing anymore!
She was building a stock pile of pacifiers! I am laughing my head off! What a cute, and very smart, little girl 🙂
I’m totally with you on everything. We finally took the binkie away from our 2nd after he was 2! Daycare had stopped at 1 1/2, we kept it going because we couldn’t bear to say no or make him cry. I’m such a sucker w my baby boy and my 8yo girl calls me out on it ALL THE TIME.
I agree, she looks great without it. Also, did her hair magically grow overnight?
Ugghhh…this is a really painful topic for me. Our girl is 2 1/2 this week and still uses her “chew chew” at nap and night only. We’ve started the process a few times to take it away. First time, she started having anxiety. She wanted to talk about her chew chew constantly and needed to see it all the time after we told her it would be going away. her doc said to let her keep it. So then I started talking about the paci fairy (was all over the web as a success tool to ditch the paci) and she was firm that other babies needed to get their own pacis. There have been other attempts too but I just can’t do it. She is down to 4 and keeps them in a bowl by her bed and counts them in the morning. Both her doc and her dentist say I should quit worrying about it. My mom swears she won’t go to kindergarten with it. Maybe reading this today will give me the push I need. Maybe….
Mine is 2 3/4….
I need to start this too…
I came back to say my girl is now passie (chew-chew) free!!! And it had nothing to do with me. She got sick last week with the gross dreaded Hand Foot Mouth virus along with every single kid in her pre-school. Because it causes sores on her face (her chin in our case) and in her mouth, her chew-chew hurt her. She told me to take them away. And even though she is well again, we’ve closed that chapter. Thank goodness. And I am SO glad she decided for herself. (lucky mama, no drama!)
This gives me hope! I haven’t taken the binky away from our youngest yet (18 months) in part, I think, because she’s my “baby.” That, and I’m terrified of her stubbornness.
Hey, my almost 3 year old knows the paci “lives in his bed only” and even though I’m woken up at least once a night with “MOOOOOOMMMMM PACIIIII” because he’s “lost” it (he has not bothered to look for it 8 times out of 10) we STILL haven’t cut the ties. We’re just dreading the first night. Because we’re the babies, apparently.
First off people should not ask you that…it is your child and you will decide when she should get rid of it. My Harper is 22 months today and in the middle of cutting her 2 year molars so, I think it would be cruel to take it away at this point. She was the same as Harlow in that she only used her paci at night and then one day my husband came home from work and asked “why does she have a paci in the middle of the day?” The answer was because she wanted it and I too think everything she does is cute! When my 5 year old thows a fit I get aggravated but when Harper pouts it is so adorable!!!!
Dylan never took a pacifier (well, he used them when he was really small but never got attached.) He does suck his thumb though. I’m not worried about it though – I did too, and I eventually grew out of it, and so will he. I guess it’s a trade off, right now we never have to worry about losing pacifiers, but at the same time, I think it is a longer process to wean from the thumb since it’s attached! I don’t remember how old I was, but definitely older than 2. Good for you for sticking with your plan with Harlow! And she is just super adorable! She gets cuter and cuter!
Evan started calling his an “ing” which we assume was short for “Get that THING out of your mouth when you talk”.
Now it’s “eem”. He went to bed with 6 eems last night. They all have names (like tooth eem, mustache eem, blue eem, light blue eem, purple eem) and he counted them and stacked them. All of these are signs he SHOULD be giving up eem. I am not forcing it yet. He’ll be 3 in December. I know I should be taking eem away, but we’re really close to moving him to a big boy bed and I’m gone 4 nights a week for grad school and I’m just not ready to give up my baby.
i got lucky he didnt take binks as a baby and doesnt suck his fingers/thumb now. But bottles are his sleepytime downfall I know i need to quit using them but he drinks them quietly in my arms then quietly goes into his bed. Maybe this will help me get it done.
Congratulations Mommy for sticking to the plan. She is such a beautiful little girl. I am so glad both my babies gave up their pacifiers by six weeks old. They were both breastfed too so I didn’t have to deal with the weaning them off the bottle thing either. I got very lucky.
Here in Denmark, many parents know the term: the pacifier tree…it is a tree in one of the nearby parks where kids hang there pacifiers when they are ready to say goodbye…..I dont know how to post a picture here, but try to google ‘suttetræ’ and you will se what I mean 🙂
So cool! I’ll need to start something like this in San Francisco 🙂
The EXACT same thing (well losing the paci) happened to me I was getting the looks at stores, the doc even was harassing me, he didn’t have it while he was at “school” but the second I picked him up he asked me for it. He ended up losing it – in the house. We looked and looked and looked some more. It was really gone. I was terrified. I have one stashed for that “moment” but stuck to my guns and after 3 days – he stopped asking for it. My photos are similar to yours….all with a paci. There are days I wish I still had it….he’s resorted to playing with my earlobes as a way of soothing, but it’s not been horrible. Good job!!
Oh my gosh…I am experiencing this exact thing with my son who is now 16 months and holds one paci in each hand when he sleeps and one in his mouth of course. I want to get rid of them all but my husband, my 3 year old daughter and to top it off my parents who also live with us…scream “just give it to him!” when I try to “test” the paci request…..I am frustrated! I am the mom I should be the one deciding it is time but yet my soft spot says I should wait until my son is ready. With my daughter, she stopped caring about the paci when she got attached to her lovey but my son could care less about loveys.
I need help! My 4 and 5 (yes, 5!) Yr olds still have nuks (I’m croutching down so nobody can see me and my embarassment). Obviously my daughter doesn’t use her nuk at school, (she just started kindergarten) but when she gets home, she wants it. But if she doesn’t get it, she’s Okay too. Until bedtime, when she tells me she can’t sleep without it. My 4yr old, well he’s a spaze and will freak out and yell at me if he doesn’t get it. I tried limiting it to night only, then I cave. We’ve tried sticker charts, bribery, yelling, ignoring, the nuk fairy and poor little tiny babies that need nuks. Why am I such a push over!? My husbands actually worse than me. He will spend hrs looking for lost nuks. Hes even grabbed a flashlight to go outside in the dark to search the yard. I just tell the kids, you lost it, not me. Do I’m not looking for it. Do I just need to say, okay, we’re done. No more nuks! You guys are way to old! Maybe have a fire ceramony, throw them in the fire, say a prayer? Has anyone had kids as old as mine with nuks? HELP!
They are not doing that child any favors, Maisey is right to call them on it. If they aren’t careful they will have one spoiled little b@tch and one resentful big sister.
Signed resentful big sister to one spoiled little b@tch.
We’re going to have to do this now. My daughter (16 months today!) had her first dentist visit. Looks like her paci addiction has affected her teeth and they are beginning to flare out.
My comment got cut off… I was saying that my daughter has teeth 13-16 just starting to break through and is really chomping on her paci. Hopefully this will be a smooth transition. Fingers crossed!
You inspire me:) My 26-month-old daughter is turning into Lisa Simpson, and I can totally relate to pacifier use spreading from the crib, to the car to everywhere (she sleeps with a “paci sprinkle” of about five pacs in her crib, so I wouldn’t be surprised if she had emergency ones tucked away too).
Unfortunately, we haven’t reached the point of having her give her “baba” up yet – she just started preschool and we’re expecting #2 in a few weeks, so I’m afraid of forcing her to kick the habit only to have her regress once the baby arrives. But as I mentioned, you inspire me to just get the paci weaning over with sooner rather than later….
What a relief you must feel! Been there, done that with kid #1. He was almost 3 when we finally weaned him. I hated that thing so much, it was never an option when kid #2 came along. Good luck to all the other moms out there dealing with this – it really isn’t too hard. Like she said, just stick to your guns and it will be less traumatic than you think!
First three boys had no interest at all in a paci. Boy #4 is now 19 months and won’t sleep without them. He also frequently sucks on them during the day, especially to help calm down. He does also have a special blanket that he’s pretty attached to, so when the time comes, we’ll push the blanket as the paci’s disappear. I know there are about 8 somewhere in the house, but it’s frequently hard to find even 1. We always have to find at least 2 at bedtime since he usually loses it in the middle of the night and cries until you plug him up again. He’s also our “baby” so I’m not pushing it yet.
She is so cute, I would have a hard time telling her ‘no’ to anything as well! This makes me smile and laugh SO MUCH. I have a typical 2 yr old and a more calm, sensible 4 yr old, who CONSTANTLY reminds me “She’s not a baby, she’s a toddler!” when reporting to me just how unfair her life has become since her younger sister learned to speak. And, it has become more difficult for all of us. I thought she would go to preschool with a pacifier in her backpack. Thankfully my 4 yr old, like her father and like your Mazzy, are more matter-of-fact about things and really forced the issue.
“Her persistence is so freakin’ cute. I find it almost impossible to say “no”, in a way I never felt with Mazzy. I think it’s because I still think of her as a baby.”
I can’t even being to tell you how much these lines resonate with me. This is EXACTLY how I feel about my 3.5 year old and 5 year old! And I get called out on it all the time…
My 13 month old also requires multiple pacifiers at bedtime. I’m trying to keep them to crib ans car seat but he has figuresd out how to get them out of his crib. It took until 2.5 with our first son you are so right about us having to be ready. By having a nanny this year she taught me that we are holding on to stuff way more than they are. I’m so on the fence about taking the paci away now but I’m not sure IM ready yet.
I thought she could not be any cuter…until I saw her without the paci! (Or binky as we called them). Nice work! Both girls are adorable.
I’m proud to say this was the inspiration I needed to finally ditch the paci (or sookie, at our house) with my youngest and last baby. She however, is not even close to a baby anymore, embarassing to admit, but she will be 4 next month!.
She only asked for it once – clearly I was more attached to the soother than she was! THANKS.
My oldest had her paci taken away at 21 months. Youngest is 21.5 months now… And also obstinate. I’m thinking closer to 2 (but we do limit to crib and that was a hard-fought battle). Thanks for reminding me that they all transition when we are ready and for having a sweet but obstinate girl older than mine who also has an older sister who doesn’t get why the “baby” has different rules.
[…] is unpredictable. Things you think will be huge issues go over without a peep and things you think will be of no consequence whatsoever turn your whole house upside down. […]