“Monday Mornings” aims to prove there is beauty in every mother’s morning, even if we need an outsider to see it. Thanks to a partnership with Allstate, I am flying lifestyle photographer Raquel Bianca across the US to document the morning routines of twelve mothers in five different cities. This is our second stop in the DC area.
Orisia lives in Arlington, Virginia with her husband Geoff and their twin 14 month-old daughters, Elizabeth (Ellie) and Victoria (Vickie). Orisia and Geoff met when they both attended George Washington University. After graduating, Orisia went to law shcool and Geoff got a job as a police officer in Arlington.
“We decided Arlington was the best place for us to stay and raise a family. It’s convenient for him and close enough to the city to make a relatively easy commute for me. We never had any reason to consider moving elsewhere.”
Orisia and Geoff’s mornings are unique because they have completely opposite schedules. Geoff works nights, usually from 9pm until 6:30am. When Orisia is waking up to start her day, Geoff is just coming home from work.
On the morning of the shoot, Geoff got home at 6am just as Orisia was waking up to take a shower. Vickie woke up soon after that, as she is always the first of the twins to rise, often an hour or two before her twin sister.
“Ellie started sleeping through the night, until 7:00 or 8:00 am, at around 4 months old. Vickie continued waking up numerous times a night until after her first birthday. Even though she now sleeps through the night, she is still up between 6-7:00 am every morning, if we’re lucky. Sometimes it’s as early as 5:00 am.”
Geoff helps out in the morning and waits until Orisia has gone to work to go to bed.
“We warmed up Vickie’s milk, fed the dog, and took care of some morning chores. There was baby food we had frozen in trays the night before that needed to be removed and bagged. Sometimes there are dishes we didn’t get to the night before or toys that need to be picked up. This is pretty typical use of our time in the mornings.”
Geoff plays with Vickie while Orisia has her morning coffee. Then Ellie wakes up and they have to do everything again.
“Since Ellie sleeps an hour or two longer than Vickie, this means, every morning, we have to do the same thing twice. Baby awake, change diaper, make milk, play…. second baby awake, change diaper, make milk again, play some more… their routine generally syncs up when we get them dressed.”
Orisia hands off Ellie to Geoff to get fed. Then, she takes Vickie upstairs to hang out with her while she gets ready for work.
Orisia explained why they have to keep the twins separate in the morning.
“When Vickie sees Ellie having her milk, she tries to steal it from Ellie or throws a fit because she wants some too, even though she already had hers earlier. When they are not being fed together, it’s easiest to keep them apart to avoid all that.
Orisia does her hair, puts on make-up and gets dressed while Vicki plays in the bathroom.
Then, she brings Vickie into the nursery to get dressed as well.
After that, Geoff and Orisia switch the girls and Orisia gets Ellie dressed while Geoff spends time with Vickie.
I asked Orisia about Geoff’s schedule. I was curious how much it varies throughout the week and if they are ever able to spend time together as a family.
“Geoff works five days, gets four days off, and every third week he gets five days off in between the work days. The result is that every week is different. Generally, it means that he works two weekends a month. As far as the week days go, one week per month he has to work five days (Monday through Friday), but the other three weeks of the month he is only working 1-3 week days. To avoid being on an opposite schedule on his days off, the morning after his last night of work he does not go to sleep. He just stays up all day, maybe catching a short nap while the girls nap in the afternoon. He then goes to bed when they do at 8:00pm, and wakes up whenever Vickie wakes up the following morning. That gets him onto a normal schedule. The day of his first night back to work, he usually tries to take a nap in the afternoon (generally timed to coincide with the girls’ nap) so that he has enough energy to get through that first night. Most of his days off are weekdays, so it’s not so much spending the day with me as spending the day with the girls. The two weekends a month he has off are priceless, since that is the only significant time we have together as a family. It all seems complicated, but we have his calendar scheduled for the year and that helps us plan ahead.”
Orisia talked about the challenges of having an opposing schedule with your spouse.
“It often feels like we are single parenting all the time. Vickie’s terrible sleep habits made nights very difficult for me the entire first year, having to get up 3-4 times a night and then go to work in the morning. There were many nights with two children screaming uncontrollably and I had no one there to help. The reverse has been true for Geoff. He has had some very difficult days, with both children being difficult all day with no help. Overall, it seems like we have very little time as a family of four.”
But, Orisia says there are some advantages too.
“The one big advantage is our children spend the majority of their time with a parent. We are not relying on outside childcare nearly as much as a family with both parents working an out-of-the-house day job. I love that one of us has been able to be present a majority of the time since they were born.
“Once everyone is ready, Geoff goes to bed while Orisia fits in a good ten minutes of playtime with the twins before she leaves for work.
“I always try to fit in a little quality time with the girls every morning before I leave, even if it is just for a few minutes.”
Recently, Orisia cut back on her work schedule a bit, “not only to allow extra time with my girls, but also to have a few extra hours a week to spend as a family.”
At 8:00am, a neighbor shows up to watch the girls for a few hours so Orisia can leave for work while Geoff is still sleeping.
“Even though we do not have family nearby, there are a number of people that are like family to us and have been very gracious with their willingness to help out. We’ve been very fortunate in that regard.“
Geoff usually sleeps until 12pm. Then he gets up to take care of the girls for the rest of the day until Orisia returns from work.
In our initial correspondence, Orisia mentioned that she feared the photos would portray them inaccurately, since they are not always at their best in the morning, especially since Geoff has just gotten home from work.
Unfortunately, after Orisia saw the photos, she felt her fear was realized.
“Looking through the photos, its hard to find one where Geoff is smiling or looks like he is having fun. I know this is the result of having been up all night, but someone looking at these photos may get the impression he is very serious or grumpy all the time, which is definitely not the case. I think what is missing from the photos is the fun and loving demeanor that he generally has towards his family.
Orisia went on to describe Geoff’s love for his daughters in a little more detail.
“Geoff is definitely outnumbered in this house, with two daughters and a girl dog. However, he is an amazing daddy to those girls and they absolutely adore him. He has admitted, on numerous occasions, that he never knew that a love like this exists. I think the girly stuff may become more challenging for him in the next few years – I can’t imagine him trying to do their hair! – but so far, occasional mismatched outfits and complaints about the difficulty of putting tights on toddlers aside, he has done a great job embracing a life full of pink and purple.”
Orisia also said the photos made her feel a little self-conscious about losing some more of the baby weight, but did see a lot of positive things in the photos as well.
“Vanity aside, I was surprised I looked so relaxed. Also, seeing from an outside perspective how much fun I have with my girls in the morning is heart-warming. I’ve always treasured that little bit of time with them before leaving for work, and this experience has reinforced how special that time really is.”
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This post is part of the “Monday Mornings” series sponsored by Allstate. Every family has a special morning routine, and as we continue this journey of documenting different mothers across the country, it’s clear that there is beauty in all of our mornings. As the nation’s largest publicly held insurance company, Allstate is dedicated not only to protecting what matters most—but to guiding families to live the Good Life, every day.
No wonder this guy is grumpy- how does he do it on 4 hours of sleep?!
4 Hours of sleep and he takes care of twins. He is super hero. These pictures are adorable.
Yeah, he looks a little tired, but he’s there and obviously very involved in the girls’ life 😀 They are super cute. Kudos to him!
Their story really resonates with me as our family is also on a similar schedule (although luckily not overnight!) We also love that it gives our girls so much family time, even though we might not see each other as much as we’d like.
And there is no need to worry, because while he does look tired, you all absolutely come off as a team invested in spending time with your girls.
For what it’s worth Orisia, I thought you look AMAZING. Esp in the PJs…. I have 2 kids as well but they aren’t twins (4y and 21mo), and my belly is way less cute than yours! Also, can a mom get a good pair of sweat pants or PJ pants that stays over the belly? That drives me nuts in the winter. I really thought you looked great!!!! Love to you and your busy family!
I worked as a bar manager when my son was a baby, which meant I was up at work until 5 am, coming home tired and staying up with just one little all day. What I saw in these pictures was a beautiful family making it work the best they can. It is exhausting to be on the night shift for work and the day shift at home. I don’t see a grumpy dad, I see a dad who loves his girls. I especially loved the pic of him and the baby on the sofa. Your family is beautiful Orisia!
Wow our lives are so similar. We live in DC, have old twins and have the same schedule. I work a 9-5 desk job and my husband works nights. He gets home just as the twins and I are getting up.
I totally get the whole feeling like you are solo parenting all the time. Being the only parent home at night with kids who don’t sleep, ugh. We have an 18 month old baby who still wakes 3-4 times a night.
I’m disappointed that she doesn’t see the beauty In her morning, as much as she hoped. I know my thoughts were very different. I saw a family on opposite schedules that still managed to find time in the small moments to be present for each other. The opposite schedules is their way of life, and they are successful at it. He doesn’t look grumpy, he looks like a guy who is tired, but still doing what he needs to. They are cooperating to have a smooth, peaceful morning… Their pictures capture their system, and their calm way of handling everything! I think she will eventually see that as well!!
I don’t think her husband looks grumpy, I think he looks engaged in the morning rountine and their lives. I think the pictures look great.
Thanks for representing a police officer committed to shift work. My husband is also a police officer who works evenings (4pm-3 am) including every weekend while I have a typical 8-5, M-F schedule. It is difficult and those who have never experienced the opposite sleep schedule and opposite working hours can never understand the strain this puts on a family. While we support our boys in blue it also means a lot of sacrifice for everyone. I applaud this family for finding ways to make it work.
I hope Orisia reads these comments and realizes how differently we readers see their morning. This was actually one of my favorites in the series, because it was SO real. Orisia: Your husband is a SUPERLATIVE father, working hard and then giving up normal to raise his twin girls. Smiles and poses are easy. Being there and being present is HARD and rarer than not. Kudos to you both for the real love that comes with doing the work and choosing to make sacrifices. Your family life is BEAUTIFUL and that real love resonates in all these pictures.
My husband also works shifts as a meteorologist, with his schedule varying from normal 8 a.m.-4 p.m. shifts, evening shifts and overnight shifts…weekends included. This post definitely resonated with me, as there are quite a few mornings where he’s just getting home, and the girls and I are just getting up. While it’s definitely challenging, we’ve learned to really value the time we have together as a family…at 6:30 a.m. or 6:30 p.m.! Orisia: You have a beautiful family! Thank you for sharing your morning with us!
I think these are lovely and Orisia, your house is beautiful. We are all too critical of ourselves.
As a parent with a similar lifestyle I fully understand how Daddy can be a bit grumpy looking in the moring after getting off a shift. My husband works 5pm-1:30 am and me 8am-5pm so I totally understand the juggling, the lack of family nearby and feeling like 2 single parents. These pictures are beautiful, and I could only hope that if someone photographed us they would be even a fraction as wonderful.
As a mom of 3 kids and married to police officer who works nights, I can relate! It definitely feels like single parenting at times, but the time we get to spend all together is that much more special. Every family has a different version of what’s “normal”… so glad to see a fellow LEO family!
I simply love this series. The families always seem to look much less hectic than their initial descriptions of how their day goes – and I love how the photos make them rethink their feelings towards their mornings. While I was getting my monsters ready this morning I actually thought to myself what our monday mornings look like – and found myself falling in love with the moment my 19 month old climbed into bed with the four year old to snuggle him awake. It was such a tender moment – and I likely would not have cataloged it in my head without this series to make me think of the beauty in our own mornings. Thanks Ilana!!!
I don’t think her hubby looked grumpy!! He looked very present – in a lot of the pics he is looking at his wife or his daughters. Mornings are rough for everyone but he looked very involved! I almost feel bad for him – I couldn’t function on that sleep schedule!
I was thinking the same thing. In the photos he’s looking at them, helping them, around and involved. I even saw a little smile 🙂 He’s tired, but he’s present!
I love the normalcy of this series. Those little girls are the cutest and I’m pretty sure they will grow up to see those pictures one day and absolutely treasure them.
I think Geoff looks pretty good for a person who lives on 4 hr sleep. It is a tough schedule for both. Children seem to be happy and content. That’s what’s important.
I thought everyone looked really good at that time of day, for two people who don’t have an easy schedule. She shouldn’t worry at all they’re doing a great job!
Ok those photos of Ellie having her milk are just gorgeous! Ovaries exploding kind of gorgeous!
These pictures are wonderful and she’s being too critical! They all look happy and what you expect people to be like early in the morning.
My husband works random hours/day and I feel like a single parent a lot. I think she’s lucky that they have his schedule for the upcoming year. I’d DIE to have something like that. My husband’s schedule can change by the hour and it’s so hard to plan anything. When the girls get older and get more involved with sports, school, etc., it’ll really help to know the schedule in advance! I thought it was really interesting to see how the twins are in the morning as well. As always, my favorite part of your blog!
My husband works a similar shift. We do send our children to outside childcare M-F regardless of if he’s working or not, so that he can get reasonable amounts of sleep…but we’re often more like roommates/single parents. It makes the time we spend together more meaningful. My husband is a saint. It’s hard to parent “alone”, especially in the middle of the night w/ a newborn, but it all works out….it’s all Ok. Seeing this makes me realize it’s not just me…it’s all of us. Struggling and living together. 🙂
This is my favorite Monday Morning feature so far. What a wonderful family.
I have to say that I honestly didn’t notice anything about Daddy being grumpy. He looks thoughtful sometimes, and I suppose that’s due to the end of his day. All-in-all a lovely monday morning!
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It seems like this one proved your point about needing an outsider to see the beauty. I guess we are all too self-critical. Like all the other commenters I saw a guy who his girls loved to be with, putting his family first on four hours of sleep – that blows my mind! And all I saw of mom was her smile! Totally didn’t notice baby weight as the happy face enjoying her girls stole the show. I live in hope I would look so joyous if I was pictured…
Holy crap their kids are cute! I officially want twins.
I really love this series and seeing how everyone’s morning routine is. My son is 2 and we still don’t have a morning routine because I fail at mornings, every morning. I’m actually constructing a morning routine plan through these women ha!
I think these are beautiful pictures of a family working hard to be present for each other, even with a difficult schedule. I don’t think Geoff looks grumpy. In almost every photo, he’s looking at one of his girls, and he looks tired but in love. And Orisia is so hands on (literally)with the girls; I love that she’s cuddling them or smiling at them in practically every single picture.
Another beautiful monday morning!
This sounds like my family. My husband leaves for work at 6pm and arrives home between 8-9am. Unfortunately, he has a lot of forced OT and often works weeks at a time without a night off. I’m blessed to be able to work from home, now, so I can adjust my schedule around his to maximize our family time. My husband is always so tired, though, that he’ll fall asleep the moment he sits down. It’s terribly hard on him.
We call it “stupid tired”. It would be funny if it weren’t also so sad. I once found (clean) underwear in my fridge, and the remote control for the tv in our closet. No one ever bothers including him in plans because he never remembers them anyway. We just put it on his google calendar and tell him to go where it tells him to go.
Everyone does what they need to do to make their family work. My biggest challenge is maintaining an appropriate level of respect for my husband in front of our son. It’s easy to treat him like a little kid when he is acting like one (because he’s so tired), but I am very cognizant of how our son perceives it. I want our son to see daddy as a parent, but that’s hard when he only sees mommy making decisions and deciding where everyone has to go.
I just love how real and honest this whole series is. 🙂
Thank you, ladies, for your very kind and encouraging comments. Many of your comments brought tears to my eyes. Your kindness is truly heartwarming and I am thrilled that everyone was able to see the love Geoff has for our family through the exhaustion. 🙂
And Ilana, thank you for letting us be a part of this series. This is a beautifully written article that I’m sure my girls will love to see someday!
My husband looks that grumpy at the end of the day, too. Looking at the pictures and realizing these are after a full shift of work, what I see isn’t someone grumpy but someone finding every last bit of energy to give to his family. How exhausted he looks sitting on the sofa is a great foil for the love on his face giving his baby girl her milk. It’s sweet. Maybe it’s not an ideal image presented, but it’s a seriously sweet set of photos.