Yesterday I posted a link on my facebook page to an article on Yahoo called “10 Things You Should Never Say to Your Kids“. On that list are things I say pretty much every day like “good job”, “be careful” and apparently, the absolute WORST thing you can say to a child, “You’re okay”.
Are you feeling like a terrible parent yet? ME TOO!!!!
After reading, I threw up my hands and claimed I was done with parenting fovever. I had clearly ruined my kids for good. But then everyone on facebook said, “No! Come back! This article is CRAY CRAY!”
Whether the article has good advice or not (there are a few nuggets I suppose I should try), I think the title is somewhat misleading. As one commenter stated, shouldn’t the top ten things you should never say to your kids include, “Fancy a line?”
So. By popular demand, here are my top fifteen things you should REALLY never say to your kids.
1) Let’s all jump off this bridge together as a family!
2) Don’t play ball in the house. Play on the highway.
3) Jamming that Q-tip in your ear as far as possible is totally a good idea.
4) School really isn’t important as long as you are playing lots of video games.
5) I don’t ever want to see you apologize to your sister!
6) You already watched one show, that means you only have 25 left before bedtime.
7) Dream small. If you make your goal becoming a cashier at McDonald’s, you have a much better shot at success.
8) My gun is in the drawer.
9) Your thighs look big in that diaper. We should cut back on milk.
10) Quit being a little bitch!
12) You want to play on my computer? Okay. Let me just pull up all of the good porn.
13) It’s totally fine to beat your brother.
14) Will you stop your tantrum if I buy you a brand new pony?
15) YOU DID THIS TO ME!!!! (point to stretch marks and hideous looking hoo-ha)
Feel free to add your own in the comment section below!
If you run faster with those scissors we can get this damn craft done faster and get back to Cheetos and video games
Let’s pick up all the pretty colored chewed gum off the sidewalk! Pop a piece into your mouth if you want!
Licking is totally acceptable. Lick the floor, lick the hospital chair, lick me on the face – all completely OK.
Here’s a chunk of cardboard and there are the stairs…use your imagination.
Now this makes sense!!!
If a stranger offers you candy, take it. Better yet, go with them to their car to get it.
Where’s number 11?
Seriously funny list.
This is a real one (to my 4 month old): “Don’t get fat, its disgusting”
don’t for get to bring your ipod/ipad/iphone to the table, talking smalking!
You’re right. That kid totally deserved to be punched in the face.
Pahahaha, actually I did say this to my daughter, but then i said sticking up for your friends is a nice thing to do, hitting other people really doesnt solve the problem. Then we went home to plot something truly diabolical and felt much less frustrated.
When your brother takes your toy just hit him in the face and take it right back.
hahahahahahahahah! Love this!
Stop crying or I will put you outside like your brother (doggie brother)
Your best friend’s mom is such a whore.
whine and throw a fit always. please and thank you never.this is how you will get what you want.
Just get in your carseat, we don’t need to buckle it up.
The yahoo list was pure bull!
Yep. I feel the same way!
Sure, feel free to get out of your seat and run around the restaurant for a bit. I am sure the waiters will watch and make sure you are safe and not causing trouble!
“Go ahead, pick up that weird, nasty, shiny-sticky thing on the ground – near the trash can – and take it home for your collection of shiny things that you forget about 5 minutes after we’re back in the car.”
The VERY next time that kid so much as looks at you sideways, you look him square in the eyes and tell him “Your momma’s a whore!”
No, I will NOT buy you more toothpaste…it’s too expensive, and you’ll just use it all up again anyway. Now shut up and go finish your Oreos!
“You’d better start behaving or I’m not going to keep you home from kids drop off at night at the bounce place because that would be punishing me, not you!”
Will you hurry up and die so your brother can have a turn?!
( I said that to my son who would not share the Xbox with his brother until he “died” in a game he was very good at!)
Mommy has to cut back on the water bill. Don’t use the toilet, sweety, go be a good boy and water the neighbors trees.
Put that book down and go to the bathroom so you have time to watch tv before school!
True confessions, I actually said that while trying to hurry my daughter for school. And I’m an elementary teacher. With a literacy degree. Oops!
Yes you can have all the soda you want and no you don’t have to go to bed.
“Does this smell like chloroform?”
That is what my hubby’s cousin said to me when I told my 8 month old wasn’t sleeping thru the night. I almost speed myself laughing when she said it.
Peed
“Wanna smoke?”
Damn. I was hoping that could go on the list of things I could say to my child (<- said as I listen to cacophony of 'I don't want to go to bed' yells)
^Meant to be a reply to the “Does this smell like Chloroform?” comment
“Finish your meat or you won’t get any more broccoli!”
“No more fruit, get a cookie instead for once”
Any similarity with my family is on purpose.
Ha! Love this one!!!
from my dad: “never use drugs. But. If you are going to, use them with me”
This is said to my nephew on pretty much a daily basis “Can you just hurry up and die so your sister can have a turn before bed?” Lol, I’m glad we are not the only ones.
Finally!!! A list worth paying attention to!
Bite all the kids so that they know you mean business and will not try and take any of your toys.
Lol I’ve ordered broccoli for my daughters dessert at diners because it was the only way to bribe her into eating a meal.
That too funny!!!
This drink is for daddies, I’ll buy you your first when you become a daddy…but not before you’re 18.
(Sadly, said my husband to my 3 1/2 year old as he reached for his after dinner cocktail).
You already ate that piece of chalk? No problem! Let’s go outside so you can eat some sand at the park!
Love this!! There is this horrible facebook group that I recently just had to leave called “Good Job and Other Things You Shouldn’t Say to your Kids” (or something like that, I’m NOT looking it up again!). It is basically a group to make you feel like a shitty parent! All of the responses in the threads are like so high and mighty, it was gross.
You want ice CREAM?! LOOK THAT STUPID ASS KID DROPPED HIS GO EAT IT