She was born ready for this job. Brooklyn’s mom spent her time between contractions in the delivery room planning her acceptance speech for her future PTA presidency. She’s a fair and just ruler, balancing the eagerness of the kindergarten moms with the “that’s not how we did it last year” realness of the fourth-grade parents. She knows when it’s time to bring in the big guns and call the principal to squash a beef over the juice selections for the Boo-Hoo Breakfast, and she even kept it together when the most popular teacher in school added her on Facebook.

Henry’s mom gets sucked into doing things at the last minute. If someone else backs out, you can count on her to grudgingly be there, running the check-in table. She never quite actually volunteers for things, but always makes the classic mistake of saying, “If you can’t find anyone else to do it, just let me know…”

Cool Dad is the guy who can’t be bothered to attend meetings, because he’s just so… well… cool. But he retains his Cool Dad status by always mysteriously knowing what time to show up to events, setting up all the inflatables and hauling tables wherever they need hauling. If there’s something heavy that needs to be lifted, Cool Dad has got it under control. If a fight breaks out over where to set up the cupcakes, Cool Dad disappears as mysteriously as he came. He doesn’t get involved in such nonsense.

No matter what the PTA needs for an event, this mom knows someone who can help. Need a great deal on 500 hot dogs? She knows someone who works at the local grocery store deli. Popcorn machine for Reading Night? Her cousin’s brother-in-law’s friend runs a rental company who would love to donate one for the evening. Class picnic in the park? Sure, she can pay off a local official for the permit. No questions asked.

Mackenzie’s mom has a vision for this school’s events, and it’s pretty far out. And by “far out,” I mean far, far out of the realm of possibility. Every year, you can count on Big Idea Mom to propose we have the class trip in Paris or end the book fair with a fireworks display. However, she’s surprisingly vague on how the funds will be raised, and whether or not she’s actually available to volunteer. She came up with the brilliant idea. Her job is done.

Hot Dad is inappropriately attractive, but he’s just here to help make this the best Spring Fair ever for his kids, you know? Awwwwww. He’s the dad that the moms (and a few dads) talk about in code, usually while raising their eyebrows and giggling like children. On top of being pretty okay to look at, he’s unfailingly nice and dependable. He’s the peacekeeper during the more heated meetings, because no one can argue with those gorgeous eyes.

Jackie knows what’s going on at all times. She’s not in charge per se, but she knows the details surrounding every single thing the PTA is sponsoring. What time are the Teacher Appreciation Day flowers arriving at the school? “Ask Jackie.” Not sure if you’re supposed to be at the school before the event to set up this time? “Ask Jackie.” What’s the best strategy for getting out of the school before Science Night is over without being noticed by Genevieve’s newly single dad? “Ask Jackie.”

She’s been serving for ten years now, with no sign of slowing down. Even when the last kid makes the jump to middle school, most of the other parents suspect she’ll still be at the first PTA meeting of the new school year.

She runs in to every meeting fifteen minutes late (zooming across town from Jeremy’s karate class) and leaves ten minutes early (Eleanor’s ballet teacher is a stickler for being on time!). She’d love to help out with organizing fundraiser orders or booking the exotic animal handlers for the spring assembly, but she’s just so, so, so busy with Dylan’s travel soccer league and Kiara’s jewelry-making class. Plus, did she mention she’s taking a French cooking seminar at the community college? Gotta go!!!

It’s Bryce’s last year of elementary school, and his mom is phoning it in hard this year. She only sent in one bag of Halloween candy for the big trick-or-treating event instead of whipping up the latest spooky-cute treat from Pinterest, and it wasn’t even good candy. She skipped the last meeting in favor of a Golden Girls marathon. She’s the one who dropped out of the fall festival set-up committee and had to call in RELUCTANT MOM to take her place.

Who’s got RELUCTANT MOM’s number?

“Ask Jackie.”

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This post was contributed by Janel Mills from 649.133 – Girls, the Care and Maintenance Of.

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