“Wednesday Evenings” aims to show there is beauty in every family’s evening, even if we need an outsider to see it. Thanks to a continued partnership with Allstate, I am flying lifestyle photographer Raquel Langworthy across the US to document the nighttime routines of 12 families in four different cities.
Laura and Tom live in Evergreen Park, a suburb on the South Side of Chicago with two kids— four-year-old Meredith and 17-month-old Connor. They also have a 17-year-old cat named Cassie and a 125 lb. Bernese mountain dog named Thatcher.
Laura is a financial aid officer at a local university and Tom is an architect. Laura has recently gone back to school for her MBA and goes to class one night a week. That night happens to be on Wednesdays, so after dinner she leaves Tom to fend for himself with the kids.
“Tom leaves for work before anyone is up in the morning, so I’m on my own to get us all up and out the door on weekdays. I like that this gives him a taste of that challenge.”
Laura described her Wednesday evenings as “pressured, hectic and rushed” because she operates on a very tight timeframe between when she gets home to when she has to rush out the door to get to class.
“I race out the door from work as close to 4:30 as possible, so that I can pick up the kids around 4:45, which gets us home about 5:15pm, leaving me an hour with them before I have to leave.”
But she is very happy with her decision to go back to school.
“There is never an easy time to do it, so you may as well put aside your hesitations and jump in. That being said, having a spouse or partner who supports your effort is so necessary.”
Laura and Tom moved to the suburbs a few years ago when her commute to the north side of the city became unmanageable with a new baby. Her new commute is five minutes from work to the kids’ Montessori school and then another five minutes home.
Laura talked about how having a short commute has become both a blessing and a curse.
“While it’s great to be so close to the kids, not having a commute leaves no room for time to myself. Tom has 30 minutes on the train to listen to music, read, etc. I often wish I had 30 minutes of quiet time to leave my workday behind, before jumping into the high-energy, demanding life that the kids bring.”
Laura describes her hour home with the kids as “complete chaos” having to make dinner the second she walks in the door.
“After being at school all day, all my kids want is mommy’s attention. Sometimes I involve Meredith in measuring, pouring, mixing –which she loves. But Conor simply wants me to hold him, so I’ve gotten very adept at getting dinner going with only one hand.”
On class nights, Tom arrives only a few minutes before Laura has to leave.
“I feel like I race home, dump everything, cook dinner for everyone, then race out the door to school without getting any family time! Tom and I only see each other for a few minutes on class nights. He takes an earlier train home, so that he walks in the door before I have to walk out at 6:15pm. On class nights, it feels as if we’re passing the baton in a relay race.”
Laura also tries to squeeze in nursing Conor before dinner, since she won’t be around for bedtime. Nursing Conor at bedtime is her favorite part of a typical evening.
“As much as I sometimes lament the fact that he only wants mommy all the time, I also cherish our bond and the fact that nursing allows me to still see him as my little baby.”
When the timing works out, they try to sit down for dinner together but Laura has to eat fast and head out in the middle.
“Leaving them mid-family dinner is really tough. But being an adult student is so different than when you’re 20 years old; I really enjoy the learning process and usually come home late at night, excited to share with Tom what was discussed that night.”
Laura also talked about watching what she says about leaving for class around the kids so she models positive feelings surrounding education.
“Kids watch, see and absorb everything. I’m kind of careful not to say, ‘Ughh…I don’t want to go to class tonight!’ because I don’t like the message that sends about school.”
I asked Laura how Tom felt about her going back to get her MBA.
“He was totally onboard when I suggested it and agreed without hesitation. He completed his master’s right out of undergrad, before we were married or had kids, and felt it was important that I have the same opportunity to pursue further education if I wanted. He is a planner, so he started in right away with the logistics on how we would make it happen.”
To make things a little easier, Laura and Tom have scaled back bedtime routine on Wednesdays mainly by omitting bath time.
“I have no idea how he handles it on his own and am curious to see what goes on when I’m not there! Somehow he makes it work, because I’ve never gotten a text from him, when I’m in class, asking me where something is or how to do something.”
After dinner, Tom gets Conor ready for bed first while Meredith plays on her own.
Tom says it’s been “a process to figure out what works best for the little guy” but now that they’ve developed a routine, “it’s a lot easier and faster for me to put him to bed than for Laura—if she’s not here, he isn’t interested in lingering over bedtime.”
Although Laura’s happy everything goes smoothly, she admits that sometimes she wishes her absence didn’t seem quite so seamless for Tom.
“I guess that I’m looking for some validation that managing two kids is hard. I know he’s an amazing dad and can handle just about anything they throw his way, but I’d like to think I’m an integral part of things and that it’s tough on him when I’m not home!”
After a bit of back and forth with Conor, Tom gets Meredith ready for bed.
They read a few books and then it’s lights out.
Tom uses that alone time to clean up around the house and get some work done while he waits for Laura to return.
I asked Laura what she thought about the photos.
“On Wednesday nights, my attention is split–it feels as if I’m racing to get out the door from the moment I walk in with an eye always on the clock. It’s nice to see the moments of being together and focused on one another still do exist. When you freeze them and take them as single moments, I can see the trees instead of just the forest.”
Laura also talked about seeing photos of the time when she isn’t there.
“After I walk out the door, I turn my attention to school and try not to think about the fun I’m missing at home. In my mind, they head straight to bed! But I loved seeing that Conor doesn’t cry the whole time I’m gone and the three of them have a good time together.”
She also said she would like to add the word “fun” to the adjectives she used to describe her evenings.
“I still see the rush from moment to moment, but there’s so much more laughter and silliness in the pictures than I have recognized before!”
Tom says that although hurried, Wednesday evenings have become a time he really looks forward to, because he gets to see a different side of the kids on that night. When I asked him for his reaction to the photos, he said, “They do an incredible job of capturing the special little moments that are really easy to forget amidst the chaos.”
He also wanted to mention what a positive influence he thinks Laura going back to school is for their kids.
“I think it sets a great example for our kids that learning is a lifelong thing and fosters a sense of school being something to look forward to. I love when our daughter asks Laura about her schoolwork and is interested in the fact that her mom’s still learning.”
Laura added, “It’s really fun for us to have the visual of what feels like lost moments and to know that we’re creating the home we wish to have for ourselves and our kids.”
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This post is part of the “Wednesday Evenings” series sponsored by Allstate. From bath time to bed time, every family has a special evening routine. This series aims to show the beauty in the day winding down. As the nation’s largest publicly held insurance company, Allstate is dedicated not only to protecting what matters most—but to guiding families to live the Good Life, every day.
I look forward to reading a new installment of this series every Wednesday morning, and I run in a throw myself into my desk chair by 8 am, after working what feels like a full “shift” at home. Each family you feature bears some resemblance to my own, as we often rush through our days and nights to provide, to nurture and to thrive in our careers. It’s really comforting to know that all young families struggle to find balance, and your text and photos illustrate this so poignantly. thank you!
I’m impressed that Laura makes dinner on the night she has class. I would be ordering pizza.
Me too!
Looks like a very loving family!
I really enjoy this series, but please someone tell me I’m not the only one who lets my kids watch tv when we get home! I’m not the only awful parent out there am I?!
You aren’t the only one, Charlotte! If I get home before my husband or he’s away doing army stuff, I’m often forced to give my 21 month old son the ipad or put in a movie so that I have a few minutes to make some dinner.
My husband and I have been juggling watching a sick baby this week so when I had both girls by myself tonight it was dinosaur train to the rescue! You aren’t alone and you aren’t a bad mom!
You are definitely not alone! My daughter is crazy energetic in the evening (and all throughout the day) so before bed she watches Curious George and has a snack. We still have the long process afterwards of reading books, tickling her back, singing songs, etc. But watching a little TV is important for our routine in getting her to begin to calm down for the evening. You are not an awful parent! I’m sure many parents use a reasonable amount of screen time but remember what we see on the internet is filtered usually to hide some of the less glamorous aspects of life.
Thanks ladies! I promise, I don’t dump them in front of the tv and leave, but I think like Bailey said, it’s kind of our wind down time, I am usually watching the show with them. It’s just nice to sit down and relax with them for a little bit. I just find it interesting that I’ve rarely seen any in these series where they have been watching any tv, and I sort of wonder if they are consciously leaving it out for the evening because they don’t want to be judged for it. We get home and we all collapse on the couch together because we’re all exhausted from the day! That’s our real Wednesday evening 🙂
Oh, I turn on the TV as soon as we get in the door after work/daycare. Then I head into the kitchen and make dinner. It’s a treat for my son, and it gives me a moment to transition to evening duties.
You need a 30 min break after your have been gone from your kids all day?! No wonder you feel guilty rushing around, you know your kids are missing out.
Really? I think these pictures of a happy family show that her kids aren’t missing out. What she’s saying is she gets no space to leave her work behind. She is clearly 100% present with her children and values her time with them and has made and shared her very intentional choices as to what works best at this time for what seems like a family with a ton of love. We all have to make those choices best we can and as moms will guilt ourselves regardless but there’s no need to guilt each other.
I look forward to reading this series every week! Thanks for coming up with this idea. I love seeing all of the different types of families and seeing how everyone makes it work in their own way. I especially relate to how the working parents feel, as I am one myself and my fiancé works out of town during the week. As a working parent you never feel like you’re giving everyone/everything (work, children, etc.) the time and attention they all deserve, but it’s nice to see that children are still thriving and happy despite trying to find “work-life balance” and feeling like you never achieve it!
I think this is a sweet story but I can’t get past the clear gender roles here. What I gleen from this is that she sees herself as ‘in charge’ of everything. “Tom leaves for work before anyone is up in the morning, so I’m on my own to get us all up and out the door on weekdays. I like that this gives him a taste of that challenge.” – why do we have to challenge our husbands to see just how much we do? Shouldn’t they just automatically have a more equal role in the house? I know, I struggle with this with my husband as well. I am the one ‘in charge’ and want him to have ‘a taste’ of what I deal with when I have somewhere to be, but have realized that ultimately, it really just needs to be more equal across the board so everyone gets a break. That way, our son doesn’t cling to me as much. He can find comfort in daddy just as much (or almost as much) as with mommy. The husband in this article said it well in that their son doesn’t have an issue going to bed when mom isn’t around – that’s kind of telling. They also circumvent bath time when dad is in charge? Why? I know it is kind of an unwritten rule that women are still the primary caregivers, I just wish it wasn’t that way – call me an idealist. Dads should be able to handle just as much as moms – baths, making dinner, and all. Sounds like she is doing a lot to make things easier on him – why can’t he make dinner when he gets home? Alright, maybe it’d be too late by then but you see my point. I personally wish I didn’t feel like I always have to be in charge and that my brain would have room to breathe more regularly knowing daddy is in charge and I don’t need to think about – I know I relish the times I do actually get to do this much in the same way the mom in this story just gets to go to class and doesn’t need to worry. I just think it’s not fair for moms to feel like they have to do it all and that we, as women, should be demanding more of our partners and making things more equal. That is the example I want to set for my son (ok, education is a great example to set too!)
Always awesome to see another mom making it work while it school…..keep up the good work.
This is my favorite in this series so far. I love school! I also appreciate their bond and routine. And, hee hee, I really like their decorating style.
Loved this one and this family! It’s great to see how they work together to make it work well for their kids and for mom’s MBA.
This was the last Wednesday evening! I will miss these so much, love seeing how different families spend their evenings. Sad this is over now 🙁
[…] Read Laura's full evening here. […]
Our Wednesday routine is so smooth…NOT!
Playgroup is fifteen minutes away from my office, so my husband goes and gets the twins. (Piper and Addie, 3 years old)
Nonna (my mother) gives me the baby (Eight months old) and leaves, so I put Zoe down for a nap when the school bus pulls up at the end of the driveway. Abby and Maizy (7 and 12) crash in the back door and put their stuff away.
Once hubby gets home with Piper and Addie, the mayhem starts.
Yelling, screaming, and crying begins. I make dinner and I rush out in the middle of it anyways to go my classes.
Zoe (8 months) goes to bed first. She’s in bed by 6:30 every night.
To be continued…