Not all playdates end in disaster but for a mom who overthinks everything, navigating social protocol in these situations can get complicated. Every mom has different rules and philosophies, and there is no time this becomes more glaringly obvious than when you have to parallel parent.
Here are eight ways your mom friendship can be put to the challenge on a play date:
1) The Gourmet Picnic for One
Your friend packs the perfect picnic. The only problem is— it’s just for her kid. Your child then turns into a drooling psycho stalking the other kid’s colorful containers filled with whole grain pretzels, homemade hummus and turkey pita sushi. You nervously giggle it off, while kicking yourself for not being as together as your friend. And then realize THIS IS ALL HER FAULT. Our children eat together or STARVE together! What happened to SOLIDARITY?! You’re about to tell her just that when suddenly your kid tackles your friend’s kid to the ground and starts eating the cheddar bunny crackers right out of her mouth. Then you get booted from the playground. Dignity score: zero
2) Sharing Politics
Your friend’s kid doesn’t like to share and suddenly you’re stuck trying to do right by your kid while hopefully not offending the other mom’s parenting. Or your kid is the one with the sharing issue and you don’t know whether to protect his “very special toy” or force him to hand it over. Friendships have ended over poor sharing etiquette. Do you let the kids sort it out? Or play referee? Sometimes you sit back and wait to see what the other parent will do, only to realize they are totally judging you for not stepping in. I suggest inviting your friend into the kitchen for a drink, like you didn’t see a thing.
3) Slidegate 2.0
You are at the playground and everything is going just fine when your kid attempts to climb the slide. The other mom steps in and tells your kid the slide is only for going down. Then your kid says, “My mom says I can go up the slide.” And then that friend looks at you like your kid is lying and references an awful post from a lunatic arguing going up the slide is good for kids when obviously it’s actually the gateway to becoming a criminal and you’re like— I WROTE THAT POST. And then you never play together again.
4) It’s Hard to Say I’m Sorry
Two seconds after walking through the door, your kid shoves your friend’s kid and then refuses to say he’s sorry. You say, “If you don’t say you’re sorry than we’ll have to go home.” Your kid still doesn’t say sorry. Then you have two options: 1) Follow through and leave the playdate two seconds after it began; or 2) Let your kid walk all over you so you can have the first grown-up contact you’ve had in weeks. One way makes you look too strict and the other way makes you look too lenient. Awww… crap. Can we get together without the kids next time?
5) the accidental Drop-off date
You’re excited to get together with your new mom friend and prep some grown-up snacks along with some stuff for the kiddos. You even chill a bottle of wine. Surely, your new best friend wants to share a drink on your first official playdate? The doorbell rings, your friend shoves her kid inside and asks when she should come back to pick her up. Wait… WHAT??? I’m babysitting? Two kids instead of just one????? FUUUUUUCK.
6) You Break the Dietary Rules
You know that awkward moment when you serve a child a hot dog and then later you realize the reason she scarfed that thing down like candy is because she’s actually vegetarian? OOPS. If the mom isn’t present, just keep that one to yourself. If she finds out why little Susie suddenly thinks veggie dogs SUCK, play dumb. What? Susie is vegetarian? She has been since birth? You told me five times when you dropped her off? Oh. I guess I was too busy drinking wine BY MYSELF.
7) The Unwelcome Binkie
Out of pure habit, you pop a pacifier in your friend’s baby’s mouth to see if it will soothe her, but the baby’s mom doesn’t believe in pacifiers because she’s afraid her child will become totally dependent on it and use it until she is five when it will have to be forcibly removed from her mouth by a team of child psychologists and should she just charge you for the extensive orthodontic surgery now or later? Uhhh…later?
8) Photo Sharing Issues
You snap a really cute picture of the kids playing together and immediately start editing it on your phone to post on Instagram. Then your new friend leans over and says she he has a strict policy of not posting pics of her kid on social media. She doesn’t understand those parents who don’t respect their children’s right to privacy. What kind of monsters would thoughtlessly violate their kids like that, you know? Ummm… this is awkward.
Everyone parents differently so let’s all agree on one thing. When it comes to play dates and mom friends— NO JUDGEMENTS.
Did I leave anything out? How else can you screw up a play date?
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This post was written in collaboration with Lindsey from Days of Our Shitty Lives.
I am one of those readers without kids yet. I’m 23 years old and “back in my day” (which wasn’t so long ago) moms NEVER stayed for playdates, I agree with harlow that in fact would not count as a playdate if my mom stayed. I wonder if this is a generational thing, an NYC thing, or playdates like that just don’t happen until children are older. Thoughts?
My daughter is 2, and I organize play dates because I want to hang out with my friends. And get out of the house. And spend time with grown ups. It’s really nice that the kids get along too. And good for the kids. But my main motivation is so I can spend time with my friends.
Jenna- I’m so glad I’m not the only readet without kids yet! I am 23 and I agree, I don’t remember any playdates where the other mom stuck around. But really, none of the parents hung around, I think it made us learn how to entertain ourselves, even at a fairly young age.
You guys don’t remember your moms on your play dates because you were too young. Typically drop-off play dates start at age 5/6 when kids are old enough to entertain themselves and don’t cause too many problems. Before that, both moms (or caregivers) are always present because there is much more supervision necessary for toddlers. I would say kindergarten is when there might be some confusion between moms when because some have started drop-off playdates while others haven’t. Love that there are a lot of young people without kids following my blog!
Makes sense!
Been a reader without kids for a couple of years now! Also follow on Snapchat! Love your site! Also, I don’t remember play dates growing up lol we all just played in each other’s front yards and a parent would come out and check on us once in a while lol! I grew up in a Texan “suburb” outside of Houston
I think the “What kind of wine do you prefer?” question should be row in with the playdate invite so that the other mom knows that this is meant to be a mommy-friend date too. Just clears up expectations from the get go and makes me loo forward to wine and adult time with my pal!
We moved a few months ago and my kids both started school full time this year. They are making friends in school and wanting to have playdates, which is a drastic change from me organizing playdates with my friends who happen to also have kids. Navigating the “stay or drop off” scenario is awkward and confusing sometimes!
My youngest and middle one had playdates today! Disaster!
Allie, 4 had the problem about dietary habits. Little Jennie scarfed that hot dog down like it was candy.
Brooke, 2 refused to share. She had a temper tantrum on the spot
You cant believe the kids are playing baseball, no handheld devices, weather is great…bam your kid knows how to throw an awesome curveball and ahegm the other kid has no idea how to catch one. Busted face, apologetic phone call, urgent care, stitches, and a profuse amount of apologetic gifts purchased for the friend/victim…and no future invites for playdates have been received since. 😉
Omg! We had a birthday party last weekend. The little girl told her mom that she did not want any cake. She looks at her mom and tells her “I’m allergic to gluten!”
The poor mom stood there, flabbergasted. Then she tells her daughter, “you are not allergic to gluten. Do you even know what gluten is?”
The girl replies, “it’s the bad stuff in the cake and I’m allergic to it!”
I turned to the mom and said, “what kind of mother are you? You don’t even know your kid is allergic to gluten! Here, let me get you a gluten free beer, while you adjust to that new medical condition of your daughter.”
We went through a phase where my very verbal 2 year old would tell everyone ” I don’t like you, your grouchy and mean and loud and yell a lot” which was mostly accurate bc their all two but it didn’t help in the friend making catagory for me 😂
A sweet parent at preschool offered to have my 3 year old over to play with her 4 year old and I would come pick my guy up after I got off work. The tricky part was, though, that our husbands have the same first name, so it was not clear who was picking the boys up from preschool and dropping them at the house. So our two husbands and the boys just hung around school waiting for a verdict on who was responsible for them. (Because bless the dads for doing drop off and pick up, but heaven forbid they make a decision without the moms). Thankfully we have had a couple more play dates since the great-dad-mixup.