It’s time to announce the contents of the May Mommy Shorts Swag Bag! Just a warning— it’s Friday night and I’ve had a few glasses of wine to celebrate the pre-sales of my book so I hope whatever I write next makes sense.

FYI, my book is currently #4 in the motherhood category on Amazon, right behind some book about pregnancy from the Mayo Clinic. Come on— I have to beat the Mayo Clinic! That doesn’t sound entertaining AT ALL.

Back to this month’s swag.

As always, the only way to win the big box of swag is to subscribe to my daily or weekly newsletter.  You’ll find instructions to enter in this Sunday’s email.  If you are not already subscribed, you can do so here.

What’s in the box?

If you don’t think that Benedict the Bunny is one of the cutest handknit animals you have ever seen, well, there might be something wrong with you. Seriously. I would check with your doctor. Not only are Cuddle + Kind dolls adorable, with each doll purchased, ten meals are donated to kids in need.

If you’ve got a superhero obsessed kid, this Captain America Comforter might be just the thing to ensure he/she happily stomps off to bed. It doesn’t really go with Mazzy and Harlow’s pink and gold bedroom, so I’m hoping it finds a happy home!

If you didn’t quite understand “15 Ways Playing Sorry is Just Like Motherhood,” maybe that’s because you don’t own the game?

This Is New York by Miroslav Sasek is just one of the many travel books he’s written about different cities around the world. From traffic jams to hot dog carts to the Empire State Building, it’s clear New York City hasn’t changed that much since the original edition in 1960.

Nobody makes household items look more chic than Oh Joy! and her adorable First Aid Kit is no exception. Inside, you’ll find her Oh Joy! Band Aids plus the new Finding Dory Band Aids.

If you follow me on Snapchat, you’ve probably seen me hanging out with my friend Daniela who owns Kulinary Kids NYC, a cooking class for kids that travels to your apartment. She even helped my girls cook me a meal for Mother’s Day, but I’ve been so crazy with the book, I haven’t had the chance to post about it yet. Next month!

The Fridababy Bitty Bundle of Joy includes all the items soon-to-be moms don’t realize they need, like the NoseFrida (aka the Snot Sucker), the Fridet (aka the Momwasher), the Windi (aka the Gaspasser) and the Snipper Clipper. It’s the perfect baby shower gift from a seasoned mom who has sucked more than her share of snot.

I don’t know anything about Civil War Captain America except that Target sent me a boatload of merchandise for my Irongirl post, including this Marvel Super Heroes Lego Set. I’m pretty sure that Lego girl is supposed to be Scarlett Johansson but that’s all I can tell you.

Last week, I talked about my obsession with Olly Vitamins but there is one vitamin I have no need to take— the Essential Prenatal Multi. It’s an expertly blended supplement with folic acid, Omega 3s and essential vitamins. Plus, in vibrant citrus flavor, I’m sure this one is as delicious as the rest. Don’t miss my Olly vitamin giveaway!

These pure wool Mongrel Socks made in Tasmania look super warm and you will probably have no use for them whatsoever until December. I’ve also got What to Feed Your Baby by Tanya Altmann for those of you think reading will help your kid like vegetables. There’s a pack of Crayola Twistable Colored Pencils and Rita Wilson’s new CD. Rita Wilson recently made the career change from actress to singer and talked to me about life after 50 when I met her at Mom 2.0.

No swag bag is complete without an 8 oz. Mommy Shorts mug. This one has the added attraction of a logo that is ever so slightly crooked. I think that means it will be a collectible one day.

There is also a bunch of other freebies thrown inside like lipstick and gum. Kinda like the stuff you find at the bottom of your purse. I promise it isn’t used!

Make sure you are a Mommy Shorts subscriber if you want to win each month’s specially curated swag bag. Entry instructions (which usually involve commenting on a random old post) will be sent out this Sunday night!

I would love to include “The Mommy Shorts Guide to Remarkably Average Parenting” in this month’s swag, but sadly it will not be a tangible item until September 27th. In the meantime, you’ll just have to preorder it and wait.

FYI, this very moment, my sister is reading my book for the first time sitting next to me. She is laughing out loud every five seconds and it is the best feeling ever. But she’s also had a few glasses of wine so I’m not sure we can trust her.

Have a great Memorial Day weekend!