All kids potty train differently. At least, that is my understanding based on my sampling of two. Mazzy finally got rid of her diaper and put on her big girl panties at three years and three months, when she decided she was ready.
This is not to say we didn’t try and fail many times. It just worked when we finally backed off and took away the pressure for a few months. Once Mazzy made the decision herself, potty training was really simple. She understood how to use the toilet and knew how to hold it in until she got to a bathroom. One day she was in diapers, the next she was in underwear and that was that. I think she only had an accident once, while at school.
Pooping was a little bit of a different story. At first, we still used diapers at night so Mazzy would often wait to poop until we changed her into her night time diaper at the end of the day. Finally, we decided the only way to get her to poop in the potty was to take away the night time diaper as well. That worked and we were done. On to the next child.
Harlow held firmly to her toilet-averse-status for longer than Mazzy. I actually don’t know the exact moment we attempted to potty train because parents just don’t keep track the same way they did with their first. I knew I’d already succeeded with one kid, so I wasn’t a total failure if Harlow spent the rest of her life in diapers, right?
As a result, Harlow hasn’t had the overnight diaper to underwear transition that Mazzy had. It’s been more of a gradual thing. At about three years, we started putting Harlow in easy-ups, which represented a real change to her, while it never did to Mazzy. Harlow is kind of a neat freak and her biggest fear with potty training was peeing on the floor. She liked knowing she had the option of using the bathroom like a big kid or using her diaper without any major repercussions. Sometimes she opted for one, sometimes the other.
You might have caught her potty dance on Instagram the first time she pulled down her easy-up to use the potty herself.
But every time I tried to convince Harlow to give up the easy-ups for real underwear (especially since her teachers told me she always used the toilet at school), Harlow declined.
I said okay and let her be. Trust me— you don’t want to argue with Harlow unless it’s necessary.
I’d let a few weeks pass and then I’d bring it up again (“Any interest in wearing your big girl underwear today….?”) until one day, Harlow proclaimed, “I will wear my panties on Shabbat.”
Yep. My Super Jew decided Shabbat would be the appropriate time to debut her Paw Patrol underpants. FYI, she also likes to wear a dress, her gold shoes and a plastic ring on every finger.
We waited all week and then, that Friday, Harlow woke up excited to put on her underwear. I didn’t even have to remind her. She had a successful day at school, continued the success in the afternoon and peed on that potty up until it was time to change in her pajamas, at which point we put her in a night time diaper to go to sleep. She had done it!
The next morning, I went to put on her underpants again but Harlow refused. “No, Mom. I only wear panties on Shabbat.”
Rather than argue, I said okay and gave her an easy-up.
For several weeks, Harlow only wore panties on Friday. Then one day, I said, “Harlow. You are so good in your big girl underwear. Why don’t you try it today?”
“Is today Friday?”
“No, it’s Tuesday.”
“I only wear panties on Friday.”
“Let’s try Tuesday. Just for today.”
“Okay.”
Turns out, she was completely successful on Tuesday too.
The next day I suggested we put on underwear again. “No, Mom. It’s not Friday!”
“What if just wear them to school and then we can take them off later? Your teachers tell me you are so good at going to the bathroom on your own!”
She agreed. From that moment on, we never sent her to school in a diaper again. But sometimes, she would ask to put an easy-up on when she got home and we let her. She also wore them on car trips and when we would be out and about on the weekends. Pretty much whenever we weren’t sure there would be an immediately accessible bathroom. She also still wore her nighttime diapers.
A few weekends ago, I took Mazzy and Harlow to Washington Square Park and they were playing around in the fountain. Harlow announced she had to go to the bathroom. I realized I had taken her out for the day in her underwear without even thinking about it. Thank god she told me she had to go because I didn’t bring any back-up clothes! I put their shoes back on and took them to the public bathroom in the park. There was a pretty long line and I got nervous, but Harlow stood next to me and waited patiently. Mazzy was the one annoyed that I had interrupted her fun in the fountain. Finally, it was our turn and Harlow went to the stall and peed. It was a beautiful thing. Except she didn’t pull her pants down far enough and peed all over her underwear, leggings and socks.
Oops. I chalked that one up to my fault rather than Harlow’s and told her so. I had to call Mike to tell him to bring new leggings to the park.
Even though that didn’t go quite as planned, I knew Harlow was ready for big girl panties whether she was in a controlled spot with a bathroom (like school) or out and about. I just needed to pack extra clothes in case of emergency. Harlow seemed to think she was ready too and stopped requesting her easy-up as often.
Mike still wanted Harlow to wear diapers in the car, especially for our hour and a half trip out to the house, but after a month or so, Harlow said she preferred her underwear. I didn’t want to discourage her just because it was easier for us, so I said okay. She’s been fine for the past few weeks and hasn’t had an accident in the car once.
This week, we checked off the last of the potty training milestones. On Monday, Harlow asked to go diaperless at night. I wasn’t sure she was ready because her diaper is usually wet in the morning. I put her in an easy-up and told her if she had to go to the bathroom, she should get out of bed and go. This would show me she was ready.
At about 11pm, a sleepy Harlow stumbled out of bed and up to me in the kitchen.
“I have to go to the bathroom.”
“Okay, let’s go.”
She dragged herself into the bathroom, lied down on the bath mat and curled up in the fetal position to go back to sleep.
“Harlow, do you really have to go the bathroom?”
“I’m too tired.”
I picked her up and put her on the potty. She peed. She really did have to go and she knew it enough to wake up, even if she promptly fell asleep on the floor. So last night, when she asked to wear her underwear again, I said okay. I put an extra waterproof pad under the sheets, told her she had to use the potty before bed and made sure she slept under the covers instead of on top of them (as both she and Mazzy like to do.)
This morning, she woke up and went to the bathroom on her own. I checked her bed and it was dry! Yay Harlow!
I’m not naive enough to think there will never be a wet bed or an accident, but I’m happy Harlow took her time transitioning out of diapers and got comfortable at her own pace.
No M&M’s. No charts. No stickers. No schedule. No carrying around a portable potty to the park.
Just a three and a half year-old who now knows when she has to use the bathroom, day or night.
Potty training is so much easier when you let your kid take the lead. Once they’ve learned how to do it, they are at the same exact same place as all the kids who have been trained for months or even years.
I mean, it’s not like you get better at using the bathroom just because you’ve been doing it for longer.
Harlow has such a great sense of humor! I love the comment about only wearing panties on Friday. Hilarious!
My August girl too! She’ll be three in a little over 2 months and she is perfectly trained at home, but refuse to use public bathrooms…even at school. We were just on vacation and it took her 4 days to use the bathroom in the house we rented. I have just basically given up.
Go Harlow! Also thank you for sharing, my very strong willed daughter will be 3 in August and I’m getting SO much grief that she’s still in diapers. We sit on the potty and as soon as she has to go, she cries for her diaper and if I push her she won’t sit on the potty for a week. As I tell anyone who gives me grief, it won’t go on her resume if she’s past 3 when potty trained.
I feel like you just wrote about my daughter who will be 3 in August too. she will sit on the potty and ask for a nappy when she feels it. I’ve decided to just go with her and ignore all the others. Someone said it shouldn’t be stressful or hard. I can see the stress on her face when I ask her about it so I’ve stopped. My mother is laughing about it because apparently I was exactly the same.
My daughter will be 3 in August too and she is fighting us on potty training also. The stars must have been out of whack that year in August. My daughter will use the toilet to potty and poop but when SHE wants too. If she doesn’t it is such a fight. I told my hubby we needed to back off on her and let her do it at her own pace. It’s not like she will be going to college in diapers. 😉
Yes!!! This is exactly where we’re at. My daughters been going poop exclusively in the ootty for months now but has zero interest in wearing panties. Sometimes she’ll pee in the potty other times not. I have zero desire to push her. I continue to ask if she wants to and encourage when she does and that’s it.
That is awesome! I keep repeating in my head that it will happen when my little guy is ready, but at 3 years and 7 months he is stubborn as heck. He will “try” to use the potty at daycare and sometimes at home, he’s pooped on it twice, but still no luck. I will continue being patient 🙂
Yay Harlow! I had the same experience with both of my kids. With the first, I tried all the gimmicks before she was ready and failed. I then backed off and her 3rd birthday was the last time she used a pull-up. Boy pretty much did the same thing. It was totally on his terms and decided one day that he was done with diapers. And no, I don’t remember when that was. He was the second kid, no time for keeping tracks of dates.
It is for sure easier when they are ready themselves. We all try to follow society’s rules and get grief from others when we don’t. But boy is it easier to let them do it when they are ready. I pushed for a long time, then gave up and my boy at 4.5 years old just decided he was going to do it. 2 weeks of him deciding was far easier than the year of tears and frustration I went through.
Hi Ilana! I haven’t commented in awhile but have been keeping up with your posts. Congratulations on this milestone! We are currently in the stage of potty training where Dylan is great all day but still using a diaper at night for now. We had one funny/horrifying experience at Petco when he just pulled his pants down right in the store and announced he had to pee. This is currently what he generally does at home, and we still have the little potties out for the time being. He is also not in daycare or anything. Anyway, luckily no one else was in the aisle! I quickly pulled his pants back up and was thankfully able to get him to the Petco bathroom and he did just fine on the “big potty.” He is going to be 3 in September, and it was in late April that we found ourselves in potty training territory totally unexpectedly. Dylan was the opposite of your girls. He started hating diaper changes awhile ago and it was one day when he was truly fighting me-rolling, kicking, hitting, screaming, that I just said, fine, no diaper then and put him back down pant-less (not meant to shame him, but actually to just end the struggle.) and lo and behold, he was actually ready and started peeing in the potty that day. Pooping took a little longer but he got it down about 2 weeks later. Now we’re struggling with him because he has started refusing to wear pants or underwear at all. (At home.) Lord help us. He’s in a major power-struggle stage and I am pulling my hair out. And with his brother being only 15 months younger than him, we will get to go through this all over again soon. Anyway, it is true that your child will let you know when they are ready! Even if it’s by literally kicking and screaming to not have any more diaper changes. Congrats again to you and your fam!
Thank you for this reminder that it will happen when it is meant to. My son is 3 weeks away from 3 and pees on the potty like a champ but pooping is another story, he has pooped on the potty a few times and is always excited when he does but
My elder two were both wanting out of diapers before three – my eldest because he was ready – done and dusted in a week and my middle because she wanted to be like her brother and giving in to the panties despite a couple of accidents was easier than having her keep taking her diaper off and leave it on the floor at random places because she hated it. My youngest is two and a half and unlike the other two has zero interest in big boy underwear or potties. He will tell me when he is going and he loves getting his underwear out the drawer but putting them on not so much. Like you we’re doing offering and waiting although he is due to start preschool at three and they like them out of diapers. But he’ll be sorted in his own good time and like Harlow, you’d be mad to take him on when it wasn’t 100% necessary. Harlow’s story encourages me that we’ll get there stress-free when he decides and it is not worth the battle or the extra laundry to rush it.
We were doing pretty good for a while…. Then we had another baby… He’s forgotten about using the potty. So now we are just waiting for him to tell us he’s ready. It sure would be nice to just have to buy diapers for one kid.
With my first, I stressed out when she was pushing 3 and many of her younger friends were already potty trained. But once she was ready (about 3 and 2 months), it clicked quickly. With my son, we ended up going cold turkey with diapers (even nighttime) and same thing. He was also over 3. It’s one of those milestones that it doesn’t matter when they do it and eventually everyone gets to the same end goal! No sense stressing kids or parents out about it.
Potty training was our goal this week for the girls. (Piper and Addie)
We stayed at the summer house this past weekend and they loved the potty that automatically flushed. They didn’t use diapers or easy-ups all weekend. (Good thing we packed underwear just in case)
Monday morning: I tried to get them to put underwear on. They had no intrest in using the big potty. So they went out the door in easy-ups. (Always pack extras in the backpack)
Tuesday: I work from home on Tuesdays, thank god. I sent them out the door in underwear. Accidents from both girls. Right near the end of preschool, so I didn’t have to drive them back.
Wednesday: Piper had the chicken pox, so our nanny had to take care of her (she’s had the chicken pox) Addie went out the door in underwear. No Accident. Thank goodness.
Thursday: Chicken pox turned out to be blots of red marker, and a 24 hour flu bug. Addie and Piper went in underwear. Addie had no accident. Piper had a huge accident. I was working from home, got her cleaned up.
Friday: Addie went out the door in undies and was fine. Piper was sent out the door in a diaper, and used up almost the whole pack of diapers I sent with her.
Saturday: We declared Addie as potty trained. She used the potty all day and night. Piper used her easy-ups for the whole day and night. Three accidents in total.
Today: Addie has been using the potty as if she has been for weeks now. Piper will use the nighttime diaper tonight. She might take longer than her sister, but that’s okay. Children develop at different speeds.
Our house is diaper free now. (Zoe is one year old, and she insists on using Easy-ups)
No bribes or sticker charts. Just two three year olds who are done with diapers.
I am not a fan of reading books about babies but Susan Urban’s ebook helped us out big time when it came to potty training. My 2 and a half years old daughter is doing great and i am about to start introducing the potty to my 1 and a half years old princess. I am definitely going to follow the guide again. It tells you step by step on what to do and what is the most important for me it is short – I’ve read it in no time at all. I can see the guide is still available on this site http://www.parental-love.com