Lauren Brody (pictured above) is a new friend of mine with a brand new book that I really wish was around seven years ago when I first went back to work after Mazzy was born— The Fifth Trimester: The Working Mom’s Guide to Style, Sanity, and Big Success After Baby. Whether you are just trying to maintain your sanity or orchestrate an office takeover, Lauren’s gentle guidance and useful strategies will definitely help ease you through the transition. She’s here with a guest post today!
Of course, you’ve heard the advice about never going back on a Monday, and maybe you’ve even bought a couple of those sexy nursing/pumping shirts with the pull-down flaps. Functional chic! But my interviews with hundreds of moms for my new book The Fifth Trimester turned up so much more. These moms I talked to are police officers, teachers, lawyers, self-employed freelancers, execs, nurses, even a stunt double (she’s badass), and they shared all the details of what made their transitions back to work more manageable, including…
1. Quick–teach your husband/partner a new trick. If your significant other took less parental leave than you did, chances are, you’ve been doing most of the baby work. Only, guess what? When you go back to work, you’re both going to walk in the door at the end of the day, and if he doesn’t know jack, you’re going to have a whole other second job ahead of you. TEACH him something, and ask for his help. Pronto.
2. Freeze your breast-milk baggies flat and then stack them standing up like cards to flip through–oldest to newest.
3. Make a mini closet within your closet of only the stuff that fits and feels good right now. Saves minutes and torture in the morning.
4. Do not make assumptions about your boss just because he or she doesn’t have kids. I was shocked when my survey of 700+ working moms showed very little difference between the compassion of bosses who had kids and those who didn’t. Just goes to show, we all have a tendency to judge each other, and should keep our minds open.
5. Have this quick talk with your caregiver–whether it’s your nanny, daycare staffer, mom, or nanny: “I just want to tell you now that of course I know there will be milestones I miss. Here’s what I’d like you to do if and when they happen on your watch…” And then give clear directions! Should she text you video? Or not say a word and let you experience your own “first” with the baby when you’re with her that night/weekend? Take the pressure off and make a plan.
6. Take care of your skin. The top celeb dermatologist (whose own maternity leave was cut short by residency) I interviewed had two major rules: 1) drink a ton of water (check!), and 2) wash your makeup off at the end of the day no matter how much you just want to collapse into be (sigh, check). Her logic? If you feel good about your skin, you’ll need less makeup and save time in the morning.
7. Invest in a great haircut that’ll grow out well. Same logic as above. The moms I surveyed had exactly six free minutes (six!!) every morning. You’re going to want to spend them snuggling your baby, not heating up the hot tools.
8. Take the intern’s marathon training seriously. What?! Yes, really. Everyone has a personal life, even people whose personal lives don’t spit up on their work clothes and wake them up in the middle of the night. If you genuinely care about theirs, they’ll genuinely care about yours.
9. Schedule a presentation or big meeting for 2pm. Counterintuitive, but doing something like that during the post-lunch slump pumps you full of adrenaline that will power you through the rest of the day.
10. Don’t judge your ambition level right now. Whether you feel like “leaning in,” or tipping over backwards in your chair (careful, don’t knock over the freshly pumped milk), it’s ALL good. Your fifth trimester is finite. This level of chaos will not last forever, and if you’re able to be open about both the challenges and triumphs of new working motherhood, you will help change your workplace culture for the better. You will.
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I’m giving away five copies of The Fifth Trimester today! Just leave a comment below telling me a story about when you first went back to work after having your baby.
WINNER UPDATE:
Congratulations to Kathryn Welch, Lissa R, Jessica Dillon, Victoria S and Kelly G! Please email allie@mommyshorts.com to claim your prize.
I worked in a building of individual office suites. My pumping room ended up being a 2nd floor electrical closet that the maintenance man was kind enough to set up for me with a chair AND a nearby outlet! The 2nd floor housed the local FBI field office and to my delight I was able to “sit in” on the Monday morning Drug Task Force meetings while sitting in my little electrical room pumping. Gotta love open ceilings!
A few months into returning to work I was still pumping and storing breast milk in the community fridge in the nondescript black bag Medela bag that is included in the pump purchase. Apparently someone else in the building was also pumping and using the same storage bag..and walked off with MY breast milk at the end of the day. I managed to track her down but it was a bit of an awkward phone call of “hey, you have my breast milk can I have it back?!” 😀
With my first, going back to work was so rough! I cried for the first hour of the day. I pumped mid-morning, then when I took my lunch I went and nursed her. Being able to spend a few days with her really helped my sanity! I continued doing this until she was probably about 6 months old (when I could). I was laid off when she was 8-9 months and then I was a stay at home mom for a year or so. I went back to work again, and surprise! it was rough again! Thank goodness for good babysitters, she would send me pictures throughout the day. My little girl had so much fun there, it was easy to leave some days, she would tell me bye before she even got out of the car. I was laid off again and was able to be home for about 2 years (my second baby came along during that time) I am back to work again, and we are trying for our third. I don’t even want to think about leaving my baby and going back to work. 🙁
Ahh. I’m going to probably get this book for my second! With my first I was in a part time position with SUPER flexible hours, but they were super new and still rearranging the offices and space for a ‘pumping station’ during work hours. It was mostly in the sign making shop where we had paints and other similar items, but the only area at the time where I could pump. It was a long 12 months of trying to make sure the room wasn’t occupied, etc, plus since I’m in the ‘service’ Industry, trying to work around business was difficult and so stressful! Now I’m in a even higher position with the same company (so super family friendly and they have a pumping/nursing station nearby), but now I work FULL time! I’ve already got anxiety for coming back to work during the busiest season.
My little one was almost 6 months old when I went back to work, so I expected the transition to be difficult for her as well as me – going from all day together every day to daycare with other babies was completely new for her. The reports I was getting from daycare in the first few weeks were that she was doing great, and bless those ladies that they got her to nap in a crib – a habit that transferred to days at home too! I thought all was well and my unicorn baby magically adjusted to our new routine. It wasn’t until about a month later that I found out she was a little rough in those first couple weeks – crying to be held all the time (even though at home she loved jumping in a bouncer and playing on the floor) until she ACTUALLY adjusted to her days there (like a normal baby, ha!). I am so thankful to her daycare teachers for not giving me all of those details right off the bat – they knew I was adjusting too and that might have broken me! Now, 3 months in, she smiles at her teachers every morning and claws to get out of my arms and onto the floor to play with all of the toys – and she claps and smiles when I pick her up every day <3
The best part about my recent return to work is that he loves his daycare. The worst part is that he loves his daycare. They are wonderful but on the days I drop him off and he lunges from me to get to them and his “friends” it stings just a little 🙂 But in all seriousness, I am so glad I found a place that he loves and that loves him – it makes the anxiety so much easier to handle.
Once I had a coworker that was breastfeeding. She told us she needed to take a break to pump and our male coworker asked why she needed to get gas during her break. Haha!
When I was still getting used to pumping at work, I left my pump parts in the dishwasher and just brought the bag with me. It was awful. I came home with rock hard boobs.
I only have until the end of the month and then I’m going to work after my second. I’m really dreading it.
Would love to read this as I am going back in a few short weeks! I can’t believe how fast maternity leave flies by!
Going back to work was not easy, but luckily I found a great babysitter. She sends me pictures and videos every day so I don’t feel like I’m missing out on too much. My job was also very accommodating and supportive when it came to pumping. There were two other girls pumping in our building so that was helpful when one of us would forget to bring a pump part.
This is a great post! I just went back to work at 10 weeks. The 2pm thing is right on. I’m a teacher and I’m only functional at the end of the day because I have energetic classes.
One of my friends gave me a great tip when I went back – buy a lunch box that stands up, especially if you pump into freezer bags. Someone bumping your bag full of breastmilk and/or putting something on top of it can mean broken bags of precious milk!
Great post! When I returned to work after my first I was a mess! I remember spilling 20 mins worth of pumped milk on the floor of my office and crying for another 20!
Where was this book 3 years ago? I could have used it, I only had one friend who was going back to work from maternity leave; all of my other friends chose the stay at home mom path. Dang ladies, buy this book.
My first day back after my first baby I missed the train stop to work and spilled my entire first bottle of pumped milk.
Thanks to the impossibility of being able to sleep in that last stretch of pregnancy I was working constantly before I gave birth to my son. Maybe this set a precedent, but I received an email within hours of giving birth telling me congrats and asking me to review a document! This was from a father! I have to say having a child was life changing (duh) for my perspective on how I viewed my career. My son just turned two and I still struggle with the work/life balance – I continue reading books like this to educate myself, and also remind myself that I am not alone. We are hoping for a second baby and, next time, I will do everything differently learning from my first and from all other working moms! I can’t wait to read this book!
I have yet to go back to work after baby. A part of me is dreading the separation and the other part is counting down the days! The tips that I’m definitely planning on using are the mini-closets (my chore for tomorrow!) and setting meetings for after 2PM. Thanks for the article and I hope I win a book! I can use all the help I can I get before going back to my 9 to 5!
After my first, I went back to work after 4 months. I had an hour long commute on the train. The first day back, colleagues suggested I leave early to get home to my little guy early. The second day I stayed the full day – only to have lengthy train delays that prevented me from getting home anywhere near on time. I sat on the train watching videos of my baby and crying. To this day, when there are delays I still watch videos of my kids- just hopefully with less tears 🙂 My sister is now pregnant with her first and I’d love to be able to give her this book.
I had to return after 8 weeks due to completing my teaching credential. I returned to a world of fails! As the only special education teacher my kids were very behind schedule, I spent every non bathroom pimping session making up minutes and fixing relationships. It was crazy but the business helped me pass the time! Eventually I moved into a closet to pump and I only soilt milk once! (It was the absolute worse, BM is not easy to clean up and stinks after a day of wear.
When I went back to work after my daughter was born, the one thing that helped me tremendously (and still does) was to get ready before she woke up. I know in the very beginning it is difficult because you may need to feed the baby right away, however, once things settle down a little – getting ready before she wakes up allows me to take my time without feeling rushed and I might even have time to enjoy a quiet cup of coffee here and there 🙂
I also know that I might be very fortunate in this area because my daughter sleeps late. If you have an early riser, I understand this might not work for you 100%. Good luck!!!!
This is such a good idea! My toddler miraculously started walking later after the baby was born so I might even be able to make that work lol
The first day back to work after having my daughter, I did this exact thing (get ready before waking her). It worked out perfectly — I was ready to go on time… until I picked her up from the crib and she spit up all over me (even in my hair)!! I had to start my getting-ready routine all over again. I still stuck to the same routine of getting ready before waking the baby, but I ALWAYS used a burp cloth when picking her up after that! Ha!
Multi-tasking at work: When my weekly conference call was unexpectedly switched to a group Skype video call…I wore my blazer, touched up my lip gloss and stashed my pumping (milk collection) cups inside my shirt in my bra. I made sure the camera was angled so that my “robo boobs” weren’t visible and kept the pumping tubes tucked away from view. Like all group calls, I kept my phone line on mute until I needed to speak which masked the “swooshing” of the breast pump. No one was the wiser and I didn’t have to suffer the discomfort of engorged boobs!
My best friend is about to go back to work after her first baby, so I don’t have a story but would love to win the book for her!
I went back to work right at 7 weeks, as a screw you to my Executive Director who openly said I wouldn’t come back. While I regret it since I missed lots of snuggles we ended up finding an amazing nanny share family, who has become the other half of our family so in the end I suppose it worked out.
I am heading back to work on Tuesday. This post was just what I needed! I cant wait to read the book!
Good luck to you, Amy!!
My first day back is in just a couple weeks. I work in a startup with a tiny office and everybody is under the age of 27…I’m not sure anyone even knows what pumping is. Hopefully I will get some compassion in the office!
When I went back to work after my first child, she suddenly stopped sleeping through the night. I never talked about what a great sleeper she was because I knew the horror stories, and then I became part of it. It was as if she knew and was punishing me. Although daycare always said she was very social and never seemed annoyed by my many phone calls (every pump break) to check in on her. By the second child I was more prepared for pumping and had it down to a routine, with the first there were times I’d forget pump parts or spilled milk or didn’t adhere to a pumping schedule (ouch). There was the one time I almost left the days worth of pumped milk at the office and had to turn around to get it though.
I can’t wait to read this book. I’m pregnant with my first kiddo. We are due this September. I’m already thinking about what life will be like; how we’ll adjust as new parents with a new little itty bitty baby and how I’ll cope going back to work at 3 months. Looking for this type of advice!! Thanks!
when i first went back to work, i was so disoriented that i kept trying to open sensors (that you open with an employee badge) with my key and key-doors with my badge. then i couldn’t get out of the parking garage because i kept swiping my employee badge but i was supposed to use my parking badge. they had to call security because i started yelling at the badge sensor machine for not taking my (wrong) badge.
My “fifth trimester” was totally a blur, so much so that I am terrified to do it again later this year. Of all the things about having a second that could give me anxiety, this is what I worry about.
I was in grad school and had to go to class two days a week after just four weeks maternity leave! There was lots of pumping in a bathroom stall because there weren’t many breast feeding moms in my building to have our own pump room. It also was about impossible to stay awake in class given I was so sleep deprived. Safe to say I learned a lot during that summer semester just not about the class I was taking!
I just went back to work 2 weeks ago. I am a pharmacist and this time around (my second baby), I purchased Freemies so that I could work while pumping. It has significantly reduced my stress! If needed, I can just unhook them and go to counsel with a scarf covering my shirt and nobody knows the difference! I even pumped on the drive home today. Also, my kids stay home with their Daddy and I have a Nest camera that is in the main room so I can see what they’re doing when I want to check in on them. I know that’s not an option for everybody but it feels pretty cool, almost as if I was there for a few minutes throughout the day.
Let me start this by saying I work for my family’s business. While on maternity leave the first time around our office went through a little makeover. My office was moved to an open area I shared with another coworker (my uncle to be exact) so I pumped in the corner of our lunch room. It was cold and inconvenient considering all the work I had piling on top of my desk. On a rather busy day I finally squeezed in some pumping time. I got a good haul and proudly set the bottles to the side to finish unhooking and put everything away. Somehow I bumped my milk and it dumped over into an old shred bin. I was devastated! Worse yet, it wasn’t the last time I lost precious milk. This last maternity leave gained me an office again so I can pump while working at my desk. What a milk saver!! No more trying to hurry up and change before someone comes in the room and says “Oh you’re naked?” even though I’m wearing clothes, the hands free pumping bra is just strapless people! I also think my supply is better off this time around.. not sure if it’s my environment or if my previous experiences lead me to lower my expectations 😄
I stayed home for the first 3 months, then my husband as able to stay home for months 4-6. We lived a short walk from my job, so I walked home for lunch everyday to (hopefully) nurse (if the timing worked out) and pump. The worst days were when she had just had a bottle before I got home or had just fallen asleep. But I was thankful for that time with her whenever things did work out.
I love this! Self care is oh so important, and its always nice to have a reminder of that especially when mom guilt gets in the way. Thank you for sharing this with us.