Are you feeling lethargic? Getting frequent headaches? Feeling a loss of identity? Do you rarely if ever get time to yourself anymore? Well then, you might be suffering from PARENTING.
Don’t worry, there’s a cure. It’s called Aphukenbrake, and I refuse to to spoil the surprise by telling you how to pronounce it.
The “pharmaceutical” ad below was created by “The Dad Online” and it’s hilarious. Although, I’m gonna be that mom for a second and say I can’t help but think how many more symptoms this video could list if it starred a woman. Or about how my husband and many of my friends’ husbands (who are all very good and involved fathers, mind you) have absolutely no problem taking breaks, all the fucking time. It’s become a running joke amongst us. “Where’s Mike?” “Oh, he’s on break.”
But now I just sound bitter. I know, I know. It’s not a competition. I’m sorry. Enjoy this video. It’s really funny, for all parents equally.
But seriously, why is it more acceptable for dads to step out for a break? I’m not trying to sound like an asshole. This is a real question I have.
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I would love to know why it’s accepted that dads get to take breaks, but moms not so much. We both work full-time+ jobs, but as soon as mom walks in the door she’s on duty, and dad gets to go do whatever he wants. Drives me mad.
In all reality it is because Mom is the default caregiver in most situations. Therefore the kids are an after thought for Dad in the sense of making other plans or things because Mom always ensures the kids are cared for. Whereas Mom has to ensure other arrangements are available before making plans. I certainly know this is true in my situation and with any other moms I know.
I also know this happens in same sex couples as well, there is almost always one default caregiver.
Yes, this! Half of the time the energy that I have to put into getting a babysitter renders the outing/break useless. Whereas if my husband isn’t home the expectation/reality is that I just am.
My favorite (heavy sarcasm) from my husband is “I have to poop.” Um, dude? I hear you watching funny videos in there. Seriously, you are so not pooping. It’s been 20 minutes… just, no. The movie “This is 40” illustrates this perfectly.
Oops typo’d my name, I don’t have a capital E. I guess I’m suffering from “parenting”
It’s because they legitimately don’t feel guilty and/or have the ability to just plain keep up. Every time I reach my breaking point my husband raises the valid question that I could take a break. Well yea, but WHO WOULD DO EVERYTHING. It’s a vicious cycle.
We need to do better to take care of ourselves! We suck at self care and we’re the only ones who can fix It! I used to be terrible at taking a break, and now I make myself do it. I’m happier and it lets me be a better mom. Wednesday’s are MY day. Even when my hubby forgets, he has to figure it out. We all need breaks! When he complains that I’m going to be gone AGAIN, I remind him that he has to take breaks too but he can’t get mad that I’m taking care of myself.
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It’s called Emotional Labor, and my guess is that it will be the next big issue in terms of equality. Its the socially constructed idea that women are better and certain tasks surrounding emotions and care-giving. And that notion loops back into how we raise our daughters and sons differently in terms of expectations to performance, responsibility, how you act etc. And most times without even being aware of the fact, that we expect different things of our children based primarily on their gender. Its about everything from organizing doctors appointments and shopping for clothe before they grow out of everything to why it takes me an extra 30 min to get to bed, because I do final round around the house picking up stuff of the floor, putting dishes in the machine, packing school bags and folding clothes, where as my husband just goes to bed when he is tired…
Don’t get me wrong – my husband does a lot, and he’s a great dad and much more involved then his own father was with him, and being Danish we are already much more equal in terms of house work then many other places in the world, but there’s just things that he doesn’t see or think about, and sometimes it just drives me absolutely crazy
You can read more about emotional labor here: https://www.theguardian.com/world/2015/nov/08/women-gender-roles-sexism-emotional-labor-feminism
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/psyched-in-san-francisco/why-women-are-tired-the-p_b_9619732.html